The price of change

[Sonia_cd]

Hey all!

I sit dressed in a crepe silk sari that drapes beautifully and makes that swishing sound as I walk. Once I was dressed I looked at myself in the mirror and felt unhappy with myself. Why, you ask? Simple, I felt like growing a beard over the past few weeks and have been, ergo, no make-up, and ergo, no transformation!

Let me explain. Before I discovered this forum, I was happy in my little world of dressing when I could, without worrying about make-up, body hair or the like. It was simply an outlet for me to disconnect with the reality around me and escape into a world where I was me! Then crossdressers.com happened and I found myself shaving body hair, experimenting with plucking eye-brows, full make-up, growing hair and taking dressing to a different level personally. Make no mistake about it, posting that first picture on the forum and receiving positive feedback was such a thrill, I was hooked!!!

Now I want to find a middle path where my escapist world and reality can co-exist! The need grows with each day and so does the frustration at one's inability to acheive it. Which is why I am unhappy with an image that I was perfectly happy with less than a year ago. It hit me a bolt of lightning and led to this thread.

My question is if anyone else has experienced similar feelings and what you may have done.

Love,
Sonia

[Kimberley]

Hi Sonia,

I think a lot of CD's go through it at one time or another. Often it precedes a purge. I think though that you are letting yourself be led into a trap of beauty as the goal rather than your stated experience of relief.

Try taking a step back hon and just enjoy if you can. There is a lot of self induced pressure to meet some unseen standard that many of us put up for ourselves and when we see some of the gorgeous girls on this forum it maybe sets a standard to high for most of us.

Just relax and be Sonia.

:hugs:
Kimberley.

[Sonia_cd]

Just relax and be Sonia.

:hugs:
Kimberley.
Thank you so much for saying that hun. As soon as I read it, a smile crept onto my face as did a sense of acceptance! It was very thoughtful of you, thank you so much!!

Love,
Sonia

[unclejoann]

This forum has certainly allowed me to relax a bit and strive toward looking pretty. There are so many examples of good dressers here, I have begun thinking "will this top go with this skirt?" when it used to be just dress in whatever i could put my hands on. This is a great bunch of girls.

[Marla S]

I think you should be aware, that on any forum there is a kind of social pressure and some non written rules.
Talking with the poeple and learning about their life-style is a great source for your own life, but it bears the risk that you try to adapt others life-style or an imaginary mixture of several life-styles.
Take it as an inspiration and experiment with the different input. I am sure you will find some things lasting, others will be not adequate for your life. To figure this out needs time and a bit of trial and error.
Probably there is no general rule. Try, give yourself time, and follow your gut feeling.

[Marika]

Hi Sonia

Since joining the Forum I have also found myself shaving body hair, trying full make up for the first time etc. It opens up posssibilities and new ideas. This can be both encouraging and a bit daunting. There is bound to be a rush to try out these at first then a settling back to what you feel comfortable with. I think that connecting with others like ourselves is the best thing.

[Kristen Kelly]

Don't let peer pressure, from this forum or outside sources run you life, be your own person. Myself this forum has strength my want and need to improve myself, something I had been doing before I joined, I have met a number of the girls from here and have enjoyed getting out with them. No pressure, if tommorrow I want to crawl back under my rock with my DRAB self it is my choice. Little chance of that, having to much of a good time being me.

[Karren H]

Maybe you just need to go back to doing what makes you happiest!! Call this an experiment, change what isn't working, and move forward!! I've done lots of things in my life that were neat but wern't for me in the long run and I'm not doing them anymore!!! Life goes on......

Love Karren

[Rachel Morley]

Then crossdressers.com happened and I found myself shaving body hair, experimenting with plucking eye-brows, full make-up, growing hair and taking dressing to a different level personally. Make no mistake about it, posting that first picture on the forum and receiving positive feedback was such a thrill, I was hooked!!!
Tell me about it!!! Before this forum I wasn't dressing particularly often and then only in the privacy of our home on Saturday nights every two or three weeks.

My cding has gradually, but progressively developed. Now I wear something femme every night after work (not fully dressed but a partially dressed girly boy look), I pluck my eyebrows and they are decidedly girly in guy mode. I wear nighties in bed regularly, I dress at weekends often, I go to almost every Tri-ess meeting I can and have now started meeting other forum members socially when dressed...and all with an encouraging and participating wife! Phew! my life...... it's a dream come true!

So yeah, I totally identify with where you're coming from. Don't worry about it, don't feel guilty about it, just enjoy it while you can. :D

[Barb Valentine]

I've tried a lot of new thing since I join here
Some work some don't
I keep the one that work and don't worry about the ones that don't
And I'm a much happier person