Who's hiding what ?

[Matty]

This isn't so much a question but rather something I was thinking about last night.

Now I'm not married but do date a lot, and never tell anyone about my xdressing Never have never will ! And was wondering what they could be hiding from me!

So I was thinking about how many CD's on this forum that haven't told anyone, not even there wife about it. And on the same thought could there be thing's that your wifes are hide from you..maybe they are a FtoM CD or even a spy "lol" would you know. So who's hiding what.


Just some thoughts
Matty

[Emily1]

...shouldnt that read - who's not telling the truth in their relationships ? or - who tells lies to their " loved ones " ?? .....
boasting that you will never tell the truth to your loved ones is hardly an endearing trait......:tongueout

[Marla S]

Most common is to be unfaithful.

Other than that: Never say never !!!

[Matty]

For me I never think about it as not telling the truth or a lie. As the topic never comes up where she asked if I'm a CD. But I'm sure if one of my girlfriends asked I would lie and say "no way"


Matty

[Emily1]

why lie ? ... seems crazy to me when she might ... just possibly ... say .. wow - thats so cool ..........:hugs:

[CarmenG]

hey Matty, were your parents escapees of the 60's ?:hiding: :lol2:

[Charleen]

I agree- Never say never! And BTW Carmen, what about the 60's? I'm an old hippy and that decade ROCKED! I even got out alive, and semi intact! Peace and Love, Lily

[Stephenie S]

Dear Matty,

Starting out an intimate relationship with the potential to last a long time based on the willingness to lie to your partner may be something you want to think over.

As you yourself wonder, what else could be hidden? Is this the way to start a marriage that should be based on trust? Many of us here sorely regret not saying something at the very beginning. The longer you wait, the harder it becomes. And remember, It NEVER goes away.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Karren H]

I wouldn't put unfaithfulness in the same catagory as no telling someone about crossdressing. Been faithful to my wife for over 32 years but that still doesn't mean that I wanted her to know about my crossdressing! Though she did find out and it wasn't as bad as I had imagined it would be. But hey, everyone has secrets of some sort, right? Something you didn't tell someone so as to not embarase yourself or them! Something you didn't mean to do but just happened? If not I'd like to nominate you for Sainthood! Hehehe. After all were just human. I've made my mistakes!!! And will continue to do so albeit I consider them to be smallish. :)

Love Karren

[Kate Simmons]

Guess I've been hiding the fact that I have no compunction in kicking the bad guy's asses. Kind of beginning to live my boyhood (er..girlhood) fantasy of being an adventuress. I can be sweet and feminine but will have no mercy on bad guys. Okay, ain't sayin' any more. Don't want to be accused of not being a lady. Ericka

[loki_uk]

...shouldnt that read - who's not telling the truth in their relationships ? or - who tells lies to their " loved ones " ?? .....
boasting that you will never tell the truth to your loved ones is hardly an endearing trait......:tongueout

Well ALL tell lies though it's human nature, we just dress it up as being polite even if it's just not being entirely honest about the price of that new TV,washing machine etc

[loki_uk]

For me I never think about it as not telling the truth or a lie. As the topic never comes up where she asked if I'm a CD. But I'm sure if one of my girlfriends asked I would lie and say "no way"


Matty

Well I've never strictly denied it as such, just dodged the question and said I just like dressing up which covers a multitude of sins

[Calliope]

Now I'm not married but do date a lot, and never tell anyone about my xdressing Never have never will ! And was wondering what they could be hiding from me!


Seems sad that you might fall in love with someone who will always hold from you a secret regarding his or her innermost personality.

[SherryLynn GG]

I think that maybe if you were able to find the right person and wanted to get married you might change your mind about telling them.

My husband said he felt like I finally knew all of him once he told me. Communication and trust are major things in a marriage.....and id hate to know that youd enter a long term relationship thinking that because you arent sharing your CDing that the other person is hiding/lying about something, Maybe one day you'll meet the person that you trust enough to share with

[Jennaie]

I think that it is best to be open with a person your intimate with. I have been told by women that I know all there is to know about them, they have told me everything.

Then, much later, I find out something that they never told me about and I get my feelings hurt over it. The excuse is always, well, the subject never came up, or well, you never ask.

