Stuck in the middle

[Jessica Brekke]

I'm just sure this is going to upset some of you out there, but I really hope someone can help me. All the things I read here, I am constantly amazed at how everyone seems so comfortable in their CDing. Many of the posters here talk about how proud and good they feel about themselves, and how happy this all makes them.

Well, I'm sorry, I don't feel that way. I find this all to be embarrassing, frustrating, often painful, and very, very inconvenient. (which is actually an improvement from how I've felt in the past, so I guess I'm making progress.) Just an example, I shaved my chest and legs two weeks ago, and yeah I loved the feeling, but now I feel like I can't wear shorts or go swimming for a month, and it's hot out! Not to mention the pain I'm putting my poor wife through.

I'm stuck. I haven't fully accepted this part of me. I wish I could. Or, to be totally honest, I wish it would all just go away. Since I know the latter's not going to happen, I'm hoping you all can share your insights with me on how I get to being OK with all of this.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Julie

First of all you will find a lot of girls here have the same dilemma.
It really depends on what you want. your not the only one who has had to decide if swiming or shaved legs is the priority. It's like everything else in life. You have to find what is right for you.

Being comfortable is not the same for everyone.

[Joy Carter]

Julie I wish I had had this forum a long time ago until recently I couldn't accept my self either, this had dominated my life ever since I can remember. Much unhappiness has prevailed and it showed in every thing I did. So I knew it was never going away I decided to accept who I am and stopped fighting. I haven't gone overboard in fact It's less of an issue with me now. I let her out in a small way every day and my frustration levels are much improved. You need to get to a level of acceptance in your life and enjoy your uniqueness. Please continue to your visits here and lean about your self, you really aren't that terrible no matter what society says.


Love and Respect Joy Carter

[Eugenie]

You're not the only one... :sad:

Even though I accept my feminine self now, I hate the fact that it make my wife so very sad to know I'm a x-dresser.

Unfortunately I don't think that one can change much about those mixed feelings that X-dressing creates in us.

I like the US expression "Life is a package deal"...

I try to enjoy my "femme" moments to the maximum and try to avoid making my SO suffer from it by being as discrete as I can about it.

:hugs:
Eugenie

[older not wiser]

Hi Julie, My heart goes out to you and the turmoil that you are going thru. I too had the same type of mixed feelings many years ago. I knew that my inner most desires would not go away and this is who I am but I have struck a balance between my female needs and my male needs and so far this is working for me.
You are not alone, you have "family" here as well as "sisters" that are experiencing the same thing(s) you are!!!
If and when someone says to you"Why are your legs and chest shaved? you could tell them that you are trying out for a swim team or that you are participating in a health club regimen.

Loev; BonnieAnne
:GE:

[Brianna Lovely]

I'm just sure this is going to upset some of you out there, but I really hope someone can help me.

Just an example, I shaved my chest and legs two weeks ago, and yeah I loved the feeling, but now I feel like I can't wear shorts or go swimming for a month, and it's hot out!

Hi Julie,
I'm sure that many of the girls on this forum will be happy to help you in any way they can.

That being said, I think your biggest challange is self acceptance and only you can help yourself with that one.

I'm sixty years old and I shave my arms, legs and chest, every day. I live in Florida, so I'm in shorts and sleeveless shirts almost year round. I don't care what anyone thinks of my shaved body and not one person has ever said anything about it.

I am who I am, I accept myself, and if others don't accept me, that's their problem.
Hugs,
Brianna

[Kate Simmons]

It took me a long time, Hon. Hell, I'm 59 and my kids are all grown and gone. My wife will never accept this part of me, so we live apart. It's tough especially when you have a family. Feel free to PM me any time if you need to talk. Ericka

[BethGG]

But you know what, even with just the shaving, I don't think you should feel so self concious about it. Go swimming if you want! It's more common nowdays for guys to shave themselves anyway, I mean look at movies from the 70's with their chest hair hanging out of their shirts lol, and compare what you see on tv now...most guys on tv are shaved. So while yes crossdressing as a whole is a hard issue for you, at least with the smaller things like this, I think you should try to be more comfortable with and not be so hard on yourself! Also it sounds like your wife isn't quite comfortable with it yet either? Can you tell her about this board, cause us GGs can help her out :)

[Stephenie S]

Dear Julie,

As you can plainly see from the responses you have gotten to your post so far, NO one is upset with you at all. To the contrary, there has been an outpouring of support and this is what you will find here. Personally, I have never felt so accepted as I do here on this board. We all accept you and honor your feelings. Though we are all different, we are all in the same boat.

