just have to share this sorry

[NighttimeGirl]

I know we are all more or less in the same predicaments but I feel i have to share this,
I split up wi my g/f of nine years last week for around a week or so over many things the big issue is me dressing also, she wasnt able to handle it at all and it looked like things are coming to a head but then after me being away for a week she had a change of heart and decided to empty all the draws out and make wardrobe space for my clothes and we even went shopping today and brought some clothes together.
Apparently she never told me this in the whole of the nine years together, "when you dress up I find you attractive and start to hate myself because I am fancying A GIRL?"
I found this both mad and flattering but to be honest one day she is cool with it and the next day it is too much but she has told me she will make big changes were this is concerned, I dont force it on her and never had, I have very litle control of it sometimes though I found that the hardest thing to master in all the years especially as you come to love yourself. But I still get confused by her after all these years, I get mixed messages all the time regarding this form her

that was a long piece of crap and apologies if I have bored anyone to death and I hope you make out what I am taliking about, you know us Brits never explain things properly and I am in my rambling stage at the mo

[DonnaT]

Not boring at all.

My wife's been on again and off again with my dressing for over 30 yrs. I find it best to go with the flow most of the time. But, like you suggest, it can get to be overwhelming, thus resulting in episodes of dressing conflicting with times she wasn't up for it.

Make a commitment to each other not to get angry over it, and to let one another know your needs and feelings. Holding back can lead to a buildup of anger which can become explosive in some relationships.

Maybe your GF would like to join the forum?

[NighttimeGirl]

I think the forum is too much for her at the moment, she is unable to talk to anyone else regarding this on a comfortable level, i have friends and they know but she is unable to talk to any of them even female ones.

Its nice to be able to get someone elses persperctive, I have never knowingly been in the company of another CD this is a whole new world to me but one I want to share in, I know who I am now and that always helps. i dont go around the scene I have never but I would love to make friends with ppl in the same boat.
I need to be able to get me head around me gf at the mo tho and if she cant get her head round it then what chance have I got.
Thx for your reply
:thumbsup:

[Tina Dixon]

But I still get confused by her after all these years,

Join the biggest club and oldest in the history of the world:thumbsup:

[Phyliss]

Tina, You are SOOOOOO! right. 35+ years married and I still don't know which way the wind will blow from day to day.

[Lilith Moon]

Same here with my wife.

Some 95% of the time she doesn't want to know and refuses to talk about CD-ing. Then, out of the blue, she will suddenly offer support, or practical advice about some aspect of my dressing. Once we even went girlie shopping together, she seemed to have a great time. Then, she will shut down again for weeks or months at a time and get angry if I even mention the subject. I don't get it. :(

[NighttimeGirl]

omg this is giving me a real insight into this subject TY

So it isnt just my GF then is that a common trait, alls I can relate it to is the guilt I used to feel when I dressed, afterwards i would be disgusted with myself and put a footy vid on or something, now I couldnt give a monkeys, I wonder if she feels guilty (sub conciously) for not conforming to society?
could be,

[TVStevie]

afterwards i would be disgusted with myself and put a footy vid on or something
Presuming you follow your local team, I'd be fairly depressed after watching Forest. :p

Seriously though, I've been with my wife for 15 years and the CDing is still a huge issue between us. We're seeing professional people (therapists, not plumbers or the like!) in an attempt to sort things out once and for all.

I have no real answers for you, other than to be true to yourself. If you try to be someone that you are not, it will only manifest itself in other ways, or re-emerge at some point along the road. If this is something that your SO can't get come to terms with, then maybe she's not the one for you, although it's worth bearing in mind that my own impartiality is somewhat skewed at the moment. Actually, just ignore this post, other than the bit about Forest. :)

[Barb Valentine]

Join the biggest club and oldest in the history of the world:thumbsup:
Once again Tina hit the nail right on the head
It's so true
Subject to change without notice:heehee:

[Wenda]

I wonder if she feels guilty (sub conciously) for not conforming to society?
could be,
I think you nailed it, Nighttime. My GF is exceptionally sexy, and had to contend with the development of large breasts at a young age. She went to school in a convent, and the nuns wrapped her breasts in linens to keep them 'acceptable'. The more things that she (or her alter-ego, Jaya) do with Wenda, the more comfortable she becomes. I think at least once a day, after doing something a bit racy or flashy, she will give an embarassed little laugh and say, "I am bad!" I say, 'no, you are perfect", because for me she is. She has pretty well fulfilled all my fantasies, and some that I didn't know I had! Try to put your own insecurites in the background for a moment, and take your femme personality very seriosly and treat your SO like a female friend. Take the load off her. You are not trying to get laid or get lucky, you are just there as a GF, to help her discover who she is and what floats her boat. We discovered it by accident, and it has opened a whole new spectrum of feelings and understanding for both of us. all the best.:thumbsup: :thumbsup: (ps, if I looked as great as you do in your avatar, my GF would be nervous too!!)

