i just dont understand

[jessica_newlin]

Well im new to this. i know im a cd tg. but yet im scared to bring my female side out in the open. this is a big step for me. im soon to be 27 her in a couple of hours i should be happy but yet im not. im a guy. im not a female. ive dune alot of resurch on the srs. i know i want it. but yet im still scared of what my family will say. my friends know that i want to become a female but thay just dont undrestand y. i try to exsplain myself but yeat it all comes out wrong. i know i want it but i cant tell u y. im seing a doc about it. shes helping me a little. im not happy i dont like myself. im not who im supposted to be. my life just ****en sucks right now. y cant i just be happy. im not happy being married. some people thinkl the only reason y i got married was to hide the fact that i was gay. am i gay i ask myself. i dont fell like im gay or is it a felling, yet i dont know. i just dont know. im thinking of sining myself into a hospital because this shit just depresses me. how can i be 27 and want to be a girl insted of being a male. please help me im lost and dont know what to do anymore... :( :confused:

[KewTnCurvy GG]

Wow! I'm a GG whose partner is CD. I know it can be tough but I don't know it in the way the grrls here do. I'm sure many will come with words of wisdom and support. Hang in there. Do go to the hospital if you think you might hurt yourself. Do you have someone with whom you can talk and feel comfortable? You might want to check what TG support services are in your area. Maybe talking with those who walk in your shoes would help. Other than that is my wish for your inner peace and happiness! It can happen. BIG HUGS!

HUGS
kew

[StephanieCD]

Hang out here more, hon - you'll find peace one day and we all accept you as you are. Tell it to us, sister.

[DonnaT]

Jessica, there are TS individuals who have decided to transistion from male to female much older than you.

This is one place to air out your concerns, usually in the "Transexual Discussion" part of the forum, but also here (One good thing about there not being so many different categories for discussion).

If you're not gay, you're not gay. You'd know by now. However, even post-op TSs sometimes change their preference. Probably do to the hormones. Nothing wrong with that, after all they are now women.

Don't try to explain to your friends until you fully understand. Know that you were born with a male sex but a female gender (TS).

How long have felt you should have been a female?

[Sharon]

Jessica,
Welcome to the forums and please feel free to write any time you want!
You don't mention how long you've been seeing your therapist, but it may be beneficial to try out another one, one who will better help you search for the answers you're seeking.
One thing I want to say to you is to be patient with yourself. Twenty-seven seems like a long time to you now, but in the whole scheme of things it is not.
You also don't mention how long you've felt this way. I assume it has been since childhood, but maybe not? How much time have you've actually devoted to thinking things through to yourself? I mean really thinking? Don't just concentrate about the negative or it can seem daunting to ever being able to resolve your questions. Think about the positive. The fact that you have friends and family who care about you. The fact that you've found this forum full of caring and loving soulmates.
Almost every girl here has gone through what you're dealing with now, at least to some degree. You're not alone!
Keep writing! And read some of the hundreds of similar threads for some perspective.
PM or e-mail me anytime you want if you just want to gab and compare
notes.

Love,
Sharon

[jessica_newlin]

to be honest with u i think no i know how i was when i felt the way that i did. i was 6 at the time taken a bath with my dad ofcourse..... i did tell hem at that age that maybe i would have been better if i was a girl... but with my dad he didnt think nothing of it. a couple years had gone bye i was probly 8 or 9 i was wearing little girl panties. of corse i liked it. i ended up with about 10 pairs of panties. but my parients didnt never find out or i dont think thay did. from the ages 11 to 15 i was werening my stepmothers clothes. i had a thing for stirups ther wasnt nothing better then that or i thought untill i got my first teddy oh boy did i love them.... i got to the point were i was going to the store just to still me some female cloths think god i never got cot doing that.. it got worse for me when i went to highschool.... i had a girlfriend i got to the point wher me and her would skip school to go to the mall to get me soom female cloths.... i gues it didnt bother her... i was 16 when i was busted by stepmother with my fav purple teddy..... my parents had a cow of course.... when she cought me i was in the middle of putting them on.... stuppied me... thay called my school of course that made me mad. i couldnt do a darn thing about it... thay made me give back to my girlfriend... but sneaky old me i got it back from her... i wasnt about to lose my faverit teddy because of my parents or my school... i moved out of my parents house about 3 months after my 16 birthday.. so i went to jobcorp... what fun i had ther once again i was back into stilling more female clothes.. i would go awol just to get them.. at jobcorp i had it made noone really didnt know me at first... i met someone ther that was into the samething that i was into.... he would go awol with me to go get female clothes... i was happy.. untill i got kicked out of ther because of a fight... so i went back home in louisville... oh it was hell when i got back... the first thing that happen was i got into a fight with my dad... i didn t want to live with hem and my stepmother.... so i moved to my mothers that i hadnt seen sence i was little... it wasnt untill i moved to florida with her that i was wearing her cloths.. i felt like a girl when i had the female cloths on....i ended up getting into trouble not with the law which was a good thing for me... so we moved back to indiana with my moms side of ther family... so i had to put her (my female side) up and not think of her. i didnt want my family to know that i liked to crossdress... thay wouldnt know how to take it... it made me depressed and i wanted to kill myself i couldnt take it so i went inpatent at blomington medows i never told noone ther what my real problems was..y because i was affaid of what thay would say... i was ther for 3 months untill i was sent to charter of jeff still i didnt tell them what my real problem was... i was ther untell i turned 18 then i went to madason st hosp... ther i met someone like me... i could talk to hem... i begged hem not to tell... which he never did... i finally got out of ther when i was 21... moved back into my dads which at that time he was devorced... no female around so i had hocked hem up with a laddy that i liked... i knew i couldnt give her nothing... but she had a daughter that was the same size as me boy oh boy my female side was coming back out... i lived with my dad for a few years untill i met this guy he was gay i was bi cour... he made me happy.... untill i met hem i told noone about my female sidenot even my mother... with hes help she was comening out more and more untill i met my now wife :mad: not happy with her altough she will get me all the female cloths that i want... it took her telling my mother that i was transgendered. she told her it okay but she dont want me dressed up like a female around her and my newlin side of the family. so i wrote my dad a nasty letter telling him about my female side that i wanted to have a sex change.... which i havent heard nothing else from him sence then... that was 3 weeks ago... i c a therapist now and have been seeing her now for a year.. i know im in the first part of what i want... i know i will have the srs someday soon. docter is trying to get me put on female hormones to help me but cant do that untill i have insurince... im 27 now and i know what i want... i want to be a female to fell in that void that is missen in my life... i want to be known as Jessica Nichol Newlin not Jeremy Dewey Lee Aaron :o boy that took alot off my shoulders.... now yall know a lot about me love yall and goodnite

[Tristen Cox]

Glad you got that off you mind. Thats what we're here for, to listen and try to help. First WELCOME to the forum, and second, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSICA!!!
Hold on to your direction, it may be hard but if you really want it, it will come. Just take time and breathe a bit and don't forget to blink too ;)
Thanks for sharing with us. And hope you stay around for a long time to come.
I am interested how this all works out for you.

*hugs*
Tristen

[DonnaT]

I'm glad to see you know what you want. Please have the courage to be patient, as it will come eventually.

As for what others want, with regard to your dressing, do what you want. They can accept it or not. You have a long life ahead of you, and you might as well be happy with it. Living your life to please others won't cut it.

If you feel sad, then feel sad. No need to hide it. The sadness will fade, especially if you focus on what makes you feel good about yourself.

However, please try not being angry. Intitial anger is fine, but continued anger at the same issue(s) accomplishes nothing, but can lead to depression. You'll feel much much better in the long run. And letting go of the anger will leave room to let others in.

[Georgette]

Jessica.
Go to the web site Samui GRS clinic they have a lot of information on the subject.
I hope this helps you.
Also welcome to our little corner of the world where everybody is a friend.