So now you need to work on SELF acceptance. Self acceptance seems to be the gist of everyone's advice here, and mine too. Accept as much or as little as you feel comfortable with. Your self acceptance will help your wife immeasurably with her EXTREMELY difficult task of comming to grips with this issue. You will find that most people (other than your wife) are just too d**m wrapped up in themselves to give a whit what you are doing, and the ones who do are not worth knowing. I know that this is a gross generalization but there is more truth in it than not.

So, you shaved your chest and legs? So?
It's really no ones business is it? Believe me, no one will notice the chest. And the legs, don't bother with elaborate deceptions. If anyone asks just say you like it. It's really a pretty impolite question. As others have said, many many men do it now. Imagine if you were at the beach and noticed another man with clean shaven legs, would you go up to him and demand to know why? I think not. You might not notice and if you did you wouldn't care. Also, you would be too polite to mention it. It's really none of your business, right? Do you see where I am going with this?

This CD issue is something that has been with you all your life and is of utmost importance to you. It's hard not to think that the rest of the world is not as wrapped up in it as you are. But, guess what, they're not.

Remember, this is the only life you got. Try not to live it the way you think others want you to.
And always always always, accept yourself for who you are. Others will follow, dear. Others will follow.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[BlueKat]

I'm just sure this is going to upset some of you out there, but I really hope someone can help me. All the things I read here, I am constantly amazed at how everyone seems so comfortable in their CDing. Many of the posters here talk about how proud and good they feel about themselves, and how happy this all makes them. Well, I'm sorry, I don't feel that way. I find this all to be embarrassing, frustrating, often painful, and very, very inconvenient.
JulieRenee:
You're not alone at all with these feelings. I'm definitely not proud or self accepting of my desire to CD. I'm smart enough to know this desire probably won't ever go away, but I'm not happy about it.
It's a no brainer...Guys aren't supposed to want to wear girl's clothes. There's no way around it - it's simply not normal.
If I could take a magic "Zero Desire Forever To CD" pill, I would...in a heartbeat.

[Karren H]

Felt the exact same way!! "What the hell is wrong with me!!!" For most of my life....but then one day (the click thing happened) I just thought it out and decided that Karren was a part of who I am and that she wan't going away.....again!!! Once I did that everything changed for the better. Now I love who I am...all of us. Best of both genders, when and where I want!!!

Love Karren

[donna h]

I know how you feel and Im sure most here have been where you are at. Earlier this year I began to accept myself,not all the way there yet but being here and communcating with others has helped me alot. CDing is not an easy thing for most of us and our SOs to accept, but the forum has helped me and hopefully it can help you. Im 43 and wish this info was available years ago, the younger CDs have much more info than people like me ever had so take advantage of it, Good luck.By the way Im proud to have my response right after Karen Huttons

[serinalynn]

Dear Julie,

As you can plainly see from the responses you have gotten to your post so far, NO one is upset with you at all. To the contrary, there has been an outpouring of support and this is what you will find here. Personally, I have never felt so accepted as I do here on this board. We all accept you and honor your feelings. Though we are all different, we are all in the same boat.

So now you need to work on SELF acceptance. Self acceptance seems to be the gist of everyone's advice here, and mine too. Accept as much or as little as you feel comfortable with. Your self acceptance will help your wife immeasurably with her EXTREMELY difficult task of comming to grips with this issue. You will find that most people (other than your wife) are just too d**m wrapped up in themselves to give a whit what you are doing, and the ones who do are not worth knowing. I know that this is a gross generalization but there is more truth in it than not.


Lovies,
Stephenie

Most people are to wraped in their own affairs to worry about yours. I go to the mall every saturday and i wear a plunge bra and a very feminine baby doll top and no one says a word to me about it. only if I wear something like this when my wife and I go somewhere she is usually the only one to say something. My wife is somewhat accepting of my dressing,but, will say something if she thinks I am going to far over the line. If i go out to someplace in particular I will have to decide what to wear where I am going as some places I go know me only as a guy and others I can look a little feminine in and no one will care. Being 57 years old, my crossdressing has always been something mostly private. Until the internet came along we are all now able to communicate with each other and address our problems in this forum and get support from a number of others that feel the same a I/you do. I have wondered if I was 35 years younger now If i could be crossdressing full time and being feminine all the time and working as a woman. it sure would be fun to find out.