That is still deception in my opinion, professionally, it is called non-disclosure. It will have repercussions if you do not disclose, whether she does or not. 0.02

[tekla west]

I'm not sure what our obligations are (morally or ethically) to divulge everything about ourselves. Total honesty is often thought of being a virtue, still, there are times when it borders on reckless.

In older days there was a clean and sharp distinction between "public" and "private" and the two were kept strictly segregated, and I'm not sure that was all that bad an idea.

For sure, those people never had to use the phrase "too much information" - happy were their lives for that fact.

Its part of the whole therapy / "I'm special" culture that we feel like we need to tell everyone everything, when in fact, they most likely don't want or need to know. There is an old adage about not asking questions you don't really want to know the answer to. What ever she is holding back is for her good, or yours. Either way, its probably OK not to know everything.

[Billijo49504]

Sorry but a lie is a lie is a lie. I don't care how you tell it, it's still a lie. My wife Knows all about me. We went shopping at LB Saturday night and spent a few bucks on my Credit Card. So she knows....BJ
ps. What works for you might be different than what works for me. But if it's not the truth, it's wrong.

[Lila GG]

I think that deciding in advance *not* to tell your partner about something that is a big part of your life could be a bit rash. Yes, most of us have secrets, and things we don't want others to know about because we feel they may not portray us in the best light, and by no means am I saying that these should be shared with anybody and everybody (unless you want to), but finding someone you love and trust and sharing even these bits with them can be really incredible.

When my husband told me about the cd'ing (soon after we got involved), it was such a huge show of trust and involvement on his part, that it moved the relationship to a stronger place and also helped me share things about myself with him that I had been holding on to... and made us a much stronger couple. I now don't worry about him finding out something about me in 5 years that might cause a lot of hurt, and vice versa. Not to say that new issues may not pop up, but why not start off on the right foot?

I realize that there are people who haven't been able to tell their long-term partners, for a variety of reasons, but since you are not in that kind of a relationship yet, I see it as an opportunity to pre-empt many of the issues revolving around having a spouse or girlfriend who doesn't know...

All the best,
Lila

[Matty]

God...you people have missed the whole point of my post...!

please read the last part carefully

And on the same thought could there be thing's that your wifes are hide from you..maybe they are a FtoM CD or even a spy "lol" would you know. So who's hiding what.

What I'm saying is that some people on this forum don't tell anyone that they are a CD, and on that same note maybe your wife or girlfriend is keeping something hidden from you !

[Joy Carter]

Matty I have been there I thought this would go away I was twenty when married but never told her for several years. She was devistated when I told her and told me rescently she would have liked to have had the choice if it were known. We have been married for thirtysix years but she on the other hand has been less than truthful with me. I don't hate her but it's just an example of how fickel she can be. "I just wish I would have had the chioce."

[Kate Simmons]

I knew what you were saying Matty, but why worry about it? The possibility always exists. Turnabout is fair play. Figure I'll burn that bridge when I cross it. Ericka

[Marla S]

What I'm saying is that some people on this forum don't tell anyone that they are a CD, and on that same note maybe your wife or girlfriend is keeping something hidden from you !

There could be a whole bunch of things that could be hidden.
Unfaithfulness.
Her ex has been better in bed than you.
She had 20 exs not 2.
She might have lesbian dreams (or already had a lesbian affair).
She has been a prostitute.
She has been raped.
She has been abused as a child.
She might have a dangerous illness.
She had an abortion before she met you.
She has been a criminal before.
she might be infertile.
She lost a heirloom of your g-grandma.
She lost a considerable amount of money.
She might be addicted of some kind.
etc.

Just give give your fancy full scope. You will find a lot of other things that might be worth hiding if she thinks you would reject her or it would hurt you, if she tells.

It all comes down to be able to be honest because there is enough confidence and faith in the relationship.

[Jackie-Ann]

This isn't so much a question but rather something I was thinking about last night.

Now I'm not married but do date a lot, and never tell anyone about my xdressing Never have never will ! And was wondering what they could be hiding from me!

