Shopping : I tried, but couldn't.

[Michelle Ellis]

Damn. For a couple weeks I've been building myself up. I read a bunch of shopping threads here, convinced myself the only way to shop was to just go into the store and get it done! I got 500 bucks cash set aside and a new dedicated credit card in case I need it.

Had a hard time sleeping last nite (Friday) and woke up early with major anticipation. Jumped in the car and headed off with a few stores in mind. By the time I walked into the first store (just Walmart, I know I know) my heart was racing, my palms were sweaty and I had a bad case of butterflies. I wandered around trying to build my nerve to walk into the womens clothing section. Never happened, I got close, but couldn't even bring myself to look in the direction of the clothes :( I was really feeling sick at that point. So I left.

Next stop was 7-11 for something to drink, had a smoke and calmed down in the parking lot. Then it was off to the mall.

I went into Pennys and here comes the nervousness and butterfiles again. I saw one younger girl working there, wow, what a knockout, and I must have flushed 10 shades of red, thought to myself (insert my sig here) and I ran outta there as fast as I could.

Never even made it to the rest of the places I had in mind.

Now I'm back at home feeling miserable, I was so freaked out. And my butterflies still won't subside.

How in the world did you girls ever get thru the first shopping trip? I just don't think I can do it...

M

[MistyCD]

Try going into a smaller store, where there are not too many people about. A check in the telephone book yellow pages is a good place to start. You might want to jot a few names/addresses down and take a drive and see what they look like. You don't have to go in, but casually drive by or walk by and take a peek.

Hugs Misty

[sue ellan]

just keep at it. it will come easier as time goes along. i used to be the same way but it will get easier. think sometime a bigger might store might be easier. lots of people around and they do'nt pay any attenion to you. good luck next time. just do'nt give up.
sue ellan.

[evol]

Ok, first it was me and my g/f, then it was me and a gg friend, then I realized, I've bought presents before. Then I thought about it, do you really give a flying fig newton what people think? I bet you don't. But you've tricked yourself into thinking you care. Just look at other aspects of your life, and apply those same tactics to get the job done. I've met a woman once when I was shopping, she asked who I was shopping for. I said it was for my woman, which meant it was for me! We both laughed(men buy gifts for women that men enjoy... sexy clothes)
She helped me, then it came out, I wanted some "painted on jeans"
and had to do the old spine to belly button trick. She looked at me and smiled. We talked I told her I dress for my woman and her jaw dropped and she said, and I quote, "you would do that for her? I wish my husband would dress for me." Long story made short, he still doesn't, and I have a new friend who wants to see me on the side. We've only talked of going out together, but I can tell how much it excites her. I told my g/f and she got mad, but understood, and we are all friends now. I don't think of it as anything more than I'd go to whatever length to bring me joy, and my future wife, anything in the world she wants. By the way I've had 4 g/fs that knew and enjoyed my cross dressing, the trick is...find bi-girls, and be honest. Then tell them, you'll be the woman and do whatever she says. Women love to be in control. To my experience it works.
Don't give up, please try again, nothing worth having is easy, at least not until u get the hang of it.

[lisa92268]

The real challenge dear is while you are dressed up! so exciting!! good luck!

[tekla west]

You don't say where you are dear, or what size stores.

You might try doing the "next town over" as many do.
You might try going to the biggest stores in the big city - they care less about you, see more CDs, and are all about the money.

And, there is always the old "Its for my wife deal." (she's about the same size I am, we wear the same jeans.) Just remember when they ask if you want it wrapped, the answer is yes.

The more upscale the store, the better you get treated is my general feeling. Macy's treats CDs/TGs better than WallMart. Rich people shop at Macy's and the staff is better trained NOT to hassle them, but rather to help them.

And then there is the old "SUCK IT UP AND JUST DO IT." Sure we were all nervous that first time, those first few times. And as I remember it, that fear was part of the rush - that sense of the forbidden. As I recall it was kind of cool. Now its just routine.

Remember, a) sales people are there to sell, not judge (and for WallMart,KMart, Target and all) b. what do you really care what some teenager making minimum wage thinks anyway?

[Lindsay Marie]

Michelle I agree with you sister it's hard to go and shop. I bought my first manicure set last week, but it took some time to go down that aisle. My best advice to you is just go in and look, that's how I built my courage up. Baby steps sister baby steps.

[Wendy me]

girlfreind were are you at?? omg this is veary easy and fun to do look i getting ready to go out reasoon but i will promise you this i will pm you some shopping tips that will make it easy and way too much fun to shop....girlfreind this you can do and love it too....latter....

[janelle]

Hi dear, i would say go when the store is slow & maybe for the first tyime go with a item or two in mind & no more. You won't be overwhelmed, it will be more like a mission,hehe. Or you could do as i did, just went & asked for a make over. your in & out & chatting with a very friendly SA.
I hope these ideas help dear. Keep your chin up & keep trying.
:hugs: ,Janelle

[Kaitlyn Michele]

michelle

i have bolted many more times than not...i have practical advice for you..

keep trying!!! one of these times you will just feel rightabout it and do it..

there is no shame in saying its for somebody else..
here is another huge clue!!! the salegirls always assume its for "her" your so, your sis, whatever...

its so true...over time as iv'e gotten more bold, i've been more "out" about it...really shopping for what i want instead of whats closest to me that seems ok ...one time i even bought breast forms and 6 pairs of pantyhose and this nice girl looked at me and laughed and i said "do you think they'd fit me" haha...and she just shot right back..."oh i know they're not for you"

i almost said yes they are but didnt...and even if she was trying to be nice only she still was nice!!!!!!

its funny last week i shopped dressed and bought dressed and was so confident and pleased...today i was shopping for stuff and i left emptihanded ...just didnt have the nerve....

so dont worry!!!!!!!!!!!! just keep trying..

also go to the next town...i feel strangely less embarrassed when i'm not so close to home

take care
michele

[sparks]

It is hard and you are not alone. Try the thrift shops for starters. Some of the old gals there are pretty open minded. Sure you will get a few stares and it can be very trying. But I'm an introvert and if I can do it so can you.
Also if you hit the department stores early at opening there is generally few people there.
There are all kinds of reasons for men to be shopping in the ladies department. Once I was in a winners and there was this guy rummaging through the tiny thongs and skimpy wear. I smiled and went HMMM CD! Well I watched him head to the counter and there was I think a stipper. She had obvious big fake breasts lots of make-up. She took the stuff from him paid and left. So ya never know what's going on.
You can be obvious or not. Once I bought a bra and the SA said to me that's non-returnable. I just simply said "Hon. It's not coming back." Pretty brave for a guy that rarely says anything.