[Bev06 GG]

Hi Julie,
Just as a matter of interest I used to go out with a pro swimmer and he used to have his whole body waxed. Apparently the smoother you are, the faster you swim, something to do with moving through the water.
Anyway, that aside, I think youve had some good advise off here and the girls have mostly all been where you are right now. Self acceptance is a pretty tricky thing really because after all your wanting to do something which society would tell you is wrong. It goes against everything that youve been brought up to believe that being male is all about.
I just wonder tho if mixing with other CDs will help you accept yourself more readily. Either in person by joining a support group, or just hanging on in here. There are many many men who like to Crossdress, its far more common than you would think. I have met many CDs through my business and believe me Ive made some very loyal and sincere friends through it. I couldn't have wished to meet a nicer more considerate bunch of people. We went to Sparkle last weekend and met alot of the girls on here and on Rose's forum and for the first time ever, we walked around during the day feeling perfectly at home and normal. I hope that you will soon arrive at that comfortable place that most seem to have reached on here, whereby you feel at ease with your dressing and who you really are, because until you do you will be robbed of the joy and the freedom it can give you. Take care of yourself
Love BEVxxxx

[Jessica Brekke]

Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts and support. It made me feel immensely better to know that I'm not alone in what I'm going through. As for accepting myself, some days are better than others. Today's a pretty good one. I just hope, that in the future, I have more of them.

[gennee]

The first thing is self-acceptance. No amount of dressing, surgery, or whatever will compenste for you being comfortable in your own site. Find things that YOU are comfortable with and enjoy.

Gennee

[AnnaMaria]

Julie,

I know all too well how you feel. I have been fighting bouts of depression for some time now and I have finally taken the first steps to getting over it. My wife and I started seeing a counselor and I started on an anti-depressant. I know that my solution is not for everyone but it did help me come to a type of understanding about myself when I was finally able to slow down and take a good look at myself and what was really important to me overall.

I still wish I had not been born this way but at least now I realize that I am not alone and that this is not something that is new. There have been people like us throughout history and a lot of them lived long happy productive lives and my belief is that I can too.

The thing that helped me the most was the realization that while my family is the most important thing in my life, I still have to take time for me once in a while. Whether that means dressing up for a while when no one is home or from time to time buying myself something a little femme just as a pick me up. No one has all the answers and for sure what works for one will not always work for another, but at least we can get some ideas to try and see what works for each of us until we find peace with ourselves. Because, believe me when I say that when you find peace with who and what you are your whole outlook on life will change and the people around you will definitely notice a difference.

One thing that I did recently for myself was to get my ears pierced. I have been wanting to do it for some time now and I finally decided that it was time. I work in a factory that is mostly men and no one has said a word about it at all. Of course I know that they know because I am wearing a set of diamond studs and I keep my long hair pulled back when I am at work so anyone who sees me can immediately see them, but I just decided that I didn’t really care what they thought. As long as I am doing my job the way I am suppose to what does it matter if I am wearing a pair of ear rings or if I get my hair colored.

What you have to remember is that you are important too. Not just those around you. But, like one of the other girls said, the first step is self acceptance, and that is something that has to come from within. Unfortunately there is no way for us to help you with that other than to tell you what we did to gain that most important piece of the puzzle. But, even that will not cause the feelings to go away completely, they will still come to the surface from time to time when you have to deal with certain people that you really care about that don’t know or don’t accept who you are. But, the way I see it is much the same way a person who works a dangerous job sees things. This is part of who we are and there is nothing we can do to change it, it doesn’t matter if we are a cop, soldier, firefighter, or a tg. We are born with the knowledge that this is what we are suppose to be and there is nothing we can do to change that fact.

I hope that I have said something that might is some way help. I am sorry that it is so long but when I really feel something I have to put it into words or I feel like I am loosing a part of what makes me who I am.

Good luck with your search for inner peace. And may the Great Spirit bless you.

Anna

[Toni CD]

hello julia and gals. i feel the same as you all have said. this is the first summer that i have shaved my whole body. that is legs,chest and i keep the underarms trimmed very close. i have not yet gone out wearing shorts. my outside life is very manly . iam a carpenter, i hunt and fish with these friends . i know these friends will notice, iam not sure how they will react. thats is ok i have excepted who iam and they will have to except for who iam. if not thats ok too. yes iam scared , but i know that i have to be me to be comfortable in my own skin. i have been in the closet too long ,it is time to be me. julia iam with you in prayer that we may gain the strength to be who we are.

[Angie G]

I shave my upper leg and dress when I like , I like Angie & ed both of us like to dress we both except cding and love it keeping myself happy is job one,
Well kepping my wife happy is job one.
if you must dress then dress except it and get on down the road.
Love yourself both of you be happy.
Angie G.