Dominating life

[cath]

We are now about 10 weeks on from when I discovered by accident about my hubby's dressing.
I am finding that it seems to be dominating our lives,even when I am feeling possitive about it all(which is the most of the time -now!!) I constantly am going over things in my head never coming to any conclusion,in a way not really looking for one. Just going over and over the last few months.
It wasn't as simple as just the dressing he has been out and met another CD,
they didnt get too intimate just touching. He was also exchanging intimate photos with other members of the forum he uses.(We have talked this through and agreed that this side of it will stop-I maybe being naive but time will tell)
I have found this site so helpful you are all great and when I do have a bad day I come on here and reading through some of the post which makes me smile.
Has any one else had this where no matter what you are doing its always there and how long before it settles down and becomes just part of life?

[Calliope]

Pink haze, 'everything is permitted' - it does sound like you've got yourself a bit of a rollercoaster there. My advice is to find a way to 'set limits' without sending your partner underground. I would guess a few months dressing every day or thereabouts will chill out the erotic indulges. Unless there's a gay element, then ... who knows ... you might be in for a bumpy ride. Wish I could be more encouraging, you seem like a real sweetheart of a partner.

[Seriosilly GG]

Well in my opinion, for starters, anything he is doing that is making you uncomfortable should be discussed and dealt with seperately. If he wasn't a CD would you be ok with him touching another person? However, you said he promised to stop, and if you have no reason not to believe him, then he will/ has stopped.

As for it taking up your whole lives, hopefully it is like any other phase/ change, and it will go away. I think it kind of like When you get a new toy when you are little and you play with it constantly, and then a few months later its in the corner shoved under a pile of clothes. Maybe your husband is excited of your approval and is going through the kid in a candy store phase as well.

Good luck!

[kali GG]

Where it was always in the back of my mind, 24/7, in the early days of my finding out, when I thought I could deal with it and tried so hard to. In my case, it never settled down to something I could live with and now we're separated.

I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything, but if it's always on your mind, are you sure you're as OK with it as you wish you were? (I've been in your shoes and that turned out to be true of me.)

It's interesting how people's relationships can be so different...I was really surprised to see a post from a GG saying her husband had been intimate with someone else, even if "only touching" and that you are OK with that. Whoa...I don't think I could ever handle that.

Anyway, one GG to another, I wish you luck, I'm sure that there are many GGs who initially had a problem and then got over it. In my experience, though, and those of some other posters around here, it does seem to go in cycles.

Best wishes,

Kali GG

[Melanie R]

Yes, Cath your husband reminds me of the kid in the candy store syndrome. Most of us have been there and done that. Your hubby is fortunate to have an understanding and accepting wife. He certainly does not want to lose your acceptance. I would tell him if I was at your house to put you as his priority not his CD buddies that he exchanges intimate photos with. He needs to find a balance in his life between the femininity and masculinity and stop acting like a child in the candy store. I see too many marriages go down the drain when this advice is not heeded.

Hugs,

Melanie

[rosiegurl]

how long it goes on kinda depends on you. you need to set limits on what you are comfertable with, otherwise he will just keep pushing the boundries in the belief that it's alright, right up to the point that it stops been alright and is a serious problem.

from the sound of it, he is willing to accept limits, just give him some to follow.

[vbcdgrl]

Cath, if you keep mulling this whole CD thing over in your mind, you're not OK with it. If I were a GG, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be happy in this situation (especially the other CD) . You shouldn't be put through this anguish. You don't say how long you've been married or if you have kids, etc. This, of course, can influence your decision. But, the reality is, you might have to give him the "CD or ME" ultimatum. Take control of the situation. Continuation of the relationship should be on your terms, not your hubby's.

Vikki

[Sandra]

If he is doing something that is bothering you then you must talk to him about it and make sure he knows excatly how you feel. It may help to set some guide lines that as Vikki above has said "on your terms" . I did this with Nigella my hubby. I basically took control she dressed when I said it was ok and it worked so much so that she now CDs 24/7 has no male clothes at all, I know this is maybe not what you want but I think it may help both of you. Above all keeping talking to your hubby

[Jenny Beth]

There are two issues here, one that he dresses and the other that he's "touching" and exchanging intimate photos with another CD. While in time you may become comfortable with the crossdressing part you've got to put your foot down and set some rules regarding the rest because it isn't "just part of life". If your relationship is to survive he has to be aware of and respect your feelings, it can't work any other way. I wish you luck.

