confusion of the secret

[vampiricCD]

well ive been out twice, but i dont likr to really talk about being a CD to my family or my girlfriend(my dad busted me and my gf doesnt know) infact when im not dressed i act like a "normal" vampiric gothic teenage CD, no one suspects a thing, but when my dad brings up the subject i instantly shut up and wont talk ntil i know he has dropped the subject, he thinks its a "mental disorder" that will go away after i talk to a shrink about it, and i fear the if i tell my gf she'll leave me but shes more unpredictable then bush and the war (BA-ZING...lol) and she's bi so she may like it but i dont know what to do...can anyone help me out here...im more lost then lewis and clark when they tried to find the columbia river (ba-zing)--plz help

[Wenda]

Hey vamp, welcome to the sisterhood. I am probably old enough to be your grandma, so will try to give you some ideas from that perspective. I just rediscovered dressing two years ago. When I found that two of my sons were experiementing, I discouraged it because I just felt they were too large to be passable. (one 6'1", 280 lb, the other 6'3", 285) At the time, I was more concerned about them making fools of themselves than anything else. Dressing and doing it poorly can be dangerous in certain parts of town.
You have found a good spot for support. There have been several threads with info re: resources to share with your family on dressing. There are several videos, books, etc that might help your dad understand. Interestingly, tonight I watched a film, C.R.A.Z.Y., won many awards for a French Canadian director. It is about the struggle a boy faces with his 'gift' (for healing) which is accompanied by another 'gift', homosexuality. His torment with being gay and denying it, praying for it to be 'over' is the overall theme of the film. His dad's love of him as a little boy, and his rejection when he believes his son is gay, and his eventual acceptance covers the plot. The father character is fairly stereotypical 1970's dad, but not mean nor slanted. Check it out.
I would recommend you be honest with your GF. If she is bi, then, like my GF says, 'just the two of us can be a threesome!" If not, there are lots of girls who would be cool with it, support it and enjoy having the secret with you. Lots of females are attracted to guys who are not macho knotheads. If she doesn't see it as a plus, cut the ties and put your line back in the water. Just be careful how you open the subject, because, if she is not OK with it, or if you break up and she is vindictive, she could use it against you.

[Emeralddragon]

Well as far as your dad thinking its a mental disorder he probably thought that from the beginning of your gothic antics. Most older people (30+ hey im 20 too ya know) Dont understand the whole goth mentality and see it as some sort of disorder. Just relax and once he sees youre like that for good it should all settle down and he will accept it. As for the GF..... i say tell her. Hell mine isnt bi but she still accepts it. She feels uncomfortable sometimes but when she does i stop and dont push. Just tell her and let her go at her own pace and also besides that quite a few goths tend to dress in womens clothes as a form of expression (or because they see it as an acceptable way to CD) so she shouldnt find it much of a shock nor should she mind too much if she accepts the rest of your personality.

[Julogden]

When I found that two of my sons were experiementing, I discouraged it because I just felt they were too large to be passable. (one 6'1", 280 lb, the other 6'3", 285) At the time, I was more concerned about them making fools of themselves than anything else. Dressing and doing it poorly can be dangerous in certain parts of town.

WHAT???? What's passable got to do with anything? Let's face it, most CD's are NOT passable. More often than not, if we go out in public, we are being clocked by most people who pay attention in the least. Don't confuse being tolerated with passing.

Besides, why should your sons be denied the freedom that you have? Do you pass?

It makes sense to avoid dangerous settings/situations, I have no argument there, but why oh why would you discourage them from dressing because there are some areas where they shouldn't go? Help them find safe outlets for their dressing, for crying out loud.

If you want to do what's right, you'd sit them down and work together to help them do what they need to do in a safe manner. If they want to work toward becoming more passable, great, help them, don't hinder them, but don't go passing judgement on them, telling them that they shouldn't dress because they don't look good enough!


You, of all people, should know better than to tell them they shouldn't explore their gender identities.

Carol, 6'5", 280 pounds and losing:Angry3:

[vampiricCD]

thanx for your advice ladies, i will certainly take it to heart!--jan