[KewTnCurvy GG]

Take a list in, of things you're buying as though you're buying for someone else.
Kew

[SilkenPrincess]

I've shopped alone and with my wife several times with no problem, but I had an incident very like yours last month. I walked into a thrift store and froze. Couldn't do it! So, I left and went to another store. Same thing. Freaked me out. And depressed me. I tried again last week, and I conquered! YAY! Got a couple of very pretty tops as a reward! :heehee:
So Michelle, forget what or who is around you. Just go and look for what you want to see in the mirror later after you get home. Force yourself to be reward motivated, rather that fear motivated. You'll feel better about yourself in the end, and prove to yourself that you deserve the same respect that every other patron does. Which is really true anyway. After having done that a few times, you'll realize that there really is no basis for the fear. And don't forget! The store owner WANTS you to spend your money there!
Love,
Steph

[Mandy Salamander]

really 's not soooo hard t' doo!!!,, jus' go to a smaller store that sells women's clothing, and ONLY women's clothing!!!,,,,, walk right into th' middle o' th' store 'n stand there looking really,really stoopid!!!,('s not difficult, i know!!),,, someone WILL come up 'n ask 'f you need help, rather soon,,, they're really very gentle 'n quite helpful,, most 've seen this before,(remember, you are not alone, we're all behind you, 'n have been there too!!!),,,,,, would be cool 'f you were near here!!!, th' TowerMall downtown, near my office, has 4 such stores all closing down 'n running clearance sales~NY & Co. my fave!!,,,Lerner, 've already maxed out my card,,,Limited, workin' on that one,,, 'n Casual Corner, almost empty 'n they're practically givin' 't away!!!,,, $500 'ld buy a lotta great stuff,,, anyhoots ~GOOD LUCK~

[Michelle Ellis]

Wow! Thanks *everyone* for the encouragement. You all had great things to say. Lisa, you just tease me now :p Going in dressed is very much still fantasy land for me, but I don't think I would object. This would be so much easier with a girlfriend.

Wendy, I'm in Oregon, pretty liberal and redneck at the same time. I look forward to hearing your tips! :) I'm already thinking of going back later tonite. It's been years since I've had butterflies in my stomach, it really hurts! LOL So maybe I will... but I may have to go to a bigger town.

I went today with one big thing on my mind, to find a nice pretty sun-dress. I wanted to come back with one so badly... I was hoping to have a great time and maybe splurge. But unfortunately I freaked out instead.

M

[donna h]

It does take time and courage I know,been there. Try to know what you want and the size before going in, that way you know what you want and dont waste time. Maybe going right as store opens will help as there arent that many people there to ease your nerves. I did that at a Penneys by me , got the petty pants and cami I saw in the catalog ,right size paid , got a little look from the girl at the counter and was out of there.Back in the car I had this sense of accomplishment and relief, it was a good feeling though.After a couple times youll be fine, let us know how it goes. Maybe catalog shopping will help also.

[CrossKimmy]

I had that problem too. You should totally start smaller, like at an unmentionables store, like Fredricks. That's where I got some of my goodies! It was an intense thrill and when it was over, I was so unbelievably relieved. I just wanted to get home quickly so I could try my new things on. Oh it was terrific.

[Connieminiskirts]

perhaps I am diferent than most. I dont understand at all why ya'all have all these problems going shopping for your femme things. I have been doing this since I was 11! And if I had gotten caught back then, my "dear daddy" would have beaten the hell outta me, then killed what was left! My mother would have beat me as well.
But still I wanted panties and nylons etc so I had to buy them myself.
After I was married(1st time) I bought what I wanted when i wanted. I have never cared what anyone thaought. If anyone asked I just said it was for my sisters, mom, wife, etc. Its no bodies business who for or why I am buying.
Now I buy what I want, where I want, and if anyone asks, I tell them its for me! When my wife is with me, as she ussually is, she just nods yes and laughs, The look on the faces of stroe clerks is priceless. I have even had the young ladies in stores such as 'express', 'fashion bug' and even 'wet seal' ask if id like to use the dressing rooms!
Guess what I am sayin is, There is really NO reason for such fear. The people in walmart see men buying stuff for thier wives, girlfriends and daughters all the damn time. The women in the female clothing section don't care either. To them you are simply a customer. and they just do not care. Really they dont.
Being afraid is just nuts.
But do as has been suggested, make alist, write your sizes on it, take the list with you and make little comments as you look at stuff, things like, "hmm wonder if she'll like this one," or "nope wrong colour", "she'll look nice in this" and so on.

Bottom line? If you really do want to be a CD, then be one! CDing is not easy, it risky and its time consuming. Risk is part of life, no matter what you do.
Sorry to rant, but I just dont understand the problem, You want to dress, You have to take the responsibility for yourself and your life. No one else can take the responsibility for it.

Well okay later all. I shut up now

[Sam-antha]

Try again in the big stores.
There the girls are either too bored or too busy to bother.
Good shopping for one item, or if you are happy getting that one go get two and then get home and try them on...
~Samm

[EricaCD]

Don't fret. This is not some great cosmic test. It's shopping. If it's not comfortable or not fun, don't beat yourself up!

It took me a while to do it the first time as well. Some practical suggestions:
1. If you live in a small town, go to the next town over.
2. Go early in the morning to a smaller store (empty), or late saturday afternoon to a big department store (so crowded you will feel anonymous).

3. (This is important:) More often than not a salesgirl will ask if she can help you. This is to be expected, as men don't usually have much of a clue when shopping for women's clothes. She is neither a cop nor a confessor. Just smile, look right at her and say "No thanks, just looking. If I need any assistance I will be sure to find you." I actually practiced this line before the first time I went shopping!

4. If all else fails, then just go into a woman's section, pick out the very first thing in your size, remove it from the rack, march over to the checkout, pay and move on. Take a look around, and confirm that the earth is still on its axis.

The good news is that the embarrassment goes away VERY quickly. I did my first shopping in person about 6 weeks ago, and am now a total shopping junkie. And you won't believe how much fun it becomes!

PM me if you want to discuss further. Good luck, don't worry or obsess, and have fun!

Erica

[Sharon]

I used to feel the same way, until it struck me that I never had any difficulty when I was purchasing clothing for my wife or other females. Once I figured this out, and never having anyone question me who the clothing was for to begin with, I felt more at ease and haven't stopped shopping since. :happy:

[Wendi]

Michelle try buying some male things at the same time. My 1st time I bought a pair of shoes along with 2 pairs of high heels. No one even noticed. Next time I went to a makeup counter at a major dept store and told the girl working I was looking for something for my girlfriend. I've been back several times since. Hope this helps.

[Kimberly]

I got 500 bucks cash set aside and a new dedicated credit card in case I need it.
Wanna lend that to me?!

It takes a lot of balls, gal, to go out in public and buy clothes not intended for your sex. I've been given a few weird looks in my time, but in truth the people serving me in the shop, and the fellow shoppers all go about their business afterwards not really caring what I've bought.

Try going off-peak... when it's less packed. :)

[FROCKYHORROR]

I know how you feel,i bottle it all the time,and end up going home empty handed and annoyed,annoyed that i need to do it and annoyed i haven't,its worse when there are families walking about,i get so paranoid of a kid saying something to their parent "look mummy/daddy that mans looking at the girls stuff",makes me feel like such a perv...,i imagine the parent then saying "come away darling,its a dirty old man, we'll walk round the other way " whilst the husband gives me a derisive look...... I'ts usually after i've purged or had a clear out of stuff thats worn out that i finally get the nerve to do it, somehow i switch the chatterbox off in my head,and go on a blitzing mission. I'm now comtemplating mail order if i can't sort these fears out.

[Melinda G]

Holidays are a great time to shop. Halloween, Christmas, Valentines Day, Sweetest Day, etc. Several times I have simply asked the clerk, "Can she return this if it doesn't fit". They always say yes. Sometimes they ask if I want it gift wrapped, or if I want a box. I just say yes, thank you, if it is free.

If you know your shoe size, you can order shoes online. I have ordered many shoes from j.C.Penneys, Zappos, and Payless shoes, online. Even if the credit card is in a mans name, they don't care, and they don't ask. It might be a wife using her husbands credit card, or a girlfriend, using a guys card. Most allow returns. If the shoes are too small, return them. If they are a tad large, you can get heel grips, or put cushion insoles in them, or tissue paper in the toes.
Just about anything else can be ordered online, for that matter. You can order bras, panties, slips, dresses, etc from Penneys, and a lot of other places. Same for wigs. Lots of women use their husbands credit cards, so it isn't a problem.
Some high rollers, myself not included, just hand a chick their credit cards, and let them go shopping.
You can order wigs online, from Paula Young, or Revlon. If there is a will, there is a way.
And one more thing. The cheap stores like Wal Mart and K Mart, and some others have self checkout lanes, where you check yourself out. Might help.

[Adrienne Heels]

The other customers aren't watching what you are doing...they are too busy doing their own shopping. And the store doesn't care who you are...they just want to sell their stuff. Just go for it!!

Go to the mall soon as it opens...less crowded then

[Wendy me]

:tongueout i pmed this to our sister but thought some outhers might like to try it if thay are in the same way as her.....




hi girlfreind lets get you shopping ...... no need to get all stressed out shopping is fun and look at it that way.....lets begin ready??? ok lets have some fun ok?? your shopping for your girlfreind Michelle and you have her sizes but tou need some helpe ...with me so far ??? cool let's go this is going to be fun...


ok now you go to the store find a cute gg sales girl...
tell her your girlfreind is haveing a birthday and you want to get her something nice....tell the sales girl you need some helpe with finding something ....(you said you wanted a sun dress right?) ok so tell the sales girl you have your girlfreinds size... and you want to get her a sundress....tell her your not good with this but you think you know what she might like..

know tell her you need helpe in finding it,...and tell her your just a little uncomfy shopping in a womans store...then have some fun as she helpes you out finding the dress...ask her to helpe you with shoes that go with the dress.....

99.9% of the sales girls out there will love to helpe you out...and ask for a gift recpte if your girlfreind needs to return it....

this way you can get what your looking for have helpe picking it out and if your a little worked up thats ok your sales girl will helpe you get through it

ok so get out and play the shopping game...it's fun ...it's easy.... and you get to go shopping ...

enjoy..................:hugs: :hugs: :tongueout

[NewbieCD]

I am lucky i have an SO (CDsWifey) she helped me shop for what i wanted to buy i was so excited i think i called to much attention to me self (Oh well) but it is still nerve racking to hold up something i want for me (and i wonder how many ppl see me whisper hold up something and smile like a goof ball LOL) i know it will get easier with time but i do not think even if i could do it on my own I would I like doin it with her it is like a shoping spree with the girls (lol)

[Michelle Ellis]

I am lucky i have an SO

Oh! You are SO lucky :p I'd be in dressing heaven right now if I had someone to hold my hand LOL (sigh)

Thanks everyone, it helps.

