Ok or not Ok ?

[Kelli Taylor]

hello all,

Hope your day was alot better than mine. For starters everything that could go wrong went wrong at work. But enough of that , what I need to ask is , and i'm sure there are quite a few of us , but I'm at a crossroads on how to handle a SO (wife) that seems to be ok with it most of the time and other times not ok to put it simply. It saddens me and I feel like crying wishing it could be different or go away because at times like this it really becomes confusing whether or not it's wrong or right. I never meant to hurt or offend anyone believe me. And if I knew then what i know now maybe things would be different, we never know. Any thoughts , ideas, comments would be much appreciated. HELP!

Kelli:sad:

[Calliope]

It saddens me and I feel like crying wishing it could be different or go away because at times like this it really becomes confusing whether or not it's wrong or right.

It's like asking whether a sunny day is 'wrong or right.' The tourist says yes, the garden says no - and they're both 'right.' There's no percentage in blaming a rainy day.

Women have to ask: 'Have I failed my man?' They feel challenged, too - 'Is my man moving in on my hereditary turf?' 'Who will be the man now?' 'I'm supposed to nurture but now who protects?'

Dressing, when it occurs in an already established couple, means changes will be necessary. Regarding the old nurture / protect unity of opposites, it means roles must be shared from now on.

I believe that means good growing - for both.

[Tracy_Victoria]

hello all,

Hope your day was alot better than mine. For starters everything that could go wrong went wrong at work. But enough of that , what I need to ask is , and i'm sure there are quite a few of us , but I'm at a crossroads on how to handle a SO (wife) that seems to be ok with it most of the time and other times not ok to put it simply. It saddens me and I feel like crying wishing it could be different or go away because at times like this it really becomes confusing whether or not it's wrong or right. I never meant to hurt or offend anyone believe me. And if I knew then what i know now maybe things would be different, we never know. Any thoughts , ideas, comments would be much appreciated. HELP!

Kelli:sad:

Kelli

I think firstly you need to look at this from both view points, a very wise CD once told me, how would you feel if you came home and found/caught your wife wearing a smoking jacket, Pyjamas, slippers, and smoking a pipe wearing no make up, fake tash, and sporting a short mans wig, you would be stunned wouldn't you?

I know I would!

My partner has known about my crossdressing for 13 years now, in fact thats how long we have been together, and I told her about my dressing before we even had any form of relationship, in fact I told her, when I started getting feeling for her, ie I wanted her to know the truth about me, and not have to lie about something I enjoy doing!

Dispite this, things have not been all smooth sailing since, and dispite knowing about my dressing it stilll doesn't mean she fully accepts it, nor can handle the site of me fully dressed fully en fem. she knows and fully accepts that this is a need I have, yet in 13 years she has not seen me fully dressed more than 3 times!

Since we have found this site, we move ever slowly forward, but don't just think telling your wife means she will accept what you do, and want to enjoy it with you. Raksha (my partner) and I are still moving slowly forward, and I'm prepared, understand, and accept that we might never get to her fully accepting me dressed arround her, but we work together to hopefully get to that point, in time, but we both know we may never get there?

Just as people have different stress levels, GG have very different acceptance levels, ie to one girl it might be fun, and a bit of a laugh, to another it will totally repluse them, and they have nothing to do with it in anyway, shape or form!

I know Raksha struggles with my dressing, as to me there is no half measures, ie I dress fully, totally, and want to look 120% female, However I understand, and I've even admitted to myself that we might never get to the point of Raksha and Tracy being in the same room again, let lone sharing a laugh and a joke. However I'm so lucky in that Raksha knows how much this means to me, and I can do it with her blessing! Ie I ask to dress, and she gives me the time to do so! but more to the point, I don't have to sneek around hiding things from her, and at the end of the day, I love her, and I know she is there for me (as I always will be for her), and that is more important to me, than any amount of time I can spend wearing a frock!

