Should I talk to my wife about this?

[panty-boy]

I think my wife knows about my desires but we have not had an open, frank discussion about it. She does not like any kind of confrontation and is afraid to talk about things that make her uncomfortable, like sex, bodily functions etc. Here are the things she knows about the situation:

1. 10 years ago when we were in college my wife dressed me and a friend and we went to a rave party.
2. One year for halloween, I dressed as a superhero in a red bodysuit, girls striped boy shorts and frilly anklet socks. That night I slept with the socks on.
3. My wife and I sold panties on eBay and there was a period of time I wore panties because I told her "They are more comfortable"
4. She went to check her email and the stupid browser pre-filled "panty-boy@...com" She asked me "Who is panty boy?" To which I responded that it was probably one of the guests at the party we hosted a few nights before.
5. She has mentioned more than once that sometimes I act more like a girl than she does.
6. She thinks it would be sexy if I got my ears pierced.
7. She is accepting of the fact that all my jeans are womens because the low-rise ones really do fit better.
8. She found pictures of me on our computer, playing with a toy and wearing frilly socks. Very upset, she confronted me about the pictures, I told her they were just for me, not published. She wanted to know why I was wearing the socks and I told her I liked wearing them for fun. She was upset for a few months, didn't want to touch me, talk about it, etc. It basically passed and life is "back to normal".

Now I feel as if she knows just about everything. Should I bring it up again, open the wound and be more explicit: "Honey, I am a crossdresser" Or is it safe to think she knows I like wearing girls clothes, she doesn't like it, and I shouldn't do anything in front of her and consider it something we both live with, without being truly accepting? Seems to me like its an open secret, I know she knows, but she doesn't want to know about it or have anything to do with it.

Your advice would be most helpful...

[Kristen Kelly]

May I be the first honesty is almost always best. First thing is be prepared have infomation at hand, have her set the pace, expect that she might cry alot, then be numb or mad you hadn't told her sooner. I have been going through this with my Long time GF for just over a month and she is compleatly turned on by it, even asked me to just wear womans panties around her, told me how she would like me to dress, wants to do my make-up for me, but that didn't happen overnite we had lots of conversations see my posts.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=34731

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=36222

Every woman is not the same but, as a lot we are selfish and expect our SO s to give into the idea of dressing. It is not always so, but being honest to her will unlock the guilt you have insde of you.

[Deidra Cowen]

Yeap honesty is da best policy. If you can't or won't give up dressing she needs to be clued in.

But like I usually say in these type threads I am divorced and I also had a GG GF that broke up with me so I am not greatest at these type questions on giving advice. Got a bad track record so to speak.

By the way I was totally upfront with my old GG GF and she dated me as Deidra 90% of the time. The other 10% I would be da guy for her. :tongueout

Just seems like CDing puts a ton of stress on a relationship...so be careful if ya want to keep her. Decide on which is more important to you...dressing or the relationship.

But most importantly...don't go on what crazies like me tell you! Go to a therapist and get some professional help first!!!

[EricaCD]

I think you need to tell her, because it's pretty obvious that you are not able to keep your interests 100.00% secret. I would NOT assume that she just knows that you are a crossdresser. And in any case it is really not fair to put the burden of discovery on her.

What do I mean? Bear in mind that if she does suspect it, she may well be carrying around a great many common (but usually incorrect) ideas - that you must be gay, that you must want to be a woman, etc. Indeed, she may be stressing out about this but unwilling or unable to confront you!

Leveling with her will give you the chance to begin the educational process - and let's you pick the time and develop the message.

Erica

[Kieron Andrew]

talking, open and honesty is the key to a lasting loving happy realationship

[Jasmine Ellis]

if you know she knows, then tell her

[cindyxdresser]

well you need to tell her immediatly,she might allready know,but then again might not,byt it is better to sit her down and tell her and get it out in the open.This way if she doesnt she will and the two of you can talk about it and each hear how the other feels about it.She will either allow you to dress around her ,,or not .If she is cool with it and allows you to dress and be around her as a girl you need to make sure it is ok with her first ,if she gets annoyed either you do it too much ,or when she isnt in the mood to see you in girl clothes it can cause her to not want you to dress at all.she needs to know for sure that you dress up and if you dont want to stop dressing.So many wives forbid ther husbands from dressing and think they will stop doing it,but if he doesnt want to he just does it behind her back,and if caught it causes alot of problems.Good luck and i hope she is cool with it and allows you to dress girly whenever you want and even help with the things a woman can.Just remember talk about it

[Scotty]

Wow.

I see this is one of the hottest topics besides whether to shave your legs or not.

In your case I think you may be OK, except for the toy part...

But I would not just blurt it out, I would ask her if it bothers her when you wear frilly stuff and maybe use that to broach the subject.

Being single it's ea sy for me to give advise, it's too easy and you and only you know your wife well enough to know whether this will fly or not.

Now me, Whew, I don't know now that I know who I am for the most part, whether I would even WANT to get into a relationship without them knowing FIRST thing, even before the first date. But that's anoher topic, my best relatioinship always started out as friends anyway.

Good luck with that, hope it goes well, but be cautious she was not just being tolerant of you playing around with those socks, ma ybe she didn't read into it and figured it was innocent - that's probably your biggest concern from my point of view - and if that's the case it may go over like a lead brick....not well...

Or she may already know and smile and say "I know that".....

[Ellaine]

Hi Pantyboy.. Honesty, is something nobody can seriously condemn in their own mind and your wife will always have to conceed if you've been honest.
But....From the little progresses you've told us of, it seems that she is ok so long as she is in charge or feels that she is initiating.
Trust seems to be one of the main issues here. She is on your case when a "pantyboy" turns up on your computer, but ok to prompt you into pierced ears and frilly socks.
It might help to think back, try to restore some trust, and see if there's some way to get her initiating again. e.g. expanding to a wider range of stock for ebay may have been a very good move.
If she were befriended by a female sympathetic to your cause, that could move mountains. She will need to be very confident in your love for her, and you will need to be willing to advance slowly slowly....and that could mean 20yrs!!!

No magic wand I'm afraid. :(

[Kate Simmons]

Uh, Yeah! You need to talk about it. Ericka Kay

[Megan72]

Anything that affects your lives as a family should be open for both to discuss.

[geri-tg.]

I am a changed person now that my wife knows that I am transgender.We have talked and we have compromised many times.Don't rush Her,let Her have the time she will need to adjust to knowing that you have a need to crossdress.Get some good reading material for Her.And don't forget life is a two way street. geri

[Lee51964]

but only you can deside if you want to talk to her about it just be careful on the words you choose