I just got back from my second trip to the store (another dept store), I still didn't feel well so I didn't even try, all I got was the charcoal I needed for my grill.

Like I told Wendy (thanks again Wendy!) I don't mean to try and act cute here, I get really (really) nervous about this stuff, and I'm shy to boot. I normally repress all my emotion so I think it just all comes out (in force) thru Michelle.

Trying to work myself up for another attempt tomorrow.

M

[Megan_S]

Tips on shopping @ walmart. I've just started a job working as part of a remodeling crew for a Super Walmart in my area. I work the 0800-1700 (5pm) , M-F shift. For the past week we've been remodeling the lingerie and women's wear section of the store, so I have a bit of inside info.... The store is pretty much quiet until 10ish. When I first get there @ 750, there is like one person aside from the ladies at the fitting room that are in that section of the store. So, your best time to go to avoid crowds is early morning. After 10-1030, you start getting a bunch of people and it picks up all during the day. I don't know what the store is like on the weekends....

All the associates are going to be professional, and the only thing you might get is an odd look or two. After all the Customer is always number one. One point of advice...just make sure they aren't remodeling your store...else you may have about 10 people crawling over the section!!

Hope this bit of Intel helps! :)

[Sindy]

I still have not gotten over the fear. You just got to do it regardless of the fear. One of the tricks I use is that I pretend to be on the phone with my "girlfriend" do some playful arguing like "what size?, what kind of dress?" things like that. Works for me. The main thing that upsets me is if the salesgirl is someome I wouldn't mind asking out some time. Hard to ask out a girl when she sees you buying clothes for your girlfriend, but that's the sacrfice I must make.

Above all, remember, no one is watching you. How many times have you bought underwear for your male self and looked around to see if you are being watched or better yet, how many times have you stared at what other people are buying. No one cares, it's all in our paranoid minds. If the nervousness gets to be too much, wait for the holiday season, that seems to be when I get out to the stores the most.

Have fun and I hope you get that sundress, darn, now I wanna shop for one!

[Elena Ambasce]

Just another "you are not alone"...

I've gotten up the courage to go shopping specifically for my female side just once... Hit the local Megalo^WWal-Mart and picked up myself a nice top and a purse. Lots of drifting into and out of the women's department all the while paranoid thoughts running through my head... But in the end, just like everyone says, the world didn't end, there were no police, no public humiliation, just another person buying stuff.

I have bought the occasional little thing tacked onto other stuff I was getting; a tube of mascara here, a necklace there, that sort of thing. Haven't had the gumption to buy anything ultra-feminine like lipstick that way though.

I've also done mail-order a bit... have one of those Mailboxes Etc. (now UPS Store) boxes, originally got it because I needed an address in town before I moved here, but proved useful for buying stuff. But now I know some of the staff there, so I'm totally paranoid about packaging saying too much... bought some stuff from Newport News last year, came packaged in just a big bag with a big old NN logo on it, totally obvious it was a bunch of clothes (was expecting a box) but it was around Christmas so I just kind of acted like it was gifts for womenfolk, which I guess it kind of was ;-)

Anyway I guess what it boils down to is I'm totally in the closet, but even with all my paranoia I manage to buy stuff, so you can too.

*Hugs*

[Michelle Ellis]

It's 2:30am and I can't sleep, trying to soak in all this great stuff and use it as fuel tmrw :p

I've done one mail order, I did it next day air, but the package got left behind at a ups facility and caused a one day delay... that was a little stressful, and worrying about the packaging and everything, don't think I could do that again. I've been telling myself that a trip to the store is on my terms, I can begin and end when I want, and not have to be bound to a delivery time.

M

[julie w]

as long as you dont meet people you know .who cares enjoy your self ,I buy
clothes all the time and only once did a check out women say anything ,
and that was (enjoy) and you no what I did , go when Its not busy
it can be a bit nervy when there are lots of women shopping and dont
keep looking around you will look suspicious

[Angie G]

when I started shopping I'd think what if this sa thinks this is for my, that went away after awhile now I go get what I want no second thoughts even for more personal items I don't even think about it now.
So go do it you will findout it no big deal.
one day me wife & I went shopping we both got a pais of shoeshers size 6 1/2 mine size 10 if the person cashing us out thinks the 10's aremine so what ''I DON'T GIVE A RATS BEHIND. IT ONLY SHOPPING!!!!!
Not to be hard on you girl but go shopping you will love it once you start that $500 will be nothing.
Love and hugs :love:
Angie G.

[Deidra Cowen]

Don't feel bad...shopping in drab to this day makes me nervous and I hate it! It is easier enfemme since you don't have to worry about people reconizing you...at least thats how I feel about it.

That being said I still do it in drab sometimes due to time contraints. You just have to get over the fear, go in there and get your stuff! Drug stores are a great way to buy some femme stuff for the first time by the way. Go get a bit of makeup or lipstick at one of those for a little practise. Then work up to the dept stores.

Hugs

Deidra

[Phyliss]

The first time I finally decided that "this is the day" to buy some panties I was so nervous I could barely drive my truck and I was still five miles from the store. I just KNEW that everybody else on the road KNEW what I was going to do. With still a mile to go I changed my mind and went home with nothing. After three more trys, of getting to the parking lot and leaving without stopping, then at least getting out of the truck and finally getting up the courage to walk by the store. One day I just walked right in and bought exactly what I wanted with no questions or comments from anybody.

OMG the world continued to exist afterwards. I was hooked from then on.

I was a Knight on a quest, and had Dragons to slay. with each time I made a purchase, the feelings of fright eased. Then came the day of "going out fully dressed to shop" Here we go again with the fright. By the end of the day I was a master shopper without fear.

