Is my husband being honest about his feelings regarding cd?

[Jean GG]

My husband tells me that if he could take a little pill that would make his desire for x-dressing go away, he would. I suppose this is one reason why I am often confused about many of the posts here...most of you seem to want more of it...is he being honest about this OR what? jean

[sparks]

I can't say if I speak for the majority or not. But I would like to be oneway or the other. If I could take a pill and become your normal average Joe I would. I just would like the constant nagging cding thoughts to go away. It would help my marriage to get back into healthier waters and maybe even no a thing or two about guy things such as cars, sports or how to get a bigger brim on my basball cap.
In all honesty it would make life easier for me.
Now if I could take the pinkier pill and go further down the cding rabbit hole but be totally accepted by everyone I would go that way too!

[DawnRodgers]

He's probably feeling more guilty than honest - and is more likely fooling himself too. Of course, there is no pill to "cure" us. I do honestly think that if there were, some of us would likely take it but would probably have to take it every day of our life. It is a very strong urge and the longer you dress the harder it is to keep away from it. I myself have never opurged (a lot do) and have seldom gone longer than a couple of weeks without dressing. When the opportunity presents itself I will dress every day for, at least, a few hours. If I get the opportunity to dress all day, I gladly do it. I do believe that if the things in my life that keep me still living my male life (SO, children, relatives) I would gladly join the feminine side.It would be pure bliss to dress and be a woman every day of my life. But do remember - many TV's just want to experience the pleasure every know and then. Like all people we eacg have our different ideas of how we want to ive our lives.
Dawn

[tekla west]

I guess like Neo was told:

This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.

Some of us allways take the blue pill. Some of us allways take the red pill.

[Lisa Golightly]

I guess for most people the chance to merge with the masses is desirable, it is after all what we are shaped to believe is normality. In the social environment we have had inflicted on us I would say many would agree with the sentiment. If there was no stigma, no ridicule, then there would be no need to conform to stereotypes... How many men would slip between gender dictated clothing if there were no gender rules attached to them?

For myself, as I've always told everyone, being Lisa is so core to my identity that if you love me as a person, then you've already embraced it on an unconcious level. It has been with me all of my life and it defines me more than any flag or creed.

Would I take a pill? No, but then I've had to fight to be who I am, and the wreckage of my past would be a mockery if I became a slave to the binary gender principle.

[noname]

"How many men would slip between gender dictated clothing if there were no gender rules attached to them?"

Try all of them. Women did so this last century. Most every women out there is a cd'er.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Yes, your husband is being honest -- and it's a reflection of the guilt and shame he feels about his cross-dressing.

People here have a variety of attitudes. Some want to do more of it, but also feel guilty about desiring that. Some are in pink haze and don't feel guilty about some of the things they should. Some of us have accepted our CDing and don't feel guilty about -- but I still wish at times that it didn't complicate my life. So as Tekla said, it's not surprising that some of wish they could take the blue pill.

Personally, I'd rather take the green pill, the one where society accepts that this is part of me.

[Florence Tidji]

being a crossdresser is a permanent fight between our male and female sides... when we feel the male side stronger and do not assume the female one (it happens to me regularly), we would like to get rid of this passion! but at the same time, it is always a great pleasure to get dressed en femme...

hard time to be a CD!... but I don't think yor husband is lying.

Florence

[Sarah Rabbit]

I can't speak for others,but in my case, I wish I was one way or the other. Full Male or Full Female( preferably the later) Ocupying this twilight existance is difficult. Your S.O. may not fully accept what he is and perhaps wishes there was a Pill. Give him your support in that respect, he probably genuinely wishes he could.

Sarah R. :bunny:

[ronda]

i think your hubby is being honest and telling you the truth me i agree with marlena give me the green pill so that i can be me :hugs: :love: :happy:

[Jessica Brekke]

Dawn,

I don't think it's fair to assume that, just because he says he would get rid of the desire to CD, that he must automatically be feeling guilty or is fooling himself.

Many of the CD girls here, will happily fantasize about what it would be like to be fully female, and no one accuses them of lying about not being a TS. But the second one of us says they dream about becoming 'fully male' (for lack of a better term), in no time, we start hearing accusations that they're not accepting themselves, or even that they're lying.

To answer your question Jean, I don't know if your husband is being fully honest with you or not, ultimately only you can decide that. But there are some CD's who struggle to accept the feminine part of themselves, because they know that they cannot get rid of it... yet who still wish, deep in their hearts, that they could.

[Joy Carter]

I have never been happier since I have accepted who I am. I haven't gone over board but have settled down to a nice calm existance with the two genders. For the first time in years I'm less depressed and I kinda like who I am. I hope he/she finds the way to acceptance.

Much love To You Both Joy

[Kristen Kelly]

being a crossdresser is a permanent fight between our male and female sides... when we feel the male side stronger and do not assume the female one (it happens to me regularly), we would like to get rid of this passion! but at the same time, it is always a great pleasure to get dressed en femme...

hard time to be a CD!... but I don't think yor husband is lying.

Florence

Florance you could have not said it better, until I came out to my GF I was in constant termoil, so much that it was affecting me phyically. If the world was not so hung up on the split between the genders doing this would be ez but we live in fear of family, work, and friends finding out, and if they do, accepting us for who we truely are.

[Tracy_Victoria]

My husband tells me that if he could take a little pill that would make his desire for x-dressing go away, he would. I suppose this is one reason why I am often confused about many of the posts here...most of you seem to want more of it...is he being honest about this OR what? jean

He's not alone jean, I would take it with out a second thought also, as i have said many times on here. I dress because I need to dress, I enjoy it, and I like to do it as well as I can, I like look realistic, and hopefully convincing dispite my size (but thankfully woman come in all shapes and sizes) and I have no guilt or misgiving over my dressing it something I enjoy very much! In fact I have not felt and guilt over what I do, sadness for what my partner has to deal with, and maybe guilt for her feeling, but not guilt for my actual dressing!


However given all the enjoyment I get from this, if it was one pill and all over, Pass me the water!

[Karren H]

I'd say he's being honest..... for many it's difficult being caught between two genders. But it's what were driven to do and don't know why. I myself have come to terms with it and am having a great time. Others are in constant termoil..... Not fun for them.


Love Karren

[karen fox]

I'd say he's being honest..... for many it's difficult being caught between two genders. But it's what were driven to do and don't know why. I myself have come to terms with it and am having a great time. Others are in constant termoil..... Not fun for them.


Love Karren

WOW! What a simply and perfect way to put it! 'caught between genders'!

[Kimberly]

It's probable that he's telling you what you want to hear... It all depends on your reaction and acceptance I suppose.

I can't speak on his behalf, so I don't know if he is. I'd say, think about your reaction to it, and your relationship so far. He probably is telling the truth, though.

[Kahlan51]

Hi : Yes I believe he is being honest. It is a reflection of our society at large that looks for a "magic pill" solution to our problems. Communicating with one another is the only real magic pill. The urges I feel to dress up are deep seated and if I don't explore my "femm" side I feel like only half a person. I have an understanding SO and that makes it easier. I hope you both can work through this challenge Love Kahlan

[Kathryn]

All in favor of the green pill say AYE!!! I think the AYE's have it!!
Kathryn:love:

[HaleyPink2000]

:happy: We can all have different ideas on this. 0.02 Time even changes how people feel on certain issues. Peer pressure can have effect, sex and family life. I believe monetary trends play a part in how we make decisions also. Everything we hear, see and feel has a measure in it also. You really would do best to believe him when He says something. He knows his mind! Oh, and we don’t know him as you do. :heehee:

Just go Hug Him and go on with life!:hugs:

[Charleen]

AYE! Loveandxxxx, Lily

[Sedona]

Hi,

I dunno if he's lying or not. Maybe he's just feeding you a line in an effort to convince you he's not gay. You're the best judge of his sincerity. As far as the green pill, that'd be great, but right now, it doesn't exist. If you would have asked me two years ago (I'm approaching 40) I would have wanted to take the pill to make it all go away. Now, I'm on the fence, as I have a great girlfriend who (sort of) accepts me.

Good luck!

[Tracy_Victoria]

I'd say he's being honest..... for many it's difficult being caught between two genders. But it's what were driven to do and don't know why. I myself have come to terms with it and am having a great time. Others are in constant termoil..... Not fun for them.
Love Karren



WOW! What a simply and perfect way to put it! 'caught between genders'!

Yep I have to totally agree with Karren. All my life I've accepted I'm different to most men, never really struggled with what I do, I enjoy being male, and like being female for a while to, when the mood and need dictates.

I realise to I'm very lucky I'm not racked with guilt for needing to dress as are some girls, although sadly I have meet to many that are, and some that have suffered even more than that!

I suppose the only real guilty feeling I have is for what my partner goes through, though thankfully she has been aware of my dressing since the early days of our relationship, dispite telling her right at the begining about this, so she has always known, she still struggles with it some time! Hence as she is more important to me than my dressing ever is, thats why I would take the pill.

[Jean GG]

Yes, your husband is being honest -- and it's a reflection of the guilt and shame he feels about his cross-dressing.

