Wife threw out my things.

[elizabethb1]

Hello ladies, Let me tell you about my experience about my wife finding out about my interests. About a year ago my wife found one of my mini skirts on the Kitchen floor. She picked them up confronted me. We really got in to it. If fact I almost committed suicide. I was in my truck and had it running with the garage door shut. Lucky my brother and sister came over or I would not be here today. My wife and I went to councelling, But I still continued dressing. About a month ago I went to my hidding place and found all my things gone. She had purged them. I just send out for somemore things and will be recieving them in a few days. I have already received my breast forms, a litttle small but they will do for the time being. I'm wearing some of my wifes things until I recieve and replemished my own things. And I will be finding a better and new hiding place. I'm glade I got this off my breast and told someone about my incident. I feel better now. and will be out in around again soon. Hugs and kisses Elizabeth0.02

[Jasmine Ellis]

Elizabeth, don't feel down hun just pick your feet up and start again if thats what you want to do. Good luck on your way back

[Julogden]

Hi Elizabeth,

Sorry to hear that your wife is having so much trouble dealing with your feminine side, but glad that you're still with us.

Sounds like you two have some work to do regarding your marriage. I know how that is, I've been there too, and it isn't an easy thing to do, but it sounds like you two really have to start talking about this and work it out.

Good luck!
:hugs:

[Marla S]

Sorry to hear.


My wife and I went to councelling, But I still continued dressing.

Do you know what's entirely wrong with this phrase ?
It's should be:
"My wife and I went to councelling, But she still continues to throw out my clothes."

It's not up to you to give up CDing it's up to her to learn to (at least) accept (better respect) this part of your identity.
And it's definetly up to her to leave your things untouched.:Angry3:

[Wendy me]

wow sorry to hear that whole story ... think i would freek out if that happened to me....

[DonnaT]

Wow Elizabeth.

Suicide is never the answer. It's better to separate than take your own life. For many, separation has been the best thing that ever happened after the marriage became too rocky.

I suggest getting a strong box, like a gun safe, to keep your things in in the garage. Bolt it to the wall. Your wife is bound to search again, and let's face it, no place is safe in a house when one knows all the nooks and crannies.

Tell her it's cheaper than having to replace all your things every time she throws them out.

[EricaCD]

Whatever difficulties you may be having, it's simply not appropriate for your spouse to throw away your stuff. Two potential responses suggest themselves:

1. Throw away a few of her clothes that you don't like. (OK that's a bit childish.)

2. Replace the stuff she pitched with nicer, more expensive stuff. Let her know how much it cost - but not where you hid it of course...

Erica

[Bobbie Lee]

Sorry to hear that Elizabeth, I take it nothing came out of the counseling? I hope you can find a way to get your wife more open to your femme side. Does she even talk to you about it or is she ignoring the fact altogether? Just don't give up and keep talking to her if she will listen, if not maybe see a therapist on your own, it may help you deal with all this. Be sure to find one that deals in gender issues and remember that suicide is not the answer to anything. We are here to talk to if you need.
Bobbie

[Melissa A.]

Just glad you're still here, Elizabeth. Don't let someone else judge you into harming yourself. Your life is worth a whole lot more than that.

Lemee understand, she agreed to counseling, at least one of the issues is crossdressing, yet she continues to throw out your property.


At least she's not being unreasonable, or anything....

????????????????

Take care of yourself, sweetie.

Hugs,

Melissa:happy:

[Siobhan Marie]

Elizabeth, am so very sorry to hear what happened to you, I don't know what advice I can give you as I've never been down this road, so I won't try. The only thing I will say (if it helps) is hang in there and we're all here for you. If you want someone to talk to, please feel free to PM me.

loads of :hugs: and cuddles Anna x

[SherryLynn GG]

Sorry to hear.



Do you know what's entirely wrong with this phrase ?
It's should be:
"My wife and I went to councelling, But she still continues to throw out my clothes."