[SamanthaS]

Damn. For a couple weeks I've been building myself up. I read a bunch of shopping threads here, convinced myself the only way to shop was to just go into the store and get it done! I got 500 bucks cash set aside and a new dedicated credit card in case I need it.

Had a hard time sleeping last nite (Friday) and woke up early with major anticipation. Jumped in the car and headed off with a few stores in mind. By the time I walked into the first store (just Walmart, I know I know) my heart was racing, my palms were sweaty and I had a bad case of butterflies. I wandered around trying to build my nerve to walk into the womens clothing section. Never happened, I got close, but couldn't even bring myself to look in the direction of the clothes :( I was really feeling sick at that point. So I left.

Next stop was 7-11 for something to drink, had a smoke and calmed down in the parking lot. Then it was off to the mall.

I went into Pennys and here comes the nervousness and butterfiles again. I saw one younger girl working there, wow, what a knockout, and I must have flushed 10 shades of red, thought to myself (insert my sig here) and I ran outta there as fast as I could.

Never even made it to the rest of the places I had in mind.

Now I'm back at home feeling miserable, I was so freaked out. And my butterflies still won't subside.

How in the world did you girls ever get thru the first shopping trip? I just don't think I can do it...

M
Everyone has felt the same way at some point. Try shopping at X-Mas time

[JasmineR]

Keep trying hun,

Nobody is going to wonder why you are shopping in the women's department but the best thing to do for nerves is go when it is slow. This was said earlier and it is true. If you go in a smaller store in the mall and go when a few shoppers are in there it's not as bad either. Plus the associates are always nice and helpful. It's nice when the associate is like "Let me know if I can help you" or "We have plenty sales today," it makes me feel like they kind of know and don't care.
Once you shop and you know the associate knows, your nerves settle some in the future.

[Phyliss]

Keep trying hun,


Once you shop and you know the associate knows, your nerves settle some in the future.


The only drawback to that is, once they KNOW what sort of clothes you like then they are sure to have everything you want, and your purse can get empty quite quickly. :happy: :happy:

I've gotten rather friendly at a local store and everytime I go in there I end up leaving with something.

[Stormgirl]

baby steps lass,baby steps

[Karren H]

Don't remember the first time shopping! Were you enfemme or in drab? I do know that the sales staff could care less what you buy....A sale is a sale is a sale...... And maybe you need to go some where that isn't too busy, like a resale shop, or a regular dept store, late just before they close or early when they just open. And not when they are having a sale!!! (which is too bad, costley enought maintaining two wardrobes....) I go shopping almost every week, with my business suit on, and I am the only guy in the womens dept. Lots of women around, and they don't give me a second glance. Even when I hold dresses up to check for length...hehehe If you want to try them on, go to a store that doesn't have assisted dressing rooms....Kohl's is a good one. Wallmart and Kmart are not...

But just go buy something simple, quick and easy....hit and run shopping....and you will see how easy it is!!!! And once you get hooked, there's no turning back!!!

Love Karren

[Abby]

I like Penny's and Dillards, the sales people are there to help you and make a sale. If you wish to shop Wal-mart, go early or late, less people.

Hugs

[Michelle Ellis]

One of my big reasons for going to Walmart first was that I could wander around other sections of the store, like electronics (which is adjacent to women's clothes) until I had the nerve to enter. I was pretending to look at DVDs and said to myself OK, lets go! Meaning to enter the womens section I proceed to walk straight out without even looking in that direction, my heart was just pounding LOL

I should probly try taking a valium or something (j/k)

I decided to not go early today, I'm going to wait till an hour or so before closing and do my best to walk straight into Macy's and get a sales assitant right off, let her do everything for me :p

M

[Karren H]

One of my big reasons for going to Walmart first was that I could wander around other sections of the store, like electronics (which is adjacent to women's clothes) until I had the nerve to enter. I was pretending to look at DVDs and said to myself OK, lets go! Meaning to enter the womens section I proceed to walk straight out without even looking in that direction, my heart was just pounding LOL

I should probly try taking a valium or something (j/k)

I decided to not go early today, I'm going to wait till an hour or so before closing and do my best to walk straight into Macy's and get a sales assitant right off, let her do everything for me :p

M

For most it's the checking out that's uncomfortable.....that's why the newer Wallmarts with the self checkouts are nice..... Grab a few bras and some panties and don't have to explain it to anybody... You must be really anxious..... when ever I go to Wallmart to get anything I always end up in the womens dept or the makeup isle!!!! lol

But hope your shopping tonight is fruitful!!!

Love Karren

[Melinda G]

Like I've said in other posts. We are too hard on ourselves. To us, it's a big deal. Most other people don't care, even if they know.

[Michelle Ellis]

I'm such a :loser: I got nothing accomplished this weekend besides making myself sick with worry :(

Baby steps is right, if I take much smaller steps it'll take me another 30 some years to get this done...

[Silkblouse]

.. .. oh Dear , we All want you to feel better ,

. . . I still get wobbly , however , a little trick I've learned to play on myself,is:

.. .. I'll just look ," purchase nothing! OK! ,... oh , OK ..."

. . . then in my expen$ive drab , I make the rounds , Bloomies , Saks , Bergdorf Goodman [ga$p] . perhaps up Madison Ave or down to Macy's , it helps ,...

. . . Retail Therapy ,... when you touch a very nice designer piece and KNOW you've gotta have it , well , make it happen grrrll

[tekla west]

I fought myself about posting this, but the angels of my better nature won out. So.....

Wall-Mart is one of the largest reasons for outsourcing of American labor, sending jobs overseas that once upon a time supported hard working Americans. Wall-Mart uses slave labor in China. And I don't want anything made by slave labor, no matter what, or at what price. 70% of the merch in Wal-Mart contains components made in China and since the early 90s over 1 million American jobs have been outsourced to China.

