Emotional Rollercoaster, All Aboard!

[Sandygal]

Ok, two weeks ago I told you that I put my clothes in the closet, not in the open. But you could see them. I also started painting my nails with clear polish. I was feeling wonderfull. But the problem seems to be my own mind messing with me. I wanted to make love to my wife on Thursday night and she was quite against it.She is usually against it for the last 28 years. She never was much into sex, but I loved her, so that was ok. She has only known about my xdressing for the last year. For some reason I paniked. Friday after work I packed everything up and threw it up into the attic. Then I removed all my favorite sites from the computor. I thought for sure it was all over. Well, Friday night comes along and we have a good night of love making. Why did I panic? This has happened many times before, so why this particuler weekend did I completly lose my nerve? She never said anything about the clothes or my nails. I feel like I'm punishing myself. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode. I'm going to put the clothes back. Do the rest of you ever have these panic attacks?.......Sandy

[trannie T]

A lot of posts mention "purging" meaning that crossdressers get rid of all their femanine clothing. It is very common among crossdressers, I think a lot of it is based on a lack of self acceptance. So many of us are unable or unwilling to accept our desires to dress. So you're just a normal crossdresser Sandy.

[Eugenie]

I've been there too Sandy,

Same general attitude of my wife towards sex: not much interest, but occasionaly a few excellent experiences.

She has known about my X-dressing almost since the begining of out wedding. She doesn't aprove of it but tollerates it. It doesn't sem to have played a role in her lack of interest in sex. Lately things have degraded to no sex at all and that for the past 8 years...

I've been on the trip of "purging" all my femme things several times. Last year I was about to go again on one of those... This was after a serious crisis with my wife when she discovered that I had been shaving my body hair... She hadn't noticed since we sleep in separate rooms... In view of the severity of her reactions, I proposed to purge my women clothes and underwear. "Don't be silly." was her reaction 3You know very well that you cannot stop. I know you will buy new stuff in less than a year."

This is indeed the dilema many of us face: we love our SOs, even when that love has become purely mental, so we want to be nice to our SOs, yet we can't stop x-dressing while we know that this is cauing pain for them.

That's why life is so difficult for a large number of us.

:sad:
Eugenie

[older not wiser]

Hi Sandy, I think you experienced guilt in its purest form and from what you have written you thought that taking all the "signs" away your wife would respond to you better. Gotta' ask a question here, did your wife know that you removed your wardrobe from the closet? Now that you returned all your clothes into the same space has her reaction chnaged? Sandy dear, accept the cold fact that you like to wear women's clothes and become a female, what is wrong with this emotion? NOTHING, NOTHING AT ALL!!!

Love; BonnieAnne :GE:

[Joy Carter]

I still bemoan the brown suede pumps I threw out GRRRRRRRRR!

[Sandygal]

Will it ever get better? I think I know the answer, but had to ask.

[Marla S]

I think the only chance that it gets better is to achieve that your SO becomes able to look beyond the obvious (the clothes) and learns to understand the roots (being/becoming a right placed, confident individual)

The situation you described sounds familiar to me.
You did tiny steps to give her a chance to react, to show that you are honest, and to start a conversation.
You probably hoped for a positive reaction of some sort.
What happend ? ... Nothing.
For not very self-confident people, as we CD usually are, this non-reaction is equal or even worse than a rejection. IMO the logical consequence is panic and the need to purge, because again you blame yourself.

But it is not your fault, it's hers. She should at least have said: No, stop it.
But doing and saying nothing, with all the emotions involved by you, is the maximum penalty.