It's not up to you to give up CDing it's up to her to learn to (at least) accept (better respect) this part of your identity.
And it's definetly up to her to leave your things untouched.:Angry3:

She found out by finding a skirt laying in the kitchen floor, so obviously she wasnt told about the dressing from the beginning so why is it up to his wife to "accept" it??

In my honest opinion I think if you both want the marriage to work then you should be focused on making the marriage work and talking to your wife...you said you went to councelling but did you let her know then you would keep dressing?? or did you say youd stop??? Maybe thats why she threw out all the things.

Im not saying you should stop dressing but I think until you and your wife work things out she will continue to throw them out..You kept something from her and she found out on her own without you telling her, I can understand why she'd be upset & you certainly cant force her to accept the CDing....BUT you also shouldnt hide the fact that youre still doing it from her(if in fact you are hiding it, you didnt really say) I just figured since you had to hide clothes that she didnt think you were dressing anymore

A marriage is about trust & communication, if she cant trust you and you dont tell her what youre doing then it will probably never work and you'll just have to keep buying clothes to replace the ones she throws out...I know there wont be many people agree with anything ive said here but I had to take the wifes side on this one 0.02

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Elizabeth

Sorry to hear of your wife throwing things out
You say you went to counselling but still continued to dress.
I'm guessing the counsellor has had no experience with transgender issues and suggested you stop.
You need to communicate with you wife about how you both deal with the situation. Dont make promises you can't keep.
The hardest thing will be to try and sit down in a calm rational manner and decide what to do.

[Lilith Moon]

...I had to take the wifes side on this one

That says it all for me.

[Kristen Kelly]

She found out by finding a skirt laying in the kitchen floor, so obviously she wasnt told about the dressing from the beginning so why is it up to his wife to "accept" it??

In my honest opinion I think if you both want the marriage to work then you should be focused on making the marriage work and talking to your wife...you said you went to councelling but did you let her know then you would keep dressing?? or did you say youd stop??? Maybe thats why she threw out all the things.

Im not saying you should stop dressing but I think until you and your wife work things out she will continue to throw them out..You kept something from her and she found out on her own without you telling her, I can understand why she'd be upset & you certainly cant force her to accept the CDing....BUT you also shouldnt hide the fact that youre still doing it from her(if in fact you are hiding it, you didnt really say) I just figured since you had to hide clothes that she didnt think you were dressing anymore

A marriage is about trust & communication, if she cant trust you and you dont tell her what youre doing then it will probably never work and you'll just have to keep buying clothes to replace the ones she throws out...I know there wont be many people agree with anything ive said here but I had to take the wifes side on this one 0.02

Two wrongs don't make it right, If he even told her he had stopped dressing, she should not have taken upon herself to throw out the clothes, confront him with them discuss it, decide what is to be done jointly, act on it.

[Sarah Rabbit]

I know it is hard for an S.O. to take this news, but throwing out the 'Wardrobe' is not going to make the Situation disappear. Hun, your going to have to sit down with your wife and hash this out, or you are going to be spending a lot a cash replacing items you should already have. Keep us posted on the progress

:hugs:

Sarah R. :bunny:

[elizabethb1]

Thank you all for your support. We don't talk about my cding, she refuses to accept and that's that. Outside of this we have a good marriage. She just doesn't want to talk about it period. I just have to be a little more discreet. I know a couple of places she would not look because of insects and such. When she is out of town I've been out and about and will continue to do so. Thanks again for your concerns and support. Hugs and Kisses Elizabeth

[Jena11]

Elizabeth, My wife did the same thing to me years ago, I got over it but all by myself. Everyone here seems to support you. Take care Jena

[Scotty]

Take it out of her paycheck? :D

Sorry, just kidding.

Sounds like a common issue but sounds like she's non-negotiable on this whole deal.

That doesn't look good, honestly speaking one or both of you have to compromise to make the other happy.

[annekathleen]

O U C H !

[gennee]

So happy you're with us, Liz. Suicide isn't the answer. I'm sorry about what happened. Give it time so things can simmer down. This is a shock for her but I pray that she will understand why you dress. Educate yourself all you can in case she asks some questions.