What is not made in China, tends to be made by kids. Love third-world child labor, 'ya gotta love Wal-Mart.

Wall-Mart does not have an adequate compensation package for their workers, thus pushing costs off onto the communities. FACT - Average pay for a WM sales associate is $1,000 dollars a year under the poverty guidelines for a family of three. Costco pays its employes 65% more than WM, and makes more money. Under half of its employes are covered by health care, and we all pick up that tab.

WallMart discriminates against females in pay and promotions, in fact the current class-action lawsuit against them is the largest class action in American legal history. 1.6 million (that's right MILLION) current and past female employes of Wal-Mart are involved in this action. Wal-Mart's work force is 95% female, its management is 14% female. Overall women earned about $5,200 less

Wall-Mart censors artists, demanding changes in lyrics and cover art.

Wall-Mart is strongly Anti-Union in both its labor and its buying practices. As that noted left-wing thinker Dwight D. Eisenhower said: "Only a fool would try to deprive working men and working women of their right to join the union of their choice."

Wal-Mart is openly hostility to TG persons using dressing rooms, considering them "against family values" Apparently hate is family value to them.

Wall-Mart's massive surveillance of its customers habits and buying patterns is sick.

AND...... if all that was not bad enough....

There is the screaming, yelling, whining, nagging, crying children running around the store like it was a playground, and their sniveling parents who are putting on a graduate seminar in bad parenting - that is the ones who are not in outright competition for negligent mother/father of the year, 2006. Who needs that?

[Sam-antha]

Don't fiddle around. Just go to the department and buy one of whatever.
something simple, something you know the size of (not bras- too complicated-,
See it and buy it.

[terrilynn]

I do most of my shopping in WalMart. A neat trick I've learned for trying on is to garb 2 mens shirts and put a cpl of skirts or slacks between them after ive looked around for a bit, then go to the dressing area. The ladies only look to see how many items you have, not what they are. Once in the changing room, no ones going to see what youre trying on anyway.
Learn your sizes and how the different makers cut their products.
One lady asked me about a bra I had in my basket, and I just told her I messed up one of my wifes in the laundry and had to replace it, she told me that was considerate . lol.
Above all, take a deep breath, act like you know what you are doing, relax, and no one will really care what you are looking at.

Terrilynn

[tekla west]

Ya know if you have to sneek it past them and lie to them, why give them your money? Read the posts about the girls who shop at VS or Lane Bryant, support people who support us.

[JoAnnDallas]

Also may places like Walmart now have self checkout. So if your worried about what the checkout person would say, just use the self checkout.

[hotbobbie]

I live in Seattle and do most of my shopping at Macys. I find them to really be of great help and they know what i buy is for me. Go in the morning when the stores just open and as the other gals have said the stores want your money and times are a changing. You will get there.

[Charleen]

Hi Girls, I gotta tel ya, I went to Wally world tonite and got a few things-some B.C. headache powder, clear mascara, a darling teddy on sale for only 7.00, an a cute charm bracelet that was also on sle and caught my eye. I got such a charge at how flustered the lady got as she was ringing me up. Shaking the entire time from nervousness, so much so that she was almost too flustered to take the money and give me my change.BTW, I was in drab, but my nails are done and clear coated, as well as wearing a tatal of 5 rings now. You should have seen her look. Me, I couldn't care less what she was thinking, I only got a kick out of her. I love shopping!

[Stormgirl]

I live in Seattle and do most of my shopping at Macys. I find them to really be of great help and they know what i buy is for me. Go in the morning when the stores just open and as the other gals have said the stores want your money and times are a changing. You will get there.


which Macys? maybe we can could go together sometime

[Michelle Ellis]

Anyway, some guys were passing by and chuckled and said "bet that will look good on you". I felt really stupid, and walked out.

Oh wow :eek:

I must be especially shy or something, if that were to happen to me... I don't know what I'd do, I would not be in a good spot. I know I shouldn't care, for a multitude of reasons, I don't know why that bothers me.

I went shopping today for regular male shoes since I need them. I went to a dept store I'd never buy at anyhow (a friend of mine works there) but I just wanted to do one thing, walk down the center of the womens aisle. I wasn't going to stop, just wanted to casually look without getting all upset.

Oh well... maybe I'm not cut out for this.

M

[Samantha_S]

You could always try saying "umm, I'm rather embarrassed about this but, my s/o wants to do role reversal so I need to know my size.

[noname]

Haven't read all the posts here but did want to chime in. I have only bought a couple of items, but here is how I view it. If you act normal, really no one will care. Second, I can't count how many times I've seen women shopping in the mens section. If they can do it, so can I. I guess I don't see a need to be self conscience, if they don't like it, oh well. Really what are they going to do, not ring me up. lol

"Read the posts about the girls who shop at VS or Lane Bryant, support people who support us."

What are you talking about?

"I live in Seattle and do most of my shopping at Macys. I find them to really be of great help and they know what i buy is for me."

Really? One place I've wanted to go but haven't. I would think they would have the higher clientel and may be a bit more snobby if that is the word.

[Michelle Ellis]

I really liked the looks of the stuff at Macys! Just about everything there was appealing to me.

Yeah, women rule the store, they are in every department, and they look as tho they belong there. It's not fair LOL I see a woman in the mens dept and I think she is either buying for someone or just likes the fit better, I see a man in the ladys dept and I think just one thing, that dudes buyin a dress :p

ohh.... this is probably half my problem right there. I must think that because that's what I'd be doing.

M

[tekla west]

I mean, I shop at stores who have a formal and stated corporate policy of non-discrimination toward transgendered shoppers. I also prefer stores that sell American made products or products that are made under fair labor conditions. (i.e., no slave labor, no child labor, and no anti-union policy)

Read the posts about peoples experiences and you will find that most of the girls here have had very positive experiences with Victoria's Secret and Lane Bryant just to name two. Never did Lane Bryant, but VS I can attest to. CDs have been arrested by Wal-Mart in places.

