Being "real" and giving back

[Nike]

I know there are others who have experience in the community and who have also been active with Transgender Support Groups. 12 step programs talk about sharing Strength, Hope & Experience. Isn't that what true support is? It is also about calling for each member of a community to mature, grow and share their experience with newer members as they enter.

I have been "out" since '92. (family and friends. My first wife divorced me because I'm a CD, my Bride was told I'm a CD before we got serious) I have been clothing and shoe shopping including trying them on in the store EnDrab (very funny story, but I'll not share it here) and have done public outreach work when I was on the Board of Directors of Starburst (a CD support group in the Tampa Bay area, you can find it on the web). I have been recognized in public (while EnDrab) as the CD who told the funny stories and addressed the serious issue of suicide prevention while making a presentation for those who work the hotline.

Although the playful side of our CD'ing is important (and part of why we do this in the first place) this is about so much more than "what kind of panties you are wearing".

I live in a real world. I take personal responsibility for my actions. I acknowledge that my comfort with myself and my life may cause others to be ill at ease. I'll not apologize for who I am, nor for the strength I have attained, as I have made significant personal investment and "paid the price of admission" so to speak.

I have learned two very important rules when being out EnFemme.

1) ALWAYS act in the gender which you are presenting.
2) Leaving the house EnFemme without ones sense of humor leaves one unarmed and vulnerable.

I am Blessed.

I Pray the same Blessings upon you all.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

nike

i loved your post

i am "being divorced" simply because i said i liked to crossdress...in reality i suppressed this constant urge to dress and kept up appearances etc but in the end like many of us it overwhelmed me..now that i'm out of the house i've experienced my dressing in a whole new exciting wonderful way but if i had to choose i'd pick my family...oh well..

i'm forever thinking about how i should've told me wife, but then we wouldnt have married and my 2 wonderful children would not be on this earth...or as you call it the real world


anyway, bless you and you are so right about the sense of humour!!! somehow when i get in a little crossdressing jam, it seems if i smile it all works out so far


:D

[lostmyhubby GG]

WOW, you have a exceptional attitude about yourself and your cd'ing....congratulations to you!!!! what a spectactular person you are for all your work. Thank you and thank you to all other fellow cd'rs out there who may do similar work to support crossdressing .
There needs to be acceptance in this whole world for crossdressers just as there is a need for the gays and lesbians too, unfortunatley most people are so misinformed about crossdressing....keep up the good work

Diane

[Kimberly]

Thanks for your enlightening post, Nike.

My question is -- what advice is there for those who do not present a preset stereotype of a speicific gender? They present themselves as androgynous...

What then?

[evol]

That's all. And I agree, but don't go as far for the "cause". I try to keep it light, and basic...let's just let each other be happy. Maybe if there were more need or oppertunity in my area I would be more active. But the only support a lot of us get is this site, and our partners. Just liked your post.

[Nike]

Kimberly,

Having read your posts for some time now, I believe you are already making the personal investment and effort to become more comfortable with who you are. The more at ease you are, the more comfortable others around you will be to spend time WITH you.

So, as you continue you will become aware that you're starting to think ...

" I take personal responsibility for my actions. I acknowledge that my comfort with myself and my life may cause others to be ill at ease. I'll not apologize for who I am, nor for the strength I have attained, as I have made significant personal investment and "paid the price of admission" so to speak."

Of course, you have all the armor, weaponry and ammunition necessary when you carry your sense of humor and a smile with you.

[Calliope]

Tampa!

[Charleen]

I live in a real world. I take personal responsibility for my actions. I acknowledge that my comfort with myself and my life may cause others to be ill at ease. I'll not apologize for who I am, nor for the strength I have attained, as I have made significant personal investment and "paid the price of admission" so to speak.

I have learned two very important rules when being out EnFemme.

1) ALWAYS act in the gender which you are presenting.
2) Leaving the house EnFemme without ones sense of humor leaves one unarmed and vulnerable.

I am Blessed.

I Pray the same Blessings upon you all.
Excellent Post! Words to take to heart , and live by!

Love and xxxx, Lily





















post

[GG Vanya]

For those of you who may not know...Nike is "Trudi", my husband, in whom I am WELL pleased! :love:

[Gaby]

Hello Nike.

I congratulate you for your position in life.

However, standing in a totally different position, I can tell you that those of us who are not "out" about our cding are not less real. It may be that we have very different priorities than you do.