People here have a variety of attitudes. Some want to do more of it, but also feel guilty about desiring that. Some are in pink haze and don't feel guilty about some of the things they should. Some of us have accepted our CDing and don't feel guilty about -- but I still wish at times that it didn't complicate my life. So as Tekla said, it's not surprising that some of wish they could take the blue pill.

Personally, I'd rather take the green pill, the one where society accepts that this is part of me.

Thank YOU for all of your responses :) I agree with you Marlena...I believe my husband is telling the truth here because of all the pain it causes him and perhaps my statement was misunderstood: I WAS SIMPLY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW MANY OF YOU OUT THERE "wish" THAT YOUR LIFE WERE NOT AS COMPLICATED.

I have never given him major difficulties about his cd...rather I have been supportive...and he acknowledges that. :) jean

[susiepaul]

yes i belive your husband is telling the truth.
i have also been there and i tried to stop several times but in the end i now know that my crossdressing is a part of me that will never go away even if i want it to

i lost my wife after 24 years which was mainly due to my crossdressing which i wish i could have stoped at the time but now i am on my own i dress as i like all the time i wear girls clothes but i dont try to pass as a girl i am happy being a man but wearing girls clothes.

whilst i know people will always laugh at me now and then i have many friends that know who i am and are happy for me to dress as i like.

it would be nice to have a partner who could accept me for what i am and not want to change me into something else.

keep your husband as he is and just be happy for him that he knows what he wants in life as most of us never accept what we want.

regards paul now a days retired on to my sail boat bear necessities wearing what i want.:happy:

[ErikaLeigh]

I would vote in a pink pill where the world wouldnt judge us for what we were made to be. but my second choice would be to take the pill to make it go away. It is very tough going through life like this, especially if you have the sasquatch gene :D running in your family (you know hairy 6'1" etc). If I had a more femme build it would be easier.

[MsJanessa]

My husband tells me that if he could take a little pill that would make his desire for x-dressing go away, he would. I suppose this is one reason why I am often confused about many of the posts here...most of you seem to want more of it...is he being honest about this OR what? jean
I wouldn't worry about it Darling---whether he would take the pill or not doesn't matter because such a pill does not exist---I'm sure that I speak for most of us when I tell you that our crossdressing is deeply engrained and not something that we can just shake off---having said that you should concentrate on what your husbands weaknesses and strengths are---is he honest, reliable, finanancially secure and responsible, does he treat you well, is he temperate in his habits etc. If he is all of those things, then he must be pretty good, crossdressing or not.

[Sandra]

Just been having a natter with Nigella about this and she has firmly said "if a pill was available she wouldn't take it" and I wouldn't want her to either, also and I do tend to agree with her on this, those who say "yes I would take it " are maybe not as comfortable with their dressing as they may think they are.

[Rikkicn]

There wasa time when I would have taken that pill. I felt ashamed of what I was and hated the desires that I had. It took time and educating myself and lots of internal work coming to place where I love who I am would not change it for anything in the world.

Love,
Rikki

[Kath]

You have received a lot of good comments and one more probably won't make any difference but, I suspect your husband is being honest with you.

I just wanted to weigh in with my personal experience.

Several comments were along the lines that he would take it because of the guilt associated with cross dressing. That may or may not be the case. In my personal case I have been cross dressing for more years than I care to think about. Yes, in the earlier years there was a good deal of guilt about it and the need to sneak around to do it. I have long since come to terms with my self and can say I no longer have any guilt about it. I, for reasons I do not understand, am a crossdresser. I enjoy it very much. BUT! If that pill were available I would take it immediately. My life would be simpler and I would feel "more normal"

Hope this helps a little bit.

Kath

[Jean GG]

"if a pill was available she wouldn't take it" and I wouldn't want her to either, also and I do tend to agree with her on this

I agree too...although it's been tough...I would NOT force him in any direction other than a non-destructive one (ok...what is destructive...that's another thread...you simply have to trust me) :) j.

[Dixie Darling]

I have no doubt that he's telling you the truth. Ther are many CDs who would take just such a pill in a heartbeat.

However, my personal preference would be the development of a pill for all of society to take that would cause THEM to learn to accept us simply for the people that we are.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[DonnaT]

My husband tells me that if he could take a little pill that would make his desire for x-dressing go away, he would. I suppose this is one reason why I am often confused about many of the posts here...most of you seem to want more of it...is he being honest about this OR what? jean
Well, since I don't know him personally, I couldn't say if he was being honest or not.

For me, i would take it, as long as it didn't change my personality. The reason I would take it is because my wife isn't entirely happy that I CD. If I didn't like CDing or was embarassed about it, I would take it even if my wife didn't hate it.

If I were single, or if my wife didn't mind it, then I would not take it, as I rather like being able to dress enfemme.

[racquel]

I would not take the pill,blue or pink.I believe that if I was one or the other 24/7, I would not be the unique person I have become due to the trials and tribulations cross-dressing have brought into my life.
There are many "men" who I find repulsive due to the dripping testosterone and their Neanderthal attitudes toward women.
Sorry to say there are also some women who I cannot tolerate for a number of reasons, I believe that my life with one boot in one life and one high heel in the other I am able to "balance" my response to each in a more equatable fashion.

[dann]

I use to believe that I would take that pill just to fit in the world. If my wife were about to walk out the door I'd pray to GoD for that pill. So the long and short is,now, it would be for her.

I can't see that your husband would have any reason to say that, if he didn't actually believe it.There'd really be no benifit in making that up.Right?


dann

[Bobbie cd]

I guess like Neo was told:

This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.

Some of us allways take the blue pill. Some of us allways take the red pill.

Personally, I take the purple pill - it cures my my acid reflux!

Really though, I find myself becoming more comfortable in accepting that I am what I am and I don't want to take any pill that would take away the part of me that is tightly coupled to some of the best qualities of my personality. I think that many GG's go through their entire marriages complaining about their husband's lack of sensitivity, consideration, and communication - things that are often part and parcel of the more feminine side of us! (That and not leaving the toilet seat up!) LOL

If more men wore dresses, and women accepted that, I bet there would be a lot fewer divorces!

[JasmineR]

That is a good question Jean and a difficult one. I love being a crossdresser and really enjoy dressing but I also enjoy being a man and doing guy things. This I have posted before. It can complicate things though, have fought dressing a large part of my life, only because it is easier to go through life as a typical dude. But when I am dressing up I am in heaven.

I would probably take a pill to erase the thoughts, I think... but that will probably not happen so I will just enjoy my life to the fullest.

It is good to hear about all the SO's on this forum that are loving and supportive. This is not something that can be turned off, as some (including one of my exes) seem to believe.

[Alicia_lynn419]

I often told my ex wife if I thought I could quit.. I would.. but know better.. as much as i love who/what I am, sometimes i feel its more a curse than a blessing. I always wish I could be "normal", but it took over 30 years to get to accepting who i am.. now I will spend the rest of my life trying to get OTHERS to accept me for who i am...

Yes.. If I could change and never look back... I probably would....

[allisonrn06]

My only reason for wanting to quit dressing would be to avoid being found out by those I wouldn't want finding out about it-if some of the people in my life were more open minded about this I would have no reason to quit.

[Han]

He is obviously concerned about social pressures. So, to fit in, yes he probably would take a pill. However, he can't. So, acceptance is the best cure.

Just because society doesn’t except the fluidity of gender doesn’t mean we have too. Just because men are no longer allowed to express femme characteristics, and increasingly women, doesn’t mean we should let it.

Just because we are expected to be contained and predictable like the lumberjack from Monty Python, it is going to cause stress, and quick escapes will be desired.

[KateW]

I think he is being honest. It can be very frustrating being between genders, and everyone wants acceptance for who they are. The thing is, we have no control over when we are born, or what society. A few hundred years ago all men wore tights, and going back further still, they wore skirts and it was perfectly acceptable. It is a good thing that some question current norms and ways of thinking, otherwise the human race would never evolve. Instead of taking a pill to cure myself, I would rather everyone else took whatever we did at birth, and became more open minded. There was clearly one handed out when women started wearing trousers, so now it's our turn!

Apologies if none of the above made sense btw...

[Han]

I think he is being honest. It can be very frustrating being between genders, and everyone wants acceptance for who they are. The thing is, we have no control over when we are born, or what society. A few hundred years ago all men wore tights, and going back further still, they wore skirts and it was perfectly acceptable. It is a good thing that some question current norms and ways of thinking, otherwise the human race would never evolve. Instead of taking a pill to cure myself, I would rather everyone else took whatever we did at birth, and became more open minded. There was clearly one handed out when women started wearing trousers, so now it's our turn!

Apologies if none of the above made sense btw...

Sure did. In an increasingly masculinised world, femininity is repressed in both sexes to a certain degree. We for some reason, arguably, embrace femininity.

Certain female communities such as Gothic and Lolita (mainly women, check it out) embrace femininity as well. Many CD'ers adapt quite well to this group and are accepted by the females too.

There is a growing movement both male and female that is trying to reclaim the gender.

[Kimberley]

Living like this is not easy. Life is complicated with the constant battle of male vs female persona and consequently the needs associated with each. Top that off with societal attitudes and the battle becomes even worse.

I think that if:
We were accepted as "normal" life would be much easier. This would allow us the freedom to be who we are, to meld the male and female and live "normal" lives instead of being in a constant state of flux.

We had a choice we would go one way or the other. I think this applies more to the TG side of the spectrum than the CD/TV where the above would be more applicable. Unfortunately for many of us the choice didnt really exist decades ago so here we are; worse? than ever. (Hold the protests girls, yes we could transition but at what cost? For many of us the price is too high because of our ages. It is a personal decision for each of us.)

So is your hubby being honest. I think so.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[Michelle_cd_girl]

For years, I wished I could take that pill too - I couldn't come to terms with something that controlled me, and I couldn't stop. I'd curse myself, purge my wardrobe (I know, I know), swear it off, and try to get into a relationship that would "keep me on the straight and narrow", away from my perceived, hidden addiction. Unfortunately, it all led to misery and a string of failed relationships that were mere distractions from my own problems and denial of who I really am.

My advice to you would be to believe your spouse. And understand that the more you can support and love the woman in him (that has sensitive, understanding qualities that many men don't posess), the more your relationship will grow. An ongoing unacceptance or hating one's self inflicts collateral damage in the relationships around us. People can say "you're a great guy" but we think "yeah, but if you only knew, you'd think I'm a terrible person". Any kind of religious upbringing with strict lines drawn between right and wrong (and no shades of grey) can pose further difficulties. REAL acceptance by the person closest to us can lead to a great weight being lifted off our shoulders and the joy of life returning.

We can be our own worst enemy. If we can't accept ourselves, then how can we freely and fully love those who are important to us? We can't. I'd suggest that you give your spouse all the understanding you can muster, and REALLY encourage him to accept all the facets of his being. If you encourage the expression of his feminine side WITH you, he'll thank you for the rest of his life. Denial robs us of joy.

Michelle_cd_girl

[Jean GG]

ONCE MORE...thank you.....for all of your replies!!! But please...do remember that the question was not about whether or not my husband was telling the truth (sorry for the confusion), but rather whether or not YOU ever felt that way :). jean

[MonikaW]

Sorry for the long post...

This is a good question that I have wrestled with myself. First, I want to state that I am very comfortable with my dressing. I have many friends who know about Monika and are supportive. I go out dressed quite frequently and generally do not have problems passing. There are few activities that I haven’t participated in as a woman in public that I would still like to do someday. I often spend weekends entirely as Monika and have spent up to two weeks during vacations as her too.

That said, I find being a crossdresser to nonetheless be a complicated and lonely existence. I am 40 years old and single. I know many of you have successful relationships and are happily married. Unfortunately, that is the one area of my life that I have not been able to be successful. I am a somewhat shy person, so I don’t meet women easily to begin with. The dread of the inevitable “conversation” has made me miserable at times. That conversation has lead to rejection. While I probably would be somewhat shy regardless, crossdressing I think compounds it for me.

The complications that come along with some of the secrecy involved because not everyone knows – my parents would never understand and it would be problematic if colleagues from work knew – are mostly minor inconveniences. That does not bother me much. It is the loneliness that really bothers me.

Monika is a core part of me. Am I ashamed of her? No! Am I embarrassed by the fact that I am a crossdresser? No! Do I feel guilty about it? No! But the fact that I have come to terms with myself does not mean that I am accepted by others. Even when one feels good about one’s self, rejection still hurts.

Would I take the pill? Today I think the answer is yes. I would certainly think long and hard about it. If I was in a loving, stable, supportive, happy relationship with a woman, the answer would be no. It’s complicated.

Monika

[Dee 1062]

Can't speak for him...I don't want that pill.I love being who I am and I am a bi cd.....well on the other hand, do they make a pill that will make me 100% WOMAN ?

[janine]

i would agree your husband is feeling guilty , the urge to dress in feminine
cloths does not diminish with age it gets stronger .the best you can do is
try to control it whilst maintaining your male social role.He is lucky to have such an understanding partner to support him.

[connie rotten]

Was he in men's or woman's clothes when he said it? I think there was a time for many of us we wished we didn't crossdress. I tried many times over the years to stop. Now I have found many others like me and accept being a cd.
Mam;as for your husband iether you believe him or you don't( I hope you do believe him). I can't vouch for someone I don't know.
Anyone who is for the green pill I'll trade you mine for a corsett like the one I just saw Karen Hutton wearing, or I'll trade my pill for something sexy in size 10.:heehee:

[Elizabeth Anne]

Jean,

"He" may be honest in saying that, but I don't think this would apply to all CD'ers. (At least not me.)