Sh*t hits the fan.

[AllisonUK]

...

[DanaJ]

Allison, I feel and understand your pain here - I just sent a PM to you :)

DanaJ

[MonaSmith]

Allison,

First, and most importantly, don't beat yourself up about this. It will not help you in the long run and you'll just feel worse.

It sounds like your friend is oversensitive to the comments made about you because he has only just become aware of your cding. Have any of the others said anything to you? If not then it might well just blow over. I get really paranoid sometimes when the conversation turns to my nails or my eyebrows but it blows over. I hide behind the metrosexual thing myself but I know that there will come a time when that won't cover it anymore.

Do you think that if your other friends knew that they would make a big deal out of it? They accept you now, right? Would it be such a bad thing if they knew? It might make it easier for you to be more yourself around them? That wouldn't be a bad thing, would it? You did say that you've already told some of your GG friends and they support you, your male friends might well do to.

I don't know what else to say, other than if you don't make a big deal out of it then they can't either. But, if you go in with all excuses blazing it just makes you look more 'guilty'. Try to laugh it off and not make a big deal about it.

Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

Good luck and don't forget that there are a lot of people on this forum who support and love you.

[DonnaT]

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_11_2.gif with Jenny and Mona!

[Sharon]

Allison,
Just hang in there and give your friend credit for watching out for you. It's probable that he's just a little sensitive to how you appear to be behaving or appearing. Give him more time to being comfortable with you again.
It should be comforting to you that you have a friend who's so protective of you.
And please -- don't let the lager become a way to escape your worries!
Sharon

[Paula A]

Allison;
It really sounds like your best mate was trying to help protect you, how did he act during the interigation by your other mates? Did he steer the conversation away from the subject? Think about it, don't go and bite the head off your best mate when he's the one trying to help.

Did L's side loose? that can tend to put one off a bit.

It just sounds like he is frustrated/confused and was looking to vent. Put yourself in his shoes for a minute and think about what might be going through his mind. Then ask him about it, since you have already confided in him talk to him and listen to him, understand that he could now be developing his issues with it, ask him for advice and help since he's your best mate.
It was a difficult situation Saturady night with the whole gang, they can tend to feed off one another and things can get out of hand.

You did say that you would not mention it again but if he really is your friend, talk to him.

If you do need to come clean with them (your mates, and I don't think you do untill you are ready) do it one at a time after the Holidays that way the gangs not all together for some time and you can weed out who really is your true friend. Of all the guys I hung out with I have one that would move hell and earth if I was ever in need. It really sounds like L was trying to protect you, a true friend.

Cheer up lass, if you have the day off don't waste it drinking the four lagers you have left and get a headache and ruin your day. Dress to the nines or go shopping, it is the holidays. :)

what you need is a big hug.

HUG :)

[MonaSmith]

Allison,

They are your friends. They don't have to like every little thing that you do. You say some of them are pretty homophobic. Does that make you not want to be their friend? No? Then it should work both ways. You have shared a lot of things with them, do you really think that they would forget all that stuff? You might not get much sympathy from some of them but then is sympathy what you want? Give them the benefit of the doubt, they might surprise you.

Your friend L might just be feeling a bit in the middle at the moment as he probably doesn't know how to handle what you told him. Don't forget we have all been hiding these things for a long time, imagine having it suddenly be an issue and trying to deal with it. You said some of your GG friends know about your cding, maybe getting him to talk with some of them will help him get it out of his system? It might just be that he needs someone to share it with.

Again, I hope that everything works out for you, I don't really know what I would do in your position, but I hope when it inevitably happens to me I handle it as well as you seem to be.

[Paula A]

Sounds like your on the right track, give him time you might find that after he checks out your site that he might have a better understanding of what has been burning up your insides since you were kids and bring it up himself.

BTW; who is your favorite football side?

[lizbendalin]

Allison,
this is my first real post here in response to someone, but I have some feelings that may be helpful in this situation. When one "comes out of the closet" to someone it can often be one of the most freeing thngs that we do. We suddenly feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off our backs. However, in reality, when we come out to only select people, all we have done is invite them into the closet with us. All of the worries and concerns we have felt over the years about being found out are suddenly shared by them. Give your friend a little time to get used to things. The closet is not a comfortable place for many people, and it takes some getting used to. Even if you aren't alone in it.

Hang in there!

Liz

We may not understand why people act the way they do,

[MonaSmith]

I hope that it goes well for all of you involved. It was a brave thing to tell your friend, I think that you deserve to feel good about yourself for that, no matter what happens.

I'm off to bed now, the Civil Service needs it's minions bright and alert.

Goodnight.

[LauraB]

Dear Allison

when i first started to live as a girl I went through a little of what you have had to endure.

It passed as people accepted me for what i am and those that could not i do not see these days.

Your friend may well be feeling a bit displaced by your honesty with him. You have done everything together and this has forged a bond that most others do not have. That old saying comes to mind that one has only 1 or 2 real friends the others are just dressing (or mates at best)

I feel that he will see that deep inside you are the same person he has always known and will be less hung up over this facet of his Best friends life that he had not known before. That may also be part of the problem that he did not know this side of you and may even feel a little cheated that he has only just now found this out. I suspect that in the past others may have made references to your gender to him but out of your ear shot. As a good friend would, he will have defended you and may feel now that he has less ammuntion to do so in the future. This too will pass if you are both truely best friends.

Keep the faith and be the same you he has always known, then he will see that this new side to your personality in facts makes you stronger and even more special than you were before.

Love and best wishes

Laura

[Paula A]

Never thought about it really, comming out to someone and end up brining them into the closet with us, good point.
since we have been there for so long it's only fitting to show them around a bit or allow them the time to explore it and be there to answer questions. I'll have to remember that one.
You will take your time and talk to your mates in due time, theres no need to cause an avalanch you know. Progress is best made in little steps, one after the other. Big jumps and you can get hurt on the landing.

Soccer you mean that game where you chase that silly little ball around the pitch for 90 minutes and try to get it into the back of the net? Yeah! I love it. I'm a starting forward for my local amature team and I coach a couple of good youth sides, I might be a real nut about it at times. Aberdeen is a good side this year they are doing well, (momemtum and confidence is a wonderfull thing) unfortunatly I can only follow through 4-4-2.
Getting good football over here is difficult and expensive, I'm barely lucky enough to get champions on the tele. time to get a satilite dish I supose. the local MLS sides, the matches just are not the same and the talent although improving is not the same either. Went to see juventis play barsolona last season and after that the MLS side came out to play. the performance was worse than the local high school, we left early.
Any hoo I'm off to get dinner, keep your chin up and keep smiling they'll all wonder what you are up to.

[Stephanie Brooks]

Hi Allison!

First, *HUGGLES* Sweetie.

I think the general consensus is that your friend was trying to protect you. I'll play the devil's advocate, having seen the other side more than once.

If you've never read "The Metamorphosis" by Franz Kafka, read it. Now. Get it in hardcopy or read it online; it's available. You are Gregor and some individuals in the world will see Allison as nothing more than an unclean insect regardless of how they saw MaleAllison (gotta call the guy side something).

Not everyone is going to be like that, but some are. My wife is like that, and one of my male friends is like that. My best girl buddy "Blade" is not.

I have a friend with whom I grew up, and have never told about Stephanie. I don't think he'd take it well. We knew each other from first grade, drank together more times than I can count where a few times we were a bit - uh - underage. We were brothers through friendship if not blood. We worked on cars together (engine rebuild, ventillation fan replacement (non-trivial as it required fender removal)). Geez, we fished, smoked cigarettes and cigars, ate deer burgers, went to baseball games, rode bikes, got high, played poker and blackjack, launched model rockets, all the Things That Guys Do.

Guys don't wear dresses. Guys don't have pretty nails. They don't shave their legs. They don't wax their eyebrows.

I hope for your sake that "L" will again see his friend in you, whether you're MaleAllison or Allison. He may not ever take to Allison.

Not everyone who knows MaleAllison will reject Allison, but some probably will.

We're here for you Allison.

[Tamara Croft]

Just remember... it doesn't matter what you look like on the outside, you are still the same person on the inside and doesn't the saying go... it's what's on the inside that counts?

:) *hugs* :)

Tamara x

[Nikki A.]

My two pence worth, your friend was trying to protect you and he is in a difficult position. It seems that you should be quiet about it for a while with the boys. Remember what is said can not be unsaid. When you do choose to be open with the rest I would agree that one on one would be best. True friends even if they don't agree will still be friends. Best of luck with whatever you decide.

[christine55]

I can relate to what you are going through. When I quit drinking and moved from Hawaii (talk about regrets) I have had no close friends. This is because I have become unwilling to put up the b.s. front which is necessary to have friends while maintaining a manly image. I have many people I am on friendly terms with but I still remain at a distance. It is time for me to break out of my shell and become close to people again, both men and women. There are many people who will be supportive. The ones who are not, ignore. No reason to flaunt ourselves but I see the necessity for taking the risks necessary to regain a social life. At the present time I am lucky in that I do not have (here) close friends who only know me as a regular guy. I can pick and choose.
Hugs, Christine

[Wendy me]

sometimes i think we struggle to have every one know who we are,and be happy for us that we tend not to rember that we did not just wake up one day as we are now it took a long time to be who we are .
struggles and questions fears and tears to bring out our fem. side you realy have to be a strong person to get your fem. sine to come out. and the crougage to want to tell the world "here i am.....this is me ".............just as tough to do ...........the proublem when we are sky rocketing forward in leaps and bounds the people around us don't have time to ease on into this thing we bring to them .

when you look at this way sometimes you can only feed someone if thay are ready to eat it .............one small bite at a time...........outhers ean chew it all up in one setting ............it depends who is at you comming out table how you serve the news

[Rachel Ann]

Allison

You deserve the best. Everything has been said by others.

So here are some hugs ((((((((((((Allison))))))))))))

Love

[Sierra]

It will pass this is the road we choose to ride,so be your self. Personaly for me it would be very upsetting to be thought of as gay,but as a tranny ....so what!If They cant handle it too bad,but really all is the same as it ever was after the shock sensation passes and they see your the same as ever.I dont deny it or lie about and people do admire courare and honesty.The truth will set you free.

[Marlene4a]

Allison:

I fully understand this frustration.
I am with you, and very much supportive.

[Lisa X]

Allison:
You friend is now in a new and somewhat difficult position knowing your secret. If other's find out about you, how will he defend you. If he defends you and supports you how does he look to ther others who are critical of your behavior. Will he be labeled as gay or be thought of being also involved in CDing. Like what has been mentioned in some of the other posts, he now has the burden of your secret and I am sure he was not ready for that.
Give him time and have some heart to heart talks with him and if he is a true friend, he will adjust and your friendship will continue to grow.

Take care
Lisa

[Rachel Ann]

Sounds to me like L is reaching out (if a wee bit), Allison. :)

[Stephanie Brooks]

Wow, Allison!

This is a good sign. I'm happy for you. If nothing else, he seems to still be your friend, and at least acknowledges "Allison". Good luck!

[Paula A]

Allison;
Glad to here that. Sounds like L is a real good friend and still supportive and is looking out for you.
All the best. :)

[Sharon]

He's definitely reaching out to you Allison and letting you know that everything's going to be cool between the two of you. I agree though on not pushing him. Let him adjust at his own speed.
Sharon

[MonaSmith]

Hi Allison,

I'm really glad that it is working out okay for you, both of you. Did you manage to get both of your 'L' friends to talk to each other or is that too much, too fast at the moment?

I'm really happy for you.

[MonaSmith]

Allison
I'm sorry that you missed the big xmas meal, maybe they got to talk a bit about you, were your ears burning? Did L come round the day after? If so, that can only be a good sign.

Wow, your shifts sound really harsh. I should stop complaining about my sedentary job, I think that I have it easy.

[Trinity_cat]

Hi Allison,
Good to see you back to your old self again ( well almost).
It just goes to show the power, love, friendship of all the Girls here. Every one of us is behind you through thick and thin. Personally I see this forum as a family, and we are all connected by one common interest. You will never find this togetherness in any other web site.
You started this thread in low esteem, but a few words later from your friends here, you've bounced right back. I've seen it before on this forum and it still amazes me.

As for your mate L. My guess is that he is to embarassed to discuss your CDing. and he hasn't figured out how to handle it. Time will tell. One day he is going to WANT to meet Allison, and it will be his decision.

[Sweet Susan]

Allison, this is most interesting stuff, and I'm glad things seemed to be smoothing out. How is it going at this point?

[Rachel Ann]

Quite glad it fizzled out really! :rolleyes:
Yes, hon, some things aren't meant to be. But you handled it admirably and showed loyalty above all! Good for you :)

[MonaSmith]

My horrible shifts are only for the few weeks leading up to xmas, the rest of the year my job is a total skive. Start at four in the morning, finish around eleven in the morning, get paid 'til one in the afternoon! :p

I don't call any job that starts at 4 in the morning a skive! I work for the Home Office, so I know a skive when I see one.

[Rachel Ann]

We get the idea, Allison :D

Sometimes we call it "Swiss Cheese"

[Jen_TGCD]

Ohhhhhh Myyyyy Goddddd... here we go again!!! :p :rolleyes:

[Rachel Ann]

Now all you've done is confuse me!! :p . . . swiss cheese
Just another way to talk about things sliced thinly, that are full of holes to begin with. Also known as "Salami tactics" (cf Henry Kissinger)

[Sweet Susan]

I must assume that skive means the same as skate, in occupational terms.

[Wendy me]

i worked that 4 noon shift i don't rember any 'thing good abought it
but glad things are ok with you,................. we useto call it a real mouther fuc_er

[carolynhcd]

I have been thinking about your posts here on this thread, Allison, and especially the one where you mention the history you have with all your mates and all the firsts you experienced with them. There comes at time in everyone's life where the past begins to fall away. It does not come without pain. If you can keep a mate or two from your youth you are blessed. This is true for most everyone, and how much more for those of us who are evolving into something very different than others? I have been thinking of a few of quotes from the Bard of late, and they seem to me appropriate.

"We know what we are, but not what we might be." We are familiar with our past and there is a great nostalgia for what is known. We love our friends and the many shared experiences that have formed us together. A time must come, however, when we must put away the things of our childhood and move on with our lives and make the journey we were meant to. We cannot take the others with us, for each has his own path to tread. So, we know what we have been, but it is harder to know where our path must take us.

"Oh, I could be prisoned in a nutshell and count myself the king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams." All the experiences, all the firsts you mentioned, all the friendship and conviviality, it is all so cozy, so safe that it seems to comprise the whole world. But for all that, it is a prison and one of very small confines. You, Allison, have dared to peep over the wonderwall of the nutshell prison that comprises your Northern life and have seen other ways to be, ways you are drawn to irresistably, ways you know are not wrong. Of all your childhood friends, it may be that you must tread this path, at this time, alone.

If it is your your fate to be a CD Frodo, we shall all be your Sam Gamgee. Feel free to PM me here or at Yahoo. Love, Carolyn

[MonaSmith]

Hi Allison,

That is really great news, I'm so happy for you. Wow, at this rate you'll be totally out and living full time as a girl in a few months.

And anyway what did you expect? He was in the Navy! He's probably seen and done more of this stuff than all of us put together!

So, next hurdle? Parents? Just think of the clothes you could buy (see other thread).

[Sweet Susan]

I love it! What a great progression from where this started!

[MonaSmith]

Baby steps girl, baby steps.

You'll get there, wherever you want to get to, just take it one small step at a time.

You're doing great, I am, once again, jealous.

[Noel Chimes]

The next time your friends gang up on your friend "L", walk in and ask them, " if you want to know about me ask the source, ME." Your friend has been there for you now let him know his friendship is worth it by being there for him. One true friend is worth one-thousand associates.
Hugs and kisses Noel

[DonnaT]

That is really good to hear Allison. That is indeed true friendship.

[Trinity_cat]

Truly great news Allison, I love happy endings :D beginnings whatever.

[Rikki]

Allison, that is great news. Why do we always expect the worst from the people that have been closest to us through thick and thin? You have great friends. I am glad that you have that weight off your sholders and can move on.

Rikki