My interest in cding has faded dramatically!

[Jenn2716]

I really don't know what is going on with me lately. Things were going excellent for me in the CD department up until May and since then I've slowly lost interest.

I joined this board in January and finally felt a sense of community that I have long searched for. I'm pretty much the only cd in my area and it was incredible to feel the care and support from the other girls on this site.

A few months later, my accepting/supportive wife joined the board and I felt a more complete sense of family on this site with her here too.

Around May, I began dressing up less and less. From dressing completely head to toe around 3 times a week, to barely twice a month. My birthday was approaching in June (I just turned 30) and my wife began planning a weekend away so that I could dress up and we could go out in public in a different town. For my birthday gift, she ordered a pair of silicone breast forms for me. Well, I ended up declining her offer to dress up in public and we enjoyed our weekend away with me in guy mode. Since my breast forms arrived, I've worn them twice, neither time in complete enfemme with make-up et al. We have two GG friends who know about my cding and are completely ok with hanging out with us while I'm dressed, yet I think we've only done that once.

I haven't even been posting much here anymore, and I absolutely loved being a part of a community for once.

It's been pretty hot here lately so that may be part of it. It's almost suffocating wearing a t-shirt, let alone a bra and falses and a wig and make-up too. Also, I'm fighting the battle of the bulge and not winning lately. It's hard to feel pretty and femme, when all I see is a pudgy man in the mirror.

I have known for years that my cding comes and goes in cycles. Usually the down time last about a week and I go back to living and loving crossdressing for months at a time. Something just feels off about this down time. I still wear panties, and I keep shaving my legs and chest, but I just can't seem to get myself into a femme mindset.

I have so many positives going for me in regards to my crossdressing, that I feel like I'm wasting my opportunities and I just can't snap out of it.

Anyway sorry for the long whine session. I sure hope I get back on track again soon.

[pinkshelly]

I too go through ups and downs. sometimes i just got to dress before I cry. Some times it's just too much a pain in the ass. Then I get hold of myself and get back in that dress. LOL:D
Huggs, Shelly.

[Kimberley]

Hi Jenni,

Believe me, you ARE NOT alone in Moncton; not by a long shot. There are others there but they are hidden just like here in conservative old London.

Yes it can be cyclical for some and for others it is a constant. My suggestion is just go with the flow.... just dont purge. You will regret that one down the road.

Regardless, hang in there and around here. There is always something you can contribute.

:hugs:
Kimberley.

[Breanne]

I sure hope I get back on track again soon.
You will, just give yourself a few days, weeks or perhaps months. Over the years I have experienced similair cycles. Sometimes even for six or seven months with no dressing. Sometimes I'll dress with no real urgent desire, othertimes I can't wait to get the skirt or dress on. I do find, however, that hot humid summer days cut down on the desire somewhat.

[Melinda G]

Hang on to those breast forms. It'll come back. Trust me on that one.:D

[Karen Francis]

My interest waxes and wanes just like you and the others describe. My personal unscientific opinion is that it is hormonal related. Don't have the foggiest idea which ones, something for a medical type to figure out. But one thing is certain, the urge will return. It always does.

[Sarah Rabbit]

I too found my need to dress has waned..Is it because of Winter, I don't know. I was dressed the other week for about an Hour, then I rushed to get back in to my Track Suit (Sarah's Weekend slob around Suit :lol:). Even if I don't dress, knowing I have a Whole Wardrobe in the back room, and they are 'All Mine', is enough to keep me happy.

Sarah R. :bunny:

[Teresa Amina]

Who wants to do much of anything when it's too hot? The season just isn't right for dressing. On the cool days I'll spend the entire evening done up but for now I'll just be Me on the inside. Too bad you missed a chance to go out, though.

[Nicola46]

Hang in there Jenni, I didnt dress for years until recently.

[cute_cd_paige]

I have recently been in a slump too hun i dont know why i just havent dressed up in about a month and a half ive had a couple of chances but never acted on them i dont know if its the lack of new things to wear or the heat of the summer monthes , my wife has recently joined the board as well (sherrylynn) and last night she said this past weekend she was auctully going to suggest it but due to things going on we diddnt have the time i think that may have sparked my interest or reawakened the dorment " paige " inside me all i know is when were in this slump so to speak i know for me i end up depressed and just feeling horrible until i finely get all dolled up head to toe and have some time as the girl i feel like i am inside mabye things will pick up soon :sad:

[Karren H]

It will be back and usually stronger than before. So don't worry, go out and get some exersize and you be ready to fit into your pretty things come fall!!