More than anything else, we might not mean to offend, we might not mean to hurt, but as i now realise this hobby does damage, and it damages people that mean the most to us, ie Raksha :hugs: is my life, and my solemate, and all my dreams come true, and any cure or magic pill to this compulsion I would take with out a second thought if I could. but as there is no cure, the important thing is this,

ANY DAMAGE WE DO ENJOYING THIS HOBBY/ACTION IS HARD TO REPAIR. AND TAKE A LONG TIME TO REPAIR, AND EVEN LONGER TO TRUST AGAIN!

So be aware of that, and your action! Also remember to some of us, this is a game, a hobby, a bit of fun, to them, it's the person they love not following the norm, and wondering and even a fear of what's next! (when simply there might not even be a next!) Hence talk, if you can a alay the fears.

Raksha and I have tried to make my dressing part of every day life (ie we try to talk occationally about it, we both visit here!), to remove the mystery from it, What I've said Is I will continue to ask for space when i need it, but let her known whats going on, ie talking, she can search and read my posts, if I buy things I tell her what I have bought and why, ie not all things uses are clear in this mystical, (and I still can't see why a CD needs Tampax's :eek: (but each to there own!)) ie by accustomising herself to this world, she hopes to find it easier to understand!

(So to Raksha! I Love you Hun not just for your effort, but because I do :love:)

Good Luck Kelli (remember yin, and Yan) both sides must be in balance, not just one!

[Joy Carter]

Not to steal the thread but Tracy you are doing a good job with your spouse there it sounds like you have your head on strait about this CD thing.:hugs: And Kelli just go slow and invite her to join the forum this just take time. My SO has known for all our marriage it's just my own lack of acceptance that has made it tough for her to accept.

[Toyah]

My wife found chatting to other CDs and their wifes very helpfull its a bit hit and miss but she usually joins in at some point we chat on Yahoo quite often

[Phoebe Reece]

You might want to check out this thread: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12890

[Kelli Taylor]

I'm breathing a little easier now. She told me not to worry and that it was because it was that time of the month and when that happens everything else in life seems to be magnified to a certain extent. so needless to say that issue did not help any. Thank you for all of your support and thoughts . I will try to keep you girls informed if anyhting changes , good or bad. As a matter of fact I'm gooing to be going out tonight (sat.):whew!:

Kelli

[rosiegurl]

please be careful with your wife, I have known many women who love thier husbands/partners enough to put a brave face on things they don't like just for their partners.

the fact she is trying is a good sign though *grins*

[kittypw GG]

I would venture to assume that your passion for dressing somewhat exceeds your wife's interest in participating. Lets face it girls, it takes a lot for most of us gg's to get into the whole thing. It takes time and effort for both partners to achieve the ideal fantasy for the cd. When the same effort is not reciprocated ........... Well all I can say is that I don't feel like putting out the effort for him if I am not worth the same effort from him. This translates into non acceptance by my hubby.

When my needs are being met by him then I feel like giving him his ultimate cd fantasy. But why shoud you continually waste your time and energy on someone who doesn't think you are worthy of the same?
Kitty

[Angie G]

good point Kitty Some time Angie comes out in front of my wife and it'a fine but some times my wife needs her man not ner girlfrend. and with this I'm good I know se has needs just as I do.
I get to be Angie for me I have to give her me for her.
She were married in 1968 just last year I got to weae skirts insted of pant (Long story) this got to expand to pantys and girls blouses she asked if I 'm a xdresser and
I told her
I have dressed for a long time .
So she is 90% cool with it but still need her gm to snuggle with and thats fine. that how we stay in love after 38 years.
Angie G









i
i got

[ava_bruna]

My feeling's are like a yo yo, up and down, but I think im the one causing them, my wife say's, " I DONT CARE " as ive said many time's before, so far ive been able to do just about all I want, cept GOING OUT DRESSED,im kinna scared anyways, but have met someone who has made me feel more confortable with myself and when (I) can , I will.I guess it all boil's down to ( US ), how we feel and what we want so untill the time come's, im going to learn all I can from the forum and try to share with those who need the same understanding as I do / did..