My CDing is not as important to me as it is to have a family. (wife and kids) And I'm real even though the only person in my every day life who knows about my CDing is my wife. I don't NEED to be out to anybody else. I know that I could come out to my extended family if I wanted, but I just don't want to. And not because I'm ashamed or embarrassed by it. Just because I don't see any need to do so.

And I guess that each one of us can decide which battles to fight. If you have decided to fight your battles from a more public position, good for you! But not a goal that all of us have to look up to. We all do what each one of us have to/want to do.

Peace...

Gaby

[GG Vanya]

Gaby,

Trust me when I say this is/was not at ALL Trudi's intent in this post. (I am married to "Nike" and have no reservations that she WELL knows and understands the need for privacy and does not in any way belittle those who keep their femme selves to just them, and their life mate.)

I'll leave it to her to respond to you, as she's presently conked out in the easy chair in the great room, with the Golf Channel droning on and on and on and on! :heehee:

[Gaby]

Vanya,

As always, the Internet chats/forums/boards are very limited when we try to express our feelings and ideas, and we may come across as trying to say the total opposite to what we are trying to say. :D

So, sure, if Trudi wants to add to her post, I'll be happy to read. At the end, what matters is that we can be in peace with ourselves with our choices in life. Right?

Regards,
Gaby

[Billijo49504]

Everyone has their own thing. I'm out to some people and not out to others. Friends, family and coworkers, all are separate groups. And they each have to be treated differently. Everyone has to live their life as they have too. And no one should think bad of anyone for the way they live...:hugs: ...BJ

[Nike]

Gaby,

I consider Crossdressing a Blessing. With a Blessing, also comes Responsibility.

Each of us has something to offer to the community. My point is not that each needs to be "out", but that each has something to offer. This forum is like any other support forum, whether it be in real time or here in cyber space in that you "take what you need, and leave the rest". Privacy, whatever the reason for the choice is well understood. I'm very private with my CD'ing at this point in my life. Fear, real or imagined of the consequences of being "outted" has touched us all at one time or another. (refer to my signature on the bottom of my posts)

If you read this post in any way as an indictment of sorts, then you are clearly missing the point and any explanation would only be futile, but I'll make this one simple attempt anyway.

The first paragraph contains this:

"12 step programs talk about sharing Strength, Hope & Experience. Isn't that what true support is? It is also about calling for each member of a community to mature, grow and share their experience with newer members as they enter."

I am simply sharing MY experience so that others may in some way gain from it. Maybe there was nothing for you to gain from this thread. Certainly there is nothing which will leave you anything less than what you came to it with.

Lily clearly understood the main point of the post which is quoted below:


Although the playful side of our CD'ing is important (and part of why we do this in the first place) this is about so much more than "what kind of panties you are wearing".

I live in a real world. I take personal responsibility for my actions. I acknowledge that my comfort with myself and my life may cause others to be ill at ease. I'll not apologize for who I am, nor for the strength I have attained, as I have made significant personal investment and "paid the price of admission" so to speak.

I have learned two very important rules when being out EnFemme.

1) ALWAYS act in the gender which you are presenting.
2) Leaving the house EnFemme without ones sense of humor leaves one unarmed and vulnerable.

I am Blessed.

I Pray the same Blessings upon you all.


There can be no Great joy, without risk of Great sorrow. -Trudi

[Gaby]

Nike,

I guess that from the beginning we do have a clear difference in how we see our cding. I do not see it as a blessing in itself. Certainly, I don't see it as a curse either. Just another part of me. (Sure, can go for the 'blessing' point of view if we go to the deeper 'all in life is a blessing' perspective.)

Just before I move on from here... I don't see it as a blessing because there is nothing in life that is exclusive for those who do CD. Men can be loving, caring, nurturing, etc, etc. without having ever worn any piece of women's clothing.

Yes, I do agree with you that there is a lot that we can give out to others who are in a similar path in life as we are. And like you, I like to think that I have done my share in supporting others, sharing my experiences and such.

And... I will leave it like that. We do have different points of view, different personal experiences. But by what you are saying you seem to be quite content with who you are, and in that regard, I'm also in the same situation. However, my CDing is not nearly as important to me at this point in my life, and that is my reality. So, different folks, different strokes.

Regards,
Gaby

[tekla west]

Loaded words. Responsibility to what or too who?

I can see a strong responsibility in parts of my work. When we fly sound and lights, putting a lot of weight and electrical power over people's heads we are in fact responsible for our work, for getting it right the first time - because people's lives are at risk should we not do that.

