Life is not fair

[NewbieCD]

Let me say before this i have read the post and notice that FTM CD's have the same problems as MTF CD's but the intolerance of the world amazes me I have had Bi and Lesibian female friends that dress like lumberjacks and all that happens from what i have seen is the gay bashing but if a man walks out in a dress there is a serious chance of getting beat down what do you think the diff is? This I really can not see i guess since i am a CD that dresses as a woman.

[tekla west]

First, i guess I kinda want to know who ever said life would be fair? I've never been told such a thing. Nor have I ever shared that thought with others. As a part time country girl (iowa) I thought that fair was were the 4-H put on animal shows and you could ride the barf-a-rama and the hurl-o-matic after stuffing yourself with corn dogs and cotton candy.

But I do know that things are changing. Those women faced real problems once not long ago. And there are a lot of places SF, NYC, LA, Chicago, where you can life a life pretty much free from all that stuff, pretty much free from any stuff save the trouble of finding a job.

I walk through some pretty poor neighborhoods at some pretty weird times. The Tenderloin, Mission and 16th, and SOMA way late (or way early) in the day/night. I never get problems. I do watch myself and my surroundings very carefully, normal city girl stuff ya know. And its OK.

[Bev06 GG]

Hi Newbie,
Your dead right, there does seem to be double standards. Im not talking about ordinary women who just choose to wear trousers as a personal style preference, but FTMs. Im sure they do get abit of stick but nowhere near the ammount that a MTF would get. I guess its just a power thing really. Men wearing womens attire is seen as totally sissy and wet by society in general, where as women wearing mens clothes is seen more as a strong power thing, and good on her, more power to her elbow type of attitude. Sorry if my answer isn't what you wanted, but I have to agree its definitely a case of discrimination and unequal opportunities.
Take care
BEVxxxx

[trannie T]

A woman wearing logging boots, jeans and a flannel shirt looks macho and threatening. A man wearing heels and a miniskirt looks sissy and vulnerable. As it has been said before, YOUR SAFETY IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. Always be aware of your surroundings.

[Helen MC]

Unless a women F to M CD is very "in yer face" and being deliberately militant and provocative she would not be noticed here in the UK. Women with short hair and wearing jeans or trousers are not normally remarked upon in Britain these days, so unless she had a stick-on mustache or beard or had "stuffed" an artificial penis down the front of her underpants to give a male bulge then all that would be seen would be a woman in jeans and a jacket or whatever.

In contrast, unless he is very convincing and will "pass", eg, Rue Paul, Dana International, any man in women's clothing will appear as precisely that to most observers "A bloke in a skirt of dress" Reactions will very from laughter and sniggers "Wink-wink there's a guy in drag" to down right hostility and physical violence as has happened too often to CDs in public I am sorry to say.

I often think that butch macho males feel that their masculinity is somehow threatened by TVs and CDs and thus have to hit them or they feel that they have some God given right to punish the CD for what they dislike and cannot accept. I was in that position 30 years or so ago when I was accidentally discovered wearing panties in a place I used to work and a very macho bloke who worked there was itching to beat me up and used to provoke me hoping for a fight. I didn't give him the satisfaction and eventually found another job.

That is why I strongly reject those M to F CDs who sneer at those of us who wear a kilt in public and haughtily say "A Kilt is NOT a skirt!" It's ok for them if they can openly and safely dress in public with no problems and have the build and looks to pass. For some of us this is simply not possible and wearing a kilt with women's knickers beneath is as close as we can get to being skirted in public without attracting unwelcome attention and possibly violence.

[Joy Carter]

[/I]to down right hostility and physical violence as has happened too often to CDs in public I am sorry to say.

Not to steal the thread but the last guy that thought I was a P---- for being CD wouldn't put up so I asked him what he would say when he told his friends why he had the crap beat out of him. I'm very much a lady but times when you need to put the gloves on I'm very much up to it.:Punch: :D

[Lucille]

but times when you need to put the gloves on I'm very much up to it.:Punch: :D


Having some practice in martial arts, like me, would indeed be nice.. imagine how he would feel to have been bloody beaten by a "sissy" :tongueout

[Kate Simmons]

No sissy here. I can look nice and feminine when dressed up but that doesn't mean I'm a "shrinking violet". I wore denim to the club last night which seems maybe "too butch" from some gal's standards but I think the message is clear by now to everyone that I'm no pushover. In fact I think most gals here, if the "chips" were down would come through. No doubt in my mind we would have no problem defending our homeland if it came to that, whether we were wearing Army fatigues or cocktail dresses. Ericka

[Stephenie S]

My my girls,

I think there is entirely too much testosterone flying about on this thread!