And the women at Macy's are not snobby at all. They are commission -based sales persons, and the good ones can make bank. They treat everyone with the upmost in dignity and courtesy, because one can never tell. I've seen lots of people get out of limos and private cars with drivers who are wearing old jeans and tee-shirts. Many silicon valley multimillionaire geeks don't even own a suit.

[LauraKCD]

I've found that if you pick a woman's store such as Fashion Bug it makes it much easier because they have a policy to be TG friendly. - I've found that if I call ahead and ask for the manager to explain that I'm a CD - they are very positive and willing to work with me. I ask what is the best time to come in where it wouldn't be so obvious, they give me some suggestions and it works out fine. This has also worked at the larger stores such as Dillard's where I buy my lingerie. - Just a thought

[Rickie]

Tekla west "CDs have been arrested by Wal-Mart in places."

I'm sorry but I'm having a hard time believing that Wal-mart had people arrested for CDing. Could you show me link on this. I would love to see it. And if this is the case I think its time to send a messeges to them. (as a male, female, or CDer) That this isn't right and you find it to be in terrible taste.

If you have no proof. I think you should really watch making comments about companies like this.

[susiepaul]

[QUOTE=SexyMichelle]Damn. For a couple weeks I've been building myself up. I read a bunch of shopping threads here, convinced myself the only way to shop was to just go into the store and get it done! I got 500 bucks cash set aside and a new dedicated credit card in case I need it.

Had a hard time sleeping last nite (Friday) and woke up early with major anticipation. Jumped in the car and headed off with a few stores in mind. By the time I walked into the first store (just Walmart, I know I know) my heart was racing, my palms were sweaty and I had a bad case of butterflies. I wandered around trying to build my nerve to walk into the womens clothing section. Never happened, I got close, but couldn't even bring myself to look in the direction of the clothes :( I was really feeling sick at that point. So I left.

Next stop was 7-11 for something to drink, had a smoke and calmed down in the parking lot. Then it was off to the mall.

I went into Pennys and here comes the nervousness and butterfiles again. I saw one younger girl working there, wow, what a knockout, and I must have flushed 10 shades of red, thought to myself (insert my sig here) and I ran outta there as fast as I could.

Never even made it to the rest of the places I had in mind.

Now I'm back at home feeling miserable, I was so freaked out. And my butterflies still won't subside.

How in the world did you girls ever get thru the first shopping trip? I just don't think I can do it...

hi i know what you went through i have been there.
to makeit much much easyer take a friend with you a real female one is much better than an other crossdresser.

and i belive a larger shop like wall mart is better as people are to busy to be bothered about what you are looking at (unless its anouther crossdresser)

the only problem i have when looking at clothes in wall mart was the sales staff trying to take me into the female changing room when i was dressed as a male, if you pass as a female then use the female changing rooms but dont be surprised if a member of staff comes in to ask if everything is ok.

when you have been shopping a few times you will wonder what all the fuss was about and the only problem you will have will be when to stop shoping.

if you were around here i would come with you as it doesent bother me any more i am in salinas puerto rico by the way.

take care and have fun shoping on your next trip regards paul

[susiepaul]

I try to shop online whenever possible. I bought a few things in dept stores, but had a bad experience once when I was in the teen section looking for a plaid skirt (y'know, for that school girl look). Anyway, some guys were passing by and chuckled and said "bet that will look good on you". I felt really stupid, and walked out.

should have just answered i hope soand i bet it would look good on him as well

[gennee]

Just keep at it, Sexy. Like go out dressed for the first time, this is another step, albeit baby step, in your growth. You'll be doing it effortlessly in no time.

Gennee

[sparks]

No guts no glory! Just hop in and go girl. OR try a privately owned store sometimes they are really quiet not alot of customers and could really use your money.
Many ways to shop and many ways to lose your money. I'm not the bravest of people either but if ya need a skirt you have to have one.

[Jean GG]

How in the world did you girls ever get thru the first shopping trip? I just don't think I can do it...

M

OK...Michelle...you got so many responses...I can't read them all so pardon me if I am being repetitious: Have you tried on-line shopping...places like Landsend, Wintersilk, and even LLbean???

You can have them shipped, you can try them in the comfort of your own home...and if you don't like them, you simply return them. Landsend was recently bought by Sears and you can now return things to Sears. Often they have great sales and they have plenty of large sizes (I know because I order my mom things).

OR DID YOU SIMPLY WANT THE EXPERIENCE OF SHOPPING IN PERSON? good luck, jean

[noname]

"CDs have been arrested by Wal-Mart in places."

For what? I can't think what you could possibly be charged with. If they did that they would have to arrest every women shopping in the mens department, right? I can't imagine a judge actually sentencing someone for something like shopping. ( assume thats all that was being done )

[Karren H]

"CDs have been arrested by Wal-Mart in places."

For what? I can't think what you could possibly be charged with.

Probably poor taste in clothing!!! By the style police??

Love Karren

[jai.says]

All hail the GGs on this one! I got through my first few shopping adventures with a GG friend and now I'm able to go out on my own. It was amazing because I went into the dressing room with her and tried everything on.

Also, I'm not sure if you live near a big city, but if so -- head to boystown and no one will bat an eye. good luck! jai

[Michelle Ellis]

go out dressed for the first time, this is another step, albeit baby step, in your growth.

The best I've done is get completely dressed and go for drives in my car. That's really pushing the line for me, but it was certainly a big step. First time driving in heels was a blast LOL really hard to do at first hehe thank god I have an auto.

