Some GG advise needed

[Denise_Z]

Before you found out about your husband or SO, did you ever have a problem with them taking your things when you were unaware of it? And if so what did you do?

Let me explain. Several years ago a few months after my mother died, I dropped in one day unexpectedly to see how my dad was doing. He was in his late 70's at the time and being hard of hearing he didn't hear me come in. He came out of the bathroom and strode by me on the way to the bedroom wearing what I took at the time as one of my mothers nightgowns. Saying "hi", he then just walked into the bedroom and closed the door. I didn't say anything to him at that moment nor did I ever bring it up to him later because, I thought, well maybe he is just missing mom.

To make a long story short, we now live under the same roof, and few weeks ago I noticed I was missing a pair of heels that I had just worn a few days earlier. I looked all over for them thinking maybe I had taken them off somewhere and forgotten to put them away. I then remembered the time a year or so ago when there was no one else at home but the two of us and I discovered that two of the drawers of my lingerie chest had been switched around. I was pretty sure I hadn't done that myself but since everything else was otherwise in order I thought, well maybe I did. Anyway after remembering that incident, I thought I would pick a time when dad was out and go search in his room. At the time he was preparing to go and visit my brother for a while so there were suitcases piled up all around the room. In looking in one of these suitcases, I found a lot of slips, nighties, etc (none of it mine) but in the middle of all this were my shoes. Now part of this sort of surprised me because while I have relatively big feet, I didn't really think my shoes would fit him. I guess I was wrong. Since I didn't want to make a big deal out of this, but also since I did want to wear the shoes, I decided to replace them with an older slightly different shade but otherwise similar shoes that I hardly ever wear, and decided to see what would happen. I don't know, I guess I thought they would reappear in my closet the same way they had disappeared, but it didn't happen.

After he left on his trip, I got kind of curious and decided to take a closer look in his room. I couldn't hardly believe it when I discovered buried deep in his closet two more pairs of my shoes! One was a sort of old pair I guess I kind of forgot I even had and the other a pair of special occasion black heels that I hadn't worn in a long time. Now I keep most of my shoes in the original boxes they came in and discovered a while back that the box these shoes were supposed to be in was empty. Again, at the time I thought it was a little strange, but that I maybe had tossed them out or something since I hadn't worn them in a while.

Anyway, my question is this this, what do I do, if anything? I have no problem with his dressing. and I don't think I have to worry about him taking anything else of mine since he is far heavier than I am I don't think any of my other things would fit him. However, I don't want him stealing my shoes either.

[JenniferMint]

This is vague, but I'm guessing the conversation would go something like,

1. I know you're crossdressing
2. I have no problem with it though, don't worry, and we can talk more about this as much as you want
3. However, my shoes are my property; please don't take them

[KateW]

I'm not a GG but they usually prefer it if you don't wear their clothes. Well at least in my case because I'm much taller and would probably stretch them. I would suggest saying that if he would like to borrow something in the future, could he please ask or buy his own clothes.

[Wenda]

I had the reverse situation, our eldest son, who at 30 still dresses, had several bras in his closet which belonged to our very attractive divorcee next-door-neighbour, for whom he babysat, as did his sister. I was really angry at him for stealing her things, promised I would never tell is mom, which I didn't, and set up a situation where he could return them. I told him if he wanted nice bras and thongs, he should save the money and buy his own. He still dresses, but has slowed his pace in the last year. (We have discussed dressing via email, but have never seen each other en femme.)
Our second son was/is ADD, very bright, very explosive. Also incredibly messy. When he had ignored several progressively more demanding requests to clean his room, I took it on. I found a very expensive corset that his mom had 'misplaced', some things that belonged to his sister, and some other items that he apparently had purchased. I explained to him that having/wearing women's clothes was his prerogitive, but groping through his sister's and mother's lingerie drawers was an invasion of privacy. I also advised him that although he was too robust to pass as a woman, if he wanted women's clothes, he should buy his own and look after them. He dressed on and off for a couple more years, but I don't think he dresses now.
Honesty is ultimately the best policy. Your dad has invaded your privacy, so I don't believe that an apology is necessary when you speak with him, tell him that you found your missing shoes in his stuff, and lay out the rules. If he were going to borrow your circular saw, he would probably ask, and tell when he was going to return it. Your (femme) shoes are no different. He dresses, and he should know better than anyone that he needs to respect your privacy and your space. It doesn't need to be a big blow-up, just a nice father/son/mommy/daughter "Dad, I don't mind you borrowing my stuff, but I was always taught that it is only polite to check with me beforehand, and to reutrn them when you have finished with them." Common courtesy. All the best!:happy:

[Shylittleshade]

I just lost my dad in January of last year. I would jump at the chance to bring him his choice of any of my shoes on a silver platter just to be able to sit across the breakfast table and look into his beautiful face and tell him I love him one more time.

He hopefully supported you in one way or another for most of your life. My advice: Buy more shoes.

SLS

[Denise_Z]

OK, this is wierd. I quickly checked yesterday to see if I had any replies to my question, and I could have sworn there were about four. Now there's only one, and apparently not by a GG, eventhough I had specificly requested GG answers.

Thank you for your input Shy. However, I requested GG input because I was looking for someone who had actually had this particular problem and I didn't think I would find any CD's who had experienced this.

As I recall from what answers there were before they so misteriously dissapeared, there weren't any from anyone who has had this happen to them anyway, despite the thoughtful responses. Like I said before though, I was looking for someone who had experinced it because until it really happens I don't think anyone can really say for certain how they would react. Well, apparently I am the only person here who has ever had her things taken without her knowledge or consent.

I think I am just rambling now so I'll shut up.

[SherryLynn GG]

Well my husband never took anything of mine because he never dressed after we started living together until after he told me about it, then he's allowed to anything I own we share everything

As far as what you should do, I would suggest maybe talking to your dad, explaining that you found your stuff in his closet....I would maybe tell him in the future if he wants to wear something of yours youd like for him to ask(if thats something youd want) if not maybe suggest that you two go shopping(if thats something youd be comfy doing) if you dont wanna do any of that then id try to tell him in a nice way that you dont like him taking your things without your knowledge and maybe offer to give him a couple pairs of older shoes that you have if you have any to spare or maybe just point out a few pair that youd be ok with him borrowing. Just my opinion :)

[Sharon]

OK, this is wierd. I quickly checked yesterday to see if I had any replies to my question, and I could have sworn there were about four. Now there's only one, and apparently not by a GG, eventhough I had specificly requested GG answers.

Thank you for your input Shy. However, I requested GG input because I was looking for someone who had actually had this particular problem and I didn't think I would find any CD's who had experienced this.



This is a public forum, free for all to participate in. If you want only GG's to reply, then I suggest you contact a mod of the private GG Forum to post your question in there, after which they can forward you the replies you get.

[Shylittleshade]

Denise, Hi! I sympathize with your problem and I noticed the missing posts too. Thought it weird.

Last time I check I was a GG. Let me look. Yup, its on my birth certificate. Female. And my aunt is visting. Whew!!! For a moment there, you had me worried.

Best of luck with your problem.

Shy

[Sandygal]

Sorry I'm not a GG. Wish I was sometimes. Simple problem. He's afraid to tell you and he's afraid to buy his own. Just tell him you know about his crossdressing and ask him if he would like you to buy him his own shoes. He knows its wrong to take your shoes, please don't scold him like a child. Just help him be happy, time is short..........Sandy

[dancinginthedark]

Hi sorry I didn't see this sooner got a full plate right now.
Not much fun to think yourself that forgetful or thoughtless as to misplace your stuff all the time as you know yourself now. So our POVs are exactly the same Denise- Once the secret came out I purchased my girl her own wardrobe and asked that nothing be borrowed anymore unless I was asked first. My hubby "borrowed" from me for close to 18 years before I was told he dressed. I was not a happy camper at the time, the news was too fresh for me to be completely understanding about the borrowing. It was the secretiveness behind it all that bothered me so much. I always try to be open minded and honest to a fault so his hiding bothered me very much in the beginning. I can see his POV better now days.

Since your Dad is borrowing from you it is a pretty safe bet he knows you dress too so at least that is a very big step saved for you. Like others have already stated you have at least two choices here:

1. Talk to Dad directly and set some boundaries

2. Let Dad enjoy his dressing in privacy, he may not be ready to come out and buy some more heels for yourself.

Just thought of another:
Buy Dad some new stuff and leave it for him: either in with your stuff for him to "borrow" or in his room to discover. However since Dad is getting up there and he won't be around forever, sorry to be so morbid, maybe leave him a note with the stuff so the choice to come out to you is there. Think of it as an invite to come on out. This lets you help him open a door that has been closed a very long time "if" he wants that. It may be too difficult for him to come out at this late date but you will never know and neither will he if he isn't invited to come out of that darn closet. It might be a wonderful chance for you to bond in a whole new way and become even closer. Best of luck to you Denise. Let us know how it turns out.

[Denise_Z]

Sharon, I know this is a public forum. However, I have seen other posts where the originator asked specificly for GG input only and was not chastisised for being a little upset when others posted instead. I feel like I am being singled out here by the first sentence of your reply. As for the rest of ypur reply, I am sorry I didn't realize it was possible to do that.

I see that the earlier replies have reappeared. I'm glad someone else noticed they were missing or I would have started to think I was really losing it.

Shy, I feel really embarrassed I didn't see the "A homegrown, cornfed GG" under your name. My apologies.

Thanks everyone else for your replies. I'm not really sure I feel comfortable confronting him with this, but I will give it some consideration.

[Anita Mae GG]

This is a public forum, free for all to participate in. If you want only GG's to reply, then I suggest you contact a mod of the private GG Forum to post your question in there, after which they can forward you the replies you get.
I thought since they took away the "Ask the GG's" Any threads that wanted only our opinion had to state so in the title. As a public group, can we not do this anymore? Not ask for a certain response? I didn't realize we had a rule change......just curious cuz I have been replying to threads like this over the last few weeks (GG opinions only)

[Mistress_Thorny]

I have known of my SO's dressing from the beginning and we share alot of things. Sometimes I will buy something that doesn't fir me well but does him and vise a versa. He is far more territorial over clothing and make up and such than I am but every once in a while I find it bothers me when he appears in my black boots without asking. But the truth is he wears tghem more than I do and looks better in them as well. So maybe the borrowing is not really the problem.

I would not confront him. He is obviously not ready to discuss it with you. He may never be. I would hate to go look for something special and find it gone. If the problem persists I would learn to lock my closet which will get him to stop it or confront the issue.

As far as comments from others than GG's... I would never turn away from advise from anyone... they may have some insight us GG's don't.

I wish you well

[kali GG]

i once put an old dress of mine in a bag of clothes to be donated to the salvation army, only to find it several months later in my husband's dresser drawer. he told me he saved it because it was the dress i was wearing when he first saw me and he was sentimental about it. i thought i had the best, sweetest husband in the world.

when he finally confessed his cd to me years later and i put two and two together, i realized why he had really kept the dress. when he admitted he had worn it, i was furious, devastated, disgusted, (sorry), terrified, and also felt erased as a woman, violated, and made a fool of.

i don't know that my experience applies to you because you are in a very different situation, and your discovery will not create the same kind of feelings in you, but for what it's worth, that is my story.

kali gg

[kali GG]

that your post asked for what to do, not how it felt. so i will share what i did. i told him to never touch my s&*t again or i was out the door. not proud of it but neither is he proud of his behavior. as you can see there's a lot of pain in our situation.

again, i'm sure none of this helps you...maybe i shouldn't have answered, but you did ask for gg responses.

kali gg

[Kerry Owens]

Probably the best way to handle it is to quietly get a stout lock put on your private room, and if your dad requests the reason...well, sit down and talk it out with him. Inform him you understand what he is doing, perhaps not why but at least you appreciate his crossdressing.
Next step is to request he understands your private stash is yours, and to please respect that.
Good luck, here's hoping he is capable of understanding and keep things on a even keel.

[Denise_Z]

I've thought about this for a while now, and I think that at least for the time being, I'm not going to do anything and just see how it goes for a while, as I'm not big on confrontation. Thanks for everyone, especialy the other GG's for your input. If anything new occurs or I decide to change my mind I'll keep you informed.