Gennee


:Pray:

[Holly]

Elizabeth, I'm sorry that you are in the situation that you are in... but continuing to sneak around behind your wife's back is NOT going to make things any better, and could have a negative impact. Sneaking around behind her back and CDing against her wishes is sure to weaken whatever strength your relationship may currently enjoy. I hope that you will reconsider and attempt to come to some kind of resolution with her. At the very least, don't be deceitful with her. Don't lead her to believe you have stopped dressing when, in fact, you have not and have no intention of stopping. At the very least, be honest with her. She doesn't have to see you, she doesn't have to participate, she doesn't even have to like it... but she does need to respect you and respect for someone who is less than honest is not possible.

[Calliope]

I'm wearing some of my wifes things until I recieve and replemished my own things.

I'd be too angry to even get near her threads. Maybe there's hope ... of sorts. You've got it rough, that's a fact. Hold your head up high, sister.

[Barb Valentine]

You should ask her how she like it if you through out all of her things

[GG Vanya]

Thank you all for your support. We don't talk about my cding, she refuses to accept and that's that. Outside of this we have a good marriage. She just doesn't want to talk about it period. I just have to be a little more discreet. I know a couple of places she would not look because of insects and such. When she is out of town I've been out and about and will continue to do so. Thanks again for your concerns and support. Hugs and Kisses Elizabeth


While I agree your wife had no right to discard your belongings, I have to disagree with the comment I highlighted above.

A marriage based on lies, disrespect, deceit and sneaking around, (whether in private or public) can *not* be a "good marriage".

Communication is the cornerstone, and trust is the foundation, of a good marriage. Not to be harsh, but I can't see where either of these exist with you and your wife.

And just out of curiosity, how in the heck did one of your skirts end up on the kitchen floor? Surely you were more careful than that with your secret?

I am reminded of an amusing thing that happened with a couple Trudi and I are r/t friends with. During Christmas dinner, their dog came dragging one of the CD husband's wigs through the house. On another occasion, said doggie, dragged one of their highly X rated toys into the living room.

Surely you have an amusing explanation of how your skirt ended up in the kitchen?

[Bernice]

This might be a little too hostile, and/or a little too childish, but I think I would box up all her pants and split skirts and sweatpants, and shorts, and comfortable shoes, and hide them offsite, leaving her with only skirts and dresses and court shoes. When she freaks out, suggest that this is exactly how you felt about your involuntary purge, and that she can have them all back on the condition that she discusses this issue rationally with you. Otherwise, she can golly well dress like a "real" girl...

[Laura Jane]

This might be a little too hostile, and/or a little too childish, but I think I would box up all her pants and split skirts and sweatpants, and shorts, and comfortable shoes, and hide them offsite, leaving her with only skirts and dresses and court shoes. When she freaks out, suggest that this is exactly how you felt about your involuntary purge, and that she can have them all back on the condition that she discusses this issue rationally with you. Otherwise, she can golly well dress like a "real" girl...

I know what your getting at here, although perhaps it should just be the more 'masculine' stuff like trousers etc. It would be revenge, but I doubt it would solve anything! Maybe as a parting short in a break up it would make you feel better, but would do nothing to encourage better relations after the split!

[KateW]

This might be a little too hostile, and/or a little too childish, but I think I would box up all her pants and split skirts and sweatpants, and shorts, and comfortable shoes, and hide them offsite, leaving her with only skirts and dresses and court shoes. When she freaks out, suggest that this is exactly how you felt about your involuntary purge, and that she can have them all back on the condition that she discusses this issue rationally with you. Otherwise, she can golly well dress like a "real" girl...

I'm tempted to agree. I think that throwing out your clothes was out of order, and that is no way for her to reach any sort of common ground. Insist she stops wearing trousers, and wears full makeup at all times. (lol I wish someone would do that to me, but thats a different story!) Sorry to hear you are having so many problems, and please keep us updated.

[Lilith Moon]

Elizabeth,

Firstly, I would like to say that you are just as valid and worthwhile as any other person. The actions of those around you are a result of their own prejudice and ignorance. You may have made some mistakes but, heck, we can't all be experts in relationship handling.

