Sexless Relationship

[Newbie]

Do any of the GGs out here have experience dealing with a sexless relationship? I've been with my boyfriend/fiancee for a total of 7 years... He told me he is a CD a couple months ago.

Our sex less has never been great, I am usually the instigator, but for the last 3 or 4 years, we've been intimate 3 times. And, he has never had an orgasm. I wonder if he could be asexual?

Anyone else have experience with a sexless relationship? I have a healthy sex drive, and my eyes are wandering elsewhere -- as I want to get laid!

[Sweet Susan]

None of my business, I suppose, but I might wonder if he isn't gay, not there is anything wrong with that. Seriously. Maybe he isn't even cognizant of it, perhaps he is and doesn't want to deal with it. Three times in the last four years and no orgasm tells me more than it doesn't. He might be bi-sexual, which can be a very good thing, as it leaves room for you and gives him an outlet. I'd say you should talk about it with him. Does getting dressed up stimulate him, at all? You might want to write yourself a list of questions to ask him, and be prepared for whatever he might say.

[tekla west]

most of the girls in here who went through the divorce thing know about a sexless relationship, it was the last few years together. Not everyone has the same sex drive, and it changes throughout your life too.

Much as I hate to say this ..... Two people with oppostite sex drives will have a hard time in a relationship. I mean 3 times in the last 3/4 years and you wonder if he is asexual? I'd check his pulse first and see if he is really alive. I mean, what floats his boat. Yes there are asexual people, but its really not the norm - and in 30 some years in the CD/TG community I find that most of us have a HIGHER than average sex drive. You really need to sit down and talk about this. could be something easy, some 'little' fetish he needs, or.....

[JenniferMint]

I was a heterosexual man in a romantic (but sexless) relationship with another heterosexual man. o_O

Now I'm M2F and he's CD/M2F.

[Calliope]

I realize the question is directed to GGs, but since I'm a compulsive 'netter, I'll open my yap for a moment ... I agree incompatible drives are usually curtains ... Funny, back when I was a lad, I was always horny and bugging the missus for what she'd just assume forget ... hardship, that ... and, weird, now that I'm out dressing, the drive is gone and I'm so relieved. The missus, losing one of her major playing cards, hasn't quite decided what she makes of this development.

[CDsWifey GG]

Our sex less has never been great, I am usually the instigator, but for the last 3 or 4 years, we've been intimate 3 times. And, he has never had an orgasm. I wonder if he could be asexual?




wow...My hubby had a pretty low sex drive (compared to me anyway) for a long time but now that he is accepting his dressing and beginning to accept himself and his feminine side, it is thru the roof. he puts the sex drive thing on the "I only did that b/c I was screwed up & repressed" list. So far seems to be true, things are definitely looking up:heehee: as for your fiances case I commend you for your patience b/c my guy would have been alone long before the 3-4 year mark...what does he say is the reason? surely you discuss it, having been together so long....have you ruled out medical reasons? I'll say it again....wow. I could never have been cool with it for so long....I would have been all over my guy grilling him about it and dragging him to docs....

[Wenda]

Our sex less has never been great, I am usually the instigator, but for the last 3 or 4 years, we've been intimate 3 times. And, he has never had an orgasm. I wonder if he could be asexual?

Anyone else have experience with a sexless relationship? I have a healthy sex drive, and my eyes are wandering elsewhere -- as I want to get laid!
This doesn't sound good. My ex and i were 'married' for 34 years. Our sex life deciined with each child. We had sex once in the last 14 years, and somehow, she managed to convince me it was my fault. Other than our love life, which was empty, our marriage appeared normal. I did not actively dress during ou marriage. Dressing was not an issue.
Although we were still living at the same address, my ex and I had decided to end the relationship and she cut me loose. I was very fortunate and had a marvellous, brief relationship with an attractive (Jamie Lee Curtis) younger woman who just thought that it was demented that I had not had sex in 14 years. She convinced me that I was not only normal, but attractive, intelligent and desirable. We didn't stay together, she said that 'would be silly', but she re-opened my confidence and my zest for life.
Your relationship: if you can't fix it, dump it! Don't waste 14 years!!! I am 58 years old, and still have a strong sex drive, as does my GF (same age). Don't let the dressing cloud the issue. We just bought some maid's outfits and a strap-on.... never mind!! Don't fly this relationship into the ground. If it can't be salvaged, bail out now!!

[kathy gg]

HI,

Hmm...there are people who consider themselves "asexual" and there are men and women who dont' really enjoy or get anything out of sex. Sometimes their truly is no interest or desire or want for it. Some people think sex is gross and icky and uncomfortable. This can happen for men and women, add tenfold when one has been abused......

BUT....

The big BUT is when you are not agreeing that this is acceptable. Have you talked to him about your feelings and your concerns?

I know that what I will say might be controversial....but I think when you have no physical reason not to have sex and you are not getting an explanation or there is no acknowledgeent that there is some problem it is time to to clear the air and talk about the elephant in the living room. And if the partner {be it male or female} refuses to talk about it, visit a Dr., or share with you the REAL problem for not being intimate it is time to re-evaluate the relationship.

