First wig

[cath]

Well my hubbys first wig arrived today,so he got dressed and I did his make-up then he put the wig on. I was expecting to laugh but instead my heart just sank. He look great fully dressed -he looked like a woman- and even though he dresses about twice a week when I'm around so I'm used to seeing him dressed this was just too much.
Is it just because it's new or have others found it too much as well?

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Cath

Remember you by doing his make up made him look that good.

Most CD's want to look good Why did you find it so depressing.

[Dragster]

Cath,
I understand your reaction. You probably thought you'd lost the man you married, the one you fell in love with. If he's anything like me, he's still the same guy underneath the clothes, make-up and wig, whatever he looks like on the surface, and you'll find this out in due course. If I were you, I'd also insist he be the "MAN" you married whenever you ask him, provided you let him be the "woman" he wants to be from time to time, you must be reasonably comfortable with it if you did his make-up anyway. I think you'll get used to it in a short while, unless you think he looks better than you; then either don't make him up so well, or make sure you do your own hair and make-up even better! I've heard of wives who re-discover their own girlie side, and have great fun with it, in situations like this. Maybe you will too.
I love my wife of 37 years dearly, but she can't even get her head around my CDing, let alone join in. You can just imagine how I'd feel towards her if she treated me like you treat your hubby. I hope he really appreaciates it. If not he doesn't deserve you!

All the best,
Tony

[Barb Valentine]

He's such a lucky guy to have you :happy:

[Wenda]

The wig IS the key piece in the puzzle. My family thought pics of me in my wig with make-up were those of my female cousin. Up until the time he puts on the wig, he is still just a guy in women's clothes. Once he puts on the hair, the transformation is complete. But, if you did the make-up, why would your heart sink? You have a new friend whom you have helped create and grow. Give yourself a pat on the back! Thank you for supporting him. Your feelings are normal. :D

[Tracy_Victoria]

Hi Cath

I know there have been a few pats on the back here for your efforts in helping your husband, but I don't thing some people realise the gravity of seeing someone such as your husband look totally different, even if you have had a hand in the makeover itself! It clear this episode came as a shock to you, and clearly you didn't expect the result you achived.

I'll agree that yes, a wig makes a major change to your appearance, it does to anyone male or female, not just crossdressers. but what you saw here seem like you when all out to create a totally female image, and in doing so you badly burned your fingers in the process!

Seeing a female wear a wig, makes a major change to her appearance, certainly if the sytle moves along way from her original hair, ie anyone wearing a wig that suits them, of a different colour and length to there original hair, will look totally different, to there normal self. add make up and a few accessories, ie glasses, contact lenses, and you can totally disguise yourself so even you best friend would not know you.

How ever in your case it was not just a makeup and wig, you saw the whole package, even though you had a hand in it construction, it still came as a shock. As people do not realise that if you don't need to add many body shaping pads to get a feminine form, no doubt your husband was wearing hose's (tight as we call them here) or stocking and suppender belt, which will pull his stomach in a bit more than normal hence enhancing his hips and tucking his waist! Add even the simpless of breast forms, and before you even apply make up, you can be well on your way to looking very fem, from the neck down!

Personally I think you made a major mistake here in going in to this feet first, and way to fast (I know it's to late to rectify that for you, but hopefully this post will help other GG/SO in the same situation, to take there time, and not rush in thinking all will be well and you can handle it. this is not often the case and your reaction here is no different to that which my partner had when she saw me fully dressed for the first time!

Basically Cath (I hope this makes sence!) you skipped steps 2, 3, 4, and 5, and just when right to 6. ie you didn't see your husband struggle to become fem, giving you time to examing the error of his ways, and then you would have been able to have corrected his errors over time, until you arrived at where you got to in this dressing session! which was the fact that he through your willingness to help, and your experence with makeup and hair/wigs you actually created a very feminine image, and thats what shocked you. I don't care what any body say, if you have the right tools, and the right clothes and atitude, anyone can look very feminine.

Sadly your not now going to be able to wipe the slate clean now, and please don't take this the wrong way, but you have now created your own frankensteins monster. ie you now know that your husband can actually look very feminine, and as it shocked you, because clearly it was something that totally suprized you, your now going to have to conquor that fear, every time you try to accept his dressing and try to help him

Unfortunately I can speak very much from experence here, in saying that my own story is very simular to your husbands. My Partner Raksha has known I crossdress fully for 13 years, but she still has that fear of my female side, and although she probably would never admit it to me (and maybe she will not to herself) I still think part of her deeper fear is that it will take over me, or us, or our relationship, and therefore she stuggles and finds it difficult to see my dressing as i do, as just a bit of fun, a laugh, and a chance to just be different for a while!

There are a few other issues that have caused us a problem over my dressing, but the biggest thing is she struggles to see me dressed as a girl, even though it's something I just love to do (when I want to!) I'm so grateful for here understanding, and her acceptance that I do, do this, if I need space She is more than willing to give it, However after 13 years, and since we have both become member of this board, i'm begining to realise that what ever fear she has, it's very very deep rooted, therefore I have accepted I don't think were ever going to able to have me (As Tracy) and her in the same room, let alone the things that go with a totally comfortable partner of a CD (note: I did not use the word understanding as she most certainly is that, in all aspects bar being able to share this with me when I'm dressed!) However dispite all of this I'm grateful for the freedom she gives me, and her effort to try!

All I can advise you is return to step 2, and let him dress himself, and then slowly add your input, ie he does not need to be fully dressed, you can do his makeup, yet he does not need to wear clothes or the wig. work your way in slowly, but remember not all SO' can handle seeing the guy they love become a girl, bravo, to those that can do it, but my admiration goes out to people like Raksha, who dispite the pain, the fears and the problems, they keep on trying.

good Luck, I hope it all works out for you.

[raksha GG]

Oh T-V - you do talk out of your bottom sometimes!!!:hugs:

Personally I think 'fear' is too strong a word - it's something I have needed to come to terms with gradually, and I made the mistake, like OP of jumping in with both feet........ Now we've take a few steps back, and are revisiting steps 2,3,4 & 5 (WHEN we get the chance, which isn't easy with two school age kids!) For me, discussing 'her' clothes, just doing the make up (NO wigs!), having a mutual 'facial' session, mutual manicures, pedicures etc. have been the best ways of getting to know the 'femme' side......

Baby steps OP, baby steps ;)

[Janet_Johnson_cd]

I'm still trying to find a nice wig for myself.

[Kate Simmons]

The wig is the "crowning glory" for a CD just as a woman's hair is for her. When I'm becoming Ericka, even while putting my makeup on, it doesn't "strike home" until it's time for the hair. It's not the final thing in my transformation ritual though. The final step for me is always lipstick, then I feel I'm a woman and ready to go. Funny how the little things give you confidence, huh? Anyway, I agree it can be scary, especially the first time for an SO to see what they helped to create with their man. Just take your time Hon. Ericka

[Jasmine Ellis]

I would like to say well done to you for helping with the make-up. you are one in a million :hugs:

[Karren H]

Well Cath, guess you were shocked because the guy you fell in love with doesn't look like a guy anymore! And that's got to be a big change for you. I remember when I first did my makeup and tried on my first wig. Couldn't believe that the woman in the mirror was really me!! Still don't recoginize myself sometimes. Lol. And thank god my wife has bever seen me dressed...I look way better as a woman than as a man anyday!!

Love Karren