Why the double standard?

[Lila GG]

Hi, all...

another question I've been wondering about the past couple of days, as I read more on these forums and talk to my husband: sometimes when I'm with him as Mia, I accidentally address "her" using my husband's name, and vice versa from time to time I'll address my husband as Mia (yes, I'm a bit absent-minded like that, just depends what I'm thinking about at that moment). When I make a mistake and call him Mia, he just laughs and smiles -- I've never done it in public, luckily! Whereas when I've done it other way around (using my husband's name when he's en femme), his reaction is much more negative.

He says he hasn't noticed reacting any differently, and I've gotten a bit better at not getting the names confused -- just wondering if anyone had ideas as to why the reactions are so different, and if you've had any similar experiences.

Thanks,
Lila

[Rachel Morley]

Hi lila,

Ah, yes.....this is one (but not the only one) reason why I chose, what I consider to be, a gender neutral name. "Angel" can be a latino boy's name (although I'm not Latino) it can also be a girl's name, and it is an internet screen name in the same family as "Princess" or "Candy".

Anyway, if I get called Angel in boy mode, girly boy mode, or en femme, it's all the same to me. Although having said that, at more serious public outings like say, a Tri-Ess meeting, I have taken to calling myself Rachel. My advice would be to try to find a name that can be gender neutral then it won't matter what you say or when. :D

You asked, why are the reactions different? I would guess that to be called your guy name en femme is like "letting the cat out of the bag" so to speak and so depending on who is in ear shot, it has the chance of outing you. But if you're called a femme name when you're in guy mode you can laugh it off as a joke. 0.02

[Wenda]

When I am en drab, my GF and I refer to Wenda as a third person. A special friend for both of us. When I am en femme, she is usually in 'Jaya' mode, a moderate dominatrix. She has never used my male name when I am en femme. Your SO might be sensitive because she is uncertain about how femme she is, and using her male name breaks the spell, or ruins the illusion. It may imply that you are not really into the moment or taking it seriously. Most of us are not that confident about our femme image. Just a thought. Thank you for being aware of it and asking about it. Your SO is a lucky gurl. :happy:

[Rachel Morley]

Your SO might be sensitive because she is uncertain about how femme she is, and using her male name breaks the spell, or ruins the illusion. It may imply that you are not really into the moment or taking it seriously. Most of us are not that confident about our femme image.
Ah yes! that's it, of course! Thanks for putting it so eloquently Wenda. My view is, we cders aren't very confdent about our femme image at the best of times, so we don't want be reminded that we're trying to be something that we're not.

[Lila GG]

Your SO might be sensitive because she is uncertain about how femme she is, and using her male name breaks the spell, or ruins the illusion. It may imply that you are not really into the moment or taking it seriously.

That actually makes a lot of sense, I have been trying to be more mindful of the name issue. I'm so used to calling my husband "love" that he even asked me not to call Mia "love", saying it got confusing... But with this added insight, I don't think I'll slip again! (I hope) -- thanks, Wenda.

As for why he doesn't mind as much when I call him Mia by accident... still a mystery, though he does usually "laugh it off" as you said, Angel. So maybe he's more confident in his masculinity than in his femininity, which would make sense because he's had a lot more practice at it! Will definitely show him this when he comes home next week.

All the best, Lila

[Jessica Brekke]

As for why he doesn't mind as much when I call him Mia by accident... still a mystery, though he does usually "laugh it off" as you said, Angel.

Just a theory, but it might also be that when you call him 'Mia' even when he's in guy-mode, he thinks it's nice, because it means that you accept that part of him so completely.

[Helen MC]

As far as I am aware Helen is one of those female names, like Mary, Cathy and Susan which does not have a male equivalent, correct me if I am wrong in this matter.

I am Helen to myself, especially when "dressed" and as I always wear panties I am always en-femme next to my most intimate areas even if in male clotheing outdoors. When posting to this forum I am Helen, not my male name or personality.

Nobody else knows of my female persona, even when I wore a dress or skirt indoors at home when married my ex-wife, (which she tolerated), she never knew me as "Helen" . Like all of my friends and colleagues, even the few "in the know" , I have only been known by my male name and personna.

[Kate Simmons]

Don't know Hon. I wouldn't have a problem either way but that's just me. Ericka

[Joy Carter]

I have always had the expression " Oh Joy" so I kinda gravitated to the name for my gurl self easily.

[bgirl]

My wife doesnt understand having a girls name, among other things, but what ever she calls me I've been called worse, much worse. She is aware of my other side but has never met her and has not had the ocassion to call me by her name. I dont mind talking about myself in the second person, I am the second person!