Yeah, I keep telling myself the first time will be the worst too. Oh, maybe I never mentioned it, and no one would know, I'm not out to anyone except everyone here. And I live in a smallish town too (about 30k)

I've done the shop online thing, but I stressed too much over that too LOL it was the waiting that killed me, in a store I can always abort :p Once I hit the order button tho it's out of my hands, the big thing is having the package intercepted (which is possible for me) before I get to it. And yes, I want to experience the thrill of shopping too. (gulp) :o

Karen, LOL (again) I think the Fashion Cops are after me! HELP!! :eek:

M

[hotbobbie]

HI Jenny
I do the downtown and Alderwood Macys. Both stores are great for both clothing and make up.

[hotbobbie]

Jenny what part do you live in. Yes i would love to go shopping with you.

[Michelle Ellis]

I can totally relate to this thread as I did have the same nerves. When ever I wanted to do some shopping for myself I would get the butterflys and abort. On the other hand when I went and got something like a gift for my ex wife I had no problem. (Strange I know) I do most of my shopping on line but in the last 12 months I have gone out walked through the ladies sections and got the courage and purchased a few items. Slowly slowly

Oh, that's not strange to me at all... you nailed it. That's me too.

M

[Adrienne Heels]

Michelle, go to the mall and stop in stores like Express or The Limited. The SAs will be very helpful if you are in drab or dressed.....I have gone shopping there both ways. It's more comfortable there because they are womens stores.

[Sindy]

Michelle, Just the fact that you said you have fully dressed and driven has put you way ahead of me and I do go shopping in drab. As I said before, the nerves have never left me, but think about it, when was the last time someone came up to you and said "Hey, I remember you, you were in line a the grocery store and bought ziploc bags." No one notices, remembers or cares. Just be natural, you are doing nothing wrong.

[CrossKimmy]

If I could add one more thing to this conversation...

You know what girl, you just got do to it! You got to go in there and just do it. Walk into the place with what you have in mind, take it off the rack and go to the counter and buy. Just go in there, forget the rest of the world exists. But I will repeat my advise to start smaller. If you have a specialty store like Fredricks or Victoria Secret, then try those. They are very helpful and friendly, not so judgemental. Going into a huge store like Wal-Mart or Target or other places can be intiminating.

[Michelle Ellis]

Still planning, still trying to relax.

The last couple 'fly bys' I've made here in my home town have not went well. The more I do it the further I find myself from accomplishing my goals.

So now I'm thinking of going on a trip to much bigger city, it's about two hours away, all the good stores are up there. There's a mall I've been in several times, and guess what! I just checked and they have a Victoria's Secret too :o ohhhh wow! I'm already nervous about it.

Those smaller specialty shops are like a trap, if I so much as step in the door I'm locked in, there's no electronics section to hide in :p

So I'm hoping to maybe go up there this saturday, that's only day after tmrw... damn, I know I just gotta do it! All this great advice from everyone, thanks so much! Never expected all this :) If I don't do it now I dunno if I'll be able to show my face around here anymore.

geez you'd think I was planning a bank robbery or something! :eek:

M

[Jenni]

I think eventually, you'll come to realize that the shopping deal is so worth the tiny risk, that you'll just damn the torpedoes and go. I guess I've only ever had one embarrassing experience, and that was at K-Mart, when I was buying a pink babydoll nightie. I was so nervous I was nearly shaking, and I had the sweaty palms, too. I waited until there was a register open without a lineup, and went for it. The cashier was sort of a crabby-looking woman, and she looked at my purchase, then looked at me and slowly nodded her head up and down (yep, that's for him!). After she rang me through, I left quick as I could.

These days, I just don't care. And when you don't care, I think you carry yourself a bit differently, and you become almost "transparent".

Teenaged girls can be real intimidating for some, but not me! I go shopping at Delia's, Limited Too and Claire's all the time, without fear. Maybe it's because their stuff is way cute, and I just have to go in and buy.

jen

[Vannacd]

I can empathize. Last week I went to get a new black bra and panty set and I circled around and around the racks and just lost my nerve. And I've been doing this for years. Yet sometimes I just go into a store pick through the rack and buy what I want and the hell with whoever wants to judge me. Two days ago I spent twenty minutes choosing which dress to buy out of the four I'd singled out of the rack. And then I went and bought it.

Here is a trick I used years ago when I first started out and was totally scared. If you have no wedding ring buy a cheap one for a few bucks and wear it to a large store like Target or Walmart or whatever, a little late in the evening when it's apt to be less crowded. Put a roll of Happy Birthday wrapping paper in your cart, a birthday card "To MY Wife" or Fiance or whatever, some wrapping ribbon and whatever femme stuff you've chosen for yourself. The one time I did this the look on the cashier's face was, "what a lucky woman his wife is!".

Eventually I found it's more fun to shop without the ruse, but it was a good way to start.

Vanna

Good luck.

[Mellisa S.]

Michelle, if it helps, do drive out of your town. That's what works for me. I shop at stores in a town an hour away from me.

[Michelle Ellis]

Here is a trick I used years ago when I first started out and was totally scared. If you have no wedding ring buy a cheap one for a few bucks and wear it to a large store like Target or Walmart or whatever, a little late in the evening when it's apt to be less crowded. Put a roll of Happy Birthday wrapping paper in your cart, a birthday card "To MY Wife" or Fiance or whatever, some wrapping ribbon and whatever femme stuff you've chosen for yourself. The one time I did this the look on the cashier's face was, "what a lucky woman his wife is!".

Brilliant!! :D

I dunno if I'm capable of pulling off a ruse, I'm a terrible liar, if the SA asks me who it's all for, I might just break down and say "you got me", hope they're nice about it LOL

M

[lisa68]

I had a system that might help you girl. First try driving to the next town or city that you don't visit much so you don't run into anyone you might know such as a friend. I would do this during the week not the weekend when most young girls are out in the bout shopping. I find that most older women shop during the week than young girls who might notice you in the womens section.Wih a little time and nerve you will not only get usted to shopping for things you want, but eventully you do it as a women. I hope it helps you like it did for me:happy: