How important is "being out and about"?

[Lila GG]

Hi everyone,

I just found this website yesterday, and have so many questions! The main thing I'm curious about at the moment is: how important is it for the people on this forum to not only dress and be en femme, but also go outdoors/in public while doing so? Is it essential for you to feel as though you're passing, or is being out and wearing what you feel happy in enough for you?

My husband makes a gorgeous woman (I'm totally envious of his legs), but he's 6', and with his love for high (4-5") heels I feel as though if we were out somewhere, it would be really difficult for him to blend in or not be noticed. He's never been out dressed up before, and at present it's not feasible, but it's a topic that comes up from time to time as a possibility ... I'm not sure why this makes me nervous exactly, whether I just don't want to share Mia with the rest of the world, or what -- I feel very protective of "my girl", and this is the one thing I'm still having a hard time wrapping my mind around; anyway I ridn't mean to ramble on so much, and I'd really appreciate any thoughts or comments on the topic.

Thanks,
Lila

[Calliope]

Hey, welcome!

Being 'out and about' is very important to any dresser who wants to dress a lot - errands like grocery shopping just flow better enfemme. Passing, in my opinion, can become a deadend, a hang up, barrier to self-expression.

That said ... it matters what sort of community you're living in!

[Stephenie S]

Dear Lila,

Advise him to loose the 5" heels when going out. Very few women who are 6ft tall would consider wearing any heels at all. 4-5" heels are alright as a fantasy around the house but you are right, he will stand out like a sore thumb and not blend in at all.
Try to educate him about how to dress appropriately for where ever you are going. Perhaps the heels could go to a fancy disco or such. Often CDers have a distorted view of what it means to be a woman. This is understandable as we haven't had 20-30 years practice. You, as a woman, are in an ideal position to give him some pointers.

To answer your question, it is very important for some, and not at all important for others. There are not too many "rules" in this community. Everyone of us is different and the more time you spend here the more you will see that.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Butterfly Bill]

So much of it feels so much better outdoors, to feel a warm breeze around your legs when you are in a skirt, to enjoy the total body ventilation of a dress on a hot day. There is also the relief of not having to worry if anyone sees you. I have no need to nor desire to pass.

[Marla S]

Welcome.

To go "out and about" would be just normal. So it is kind of important as I want to live a "normal life". It's somewhat stupid to wear heels at home where you should wear slippers, but that's the life of a CD.

[Lindahexi]

If I thought I could pass I'd love to go out and about, but I don't think I could. I'm quite happy dressing up when ever I feel like it, I never really tire of it.

[Jenna1561]

Lila,

When I dress I like to go out and when I do so I try to blend in. I'm 5'10" and weigh about 275#, so I ama BIG girl, but it's not too bad, as here in the U.S. many of us are overweight and I can still blend in.

I dress as most 45-year women would dress for whatever I'm doing, though I do tend to dress a bit on the upscale side of average. Heels - generally I keep these to 2" or less - they're easier to walk in and blend much better.

For me, passing is a big deal when I dress. Now when I'm just being me, I still wear alot of feminine attire and sometimes wear sandals which show off my toe rings and pretty polished toenails.

So each of us has to find ourselves. But I'd suggest blending in and keeping those 4-5" heels for special outings to clubs or such. As for being "protective" - I think that's a good thing and your husband is very lucky to have a supportive wife.


Jenna

[Melanie R]

Lila,

Welcome to the board. Last weekend my wife and I went with a CD friend and wife to a very elegant place called Magic Island where we together with 8 other CD's and their wives enjoyed dinner and a magic show. This friend, Rachel, is 6 feet 5 inches and 6'8" in heels. Rachel does attract attention but enjoys the attention as does the wife. My point is that if someone as tall as your husband dresses like most of the other women and goes out to "class" places there should not be a problem.

Hugs,

Melanie

[KarenXDR]

...Tamara has a thread going for other GGs - right now- which you should find interesting.

As for myself, I cannot, will not (high profile family) and have no desire to (don't have the guts either) go out in public. Not to mention the fear of walking on cobblestones or the like in heels whcich I otherwise accommodate well.

Best wishes and lipstick kisses

Karen

[Sandra]

Being out and about to Nigella meant that she didn't have to hide any more, she is a CDer 24/7, she doesn't always go out with makeup on and often can be seen wearing jeans and t-shirt, she is happy with what she is and what she wears. Being out also helped me as well, and watching peoples reactions can be a laugh, even more so when they realise that you have seen their reaction and you laugh at it most don't know were to look.

As for feeling protective yes I know where you are comming from with that, at first it was very strong but now maybe not so much maybe because I am more comfy going out with Nigella.

[KarenXDR]

...on this subject.

For myself I can't go out - high profile familt.

Best wishes and lipstick kisses

Karen

[Phoebe Reece]

Lila,
Being "out and about" is very important to some crossdressers and not at all important to others.

For me (and many others), it is a more complete adventure into the feminine world. It involves seeing the world from a feminine perspective and being seen. It means interacting with others and (hopefully) being accepted for what you are. It takes you far beyond just wearing the clothes. There have been times in my life when circumstances were such that I could dress but not go out. It was like being a bird in a cage - pretty to look it (in my mind anyway), but dying to stretch my wings. Now, my circumstances are that I can go out pretty much whenever I have the time available. I only dress fully now if I am going out.

"Passing" is a kind of holy grail for many MTF crossdressers. Some feel they haven't achieved their goal unless everyone takes them to be a genuine female. For most, that is an unrealistic goal. I personally expect to be "read" by some every time I go out. I am 6 feet tall (without heels) and wear a size 20 dress, so I do stand out a bit. I am actually surprised with the number of people that I do pass with. Most that I interact with treat me completely as a woman, even when they do know the score. Often being read turns into an education opportunity as I sometime get to explain to whoever I am interacting with what crossdressing is really about. Acceptance is what I am looking for. I don't mind someone seeing me and thinking (or even saying), "That's a guy in a dress." I just want them to think also, "....he sure looks good in it."

If your husband wants to go out sometime, the two of you might want to join a support group. If a group of crossdressers go out to a restaurant or club somewhere together, there is no doubt everyone will read the crossdressers, but no one is going to challenge a bunch of guys who are brave enough to be seen in public in women's clothing.

[Lila GG]

So many viewpoints already - this is great!

I definitely see the point Stephenie about losing the heels and dressing appropriately for the occasion, if we were to go out. I hadn't really thought about that, which now seems totally silly of me -- of course Mia wouldn't wear the same clothes out that she does at home... unless maybe it was to someplace really special. I guess because she's/we've never gone out, and neither of us has talked about the issue with anyone else (until today), there are a lot of things we haven't really considered yet. But it's definitely an interesting ride =), and I appreciate being able to have so many people to bounce ideas and questions off of.

And Sandra, do you think the protectiveness decreases with experience, or confidence, or does it just take time? Not that I mind it too much, it's just that I don't want to be too much of a worrier about this, or pass on my fears to Mia.

Thanks again,
Lila

[renee k]

Hi Lila, and welcome to the forum.

First off I'm not as tall as your husband, I'm 6' in heels, I tend to wear 3" to 3 1/2" when out in public and I still find that there's GG's out there that are taller than me. I think the key is to dress appropriately for the venue or situation, and you'll have no trouble blending in. I also prefer to be enfemme when I shop for clothes, just to see how the outfit is going look on me, rather
than taking a guess and having to return it. For me getting out to see plays or having a nice dinner at an upscale resturaunt with friends is alot of fun.

So get out there and enjoy !

Huggs, Renee

[Tracy_Victoria]

Hi Lila

This is just my views on your question, which was "How important is "being out and about?"

To me, Passing out is as much a part of the package as being a full dresser (my views, I understand others don't have the same views as me!) ie if your going to do this, to me it has to be done well, ie there is no part works, or part dressing days for me, it's all or nothing, or whats the point.

to give you an example at present were in the middle of a major heat wave again, 33.5 degrees on the way home, 38 expected mid week. To dress in this weather is not really a problem, but if your not going to enjoy it why bother, so if the current weather continues I'll give it a miss for a while, as I don't need to dress every day, nor want to.

However if I am dressing it has to be everything, or nothing, and to me that looking female is everything. infact I can honestly say if i didn't thing i looked female, I probably would not bother dressing. It does not matter about size shape, how tall, or how short, how fat, or how thin, as woman come in all shapes and sizes, but if I did'nt feel I looked the part I would not feel the need to do this, I'm totally sure of this.

Therefore passing out is the biggest test, if you can walk tall in a crowd and no body see the real you under your outer skin, then that to me is total acceptance. Yes it is a deseption of sort, but it is me presenting myself how i want to be seen at that time, Ie I am tracy, and tracy is me, and as much as I wear womans clothes, tracy also is a accomplished crossdresser to, and much better at it than me. people might see little signs of tracy when i'm not dressed, just as they might see little signs of me when I am fully fem, but I am who I am, I enjoy being a guy, that crossdresses, and i don't want to be female more than male, however if I'm accepted when out, then I have achived my goal, which is to be as happy as a girl, and as comfortable in any place, as I am, when I am a guy!

hope that makes sence! 0.02

[EricaCD]

There is a simple explanation for getting out: after a while it can get boring and honestly a little lonely to be confined to a hotel room or your house. That's just not how most of us live our lives.

If you only dress once in a while, or if your dressing is largely fetishistic, or if you are really shy, then maybe you live with that limitation. Others--even others that cannot pass--determine that they need to get out, see and be seen, enjoy a larger environment and maybe interact (often on a very limited basis) with other people.

As you will no doubt see, the range of ways that people here get "out and about" is fantastically varied. Some people take a short walk or drive in darkness; others will go to the beach in a bikini! Some will studiously avoid contact with others; others go clubbing. Some pass naturally; many more try to pass with varying degrees of success; some make no attempt to pass.

Erica

[JoAnnDallas]

As others have said...going out is for some and not for some... having said that I had not ventured out in the daylight until last year. I have been dressing since I was 11-12 yr old. I am 58 now, so that has been about 46 yrs and until last year never ventured out in public. I think most of us that venture out, do not neccessarly want to PASS as much as we want to just be not noticed (read) and if we are noticed, not to be bothered. I know the few times I have gone out in public, I have been noticed (read), but the ones that did noticed didn't seem to care and left me alone. I have gotton that wide eyed look and a smile and/or wink and that was it.
I will say that reading other posts about going out is what finially got me to go out. I think it is more the fear than anything else that keeps a lot of girls from going out. If you take certain precaustions, draw NO attention to yourself, and don't panic, she will do just fine, but it has to be her decision to go out in the first place. As other have also said, loose the high heels for going out in public. High heels are OK at home, for a party, clubbing, and such but not for the Mall, grocery store, bank, and etc.

[kathy gg]

HI Lila,

First off welcome to the forum. I have been married to my hubby for almost 7 yrs and we are one of the couples that enjoys going out. Thankfully for us we live close enough to a major city that is very tolerant and diverse. We have been able to go just about anywhere...do I think my hubby's height plays a role in that....well yes. He is 5'6" in bare feet.

BUT....we have a couple we are great firends with and he is 6' in bare feet. He does not wear over the top shoes when he goes out ever. Does he pass....? well no.. But when we are all out going out for dinner of clubbing it really does not matter. We are out to have a fun time and most people have enough smarts to keep their comments to themselves. He has not let his height impede his enjoyment and his wife seems to get a kick out of the extra atention they garner as well.

I would say if your hubby is really nervous try to find a club or part of a large city which is tg friendly. Or think about attending a convention. Even the most passable of cd's still are a ball of nerves that first time out.

As for being protective, well that never goes away. I always feel that way when I am out. I suppose a part of me wants to not let anyone be mean to the person I love and I also feel sometimes it is my obligation to inform the ignorant. But I have yet to have someone really get in my face or be rude to me. The worst thing happens is we have had people yell 'dykes' which is pretty tame in the grand scheme of things.

Good luck with your next steps.

[Di]

[QUOTE=Lila][FONT="Book Antiqua"]

The main thing I'm curious about at the moment is: how important is it for the people on this forum to not only dress and be en femme, but also go outdoors/in public while doing so? Is it essential for you to feel as though you're passing, or is being out and wearing what you feel happy in enough for you?

Hi and Welcome.....well hon with your hubby it may or may not be important to go out and about.....In my case...we love running the roads as two girls,,,and everyone just views us as two girls...we go most anywhere. And the protective thing...I am that way and i'm sure I always will be...it's just that way with someone you love. If she doe's want to try going out...I suggest finding gay/tg places clubs ect for a first outing. And always be honest with her about how she looks in something because people you encounter out...can be cruel...like try to blend in with clothes and styles to fit the outing. Good luck.

[connie rotten]

Hey there welcome
Going out or not going out is a personal choice. It all depends where you want to go and what you want to do. Crossdressing/transgender is as individualistic as anything you will find. We all have our own opinions and prefrences(except for subs and sissies they have the opinions and prefrences they are told to have). It appears we all love to give advice here. As soon as I write a title the whole forum becomes my Dear Connie collum.
When I really want to vamp I go to a couple of gay night spots where no body cares what I have on. When I shop I go in girl drab wearing little or no make up with nice undies on.
I belong to a couple transgender clubs to get together with other girls like me.
I don't hang out with many straight women when crossdressed. When no other t-girls are there I do tend to spend my time at the night spots with alot more lesbians than gay guys.
Oh don't ditch the high heels (unless they are size 8 1/2 then I'll take them off her feet). Every one expects guys in drag to be tall with large feet. If she is thin dress her in those micro minis.:eek:
Glad you found us. This forum is a blast.:love:

[Ranee Daze]

Getting out for me is the only reason I dress. My dressing is fetishistic, meaning that I am aroused sexually while dressed. Being "all dressed up with no place (or desire) to go out is just not interesting.
A huge part of going out is the danger element. I am fairly well know in the arts world in town, and discovery of Ranee's true identity would be a disaster. But this dangerous element motivates me to work harder on my physical presentation as well as my walk, talk and social response. Believe me it felt strange the first time a man held the door for me and I hadn't worked on my femme delivery of "why thankyou ever so much" How did Vivan leigh do that again?!!!! One of my first long, "sort of trapped there" en femme outings was to a ballet performance by "Les Ballets Trocadero de Monte Carlo",a hilarious drag ballet company, which I had planned and planned for a month, and I really looked good, having been to a salon for my hair and makeup.. and it all went really well until the entracte when people I didn't even know came up to me and asked me how I liked it so far. I realized that I hadn't worked on my voice at all! In a panic I left before the second half. All this to say that there is a bit of sport in succeeding with the masquerade.
The other thing I enjoy about getting out is visits to salons for hair and makeup and wigs and shopping at high-end fashion stores for evening wear...essentially sampling the myirad female options out there. I really love getting my hair done enfemme. I get off on just the scent of hairspray!
But....this is just me and my experience..

Ranee

[Kristen Kelly]

Whats good for today might not be enough for tommorrow.Up until October my Idea of getting out was a late night trip to the ATM or mail a letter. Now it is rare I fully dress unless I have somewhere to go, grocery shopping, or to the mall. I enjoy the clubs, out dancing with the girls and the face to face contact. Getting out has made me improve my look, as for passing I try my hardest, dont always do but it is amazing just how much I do. Dressing for me is nonsexual, I feel normal dressed enfem as well as drab. I do enjoy pushing the boundry of what I have done, I like the excitement. To go back in the closet now is impossible, this bird has flown the coupe.

[Rachel M]

My wife too feels I make a gorgeous woman and she two would become very protective of me when we would venture out.She would dress down and play body guard. The toughest thing for me was to tone down my looks and dress for the location. I couldn't always wear the Stilletos. Sometimes when we attempt to "pass" we over compensate and do an ultra-femme number that draws attention to ourselves that we sometimes don't want.
Rachel

[Kate Simmons]

Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), I pass pretty well, so going to the store or mall as Ericka does very little for me. I more or less reserve my time to spend with my friends who accept me doing some kind of activity like going to dinner , to the club or some event. Since I'm interested in meeting and getting to know people, this is my primary avenue for doing so. Guess you could say I'm past the "basics" and am into socializing. Anyway, since my friends are important to me, that's where I concentrate my efforts and my energy. Ericka

[Sally24]

Personally for me "passing" and being "out and about" are very important! I'm not sure if it has to do with outside confirmation of my femaleness or just interaction with others making it more real. I do dress and practice at home but mostly feels like getting ready for an outing. It is exciting for me to go out, but not in a sexual way.

Until recently I only went out with my wife and only to places that your average woman would go. We go out to normal places like museums and restaraunts together and normally get little or no second looks. If I didn't look like a woman I wouldn't go out and might not dress!


Like your husband, I am 6'. However I rarely wear over 1" heels, unless going to a club with a group of T-girls. You don't mention his weight or build. If he is slender he could quite possibly pass (I am 150 lbs).

You both might find that you enjoy the freedom to travel as 2 girls.

Sally

[gennee]

Welcome to the forum, Lila. I love to go out dressed because I enjoy it. It gives me a thrill. I do it 1 to 3 times a week, sometimes more. It's something that goes against the grain but most important I'm being myself.

Gennee

[Lila GG]

Like your husband, I am 6'. However I rarely wear over 1" heels, unless going to a club with a group of T-girls. You don't mention his weight or build. If he is slender he could quite possibly pass (I am 150 lbs).

Sally

Mia's probably 160 lbs or so, and in good shape, although with broad-ish shoulders and always wanting to lose an extra 10 lbs ... so with a physique that is actually really well-suited for lots of pretty and feminine clothes -- the other week he wore this Nicole Miller dress I'd bought for myself years ago, and never fit well because the chest area was too tight - I knew there was a reason I'd kept it in my closet for so many years!

I'm very glad to hear from so many, especially taller girls, who feel comfortable and confident going out, as well as from the wives and partners who have had experience with this.

Reading all of the responses has given us lots to discuss and consider, and while the option of going out won't present itself for a while, it's starting to feel much less like a stumbling block. I don't want to either pressure or prevent Mia from going out, just wanted to read the various viewpoints to help me be able to understand it a bit better, so that when/if it's more feasible to go out, and Mia wants to or needs to, I've done my homework already.

Lila

[Sandra]

And Sandra, do you think the protectiveness decreases with experience, or confidence, or does it just take time? Not that I mind it too much, it's just that I don't want to be too much of a worrier about this, or pass on my fears to Mia.

Thanks again,
Lila

For me I think it was the more confident both of us got the less protective I was, but it still takes time and after 19 months of being out and about I still feel her little protector at times

[Deidra Cowen]

I enjoy going out and especially like clubbing with my Tgirl friends. Its so much fun to be at a club or party as a chick! Next to clubbing my fav is to drive around enfemme. I like to have the radio blasting girly music and like catching guys looking at me. In the car how tall I am and my relatively big size for a girl are not apparent. Thats really when I am passable...lol..in the car where they can't see all of me! :tongueout