I am a bit shocked that the people around you have treated you in such a way that you considered taking your own life and, what is worse, are continuing to treat you badly in the full knowledge of what has happened. I'm even more shocked that it is these same people who are getting some support in this forum.

Please, everybody, Elizabeth likes to wear women’s clothes and didn't tell her family...is this such a big deal ? To the point of being hounded to suicide ?

Regarding some of the other advice here...

I think that deliberate destruction or trashing of another persons belongings for any reason is way over the line, especially if it is done by a life partner. I feel very strongly about this and when it was done to me in my first marriage I retaliated in kind, immediately and vigorously. It was not a CD issue, by the way, it was, literally, burning of my books...educational textbooks. It spelled the death knell of my first marriage, but so be it. I would do the same again, anytime. My point is that retaliation in kind is a satisfying but irrevocable option and one that I would probably go for, but it is not any sort of way to fix up your marriage.

Elizabeth, be proud of who you are...cherish your gift and please stay in here with us. :hugs: :love:

[Tracy_Victoria]

Sorry to hear.



Do you know what's entirely wrong with this phrase ?
It's should be:
"My wife and I went to councelling, But she still continues to throw out my clothes."

It's not up to you to give up CDing it's up to her to learn to (at least) accept (better respect) this part of your identity.
And it's definetly up to her to leave your things untouched.:Angry3:

Sorry to come in on this late, but I had to reply to this, it is not up to the wife to accept. if a woman marries a guy, any guy then finds he does something she does not like (be it crossdressing, womanizing, drinking, abusing her, etc) it is not up to her to ACCEPT!!!

Some SO's try to understand, some even try to help, but if they really, really don't accept that action, any action in there partner, then as some do they have every right to up and leave.

Throwing the clothes away is not the issue here, we all do rash things in the heat of the moment, what is the issue is trust, truth and honesty, and if a SO/Partner suddenly finds out, all is not what she believed the relationship was, then there will be problems, for anyone.

I'm sure my partner would not be please to see a skirt left lying in the middle of the floor that was not hers, but for knowing I am a CD/TV i'm sure any womans reaction would be 1, what the hell is going on, 2, who does this belong to, and 3, who the hell is this woman thats leaving her clothes in the middle of my kitchen floor!!!

Sorry people, I know some people have to live in the closet, and i feel for you! But if you do, you need to cover your tracks for them to at least believe in there reality of being a normal everyday kind of guy, or be honest with them, there really can't be a half way, i'll leave all my girls clothes lying about anyway? Can there?

Just my :2c:

[raksha GG]

Hello ladies, Let me tell you about my experience about my wife finding out about my interests. About a year ago my wife found one of my mini skirts on the Kitchen floor. She picked them up confronted me. We really got in to it. If fact I almost committed suicide. I was in my truck and had it running with the garage door shut. Lucky my brother and sister came over or I would not be here today. My wife and I went to councelling, But I still continued dressing. About a month ago I went to my hidding place and found all my things gone. She had purged them. I just send out for somemore things and will be recieving them in a few days. I have already received my breast forms, a litttle small but they will do for the time being. I'm wearing some of my wifes things until I recieve and replemished my own things. And I will be finding a better and new hiding place. I'm glade I got this off my breast and told someone about my incident. I feel better now. and will be out in around again soon. Hugs and kisses Elizabeth0.02

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time Elizabeth.

What had you hoped to acheive through councelling? Did you or your wife expect you to be able to stop? And *why* for heaven sake leave a skirt on the floor? Why not tidy up after yourself? Has your wife given permission for you to wear her things? If not, I think what you are doing is as bad (if not worse) than her throwing your things away - now my Mum always told me two wrongs don't make a right.........

To me, there's more to this than a non accepting wife insisting on a purge - there's some serious communication problems which are leading to a relationship break down - and the CD'ing is a convenient way of each of you to blame your dissatisfaction with the current situation.....