Summer heat makes crossdressing really uncomfortable for me too! Can't wait for cooler weather!!

Love Karren

[Kate Simmons]

It would be very easy for me to lose interest now that becoming Ericka has become "routine". I keep things moving, however, by working on my friendships and trying to learn new things. I've been experimenting with a M T F T M look as my alter ego, "Eric". I may be joining a few groups to see how that works out. Keeping busy helps as I have found out. Of course the basic requirement is still getting ready as Ericka first. Then everything else follows. Life is anything but dull for me these days as long as I keep myself busy. Take care, Ericka

[Carroll]

I have been through it also. First thing though is dont purge! Just put your stuff in a box for now. The hot weather is a big factor. I wait untill is cooled of some before I dress, but living in a trailer that dont happen too fast. I end up going outside just to cool off when the trailer is hot. You also mentioned your birthday. You maybe feeling that you are getting "Old" and combine that with weight gain and bingo, you dont feel as attractive as you used to. The biggest plus you have right now is that your SO is extremely supportive. If she hasent already she will ask why you are not dressing as much. Tell her the true that you are in a slump right now and you want to take a break from it, but you are going to dress agian. I know that in the winter I like to dress more because it makes me feel better and help combat seasonal affective disorder.
BTW, if you do purge...I call dibs on the boobs :D :D :D
It will pass sweety
Carroll:hugs:

[KateW]

I too have gone through fazes of not even thinking about dressing, to having to dress all the time. LOL you will undoubtedly regret not going out dressed the next time the urge returns!

[Casey Morgan]

Something just feels off about this down time.

I remember going through some subtle changes around 30 that had nothing to do with CDing. My outlook on life changed a little, I noticed that I acted a little differently than the 25 year olds, things like that. I wouldn't be surprised if that's really all you're looking at. Some things are going to be a little different, and CDing is likely to be one of them. Being aware that this down time is somehow different gives you a chance to look at your CDing in a slightly different light. Perhaps you'll notice a few (good) things that have been there all along but you just hadn't really seen before.

[Jenn2716]

Thanks for all the kind words of support. And don't worry, I learned my lesson about purging back when I was a teen. I am definitely going to be hanging on to all my femme stuff. (Sorry Carroll, the boobs are mine! :happy: )

I know in the back of my mind that the desire to dress will return eventually. It's nice to see that I'm not alone in having the summer heat affect my cding. I feel that is probably the biggest reason I'm in a slump. I think I will take Karen's advice and get back to exercising so that I can look better than ever this fall.

thanks again girls. It is such a relief knowing you are all out there for me. :hugs:

[Gretchen]

Interest or motivation may fade and certainly did for me until only recently. I came back to CDing with an incredible urge and desire about 18 months ago after an suprisingly long hiatus. For me, most things happen for a reason.
That absence was so long that I truly felt I had lost the desire and need to dress. For many years I believed it was just a passing fancy of my young and late adolescense.
Not so, but I guess my life needed that break to better focus on other things like marriage, job/career, raising a family, and dealing with my alcohol dependency. The absence was not intentional nor a matter of will power; the desire just left and did not return until Jan. of '05. Since then I have not lost the desire. It seems to be with me every day; sometimes very strong and sometimes just an awareness. Only circumstances prevent me from dressing at least three days a week during this summer.
Just let your feelings be your guide and count your blessings with what you have today. Believe me, this urge and desire does not go away, it just takes an occasional holiday.
Love,
Gretchen

[Sam-antha]

Its the weather, or are you feart of the forms ?
~Samm

[Jessica Brekke]

Undoubtedly the urge will return, someday, that's just the way it is. What strikes me as curious (not wrong, just strange to me) is that you're worried about it. I've often worried that I do have the urge to dress, not the other way around. :heehee:

But seriously, your feelings are your feelings, just go with them, dress how you like, and feel good about yourself.