So I was thinking about how many CD's on this forum that haven't told anyone, not even there wife about it. And on the same thought could there be thing's that your wifes are hide from you..maybe they are a FtoM CD or even a spy "lol" would you know. So who's hiding what.


Just some thoughts
Matty

I was always very open and eventually if I hid it will come out in my sexual life.I decided as time went by to let my girlfriends soon rather than later. You'll surprise that a lot of women will prefer to know off the bat than finding later. Trust in you, that's the reason. Especially if you're in a serious relationship but in your case you're not married or living with anybody, so it's not important.

[SherryLynn GG]

God...you people have missed the whole point of my post...!

please read the last part carefully

And on the same thought could there be thing's that your wifes are hide from you..maybe they are a FtoM CD or even a spy "lol" would you know. So who's hiding what.

What I'm saying is that some people on this forum don't tell anyone that they are a CD, and on that same note maybe your wife or girlfriend is keeping something hidden from you !

I think most of us did get the point of the post, but everyone was trying to say is that if your relationship has trust in it then you shouldnt have to worry about anything being hidden....My husband knows everything about me and I know everything about him......if a marriage or relationship has great trust & communication then you dont worry 24/7 if the other person is hiding something from you, at least thats my opinion :)

[BethGG]

I'm not sure what our obligations are (morally or ethically) to divulge everything about ourselves. Total honesty is often thought of being a virtue, still, there are times when it borders on reckless.

In older days there was a clean and sharp distinction between "public" and "private" and the two were kept strictly segregated, and I'm not sure that was all that bad an idea.

For sure, those people never had to use the phrase "too much information" - happy were their lives for that fact.

Its part of the whole therapy / "I'm special" culture that we feel like we need to tell everyone everything, when in fact, they most likely don't want or need to know. There is an old adage about not asking questions you don't really want to know the answer to. What ever she is holding back is for her good, or yours. Either way, its probably OK not to know everything.
Yeah but I would think that being in a relationship isn't considered just "public". I tell my SO private stuff because we are both open and honest, and trust each other. Tgirl told me right off about the CDing and I've always admired his courage(and said so at the time too!) in telling me. If you only tell your SO "public knowledge" type of stuff, what kind of close relationship is that? Not one I'd want.

Also, seems like you're saying CD'ing should be strictly private and no one should ever talk about it? What about people who are sick of being in the closet and want to help bring acceptance? Tgirl has told almost everyone in her life(including work), and everyone has always been very accepting and even said stuff like "wow cool! I feel so boring now". I think that's WAY more couragious then someone who tells absolutly no one and never tries to ever do anything about it.

[midwest GG]

God...you people have missed the whole point of my post...!

please read the last part carefully

And on the same thought could there be thing's that your wifes are hide from you..maybe they are a FtoM CD or even a spy "lol" would you know. So who's hiding what.

What I'm saying is that some people on this forum don't tell anyone that they are a CD, and on that same note maybe your wife or girlfriend is keeping something hidden from you !

HELLO,
I think you are meaning this a little bit lighter than a lot of people are taking your question. I know my husband more than anyone else in the world does, and he knows me the same way, however...do I think we know EVERYTHING about one another?? No, not at all. We have a eternity to know everything about one another, I don't want to know everything all right now, we won't have nothing to talk about for that long. I just found out about his CDing 4 months ago, and I don't in any way feel that he lied to me. I never asked, nor would have I ever thought to ask. And, he didn't tell me, I found some of his stuff and confronted him about it, never thinking that this was going to be his answer. I would not say that I am keeping anything hidden from my husband, but he doesn't need to know everything that I do all day every day. I am not saying it's anything bad, or that we would get into an arguement about, but, just everyday things, and everyday conversations. Like, only for an example....I don't tell him everytime I satisfy myself:D ...so, would that mean that I am lieing to him?? he doesn't tell me either, nor would I want to know, that is his own personal business. That is how I view his CDing, it is his feelings that he needs to nurture...Everyone has their own secrets...Remember...THIS IS JUST MY OWN OPINION FROM MY OWN EXPERIENCES!!!!! :p

[PTPJen]

I think sharing something with someone you love is the only way to get the best benefit out of it, hiding it from someone your in a relationship with makes it seem evil or just plain wrong.