I am out!!!

[Kiera]

Alot has happend in my life in the last few weeks, some of you may have read about my recent post concerning my wife. Well it seems she took it upon herself to disclose to the world that I am a crossdresser. So for damage control I took it upon myself to tell my sister, mother, and my cousin's wife who is like a sister to me. It wont be long before the entire family knows. I asked my sister to tell my other sister and my mom to tell my dad. I havent heard back yet but so far everything has worked out even better than I could have hoped. I have received nothing but love and support from everyone I have talked to and they really dont seem to care. They have all told me that they still love me for the person that I am and nothing else matters. WHAT A RELIEF! Anyway I am sure that I dont have to say what this all means as far as my sanity goes and I want to thank everyone here for their advice and support while ive been going thru all of this. I feel so free!!! At last. I dont know what else to say so I guess thats it. Thanks again for all of your support I dont think i could have made it thru this without you all.
with love.... kiera

[sierracd6]

Good for you hun....How does your wife feel about it now that everyone knows?

[ava_bruna]

Im so happy for you, I know just how you feel as I am having the same thing in my life, only my wife dont want our kid's to find out I C D:( they are on their 40's so what's the big deal? I got my ear's done and no one said anything, I really believe they wouldnt say anything about my dressing either. but wife is scared:( so to please her i'll try not to let it out,,,YET !!!but so nice to hear your story and that's putting your wife in her place:D good for you. best of luck hon.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi kiera

I am so glad that everyone has taken the news so well.

Has this news changed the attitude of your wife in any way.
I asume she thought people would be upset.

I hope you find happiness after all the hurt you have suffered.

[Rickie]

Did your wife do this with your blessing or take upton herself to tell the world. If its the later then I myself would in so much pain of the lack of trust that I would of lost.

Good luck and may the sun shine on you.

[Kiera]

My wife does not know that I told everyone(as far as I know anyway) I havent spoken with her in a day or so but there are a lot of things that have happend recently that have led me to believe that my dressing was not the cause of all this but rather an excuse for her to place the blame of her leaving on me. And even though she broke her promise to me in telling I am not mad or upset with her for doing so. I will not disclose the nature of what really is to blame and I am also not saying that my dressing did not play some part of this whole fiasco. I love my wife with all that I am and I hope that in some way this will help her to deal with her problems. I dont even know if we will remain married for much longer if it were up to me we would, but i can understand if she decides to end the marraige. ok... now that ive made everything as clear as mud ill go...
kiera

[Joy Carter]

Sounds like hate on the wife's part. I would dump her in a minute you don't know what else she would do to hurt you, but that's me. Good luck Hun in what ever you do.

[tekla west]

Wifes, can't live with them, and you can't tie them in a bag an toss them off bridges either. Breakups are full of mean, spitefull, petty stuff.

My ex, took off with 28 year old BF (she was 46) and because he wanted them so bad, she gave him most of the birthday/Xmas presents that she had given to me - telling me that she would copy them and send them right away.

Five years later.....

Oh well, he got all my Dead CDs, and I get to work with the Dead members, which burns his toast but good. I always send my tour/crew shirts, hats, jackets and stuff to my kids so they can wear it over to the house.

Why settle for the recording, when you can be at the recording itself. And get your name in the credits. Which really, really burns his toast. Now he can't even buy them because my name is on them.

Life gets better, but you have to work at it.

[sierracd6]

Tekla...in Chicago it is o.k to tie them in bags and toss them in the lake...hehehe

[tekla west]

In Chicago everything is legal as long as you don't get caught. I sure do love that lakefront, bodies washing up or not. And its hard to beat watching the Cubs lose at Wrigley Field tossing down that old 3.2 beer and throwing the home run ball back on the field.

My kind of town someone once said.

[carol ann]

Keira
Just carry on being true to yourself and, hopefully, that can include having a friendly if not intimate relationship with your wife.

[Zelda Noe]

Hi Kiera:

Sounds to me like your wife was trying to "shame" you into quitting. She figured telling the whole family would cause you to "wake up" and quit.

Years ago I had a real nice personal website featuring all my cd activities, along with lots of photos. My wife left me email after email, trying to get me to quit cding. Then as her "last resort" she secretly emailed my next older brother in Washington, who then without my knowledge, began to leave condemming and ugly email messages in my online Guest Book. Not knowing who this was, I was becoming more and more angry and perturbed at the insolence of this persons posts. The last one or two were downright ugly. Also previous to this my wife would access my Guest Book on my website, and then email my cd friends, asking them not to write me, or to not approve of me dressing. I lost alot of friends by my wifes sneaky behavior, none of which she had my permission to do. It really hurt and made me angry and more distrustful. No one has a right to do that, even if she is your wife. Boundaries are something to be respected not violated in a relationship. Her doing this behavior in writing those people in my Guestbook absoutely did nothing to help our marriage. It only added fuel to our personal feuds.

One day at my wifes house (we are separated) I accidently found my brothers email messages to my wife and put 2 plus 2 together. Figured out it was my own brother leaving the ugly messages.

It shocked me alright, but truthfully it was shock due to both feelings of shame and guilt and respect for my brother. I quit that day, removed and deleted my website. I went to all the other sites where I had posted digital photos or film photos and had them deleted, along with all text. I basically wiped myself off the computer the best I could. I then purged most of my cd related articles. Did it really gain anything?

No, not in the long run. I still like dressing, and am back to closet dressing again. No, I don't have the Internet presence I once had, because I know my wife would trace me, track me down and lecture me.

Shaming people into quitting anything, just doesn't work. It never will as its not based in love and acceptance.

I think you were wise in telling your family, it defused your wifes attempts at shaming you.

I wish you the best, I realize my wife will never compromise to even one iota in accepting my cding. So I no longer care, have gone back into being as secret as I can. I tell her to not even bring it up anymore, it only causes arguement and quarreling between us. On top of that I have a 16 year old son I don't want to know. It would shame him I think, that I don't want to do.

Am glad your family still loves you as you are anyway. Wish I had half that acceptance from my wife. It looks like our marriage is really over, its all dead anymore. I am at a point where I am contemplating going through with the final divorce, simply because I'm lonely for female companionship and because I don't want to be lectured to or preached at anymore about the cding.

Good move on your part. Takes off tons of pressure.

Cordially, Dandy :happy: :thumbsup:

[Calliope]

So for damage control I took it upon myself to tell my sister, mother, and my cousin's wife who is like a sister to me. It wont be long before the entire family knows.

There's the silver lining ... and a lesson: hiding always gives trouble the jump on ya.

BTW, Kiera - your hair is so gorgeous I nearly fainted looking at it.

[Kiera]

I dont think my wife did it to make me feel shamed into quiting, I told her about this nearly two years ago and up until our recent problems she was very accepting of this side of me. You see my wife is an addict. She was clean when I met her just picking up the pieces of her life and trying to make something of herself. Somehow thru the stress we have both had part in in our first year of marrage I am all but certain she has started using again. I believe it started with diet pills and has now progressed most likely to meth as this was her drug of choice before I met her. I have looked up the guys name she is seeing on the dept of corrections website and he is on parol for manufacturing. He just got out of prison in january and started working where my wife works about a month or two ago. I dont blame my wife for her actions because I dont believe it is her making the desicions, it is the drugs. All I can do now is try and make her see that she has to come clean. Telling my secret really had nothing to do with trying to hurt me it was about her trying to hide her problem with drugs. Like I said I love her VERY MUCH!!!! and if telling my secret has gotten us closer to the truth in all of this I hold no grudge for her. It is my resposiblity to do everything in my power to help her and I plan to do everything I can. But i have known people who have been addicted to drugs thru my life and I know that it has to be her choice to quit, she has to do it not me. I can be here for her to support her, but I cannot force her to quit. I also cannot enable her behavior so it is a very difficult situation I am dealing with here. Even if that means me letting the entire world know about my secret and ending up with a divorce instead of a loving wife. I did not want to air these things on here but there it is. Its all on the table for me and I really can use all the advice i can get...
kiera

and thankyou for the comment on my hair...

[Kimberly]

Sounds fantastic, Kiera. :)

[gennee]

I know how you feel, Kiera. I told my wife and now I'm free to be Gennee. We can both celebrate.

Gennee


:Party2:

[Bobbie cd]

Hi Kiera,

I can relate to your problem, dear.
I spent 20 years married to a wonderful, exasperating woman who was also an addict/alcoholic. You are absolutely right about not being able to change that. She has to hit the point where she wants to quit, otherwise nothing is going to change.

Sadly, my wife was, in the end, unable to overcome her demons and finally succumbed to cirrosis of the liver seven years ago. Even now, I still occaisionally wonder if there were anything more that I could have done to stop that runaway train, but for the most part have stopped beating myself up about not being able to "fix" her problems.

[uknowhoo]

Kiera, what an unexpected twist! I'm so glad that it's worked out so well so far, and I wish you continued good luck. You certainly seem to have a good, and healty attitude with respect to your marital situation (which is similar in some ways to my own). Best wishes, sweetie. Hugs, Tammi

[KateW]

I'm glad its working out well so far. I wouldn't be best pleased if someone outted me without permission, but you have handled the situation very well.

[paulaN]

as a recovering alcoholic I can relate to your situation. I hope she can chase the demons away forever. As for me, life is so much better now, (I wish I could tell her that for you.) AA works for me.

[Lauren B]

Kiera,

I work with drug addicts often, so I understand at least somewhat what you are going through. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to have addiction as a part of your everyday personal life.

You are handling this whole situation with a lot of grace, and I'm glad you are getting the love and support you deserve. I don't really have much else to add to this thread except my admiration for how you are dealing with everything.

Oh- and your hair IS gorgeous!

Love and light,
Danielle