[Kate Simmons]

Just a note Jenn about a decision I made today. I'm going to be in Richard mode for about a week and let my beard grow. It's necessary in my case since my male and female aspects are both spiritual. I need to meditate in male mode to prepare for things that will be coming. It helps me to balance the Yin/Yang energies that way and gain better perspective on things. Don't worry, I'm sure a "new and improved" Ericka will emerge as a result, I have no doubt about that. Don't worry about waning interest as you are always yourself no matter what and that is what counts with your friends and we are all your friends. Take care, Love Ericka:love:

[Siobhan Marie]

I haven't got the urge to dress at the moment in fact I haven't had it for about 2 months, it will come back I know it will, it could have something to do with the time of year and the fact that I've not had a lot of time to myself lately. But I'm not going to purge as that would be just plain stupid. Everything is still where it should be as are my heels. I still underdress and always will. Am quite happy just being me on the inside though.

:hugs: Anna x

[EricaCD]

My last "not interested" cycle lasted about 4 years. For all I know there will be more such cycles. If I am in the mood to dress I do so. If not, I don't. It sounds like you may be in a similar situation.

A decision not to go en femme-even when the opportunity is there-does not give rise to an opportunity cost (to use economic parlance). On the other hand, it's REAL easy to drive yourself crazy by feeling guilty about NOT wanting to dress even when opportunity permits!

Enjoy the hiatus. Don't thow anything away. When/if the urge comes back we will be delighted to hear how it goes for you!

Erica

[Joanna0909a]

What an interesting and timely thread. Two weeks ago I had about 7 days where Joanna was just short of going wild - out about every day for something, shopping, bra fitting, what ever. This was a highly unusual situation and she about ran herself ragged. And now here she is again with a week to be herself and it is just not in her to get all dolled up. So what gives?

The summer heat is definitely a factor. It gets hot and humid in NC, this I can assure you. Being tired is also a factor. I think that is what is getting me. Plus Joanna almost OD'ed on herself last week. The bummer is she WILL regret not having more fun this week in about two weeks.

And I agree with what the other girls said - it does have its cycles - some times it is no big deal and at other times if I do not get into a pair of PH and bra I think I am going to explode.

And as for purgeing - No way. Been there, done that (too may times, right Joanna?) Finally have accepted that it will be back big time and I might as well be ready.

I think all the comments are wonderful and as I said, most timely.

What a great family this is!

Hang in there Jenni!

Hugs,
Joanna

[Sarah Rabbit]

I noted in the Post from the U.S. girls, how Heat is affecting your desire to dress. Here in Aust, as mention before it is Winter. I have thick Pantyhose and Femme cardigans and Jumpers, but I still Froze. Does the cold affect your dressing as well?.

Sarah R. :bunny:

[Billijo49504]

I too have up's and down's in dressing. And so does my wife. That really surprised me. But there are times she likes to get dressed up and times she wants to just be a frump. So we aren't the only ones....:hugs: ..BJ

[Jean GG]

I really don't know what is going on with me lately. Things were going excellent for me in the CD department up until May and since then I've slowly lost interest.

I still wear panties, and I keep shaving my legs and chest, but I just can't seem to get myself into a femme mindset.

I have so many positives going for me in regards to my crossdressing, that I feel like I'm wasting my opportunities and I just can't snap out of it.

Anyway sorry for the long whine session. I sure hope I get back on track again soon.

Well........here comes that ignorant GG again...WHY IS THIS A PROBLEM??? I would have thought it were a blessing!!! PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND...:) j.

[kwebb]

Yes, that part is truly weird, alot of us say we wish it would just leave, and when it does, we get concerned that it is gone. I still can't figure that one out.

[swiss_susan]

I think as you can see above many of us go thru similar cycles, its just a fact of life. Think of it as our pms, lol

Certainly don't purge because of it, just wait till you are ready to get back into that frame of mind.

Susan

[Casey Morgan]

Jean, it's ironic isn't it? For so many years I crossdressed but tried to ignore it or wished it would just go away. One time that it did I purged. A second time it did I wanted to purge but didn't for various reasons. Finally I accepted the fact that I crossdress and started working on accepting myself as a crossdresser. (I see those as two related but different things.)

