My First Time

[Jessica Brekke]

Sooooo...

I went out to a Tri-Ess meeting last night. My very first time dressed out in public (if you don't count Halloween, which, I don't), and I have to say... I was underwhelmed.

The ladies were all very nice, and supportive, complimented me on how I presented myself, and my hair and even my make-up, and I think I looked as good as I can right now, but somehow I came away from the whole event feeling oddly hollow and disoriented.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed many aspects of it, freshening my lipstick in a restaruant after dinner, for example, was long a fixation fantasy for me, and now I've done it. Smoothing out my skirt as I sat, was another.

But, while everyone did their best to make me feel welcome and included -- which I appreciated no end, if anyone of you are reading this. :happy: -- I didn't really feel like I connected with any of the women there. Most of them were much older than me, and I sort of felt like I was hanging out with my mother's friends. Maybe that's part of it. Also, I was extremely uncomfortable around the wait staff, and had to force myself to look one of them in the eye. Oh, and also physically uncomfortable, because I couldn't cross my legs properly, and had to worry all night that I might be flashing someone.

So, overall, I'd have to say I was disappointed with my first time. I'm not sure that public life is right for me. Several of the girls said they hoped I'd make the next meeting, which will be held at one of their homes. That might be a little less threatening for me, so... perhaps I'll try again. I'm not sure yet.

So, I guess my question is, has anyone else had a similar experience their first time out, and how has it affected your CDing going forward?

[tekla west]

It has been said - not by me, but I've heard it a lot - that Tri-Ess is kind of a rich old girls club. I was a member for a while, but never went to any events. By that time there were enough other places for me to go that I didn't need to hide in a hotel.

But, I can sure see, what with the energy, nerves and all that how that first time for many can end up being a Peggy Lee moment "Is that all there is?"

My impression, dimly recalled at best, of my first time out was not some "Am I going to get caught deal." But more like, "Am I gonna get killed." It was not the best of neighborhoods, to say the least.

But the other thing I remember so very well is that - after some 20 years of dressing (I started when I was five) and always feeling so alone, so much like "i'm the only person like this." - when I finally met a bunch of people who were also CDs they were like me in that, and in only in that. Other than wearing inapproprate gender clothing, we had nothing else in common.

So there Southland girl, there are other places in LA, and whole sections of LA are open. So check some of them out. Maybe even - gasp - normal places. I did lunch at the Polo club last time I was down there in my best preppy outfit. It was awesome (as was the bill). And at the Beverly Hills Hotel, you have to work at standing out, and you have heavy competition at it also. So its easy to blend right in.

[Calliope]

Other than wearing inapproprate gender clothing, we had nothing else in common.

My first time out, I think I just took a mellow walk late one night (probably fortified by a drink or two) - by myself. It was a personal moment, and a good one. Next time, I probably stopped somewhere to get smokes and when I noted how impassive the clerk was about my appearance, I felt ... free at last. I would suggest getting that sort of head space together first - then mingle a bit.

[JoAnnDallas]

When I was younger, I would go out very late at night. I would be all dressed up, but no makeup or wig. The first time I went out in the daylight, was with full makeup and wig. I went to a somewhat sucluded Shell station, got out, put my credit card in the pump and filled my SUV up with gas. I did notice a person (male) looking my way, but when he saw me looking his way, he looked away. On my way back, I stopped at a red light, looked over at the truck next to me and a older cowboy was looking at me. He placed the tip of his fingure to his hat and dipped his head a tad. I quickly looked foward and I know I was blushing. The the light turned and I drove on home.

[Billijo49504]

Sorry to hear you didn't have fun. Maybe your next time will be better. I don't go for meetings or clubs. I go for shopping and just getting out. Try a park on a weekday afternoon, they usually aren't busy. That is unless you go at lunch time. Or try shopping at a smaller store in a strip mall, instead of in a big mall. Not sure of your size, but Lane Bryant and Avenue both have corp policies of nondiscrimination. In other words, you are welcome there. And if you go in early or late, they might not be real busy. Just some ideas, of places to go dressed, that are not very stressful. I hope it helps...:hugs: ...BJ

[renee k]

Hi Julie,

I think I would regard your first visit to Tri-Ess as a stepping stone, an ice breaker if you would. I myself went to Crossroads, here in Detroit and Tri-Ess when I lived in the Bay area, many years ago, 1970. I did meet some very nice people, and still see some of them today. What going to Tri-Ess and Crossroads did for me was get me out the door and made doing other things en femme easier. As time past I didn't need to go to every meeting, and made going to other venues much easier. Another way to look at your visit to Tri-Ess, would be comparing it to your first day at school, where everyone is new. You need time to get to know people, they you.
Your lucky, in that there's the internet to chat with others on this subject. Back then all we had was Virginia Prince and her organization, to find others like ourselves.
So hang in there, all of us here will support your endevours.

Huggs, Renee

[Carol A]

I have to agree with Renee K 100 o/o. Tri-Ess is a very good stepping stone to the world of crossdressing. The truth is they (SO) helped my wife more then anything else to understand why and how to cope with their husbands CDing. My wife was at ease when we would go out in public as a group. I for one wish there was a group in my area.:hugs: Carol A

[Jessica Brekke]

I think you're right, that this was a stepping stone, but to what? Mr. E is right, I don't quite know what I'm getting out of this, or even hoping to. I suppose I'll try again, but at what point do I decide 'hey, this public thing isn't right for me, I'll just dress at home on occasion?'

And no, I don't seriously expect any of you to have the answer. :heehee: But is there anyone out there who's gone public, and then decided to take a step back?

[cindybarnes]

Hi Julie,
I remember my first resturaunt experiance while dressed. It was my second time out ever. I cant say I was dissapointed, but I sure was nervous ! About 10 of us had a meal at a known cd friendly resturaunt before going to a club for drinks and a show. One of the GG's and a couple of the (girls) looked like they were dressed to be in the drag show at the club LOL so we definatly drew some attention, but the staff were absolutly wonderful. If I had known at first how many of us were to meet for dinner,and what some decided to wear that night, I may have chickend out and not gone, but it ended up being one of those memories I can smile about now :)
Surviving that night, including the valet helping me from the car saying "here you go miss" *S* let me know that even non passable cd's like myself can still have fun and be treated with respect.
What got me going out after that amost monthly was the great friends I made.I guess most of my CD friends are about the same age, so that may make a difference about having things in common besides dressing.
Now Im lucky to get out a few times a year,, but thats been my choice, and hopefuly about to change some :)Nothing wrong with dressing at home either.perfecting your look and feminine gestures can only help when you do get the chance to go out again.
Not sure I answerd your question,, it seems I drifted some LOL

Cindy