It is not fair to ask a person to stay monogomous and committed when this piece of the relationship pie is not being fullfilled.

I think it is time to take a stand and talk about what is really going on.

And if you indeed find that he has no interest to be with you again....well then you know what you need to do....right?

[Kimberly]

in 30 some years in the CD/TG community I find that most of us have a HIGHER than average sex drive.
And then you meet me, who has only had an orgasm once, in the presence of someone else.

[BethGG]

I think a good idea would be seeing a therapist together. Bringing in a third party who has no reason to take either side might help, and you may be able to figure out issues that are bother either of you that you didn't even realize.

[sandra-leigh]

wow...My hubby had a pretty low sex drive (compared to me anyway) for a long time but now that he is accepting his dressing and beginning to accept himself and his feminine side, it is thru the roof. he puts the sex drive thing on the "I only did that b/c I was screwed up & repressed" list. So far seems to be true, things are definitely looking up:heehee:

Mismatch in sex drives can be a source of stress. Cross-dressing often helps reduce stress.

[kali GG]

I found out about my husband's CD 5 years into our marriage, and our sex life, which was never our strong suit, began to steadily deteriorate. I think the dressing wasn't the killer of the relationship per se, it was also the fact that he wanted to be submissive in bed and adopt a more feminine role. I couldn't handle that, I require some degree of masculinity and confidence in bed (no matter who is wearing what), so I would avoid sex. So would he, because he knew he would likely be rejected and because he was aware on some level we wanted totally different things. He thought I was boring; I thought he was weird. Just a total disaster.

I do also think his sex drive is a lot lower than mine. Wouldn't say asexual, just low. He was always very easily distracted and so if we ever did have sex, impotency was always a problem (in hindsight I think because he wasn't getting what he would have preferred sexually.) I wasn't satisfied either. Finally I told him we should just stop.

That was about a year ago. We're now separated. Our sexual incompatibility has caused me a lot of heartbreak, him too, I'm sure. We have two little boys who I sure wish could have had married parents.

Wishing you well,

Kali GG

[drew44]

To put a finer point on it. If he isn't gay or transgender. Then he may have testosterone depletion or early menapause. Get a doc to check him out

[Miss Vicki]

My sexual relationship has gone into a downhill slide over the past five years. I love my wife and would like to enjoy the sexual part of our relationship every day. Or at least three times a week.
However, She has been into Pre-, Regular-, and/or Post Menopause. Her desire for sex has changed with each phase. I do not how long each phase lasts. But I do know that she uses it whenever she wants to avoid my desire for sex.

Therefore, the last few years, I quit begging and sex is almost non-existant. Desire is there (from me). One way street. This is probably why I dress more than before.
So, Newbie, if you do stray, I hope you find what you are looking for. Or else PM me. We can r=then talk.

[kittypw GG]

Perhaps he is getting his sexual satisfaction from reading and induldging in fantasy? My sex drive has always been higher than my husbands. The only thing that seems to get him motivated is crossdressing and that just gets boring from my stand point. Many CD'S have said that they don't need real women because they can be their own girlfriend. It doesn't take as much effort to please yourself so maybe it is a matter of laziness to a degree or selfishness? I personally get more motivated when I know that I am pleasing my hubby but when he doesn't respond then that starts to feel like rejection and who needs that? You start to feel hurt that he can't stop thinking about crossdressing long enough to make you a priority in the bedroom. Soon you try to just not care about it because it hurts too much.

[RachelDenise]

I am currently in an asexual relationship. It is likely my fault. I find it hard to be intimate with my wife who won't have anything to do with Rachel, not even a rational discussion. No, I am not punishing her, but I can't be intimate with someone who rejects such a large part of myself. This is a sticky situation and I'm very aware of the consequences. I have no doubt that her response is that I'm taking care of my needs by myself. I would love to be back in a sexual relationship, but feel that is unlikely unless things change along the Rachelfront.

[annekathleen]

Since my second divorce, I have endulged my crossdressing more and more, and I have also explored by bi-sexual side.
Although I have had a steady g/f for about 4 years, I have to admit that we
dont have sex as often as when we first started seeing each other.
Sometimes I blame my decreased desire to be with her on current blood pressure medications that I'm taking and erectile disfunction ( yes I've tried viagra, cialis, and levitra ) They do help, but the side effects are less than enjoyable.
I do enjoy self gratification when I am crossdressing. Looking at my self in the mirror during several stages of dressing and undressing is such a turn on for me.

[DonnaT]

Our sex less has never been great, I am usually the instigator, but for the last 3 or 4 years, we've been intimate 3 times. And, he has never had an orgasm. I wonder if he could be asexual?

I like the idea that you are wondering if he may be asexual, and not jumping to conclusions that he may be bi or gay. :clap:

I know of at least two other Asexual persons who are transgendered, one of whom is married.

If you find this type of relationship too hard to handle, then it's best to break it off. You have every right to have your sexual needs met.

[Matty]

I'm sure to get flamed for this but....I'll say it anyways

Honestly...life is too short to wast time with someone who does not give you what you want or need "sex" is a big deal. Dump this guy and find someone that will fullfill all your needs.


"Sorry" just my thoughts
Matty