[typical_guy]

We are now about 10 weeks on from when I discovered by accident about my hubby's dressing.
I am finding that it seems to be dominating our lives,even when I am feeling possitive about it all(which is the most of the time -now!!) I constantly am going over things in my head never coming to any conclusion,in a way not really looking for one. Just going over and over the last few months.
It wasn't as simple as just the dressing he has been out and met another CD,
they didnt get too intimate just touching. He was also exchanging intimate photos with other members of the forum he uses.(We have talked this through and agreed that this side of it will stop-I maybe being naive but time will tell)
I have found this site so helpful you are all great and when I do have a bad day I come on here and reading through some of the post which makes me smile.
Has any one else had this where no matter what you are doing its always there and how long before it settles down and becomes just part of life?
touching? excuse me??? call me old fashioned but you dont play with others when married crossdressed or not.

[suchacutie]

Being a CD should never be an excuse for inappropriate behavior. These issues must be separated totally. From your description his actions were inappropriate, and it seems clear you would not tolerate them when he is in male mode either (and you shouldn't).

Now that his need to "dress" is open to you, it is likely that you two will be spending some significant time with it in the near future. Hopefully the first issue can be eliminated, or the CD issue will pale in comparison. If he agrees his actions were inappropriate and does stop, you will both have a new facet of him to explore, and that could be very positive.

Tina

[ToyGirl]

i have to agree with the others , intimate and touching is not appropriate nor is using dressing as an excuse to do so.

[DonnaT]

It wasn't as simple as just the dressing he has been out and met another CD, they didnt get too intimate just touching. He was also exchanging intimate photos with other members of the forum he uses.(We have talked this through and agreed that this side of it will stop-I maybe being naive but time will tell)
If you had to discover this aspect as well, then there might be a bit of naivety involved.

However, if he told you all this after your discovery, then it sounds like he was being open and honest with everything. So I suggest giving him the benefit of the doubt, until proven otherwise.


Has any one else had this where no matter what you are doing its always there and how long before it settles down and becomes just part of life?
Sounds like you might have a lot of unanswered questions, so it may not settle down until you've had them asked and answered.

So, talk, ask, tell him your concerns, try to unlearn preconceived notions, compromise, compromise, compromise.

Everyone is different. So how long it takes for it not to dominate yourall's lives, depends on you and him.

Heck, after 30 years of knowing, my wife still has concerns.

[JenniferMint]

Well in my opinion, for starters, anything he is doing that is making you uncomfortable should be discussed and dealt with seperately. If he wasn't a CD would you be ok with him touching another person? However, you said he promised to stop, and if you have no reason not to believe him, then he will/ has stopped.

As for it taking up your whole lives, hopefully it is like any other phase/ change, and it will go away. I think it kind of like When you get a new toy when you are little and you play with it constantly, and then a few months later its in the corner shoved under a pile of clothes. Maybe your husband is excited of your approval and is going through the kid in a candy store phase as well.

Ugh, I know the feeling!

I run an online business which takes a lot of work to maintain. But I've been "wasting" so much time due to being M2F, just surfing the web and reading, or dressing up and trying out different poses in front of the mirror...

I'd be much more productive business-wise if I spent that time working.

[Janice Ashton]

Hi Cath its not for me say but each of my marriages and relationships (I've had a few) have ended because like your hubby's reactions after coming out or being found out by my other half "I" was the kid in the candy shop and thought I could do as I wished as regards dressing. I might add I did not seek other CD's company so there is a difference and I draw the line there in any relationship. The difference being in my case each of my partners who I told or found out let me go as far as they wanted to know or see then said au-revoir. Other factors did come into play but not crossing the line with another person, believe it or not. So I might wish to add if you do not set the rules from the start you may be investing in trouble for the future only patience and time will tell and that depends on your tolerance. Sorry to sound negative but my note to you is based on experience. All I can say is good luck and I hope it works out for both of you.
Louise

[gennee]

It took me about three months to settle down. My family is more important that my crossdressing. If this ever drove a wedge between us I would quit dressing. I'm happy to say that my wife accepts my dressing to some extent. She likes my outfits, so I let her wear them- and I hers. Has worked out better than I ever dreamed.

Setting some boundaries is a good idea. I will keep things in some perspective.

Gennee