Looking for...

[Keyplayer74]

Hello all..
I hope this thread doesn't offend anyone - I'm looking for people who want to beat CDing rather than accept it / indulge it. I personally love it, but have come to the realization that to have a "normal" life.. or rather to happily continue on the path I've chosen (wife.. possibly children.. WIFE DOESN'T KNOW, etc.) I need to try to control it, even eliminate it if possible. Even though I do enjoy it, I realize that it's quite selfish of me to push this on my wife and future family. Some may disagree.. I understand, but for me.. no. I'm looking for others who can act as a support group - those who need strength, and those who can give strength in this area. I have noticed that posts on this board rarely discuss this subject - but I'm confident that some of you are out there. Drop me a line.

-- KP

[Charleen]

Tried to quit. Tried to deny. Purged often.Felt guilt(alot). Hide for 30 years. Fully acepted - couldn't be happier. I wish you luck though. Love and xxxx, Lily

[Karren H]

How about hypnosis?? Worked on my mother-in-laws smoking. Convinced her she never smoked and was a non-smoker!! Might be worth a try.....

Love Karren

[KateW]

Well good luck with that! I have gone long periods without dressing, but it doesn't change who I am inside. There isn't a magical pill you can take to make the desire go away. In the end I came to accept it, and my partner has too.

I'm not trying to put you off, but I think being unhappy by not dressing could be as big a strain on a relationship as dressing. Try cutting down, or stopping completely if you can, and let us know how you get on. I hope you can find the support you need though, and everything works out for the best with you and your family.

Kate xxx

[dann]

My friend, Do you intened on at least informing your wife that you had been a cross dresser and are trying to stop doing it?The reason I ask is becuase it seems like you may be trying to treat it as an addiction from here on out.
Not that I see cross dressing as a "sexual addiction" but in your view it seems to be a potentialy damaging behaviour. In that case you might seek help from a local Sex Addicts Annonymous group.
Let's just say I have expierience in these matters....it could help.
I'd also suggest getting into some therapy. I don't mean to sound preachy, or like some kind of know it all, but I just went through what you are going through for the last time. I'm not saying you can't quit. Just make sure you serach your whole soul.

dann

[sportschick]

Keyplayer, I hear you. Although at first this site gave me new cding skills, once I did it a couple more times, the site has actually acted kind of like an AA meeting for an alcoholic. I haven't dressed in a year and a half, and only very occasionally get the urge (every 3-4 months). Feel free to PM me, I have a few thoughts on it.

[Julogden]

Hello all..
I hope this thread doesn't offend anyone - I'm looking for people who want to beat CDing rather than accept it / indulge it. I personally love it, but have come to the realization that to have a "normal" life.. or rather to happily continue on the path I've chosen (wife.. possibly children.. WIFE DOESN'T KNOW, etc.) I need to try to control it, even eliminate it if possible. Even though I do enjoy it, I realize that it's quite selfish of me to push this on my wife and future family. Some may disagree.. I understand, but for me.. no. I'm looking for others who can act as a support group - those who need strength, and those who can give strength in this area. I have noticed that posts on this board rarely discuss this subject - but I'm confident that some of you are out there. Drop me a line.

-- KP
Based on my experiences of the past 38 years of dealing with my own gender issues as an adult, as well as knowing many other people as they dealt with theirs, I tend to feel that any success that you might have in quitting would depend on your reasons for crossdressing.

If you're doing it strictly for a sexual thrill, then I would think that you might be able to quit, but I also suspect that you will probably need help doing that, maybe from a counselor, or a program like Dann mentioned, or maybe from your wife, but any of them would pretty much require you to 'fess up to her.

If you crossdress because your gender identity is significantly female, then I really don't see that quitting cold turkey is a good idea, and you really ought to be looking for some help from a therapist who is experienced with gender identity issues, given your wishes to quit dressing.

I've known a few CD'ers who announced that they were going to quit forever for basically the reasons that you mention. Without exception, they all failed to quit, one lasted a couple years, the others didn't last very long at all, all came back to dressing eventually.

Hopefully you'll work on this, and I'm not trying to stop you from trying to quit either, I'm just offering advice based on a lot of experience.

Carol

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes the best way to "beat 'em" is to "join 'em". Once I stopped looking at myself as an innocent victim of a compulsion and took the "bull by the horns" so to speak, I got control of the situation. I set out on a campaign to be Ericka as much as possible.Now being Ericka is "routine" for me and I now crossdress because I WANT TO not because I HAVE TO. There is a difference. If circumstances come about where I cannot dress for whatever reason, I don't feel as if I'm going to "die" or anything. In my mind, I'm an amalgamated person who is able to adjust to the situation as needed. While I like being Ericka and looking nice, I have realized that it is "nice to have" but not really necessary. Family issues and other things come first and Ericka second. The other thing is that Ericka is always with me no matter what I look like and it is not necessary to openly express that all the time, such as this week while I'm growing a full beard for a specific reason. It's always nice to have a choice. I've learned that if nothing else. Richard (Ericka)

[susann_gardener]

Tried to quit many times. Just doesn't work. Finally accepted myself and enjoy a dual role life.

[Han]

I enjoy it far to much.

I often go by the philosophy, if the world wants to change you, then it is the world that needs changing. And the most succesful people in this world, are those that accept themselves for who they are.

Good luck though.

[Stephenie S]

Dear Keyplayer,

I think the degree of your success depends on what you perceive quitting to be.

If you mean just to control your urges and never give in to the desire to CD, I beleive it is perfectly possible. Many people quit smoking and nicotine is one of the most addictive substances known to medical science. There are techniques available to control behavior and if this is the route you want to take, you could very well be successful.

However, if you mean to never have another urge to CD ever again in your life, my advice is to forget it! I think it's just not going to happen. This desire we have seems to be prety well wired into our brain. Time after time people here and on other threads talk of purging and going "straight" only to come back again and again. Self acceptance appears to be the only successful way of dealing with it at this point.

There doesn't seem to be any scientific evidence one way or the other. It would be interesting to see some real research done on this subject. But if you can do it, why wonder about why?

And really, compared to the many really horrid things you could be doing, both to others and to yourself, CDing is pretty mild and it's a lot of fun.

Lovies,
Stephenie

Good luck

[Sharon]

I can come up with a couple quick and obvious ways to quit crossdressing:

1 -- Willpower. If there is a behavior that you wish to deny, whatever happened to just simply stopping it? People quit smoking, drinking, and narcotics every day, even though they previously thought it impossible to do so. Other people quit different behavior patterns, such as obsessive/compulsive behaviors, temperament behaviors, etc. If you think you can, and are willing to suffer through the initial withdrawal period, there's no reason you can't do it. Therapy may help, but it will, ultimately, come down to your willpower and perseverance.

2 -- Quit visiting crossdressing sites or indulging in fantasies. Get a hobby. Find a substitute for the time you would be visiting this site and/or others.

[Tamara Croft]

Just one question, why can't you come out to your wife?

[Melinda G]

I have dressed through 17 years of marriage and a couple of five year relationships. I can put it on the back burner from time to time, but it always comes back. It's a lifelong thing. Everyone will tell you that. Of course, you could just deny yourself, but that's like trying to quit smoking, and usually doesn't work for long. It is also stressful and frustrating.
Research has shown that the intense pleasure of nylons on smooth shaved legs, and a soft, smooth shaved body, prolongs life. Errr, I made that one up.:D

[noname]

"How about hypnosis?? Worked on my mother-in-laws smoking. Convinced her she never smoked and was a non-smoker!! Might be worth a try....."

Isn't that kind of like lying to yourself?

[avawho]

Speaking from experience it is possible to have a few brief periods of hiatus, but this is one hobby that I have found impossible to walk away from even after many expensive purges over the years...
Gave up skiing, golf, boating in order to afford flying, but can't imagine ever being able to do the same for dressing:D

Depending upon your own circumstance, only you will be able to judge your potential success rate in remaining "normal"... Take your time to evaluate your true feelings, you shouldn't pressure yourself... Just realize that is possible to have a family and be a C/D if you should really desire it.

Cheers
Ava

[Billijo49504]

OK, I'll try. Oppps! Didn't work, No dear, you can't have my new bras, I didn't give it up. :tongueout ....0.02 ...BJ