Virgin

[Rhonda Callahan]

This is my first thread, and I'm not shy about doing it. I lurked for a few weeks, and then I finally figured out how to join in, and then I commented on a bunch of threads, and now, I'm finally doing my first, and it's Christmas time. Not looking for anything, especially, other than a little support. If you've looked at my background, I'm 54 yo, divorced, and I have a 21 yo son. He's great, and I'm proud. I'm entering into a time of great turmoil, with the ex wife, who is getting brainwashed into the whole holiday splitting thing, I'll have him for this one, and you have him for that one, and it's all just a crock of B.S. ! For 10 years we have done the holiday thing pretty well, but, now, the ex wants to start dividing it all. O.K., maybe it's time, after all, he's 21, and all. But, the ex and I know, that we spend the holidays alone, if we split it. It sucks, and I'm whining, but it sucks ! Sorry, but I think that this a place of support, and I want it. I talk to her as openly as we are talking now, and I'm hoping she'll come around. We care about eachother as much as we ever did, and I'm psed off about it ! No, neither of us date, and maybe we should have moved on a long time ago, but be that as it may , I'm just whining, and I hope you all won't mind too much. At least I have my Rhonda to keep me company ! She loves me unconditionally ! Just say hello at least, and forgive me for being emotional ! Pantys for all, and all for pantys!

[Julie]

Welcome again Rhonda, as Jenny says that's what we're here for and it's certainly got you P'd off, so throw it at us.

Who's brainwashing you ex wife in regards to where your son spends Christmas, surely at 21 he's old enough to decide where he wants to spend the holiday. The situation is a difficult one because it could end up with him walking away from both of you, with your wife in her present frame of mind I can only say tread carefully but vent it all here rather than exploding where it might cause lasting damage.

JJ

[carolynhcd]

I feel for your upset at this sensitive time of year and I am sorry that the acrimony between you and your ex is exacerbating it. You need to look on the bright side. You have the best girlfriend in the world: yourself. She loves you and wants only your happiness. What health you have she shares with you and wishes you nothing but well. You have us, a mixed bag at best, but nevertheless supportive. You have a great son and that is something to be proud of. So you're a girl now. That too is an accomplishment. Life is so brief it seems a shame not to stretch the boundaries of what we might be. As Shakespeare says in Hamlet, "We know what we are, but not what we might be." I am happy to share girlhood with you, as many of us here are, and I invite you to PM me anytime with your sobs, moans, gripes and grimaces and will offer you an organza covered shoulder to cry on.

[SherryAnn]

Helloooooooooooooooooooooo Rhonda!!! the only reason I have a pc is to be here & shop a little on ebay for girly things, Glad your here, have fun

[Sharon]

Rhonda,
If your son is 21, isn't there any way be could stay over Christmas Eve night with one of you and then move on to the other in the morning? If you and your ex keep bickering like this, don't be surprised if your son decides it's easier to just celebrate the day without either of you.

[wilma]

Sorry to hear the bad news. life just sucks from time to time. I think the one you should talk with is your son. At 21 he is old enough to make his own decisions. They may not be the choices you would prefer but at least he would know how you feel
By the way I am going through a divorce after 16 years, and if you want to share some thoughts e-mail me at [email protected]. LOL wilma

[Donna Louise]

First, Hello Rhonda

Hon, I feel your pain. My parents devoriced when I was 13. I did not talk to my father for 20 years. We finally talked and I explained how I was angry at him for leaving me behind. You see out of the 3 children born during their marriage I was his only one. Keep in mind they devoriced in 1967.

Your son is an adult. He should be able to realize what is happening. All I can say is enjoy whatever time you have together. Your love for him will come shinning through.

Not that I would recommend it to you but when I feel down I go buy myself something. I love to shop, really I do. I just wish I could try things on in the shops! I have bought some very beautiful things and gotten home and they just don't fit. That aside. I have so many things that my closet "runith over". I have had to start getting rid of things. That is why my ebay counter is almost up to 500! Not to mention things I have secretly given to my wifes girlfriends, my mother-in-law and donated to thrift stores. I told you girls, I love to shop.

Best of luck Rhonda, I hope the best for you and tonight I will add you to my prayer.

Hugs
Donna Louise

[racquel]

vent,bitch.howl,scream,we'll take it and offer our shoulder to cry on or to lean on.as jenny, said we are a support group.huggs

[JoannaDees]

Rhonda,

I guess I have the same dilemma, but maybe not as bad. My ex always wanted the kids for XMAS, and I usually said OK. Why? Well, because I see them all the time anyway. What's one day? See them the day after.

Maybe you feel too lonely at XMAS alone. I jumped into another relationship right away so I've never really spent it alone.

Now, for the real meat of my post. Whatever you do, do not force your son to choose. It is his choice, but it has to be without any pressure from either of you. If your ex does pressure, you don't, and you will be on the high road and he will appreciate it.

Joanna

[Rhonda Callahan]

And in general, thanks, I really appreciate the heartfelt caring. Just makes me more sure I'm in the right place. The crisis got resolved already, I talked to my ex, and to my son, and will do so even more over the next few days , about all this. In trying to do what I thought was protecting my son's feelings, I was hurting the ex's, and sometimes, vice-versa. It will all work out, and I will survive, as well as Rhonda. It's really very insightful, to connect Rhonda's feelings towards this, and the guy part as well. He's angry, and she's hurt, he thinks vengeful thoughts, and she wants only to heal and be caring. I'll let Rhonda rule, and I know I'll be happier with that. But as I think back, I've always let Rhonda have the last word, and that's why I love her/me so much ! And, for the first time after 10 years of being divorced, I think I'm starting to heal. I was soooo depressed when we split, almost suicidal, and have remained stuck in a survival mode since then, making adjustments to help me survive, and all the while making progress, I just couldn't see it. So, big hugs again to all, and let's all be there for eachother .