[Tina Dixon]

Wow is it really worth killing your self over? Damn give up dressing or give up on her but don't kill your your self!

[Debbie GG]

Elizabeth,

Please, please if the situation ever gets so bad you feel like taking your own life, LEAVE.

I cannot imagine throwing out all the clothes. I could imagine leaving or throwing the cder out or yelling and screaming but not just disposing of the clothes, etc. and thinking that would really accomplish anything.

I must agree with everyone else that you and your SO really need to talk openly. I'm not a mental health professional but it seems to me she has other issues and needs help.

There is plenty of "blame" to go around if that's what you want to do. You don't say how long you have been together but why did she find out when a skirt was accidently left on the kitchen floor?

Start talking about all the issues in your relationship and maybe you can save it. Sometimes it takes a shock to make things better. Time may help but not if you only use it to bury the issues.

Good luck. :hugs:

Debbie GG

[MistyCD]

At least she didn't set them on fire !!!

I gotta tell you all a funny story. Years ago I was a volunteer firefighter and we responded to a fire call where a couple were arguing and the man finally went nuts and threw all his wife clothes on a pile in the driveway and set them on fire!!! well, when we got there he wouldn't let us anywhere near the fire and the cops had to be called. When the police had him handcuffed he was on the ground and he was so mad that he was eating clumps of grass in his lawn!!! we were laughing so hard it was almost could not put the fire out !!!

Hugs Misty

[Lisa Maren]

Hi Elizabeth

I'm really glad you're still with us. I’ve had my moments when I've thought about which way I would commit suicide if I did it (I figured I would probably do it in the garage with the door closed and a big "cinderblock" against the gas pedal while I take a nice long nap in the back with the seats down flat – maybe even have a whole six-pack first to make me drowsy).

It makes no sense to me when people say that suicide isn't the answer. Suicidal people aren’t looking for an answer. They attempt suicide, not because it's an answer, but because they can see no alternative. By the time they make the attempt, they’re beyond feeling hope, beyond thinking straight and, not infrequently, beyond “fit-shaced”. A suicidal person is looking, not for an answer, but for relief from an unbearable amount of emotional pain.

I have read some good suggestions as to why your wife might have felt the way she did. Seeing a strange skirt on the floor certainly can indicate an affair until one knows about the cross-dressing. It’s always hard for the SO to find out that her guy is a cross-dresser and I have always been strongly empathetic to that.

Nonetheless, she should not have thrown out your things. Yes, we have all have done things in the heat of the moment, but the heat of the moment does not justify or excuse one’s actions. Does your wife have a right to be pissed? Absolutely! Is her frustration and emotional pain justified? You bet your @$$ it is. Would she be justified for getting pissed again if she discovered you were dressing again without her knowing? #ell yes! Did she have the right to throw out your things? No way! All of her feelings were totally justified, to be sure -- but her actions were decidedly not.

However, you’re not off the hook, either. I believe that there are always at least two people responsible for every conflict, not just one. You both made your contributions. It certainly does not help things that you hid your cross-dressing from your wife. As others have said, if you are still dressing without her knowing it then that is a big No-No and you are making further contributions to the problem.

Anyway, once again, I’m glad you’re still with us and I hope things work out for both of you.

Hugs,
Lisa

[Tiffy]

You being a cd is who you are. When people open their minds they realise that the part of you they liked the most and found the sweetest was the traits of being a cd. I can not imagine my wife throwing all my stuff out. I would be crushed. It is hard for me to wrap my mind around how people can be so cold to the ones they love. I am glad you are still with us and hope to have you around for a long time. Keep your head up honey and keep plugging away. You are sweet, and wonderful. Just remember that.

My heart goes out to you and you are in my thoughts.

April Marie

[Helen MC]

My advice, Get divorced. From what I have read your marriage is dead but hasn't yet began to rot as it surely will. I feel you would be a lot happier being YOURSELF and on your own.

Of course I do feel that a CD should tell his G/F before they get married. I did and our eventual divorce wasn't over my CD side.

Anyway , Good Luck!