On the other hand.... what exactly is my responsibility to Marilyn Manson when it had a snit fit because the coat rack in the dressing room was chrome and not black? When I went down, hauled the rack up and spray painted it out on the street, was I responsible for telling the big creep that the paint wasn't dry yet, or did Miss Manson have the responsibility to figure that out on her own?

Is the responsibility of CD to work with other CDs? To work to change laws? To work to change culture? Or just work so they can change their wardrobe more often?

Should CDs be held to a standard where they only buy free labor/free trade items so that at least their "hobby" is not responsible for lowering the standard of living for working class persons?

You know old Ben Franklin once said "Beer is proof that God wants us to be happy." On the other hand, there are 12 step programs that seek to give over personal power to a higher power so they don't drink any more beer.

In turning things over to a 'higher power' (that in fact, may, or may not exist) are people in 12 step programs in fact, being irresponsible?

How am to ALWAYS act like the gender? (I'm very suspicious of words like 'always'). And how is that anyway. Dress like a little tart, like the working girls out on the street? Or is my responsibility to dress a bit more conservatively than a church lady, least I draw attention to myself, and cause our community to be seen in a less than perfect light?

What is that anyway? I know women who are all across the spectrum, all over the map. What is the way to ALWAYS act the gender role, and who gets to determine that?

It don't take much reading here, or at other sites to find that some TGs love it, others pray they never had it and that is would go away having destroyed thier family, careers - and even thier life. Are they just ignoring the blessing? Given that, are both "responsible" to do something? If so, what?

But its the siggy that really bothers me. "Everybody has been "victimized" in fact or in perception at one time or another. Only the individual can CHOOSE when they will no longer be a victim." While I most certainly agree with Eleanor Roosevelt that "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent" I would like to know how Gwen Araujo, or any of the other names on the "Remembering our Dead" list can choose not be be a victim any more.

Tell me first is Gwen a victim, or is she a "victim"?

Tell it to her mother Sylvia, who knows sorrow beyond sorrow over losing Gwen - in being a mother who had to bury her own child. Tell her that Gwen just needs to choose when she is no longer going to be a victim.

[Nike]

Tekla, I read your amusing words and thought only this.

"If you read this post in any way as an indictment of sorts, then you are clearly missing the point and any explanation would only be futile" (I truly despise repeating myself)

Your rant about Gwen does not fall on deaf ears or a heart of stone, but is understood by a man who was present when his twin sister was killed. No need to reach for drama which you could not begin to comprehend.

Your horse isn't very high, but I encourage you to ride it for all it's worth. Your passion, however misguided, is admirable.

As for entertainment, the rush of running sound for a band in front of 60,000+ people is awesome. I agree that it comes with responsibility, but so does the job of a busdriver, a waitress and a teacher. I enjoyed those experiences (setting up and running sound with bands) as I have enjoyed working and living in several locales in more mundane occupations.

I AM Blessed, and upon my passing those who know me will remember this one thing most (I hope)

"He laughed well and often"

[Bernice]

Nike,

I loved your first post. And I loved your others that followed here. I don't dispute that some have elected to nit-pick, and that some nits were much bigger than others (Gwen Arujo for example, a victim not by choice, whose death was entirely inexcusable). But those that nit-pick, however eloquenly or with technical correctness, do indeed miss your beautiful point.

For someone with only 19 posts so far, you seem to have the ability to be an inspiring leader. Hopefully you will choose to lead. Then again, perhaps behind you is (another) great woman? Uh Huh. Give credit where credit is due!:hugs:

[racquel]

Quote-For someone with only 19 posts so far, you seem to have the ability to be an inspiring leader. Hopefully you will choose to lead. Then again, perhaps behind you is (another) great woman? Uh Huh. Give credit where credit is due!un-quote
__________________
I agree fully,exellent post and please continue.Vanya also has great post's.:thumbsup:

[Nike]

I keep my posting very limited as a matter of principle.

[Calliope]

No need to reach for drama which you could not begin to comprehend.

Your horse isn't very high, but I encourage you to ride it for all it's worth. Your passion, however misguided, is admirable.


To my ears, this really sounds like a standard dude debate: Needle the 'opponent,' convert the lurkers - show biz (not communication).

[Nike]

Needle the 'opponent,' convert the lurkers - show biz

Taken out of context, all things can be made to seem what they are not. Kind of like political polls. Figures lie and liars figure.