Steph

[Stephenie S]

Seriously now, I think Helen has touched upon what I feel is the underlying reason for the resentment we often feel from other males about CD. And that is the MORBID homophobia that is somehow instilled in most males as they are growing up. Most men consider it their God given right to hit on anything in a skirt. Right or wrong this is the way most are raised.
Now along comes Stephenie in her Sunday best. Mr macho hits on her, then realizes she's a guy. OMG!!! What has he done???
I think most macho men are AFRAID of us. Not physically afraid so much, but psycologically afraid. Afraid they will display their homosexuality by interacting with us and so they instead display their masculinity by threatening phisical violence. Put this type of person in a group and things get much worse.
Fortunately this is getting rarer and rarer as public acceptance grows, but it must always be kept in mind for our own safety. GGs have to think safety too, all the time. I think it just comes with the territory.
Well, my 2 cents worth.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[melissacd]

Life is not fair nor unfair, life just is. There are behavioural constructs within all societies that are meant to guide it citizens in acceptable ways of being and there is an overwhelming pressure to conform to those constructs. No question about that.

Actions always have consequences, some positive, some negative and some neutral.

Life is continual change, what was true yesterday is not necessarily true today.

Humans can make choices, good, bad or otherwise.

We all have the ability to make choices everyday, we have to accept the consequences of those choices, we hope that the choices and the consequences of those choices will be positive and agents of positive change.

We can choose to accept who we are, accept the way that society is, accept the consequences of our choices no matter whether it is to move further and further out of the closet or deeper and deeper in. If we choose to move further out, we may have positive experiences and gain confidence and become positive agents of change or we may have bad experiences and withdraw to venture out another day (or not).

Each of us must choose, each of us must accept the results of our actions (no action is still a choice) and hopefully we achieve a level of happiness with our choices.

The barometer of whether we are making choices that are life enhancing is to check in with ourselves, test our state of happiness and make life adjustments as required to move us in the direction that feels most personally fulfilling.

Life is not fair, life is not unfair, it just is. How we react to all of this is what matters. We cannot control others we can only control ourselves.

I feel that it is time to stop blaming what we cannot directly change and start living our lives in a way that makes us personally happy, because in the end all we can do is manage our own lives.

This forum can and is an agent of information, insights, friendships, successes, support and sometimes sorrow.

Accept the world as it is and be a positive example of how a life can be lived.

[Rickie]

I believe other peoples choice can and does effect us.


When I was small. It was taught that boys don't cry. You suck it up and go on. That you can't let your emotion out.

So I think there's a small bit of envy from other males who doesn't CD. Also fear because we have taken that step to the softer and feeling side of ourselfs. To a place deep inside that they would love to find. But God, country, and love ones tells us is a bad place. And we must stand and be MALE (and this is where I think our conflict comes from). The fear we might not be man enough for the world.

[Calliope]

I think most macho men are AFRAID of us. Not physically afraid so much, but psycologically afraid. Afraid they will display their homosexuality by interacting with us and so they instead display their masculinity by threatening phisical violence.

I subscribe to this theory and feel men's biggest worry is 'being fooled.' Assuming that to be the case, I would suggest,when we are out and about in the general public space, we present ourselves more in the nice girl mode than the hottie mode.

[Billie1]

Sad to say, but I believe that the difference is due to generalization, stereotyping and homophobia. Although we know better, 99.9% of the general population thinks that ALL CD'ers are gay. Presenting a femme persona pushes this to the next level, and the 'phobes react acordingly.

No, life ain't fair, but it can sure be FUN, soumtimes!

[ava_bruna]

Fair or not, this is how it is and will be untill someone find's a way to show we are no different then Gay's, lez ect. In "P" town Mass the gay's walk hand in hand and are accepted. I was in Down town Boston last year when the Gay's were able to get married? you know? seeing two guy's walking hand in hand didint bother me a bit, when I see two girl's kissing I get excited so I think untill we find acceptance like they have, we will have to do as we can/ want to do. Im all for CROSSDRESSERs Day

long as it's in the summer.

[Joy Carter]

My my girls,

I think there is entirely too much testosterone flying about on this thread!

Steph Steph just think of me in a tight fitting cat suit as I bloody the hell outta some bigoted jerk with a personal hang up.:D

[Stephenie S]

Dear Joy,

Yeaaaa!

Steph

[Stephenie S]

Dear Joy,

OOOPS, I meant "Oh my!"

Steph

[gennee]

First, i guess I kinda want to know who ever said life would be fair? I've never been told such a thing. Nor have I ever shared that thought with others. As a part time country girl (iowa) I thought that fair was were the 4-H put on animal shows and you could ride the barf-a-rama and the hurl-o-matic after stuffing yourself with corn dogs and cotton candy.

But I do know that things are changing. Those women faced real problems once not long ago. And there are a lot of places SF, NYC, LA, Chicago, where you can life a life pretty much free from all that stuff, pretty much free from any stuff save the trouble of finding a job.

I walk through some pretty poor neighborhoods at some pretty weird times. The Tenderloin, Mission and 16th, and SOMA way late (or way early) in the day/night. I never get problems. I do watch myself and my surroundings very carefully, normal city girl stuff ya know. And its OK.

The same goes here in NYC, Tekla. I have been out more and more and haven't encountered any trouble. I do watch myself, though.

Gennee

[NewbieCD]

I just know that i live in a very intolerant area of the US that is mainly rednecks as we call them (the worlds worse about being closed minded) I just never see it as safe in an area where the Rebel flag is seen more than US flag. Hopefully that will change.