In working on that aceptance I probably clung too tightly to my identity as a crossdresser. So when the urge waned a few months ago it brought me back to a place of wondering who the heck I am. I've since accepted, as Jenni has, that my dressing goes in cycles. But letting go of that identity as a crossdresser and gaining the identity of "a person who crossdresses" (thus incorporating the action back into the person) is itself a process. When the urge wanes it's like my grip loosened just a little too much. I feel a need to grip that crossdresser identity a little tighter for a moment.

For that moment I panic. I'm in a place that I'm not comfortable in but I'm getting there. I think it's that feeling of being uncomfortable that I'm dealing with. I'm like a child getting into the deep end of the pool by gripping the edge and lowering himself slowly into the water. The edge of the pool is the identity I'm trying to break away from; the pool is the identity I'm trying to assume and be comfortable with. My hand slips just a little too much and I panic. I haven't learned to trust the water (the new identity) completely.

I'm not sure I'm making sense here. But I think the problem is that acceptance comes from the rough patches and we are still learning how to deal with those.

[Jean GG]

I probably clung too tightly to my identity as a crossdresser. So when the urge waned a few months ago it brought me back to a place of wondering who the heck I am.

WOW Jenny...thank YOU! That is so honest, interesting and educational...for me! But what else do you have going on in your life if cd played such a big role that when minimized it left you in a wondering place? jean

[gennee]

I have experienced those down times when I have no desire to dress. I take the time to reflect where I am and where I want to go. More people feel this way from time to time, so you are not alone.


Gennee

[Casey Morgan]

Jean, it's not really that CDing played such a big role in my life. It really goes back to the denial stage where I kept telling myself that I wasn't a CD. So when I accepted that I am a crossdresser I felt, and still do to some degree, that I HAD to do x, y, and z. If I didn't then I wasn't a crossdresser. One of the things I had to do was crossdress.

It's kind of hard to describe, but it was like if I didn't feel like dressing then was I really a crossdresser? Was I right to deny the feelings and just hope they would pass? It's like I was putting too much emphasis on the act of dressing, using that to say "yes, I'm a CD". What I'm working on now is accepting that I don't have to dress to truly be a crossdresser. I don't have to prove it to myself.

I think that's why I feel awkward when the desire wanes. I'm losing that "proof" and haven't gotten to the point where I can just tell myself that it doesn't matter. It isn't second nature to me yet to tell myself that crossdressing is something I do, not something I am.

I'm afraid that I may have given you the impression that at one point I felt that being a crossdresser was my only or main identity. It wasn't like that. It's kind of like the writer who doesn't write something for a while and wonders if he's still or really a writer. How can he be a writer if he isn't writing all the time? (Obviously he can, but that's what he's thinking at the time.) Crossdressing is part of who I am, but those times when the desire wanes can sometimes make me wonder if that's really true. I think that just goes back to the time I was in denial. It's sort of like "have I been deluding myself all this time?"

[ashlee chiffon]

i just love the summer time..
working in the garden in shortshorts *side or back zip, of course!*...skimpy tops...flippy short skirts...open toed sandals to show off my painted toesies!
ummmm...and those dahlinggg summer dresses are so fun!

[Bev06 GG]

Hmmm this sounds abit like a commonality amongst crossdressers and nothing much to worry about. However, just let my CD attempt it and I'll force feminise him. Sorry girls I dont mean to tease but I guess youve got to be alittle light hearted about something like this otherwise it'd get you down.
I can relate to the heat issue. Hell I dont feel like putting anything on when the heat gets too much, let alone a wig and stockings.
Take care
BEVxxxx

[Jenn2716]

Well, its nice to know that there are so many of you that are concerned about me and have even gone through something like this yourselves.

Jean, I can understand why you would consider this lack of interest a blessing instead of a problem. However, for me its the same if I had lost interest in another part of my life that I really love (such as sports). I realize in my head that I still love crossdressing and I'm in no way ashamed of being a cd. It's just that my energy and motivation to actually crossdress has evaporated for the last while.

I still think about dressing, window shop, check online for cd stuff. But I guess the summer is just too uncomfortable for me to participate actively.

I'm going to hang in there and try to sweat out the next few months, and hopefully return to cding in full force in September. Until then, I'll remain Jenni in spirit, if not in the flesh. :happy: