Who's had a +ve experience sharing cd tendencies with partner?

[Hannah]

Hi girls,

Has anyone out there got any positive experiences they can share about how their relationship with their partner has improved after telling them about their "hobby".

Some background as this is my first post.

My formative years were in an all female household and so dressing in womens clothes came naturally. It got tied up with my early sexual explorations and in common with a large number of cd's my age it became a terrible secret and a source of great shame, but irresistable nonetheless.

When I got together with my now wife (about 12 years ago) I told her about my past cd activities and that I was over it as it had been some years since I had indulged. I really thought it was something I had grown out of and I just wanted to be honest with her about the package she was getting. She was a bit unsettled by the whole thing but accepted it as something of my past.

Up until this summer I have repressed my urge to dress. I would always jealously admire women, the feminine form, and all the accoutrements of femininity but somehow got through the time without too much trouble.

Anyway, my SO went away for 2 months to her home country and one day, while shopping for my supper I noticed a pair of silk stocking hold-ups in the supermarket. For some reason I just picked them up and bought them. I got home and put them on and it was like a velvet caress as I rediscovered the pure bliss of sheer hose.

The next day I invested in some elegant suspenders and briefs and a black chemise. The days that followed were spent in anticipation of the exquisite ecstacy of fumbling each afternoon as I dumped the drabs and arrayed myself in this elegant expression of something that I can only describe as the girl in me.

If the truth be told it was not that elegant as I was carrying some extra weight but the desire to look good in a size 12 dress has helped me loose 9kg in 4 months. I call it the cd-plan diet but that is another story).

Anyway - to get to the point of my post I would like to tell my wife what has happened as I don't like hiding things from her. I am trying to look for things about our relationship that that will be enhanced by allowing this girl in me a little wiggle room.

To complicate matters we have a son coming up for 8 years old and whatever happens, his well-being is my primary concern. Wandering around the home as Hannah is not really an option.

I fantasise that we could go shopping for clothes together, fun for me and for her as I would no longer be the typical male "grumpy walking wallet". Looking back I guess I just resented buying clothes for her while I had to pretend I wasn't interested.

We might have some fun together dressing up like 2 girls going to a party, helping each other with zippers and make-up. That would be cool.

Ultimately I would like to be a more "whole" and supportive partner for her. Any suggestions would be welcome.

Hannah (wow - even signing off with my girl name gives me a thrill!)

[Hannah]

Thanks Jenny

Finding people to share this with is a huge relief. I wish there had been stuff like this around when I was young.

Hannah

[MonaSmith]

Hi Hannah,

I can't help you with your problem but I thought that I would say hello, and welcome. So here goes....(deep breath)..... Hello and welcome Hannah. This site is great, I hope you get as much pleasure from it, and from the people on it as I have.

Fellow Surrey dweller.

[Hannah]

Hi Mona

Thanks for you kind words of welcome. I have seen your picture in a number of postings. That's a great shot and boy do you look hot. I would like to put a facial shot up as I don't like to be anonymous among such open people but, to be honest, it would have ruined the photo.

Hannah
><><><

[Sharon]

Welcome Hannah!
My wife knew of my dressing up and even helped me on occasion. It definitely made it more enjoyable, but she would have been much happier if I stayed male all of the time. She "indulged" me more than anything else.

We had three children and I never left the bedroom while dressed. Kids are just too unpredictable in their coming and going. Two or three times a year, the wife and I would go out and spend a weekend at a hotel about 30 minutes away. At the time, weekends were more than enough to satisfy my needs.
Good luck and it's possibly best to at least let her in on what you're thinking. At least you'll give her a chance to say "yea" or "nay".

Sharon

[lost soul]

I broke down and told my wife 6 months ago. To make a long story short she freaked out and cried at first. I found articles on the net to sooth her about me leaving her for a man(which she was afraid of) and about being a crossdresser. She felt better and says she has no problem with it and now lets me dress as I want and even wear lingerie while we make love. She says it doesn't turn her on but when we are both dressed together she can't keep her hands off my lingerie and stockings. It took some time and lots of talking and reassuring her but she loves me and wants me to be happy so she can deal with it without a problem. I just want you to be ready for some rough times but if you both are in love with each other then you can work through it. Don't tell her you have been dresing for some time now but that you are very interested in trying it again since you have in the past and see how she reacts maybe. Hope this help a little.

[MonaSmith]

Thank you Hannah, you kind words are most appreciated.

I'm like a kid in a sweetshop at the moment, running from thread to thread, sticking my oar in, I hope that the novelty will wear off soon and I'll calm down a bit, but I am still so very happy to have found this site.

As for the picture, my trick is to take as many small, overexposed,grainy pictures as possible and hope that one of them is okay. I was lucky this time, lol.

[DonnaT]

Hello Hannah, and welcome.

Your delima: Been there, still there.

My wife known for nearly the whole 29 years we've been married.

So far, I don't think there is too much about CDing that has enhanced the marriage.

However, there have been occassions of fun with it. Like when she made me a French maids outfit and I get to wear it every so often. It needs taking in now, as I've lost 48 pounds (22.8 kg) since August.

But there is something still deep inside her that won't let her fully accept it. We are still working on it. We have to take baby steps in this regard, and waiting it out worth it sometimes.

We can have fun shopping, sometimes. However, if she'd let go of the fact that when I find something I think she'd like, it is for her, not me, then we could have more fun. I've not gone shopping enfemme, yet.

She's mentioned the possibility of us both shopping while enfemme, a couple of years from now, but not yet.

Our first "outing" is tomorrow to a TG party. So we'll see how that goes, and how she feels afterwards. She bought me a pair of crystal clip-on earings for the ocassion. She commented that she wasn't sure why she did that, but I said, "Because you love me!"

As for your current dressing, be honest about it. Tell her what you told us. She knows you "were" a crossdresser, however, neither of you knew that there is no such thing as "were" in CDing. Accordingly, you did not know it would rise to the surface again, but it did.

Both of you need to discuss how being transgendered, in your case a CD, cannot be cured. It can be repressed, but as you've mentioned, it can leave you in grumpy moods sometimes.

An interesting site to visit, for the edification of both of you is Dixie Darlings site at:

http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd/menu.htm

You may want to check it out before having your honest conversation.

She can come here and talk to GGs or, if not comfortable on the same forum with you, to http://crossdressers-forum.com/forums/ where there is a specific area (but they are not limited to that area and enjoy the whole site) for SOs to post.

Good luck.

[Krissi]

Welcome to the neighborhood Hannah, you've stumbled into a great place.

As for telling the SO, I am married and my wife knows and supports. I told her well before we got married. We didn't have the normal courtship. We met online and talked to each other for over a year before physcally meeting. Part of these discussions were about sex and fetishes, and I didn't bring up dressing at first. She didn't get to see Krissi until we had moved in with each other. At that point she seen me and at first wasn't that excited about it. Of course according to her I looked like a racoon hooker...lol. As she started lending a hand to my make up mainly, she got more interested. We've sat rules, family doesn't find out, when we have kids they won't see me dressed, stuff like that.

My advice in telling a wife is to go to her and be open minded yourself, especially if kids are involved. Break the news to her easy, don't be demanding, "This is who I am like it or not!" doesn't cut it. Tell her you dress then listen and react. She is going to have questions, number 1 of which is are you gay, or are you leaving me for a man. Don't get ultra defensive. Tell her you have no interest in men (if it is true, if not telling her that part is up to you, good luck), then bring her attention back to the dressing, you like the feel, look whatever get her attention on you wearing clothes, not you becomming a woman. As silly as a 6'2 250lbs size 15 shoe having woman sounds, that is my wife's fear that I'll end up on Maury telling her I want to be a woman. But anyway, my point is tell her you dress, then listen and answer her questions, or give her time to cry, yell whatever, but listen and react, don't get defensive or too emotional. You'll both have to compromise to make it work right.

[Nikki A.]

It is tough to advise you. In my case after 16 years it is still a sore point. She does not approve, feeling that it makes me less of a man. I guess she is also afraid that she may lose me, she also has told me that she is afraid that I love CDing more than her. This is totally untrue and I have tried to get this across to her but she can be very stubborn and very insecure. Early on, one agreement that we made was that there would be no CDing during sex. I have not brought it up since and have tried to keep it separate from our love life.
Hopefully your wife can be more open-minded.