[kathy gg]

HI Nighttime

I just wanted to make sure I post to this thread. When I read what your gf told you...well that could have been ME for a very long time (minus the being in a relationship part} . I actually realized {unlike your gf though} at a younger age that the idea of a guy dressed as a girl was a "turn-on".

I also had to reconcile with what it meant and said about "me" as a woman to be okay with this idea. I had to even entertain the possiblity that maybe I was not as "straight" as I thought I was. There was a rough few years of sorting through the labels and finding what "fit" in my life.

I first ackowledge that I like guys, I like their bodies and hey it is also just as fun when they are looking girlish. But, underneath it all the guy is still there. So therefore, for me, it is not like being with a 'gg girl'...just a good presentation of one. Which will probably upset some tg's on here, but hey, I know what I like, and this is how I feel. When I am with my crossdressing husband I don't see him as another female... Anyway, so if I don't like real genetic females with all those vaginas and boobs well that rules out me being a lesbian....but I really don't like men in the same way "straight" women do ...so that rules out "straight".....so now if someone says "queer" well I can live with that label.

But this took me many years to completely figure out and be able to talk about it the way I am talking to you now. Even 7 years ago it was still difficult for me to be as honest and frank about my feelings. I could say I wanted to be with a crossdresser...but when asked why I could never just say what I wanted to say.

Obviously your gf and I differ in how we got from point 'a' to point 'b'......she happened upon a crossdressing SO and discovered she enjoys it....where as I knew I liked it and was terrified of admitting I liked it and had never even dated one.

Really being "into" this goes against what all {well most all} our friends are doing. Being into this goes against what all those girly magazines tell us we should be looking for. It really bucks every conventional thought that we are told about what it means to have a heterosexual relationship. I mean all that Prince charming stuff gets pounded in us pretty young. This defies gender roles and expectations.

When I think of all the personal work I had to do on myself to get to where I am today I really am amazed I am here right now. THis was a very tough journey for me as a woman. And all this I am writing about does not even touch on the story of actually saying "okay I like this, now what?"
...this does not even cover all the actual adding of a crossdressing partner to the mix. THis is just me admitting what I am into!

I often wonder what my reaction would have been had this been sprung on me before I got to my peace of mind state that I have now about my "likes". Would I have freaked out ...knowing I like this but still clinging on to what a girl is supposed to be into! YIKES is all I can say.

So....I hope that gives you some small insight into what "being into" this does to us as women. As I said, these tiny paragraphs are only the tip of the iceberg into my journey of self discovery.

Making inner peace with one's attraction to this is no small feat.....nine years huh? ...! She might beat my old record! If I go all the way back; that was age 9 and I am 34 now.....you do the math. If she is able to admit it after nine years she really has me beat! :rolleyes: I would say this delima is worth complaing about if it takes her the 13 years it took me to say what I had been choking back for all those years....

And on that note....good night nighttime.








I know we are all more or less in the same predicaments but I feel i have to share this,
I split up wi my g/f of nine years last week for around a week or so over many things the big issue is me dressing also, she wasnt able to handle it at all and it looked like things are coming to a head but then after me being away for a week she had a change of heart and decided to empty all the draws out and make wardrobe space for my clothes and we even went shopping today and brought some clothes together.
Apparently she never told me this in the whole of the nine years together, "when you dress up I find you attractive and start to hate myself because I am fancying A GIRL?"
I found this both mad and flattering but to be honest one day she is cool with it and the next day it is too much but she has told me she will make big changes were this is concerned, I dont force it on her and never had, I have very litle control of it sometimes though I found that the hardest thing to master in all the years especially as you come to love yourself. But I still get confused by her after all these years, I get mixed messages all the time regarding this form her

that was a long piece of crap and apologies if I have bored anyone to death and I hope you make out what I am taliking about, you know us Brits never explain things properly and I am in my rambling stage at the mo

[Kate Simmons]

My wife has always been jealous over the time and attention I give to my femme self. She has bluntly stated she doesn't want Ericka to exist and that she wants a man, not half a man half a woman. This is the reason we are apart right now, so I know where you are coming from, Hon. Ericka

[NighttimeGirl]

She has bluntly stated she doesn't want Ericka to exist and that she wants a man, not half a man half a woman. This is the reason we are apart right now, Ericka

I hope you can work that out it is very difficult and I can really empathise.

Thx Kathy that was an amazing insight and I want to thank you for sharing it, it makes so much sense to me,
to get another gg view and especially one like yourself who is open and honest. :happy:

and as for Forest! well. I kind of gave up on them a while back :heehee:

I am learning everyday and this forum is becoming my encyclopedia. :

:OMG: