How many other members have suffered for the way we are?

[Janice Ashton]

As a new member I am interested to know if any other CD's TV's TS's have suffered in this way?

I have had two divorces and lost 4 relationships for being a TV / CD. The last one just recently, luckily enough not like the four before she didn't take; my home, furniture, car and money. Starting again and again has been hard, BUT "I'm still dressing"! Even when two of my last four relationships knew when first we met I was a TV (Cause I told them) they still couldn't except and live with it.

So have you had any experiences similar ? I don't think I'm alone here?
Be interested to hear your comments?

Louise x

[Stephenie S]

If they couldn't accept it, why, for God's sake, did you get married?

I have had two divorces, but not related to CDing. Unless you consider what a jerk I was as I tried to prove my masculinity to myself and all others. Women generaly don't appreciate being s**t on all the time, but I thought that was how "real" men acted.

Steph

[Karren H]

I bought some boots that were way too small once. Talk about suffer!! :D.

But when my wife found out, after all the freaking out and questions, were still together. And no lawyers were enriched in the process so overall I'd say....nope.

Love Karren

[renee k]

Hi Louise,

I've been down that road too, just not as many times. Was married for twenty years, she knew before we married, she thought I would change. The divorce was over several issues, my being away from home alot, (occupational hazard). Communication issue, we had two kids at the time, which were taking alot of our time, and of course my dressing, which I never did around the house. And yes divorce is full of heart ache, an emotional roller coaster. I vowed never to get in that position again. And after being single for fourteen years. I've been seeing someone very special for the last three years and we're becoming close friends and yes I'm going to tell her about me. And hope she's okay with it, will see were things go.
I don't think I could handle as many divorces as you have. It has taken me 10 of those fourteen years just to get myself back to where I was financially. Let alone the emotional toll. I'm not ready to jump in the marriage pool. I really like the way my life is now.

Huggs, Renee

[CaptLex]

So have you had any experiences similar ? I don't think I'm alone here? Be interested to hear your comments?
Does not being able to get into a relationship because of CD issues count as suffering? If so, then put me on the list. :(

[Calliope]

Does not being able to get into a relationship because of CD issues count as suffering?


It's possible CD issues have kept you out of truly painful relationships ...

[CaptLex]

It's possible CD issues have kept you out of truly painful relationships ...
Ummm . . . nope . . . not that I can think of. I've had plenty of painful relationships anyway. Of course, some of the issues there probably had CD/TG roots, although I didn't realize it at the time. :p

No, I think CD/TG issues have kept me out of good, positive relationships.

[hotbobbie]

My wife knew about me from day one. We have now gone our own why but are now good friends. Some times as we get older the two just go different ways and what you once had just isnt there any more. It can be more than the cding.

[drew44]

When I met another CD it all kind of fell into place. Even the intimate side!

[Melanie R]

My first marriage ended when my wife demanded that I give up crossdressing or her and the children. She told me that she was going to find a "real" man. I chose to be who I am and let her proceed with the divorce. She attempted in court to take away any of my visitation rights with the children. I ended up with full costody of the children and the judge gave her only limited visitation rights. Six years after I married Peggy and two weeks before her sudden death at age 42 she told me that making that demand on me was the biggest mistake of her life. She said she had the best man even if he enjoyed crossdressing. I have heard this story repeated MANY times from women who leave the marriage because of crossdressing and later discover that they had the best man They fell in love with the man who crosses gender lines because of his caring, sensitivity and other feminine qualities. Now to be fair to all in our community some crossdressers I have known I would have divorced if I had been their wife. They were so selfish and self-centered that their wives felt completely left out of their lives. Perhaps I will write a book from the perspective of a CD on how to make the marriage work. I can certainly talk about what not to do and say.

Hugs,

Melanie

[jennig]

Hi have been down the same road twice with marriages the last one took my soal and then spit it out. used th c/d against me well what can i say nobody said it was going to easy. hang in thier someone is sure to come into your life and being single dose have its plusses. more closet room to start.

good luck
love jennig:brokenheart:

[NighttimeGirl]

I know cd ing is a little of the cause but ppl in all walks of life divorce and suffer not just cd's
sometimes it is easier to place blame on a certain situation, it helps us to get closure < that a american line I think, get me Im going all Us of A ooooo :heehee:

but seriously I think we all have issues whether they be crossdressing or affairs or just plain old not getting on not to mention a billion more issues to split up,

I have never suffered a divorce and I am sorry for anyone who has but I wont get divorced because i will never marry,

Being a CD is like Dr Pepper

what's the worst that could happen?

[Stacie Stockman]

My mother beat me whenever she caught me, or ever had a suspicion that I was.

Or being ostracized by rest of the family as being different.

Guess that counts as suffering.

[Joy Carter]

Lost a good career over it ! But I'm over it now got a retirement and a good job making fair money. I look at it this way good people are hard to find it's their loss and my new employers find. I'm still married to the same gal after thirty six years, all is well with me.

[Janice Ashton]

Many thanks Girls for you replies so far I'm learning a lot I appreciate all your replies and will study them all,
Louise x

[Bobbie4]

Think i am in the same situation. Came out a year ago to her but after being supportive in the first she has turned angry toward me. What can i do?

[DAVIDA]

I told my wife about my litte secret the nigth I asked her to marry me.
It was the hardest thing I've ever done. She was the first person I told.
I had no idea how she would react. That was 16 years ago.The woman
actually helped me to finally come to terms with dressing. We have our problems just like all couples, but my dressing is not one of them.

[Jesse69]

My career and social life has suffered.

[perfume]

yes, i have been married 3 times, all my wifes knew i crossdressed. i bought three houses. and three sets of furniture, but the differance was. they did not leave me because of crossdressing.. because, i went out dressed with out them. but i waent far away, from where i lived. if you see my thread, iam in a stuation now ,that i want to tel everone, no surprise to my wifes and girl friend. just im tired of my secret. just like you must be.

[Gurly]

My mother beat me whenever she caught me, or ever had a suspicion that I was.

Or being ostracized by rest of the family as being different.

Guess that counts as suffering.

That's not suffering. That's hell on earth.

[Helen MC]

From the beginning in 1965 when I first wore a pair of my big sister's knickers (panties) and was turned on and enjoyed wearing them and later her skirts, dresses, bras etc, I realised that I had set myself apart and that I was "different" to many of the other boys of my time and social grouping. I soon learned from books etc that I was a Transvestite and was quite at ease with that. I also was smart enough to realise that I would need to make changes to my lifestyle in certain ways, for example to take precautions to make sure that I was not "busted" either at home or at school etc. I ensured that the bedroom door was bolted if I was getting dressed or undressed when wearing panties, I had a close call one time when my mum walked in on me but luckily she thought the pair of my sister Anne's Navy Blue Knickers I was wearing were my swimming trunks, but I made sure all was secure after that. Similarly, until I was able to ditch PE and Sports-which I hated anway- at the age of 15 , I wore Boys Y-Fronts which I also hated , on the day when I had to do PE/Games at School as I would have to get undressed in full view of the other Boys in the Dressing Room and I changed back into a nice pair of girls' knickers in a locked stall in the toilets as soon as I could after the lesson.

I also realised that certain more profound lifestyle changes were necessary. If I was to form a relationship with a woman I would have to be open up front with her about my Crossdressing and whenever I have had such relationships I have always told the woman as soon as matters got serious. Some have rejected me, a few didn't mind and indeed I was married for about 10 years and my ex-wife had no problems with my CD side and we shared a lot of our clothes both panties and others. When we split up my being a CD was not the issue.

One very important decision I made in my teens was that I would never father children. To be honest the idea was distasteful to me anyway, I had never wanted to be a father and all that that entails. I had experienced enough of my own childhood and didn't want to re-live it by proxy. Luckily my ex-wife didn't want kids either . No disrespect to those CDs who DO have children but I personally feel that there is too much incompatibility to be both, but again if you can square that circle good luck to you.

As to having suffered, this only happened to me about 30 years ago when I was accidentally busted in a place I then worked and where I did not fit in even before my wearing panties was discovered by a particualrly nasty and hostile co-worker and told to the others there. It was small business with a rather butch and macho ethos in the workforce whch I didn't realise until I after I had started there. The others were "jocks" as you would say in the USA, whereas I am an intellectual and aesthetic type, I'd rather go to an Orchestral Concert than a sports event. Even the few women who were on the workforce were bigoted and unsympathetic. I had a nasty time there with name calling and being the butt of cruel jokes and pranks until I got another job in a larger place and of course was very careful to ensure that nobody there found out.

So to my mind there are steps we can take to prevent suffering although sometimes we can be caught out as I was at work back then. Above all I do feel any CD should be open up front with his girlfriend and certainly if a long term relationship or marriage is likely. As to whether to have children , only the individual can decide that for themselves in conjunction with their partner but personally I feel it is ill advised and likely to end in tears to try to be both an M to F CD and a Father.

[Billijo49504]

The first wife had no problems with my CD'ing. that lasted for almost 13 yrs, till death do us part, she had brain cancer. My second wife is very supportive, we have been together for 21 years, going on 22. I wish you all the same good fortune I've had...BJ

[Janice Ashton]

Thank you all for your replies and some very personal stories which you have shared with us all. I am still interested to see if there will be more replies but will summarize my thoughts soon.
Louise x

[Imogen_Mann]

Only had one real relationship it was 13 years long, and it finished 2 yrs ago.... she went to such lengths to claim my dressing was not the seperation issue, it's utterly obvious that it was one of the key issues. She now lives with "uber-manly man" and to be honest.... I think she's unhappy but trapped there. Mr Army, Mr truck driver, Mr manly interests...

Blokes a dick ! LOL

Her loss... she cant borrow HIS stockings when she's laddered and late for work can she ? !!!

XX

Jayme

[Lilith Moon]

I'm not out, except to wife. But one manifestation of my femme self has always been my long shoulder length hair, which got to waist length at one point. In the 60s-70s this was simply regarded by workmates as an indication of my rebellious hippiness. As the years went by and most of those around me got their hair cut my long hair stood out more and more. As a guy pushing toward 50 my luxurious hair was definitely regarded as rather odd in my line of work...in a large communications company among very "conservative" technical types. Nobody ever said anything, but I was passed over for promotion *many* times despite being the most highly qualified and able person among my peers. I'm convinced it was the hair issue, although nobody ever admitted it.

Then there was my mother, who absolutely detested my hair and spent some 30 years trying to persuade me to get it cut. When she was in hospital, terminally ill, she insisted that I stood where most of the other patients could not see me. I remember her last words to me...."I'm ashamed of you." :(

I took early retirement a while back and now work for myself from a riverside cottage nestled among the Welsh hills. My appearance is still somewhat of an issue with the few neighbors we have, they refuse to speak to the "hippy next door" but that is OK by me.

However, that lovely hair of mine is now silvery gray...or would be if I didn't dye it every month. Worse still, male pattern baldness has now given me a rather fetching monk like appearance according to my wife...she has a "thing" about celibate monks :D However, my tonsure does not help with my femme dressing and so I'm now into wigs. I guess my own long hair is now redundant, for dressing purposes but I've had it for so long that I just can't bring myself to get it cut.

[oztallulah]

I too have suffered a marriage breakdown because of my CD'ing. And I think Melanie's contribution "because of crossdressing and later discover that they had the best man They fell in love with the man who crosses gender lines because of his caring, sensitivity and other feminine qualities." has pointed out one of the main things that occurs. The woman that I married liked the 'caring', 'softer' things I was offering in the relationship. Hopefully it wasn't just the fact I was also a good house cleaner. Anyway, be that as it may, I swore I would not enter into a lasting relationship ever again. Yes, I have had dalliances that have been openly accepting of my CD'ing, but they would be as friends (albeit very close) only. I won't go into the detail, but it has been okay.
My life has recently taken a change for the better.

[Bernice]

I too was physically attacked by my mother when caught in her clothing. Fortunately for me I guess, I was able to defend myself physically - though not emotionally. She pretended to approve, gave me a dress to call my own, then stole it away from me days later. She could be prety vitriolic and hostile, and was bound and determined that this was just a phase I was going through. She forced me to attend religious counseling, which was a tremendous waste of time because I wasn't about to confide in some total stranger who for all I knew might have been a child sexual molester.

Thus, my mother has no idea that I never outgrew this part of me. I let her believe whatever she wants to believe. At this stage in her life she is now completely dependent upon me and the nursing home, so it isn't much of an issue.

I also had a marriage break up - annulled. She woman said it was not an issue to her, but it apparently became an issue to the lawyer her father hired. Fortunately, I was too young then to have kids/property to fight over, and did not have to be present in court.

I also had a neighbor get hostile and physically threatening - which did an ugly psychological number on my SO. This jerk also beat his live-in girlfriend, so when he moved out, it was best for everyone else in the building.

The only part of all this history that I would classify as really suffering was the self-imposed agony of introspection, lonliness, and lack of self-esteem crossdressing caused me for the first twenty years. I've come a long way in terms of self acceptance and understanding! :hugs:

[julie w]

I am divorced after 20 years she knew about my dressing but did not want
see me The marriage ended because she did not pull her weight ,didnt cook
didnt work . she is now with a low payed guy whos idea of fun is watching tv , I have been with my gf for 5years we dont live together she
also wont see me dressed ,for me to get married the women would have to
be 100% supportive and go out with me dressed . and enjoy it ,in return
she would get to travel with me and I would pay for her tickets

[kittypw GG]

They fell in love with the man who crosses gender lines because of his caring, sensitivity and other feminine qualities. Now to be fair to all in our community some crossdressers I have known I would have divorced if I had been their wife. They were so selfish and self-centered that their wives felt completely left out of their lives. Perhaps I will write a book from the perspective of a CD on how to make the marriage work. I can certainly talk about what not to do and say.

Hugs,

Melanie

Yes, Melanie, now you are talking. This would be the kind of book that would be helpful. Many gg's talk about accepting their husbands crossdressing but get worn out because they have so many issues concerning it that are generally negative. The women get worn out by all of the depression and anger that their cd expresses. Things like jealousy that they wern't born a women, anger that they can't "pass". Anger that their wives don't sport the same enthusiasim for their little "hobby" that they have. My husband needs to have a handbook on how to achieve balance and how to be a good husband and partner. He is in the category of being more male. He doesn't posess the sensitivity or other female qualities that you speak of.

Alas, even if you wrote the book you would not be able to force someone to read it. At least it would give some of us hope that a peacful, respectful, loving crossdressing relationship could actually be achieved. Maybe it would bring the percentages of sucess up a few points. Right now I really see more unhappy relationships than happy. I would give anything to be in the happy group.

Here is a suggestion for the first chapter. "Patients is a virtue".
:hugs:

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Louise--

first off, sorry to hear all that!! i am finishing up a divorce now and i have 2 wonderful young girls and although i'm getting joint custody, it kills me that i cant be with them every day

but i do crossdress and lately as the divorce gets closer and "realer" ...it still seems like its not real sometimes...i'm dressing more and more and doing really fun things with it...

i choose to not blame my wife...i really shouldve told her but i didnt for lots of reasons and so i know she is suffering too

right now i'm making the choice to go 100% with the crossdressing and avoid relationships...i figure if its meant to be she'll find me

at least for now

take care

michele

[tekla west]

A comedian once said, "Insteed of going through another divorce I'm just going to go out and find a woman I hate and give her my house."

[Melanie R]

Alas, even if you wrote the book you would not be able to force someone to read it. At least it would give some of us hope that a peacful, respectful, loving crossdressing relationship could actually be achieved. Maybe it would bring the percentages of sucess up a few points. Right now I really see more unhappy relationships than happy. I would give anything to be in the happy group.

Here is a suggestion for the first chapter. "Patients is a virtue".
:hugs:

Yes, you are probably right. I find that most crossdressers and their wives have either not read Peggy's four books and other valuable books such as Helen Boyd's MHB or if they did read at least one of the books the contents went right through their ears and out their eyes. So why should they read a book by a crossdresser. Yesterday I picked up and re-read for the hundredth times My Husband Wears My Clothes. All the answers are there for all to see but it takes work to make the marriage successful. The truth is that so many crossdressers are selfish and expect everything to center around their dressing. I know I have been there and done that.

Hugs,

Melanie

[Barb Valentine]

My first wife knew but didn't approve ,It don't have anything to do with our breakup
My wife now knows nothing about it

[Scotty]

I had an SO, and we went our own ways. She knows and TRIES to approve but when she's angry she throws it at me so that was that...

I don't think I'll enter another LTR for a long time, It may sound selfish but I'm enjoying being single right now.......come winter it may become lonely but I'll probably be up here a lot more! :D Plus I'm making friends here too....

[sophie1]

hi i love my children l would not be without them i completely disagree with Helen on that. i think they are compatable
Sophie

[tekla west]

Being happy is something that starts at the beginning, not as a goal to be reached at the end. In order to do that you all need to start out on the same page. Sorry, many people bring this down on themselves by not being honest from the get go. As time go on, its the sorrow that compounds rather than the happiness building.

People of all stripes have problems, they fall in and out of love, and they change over time. CD might be part of it, but that fails to explain the widespread problems of relationships in the modern world.

[Janice Ashton]

Many, many thanks for all your replies it indicates to me there are a lot of us out there all with similar problems and it has answered my question in more ways than one. Thank you for being honest in your replies and sharing some of your troubles with me.
Best wishes Louise x

[Kristen Kelly]

Up until this point CDing didn't affect my life, just the opposite, I stopped for 2 years (my own doing) I didn't realize it I became depressed, gained 55 lbs, lost the drive to do much of anything, and my relationship with my GF was almost ruined. I went for counceling (last Sept) it started me to accept just who I am, but it was posting and chatting and getting out with the girls from here that gave me a new lease on life. Told my GF "My Secret" and things have never been better between us, lately things have only been positive, "My Glass is Half Full"