What am I supposed to feel

[paula6]

I love being a CD but it can be so confusing. Reading all of these forums makes me wonder if I am alone. I have been "sorta" CD all my life, first with my mum panties and slips, then my girl friends lingerie and finally my wifes panties. But it was not until the last couple of years that I really began to go further - dressing all the way and trying to be a lady.

But I still don't know what it all means and how I should feel. I occassionally make love to my wife with some feminie gear on - either a skirt, or a nightie, or, if I am really lucky, suspenders and stockings. She thinks I am being kinky and allows me my little whims now and then. I enjoy our love making.

In the last year I have slept with a couple of men I have met on the net on the condition they treat me as a lady. I have dressed up for them and made love to them as if I was a woman. I have really enjoyed it, but no more or no less then making love to my wife dressed as a woman.

To further confuse me, until recently I saw my lifestyle as a sex thing - and there is no denying that wearing sexy underwear is such a turn on for me. But lately I have also been wearing the "gear" just because I want to, not to be aroused or anything, but because it feels right.

How do others feel. Am I alone. Do you think I am just a closest gay (I don't) or is there something deeper. And finally, do CDs get together and have fun. Sometimes I think it would be nice to make love to another CD, but I have no idea if that is how I am supposed to behave.

Hope to here lots of advice and stories.

Paula XXX

[NighttimeGirl]

How do others feel. Am I alone. Do you think I am just a closest gay (I don't) or is there something deeper. And finally, do CDs get together and have fun. Sometimes I think it would be nice to make love to another CD, but I have no idea if that is how I am supposed to behave.

first thing is first you havent got to behave in a certain way to suit others providing it doesnt physically harm anyone, but the thing is have you talked to your Wife? whether you sleep with a man or a woman isn't important but what is important is being honest with your wife, you still had a affair and that is something that although you may be confused with I would recommend talking it out with her, I know it isnt easy, but when you say "is the way I am supposed to behave"?, well the simplest terms are like this I think, If you are Married you make a commitment (liflelong same as kids etc)
If you and your wife agree to sleep with others and you both accept that (male or female) then that is fine, I know it would tear my G/f apart if I ever cheated and it would me as well.
are you physically attracted to men or just men in womens clothes there is a slight differance, I mean were not all an artists, but we do have the ability to recognise one, i see another guy in the street and think yeah hes cool looking but there is no attraction there and I never would want to sleep with a guy,
ask yourslef do you want to make love to guys as a woman or do you just fancy guys full stop?,
there is a lot of mixed feelings there I know it is hard, but you have to be true to yourself before you can be true to others,

Good luck :hugs:

:love:

[Jasmine Ellis]

Frist you got to find a CDer who's the same way of thinking like you are. I wish you luck on this one.
As for me, I'm a NO NO. I do love the girls in here as friends, we are all sisters, a family. I do not dress to turn anyone on,

[GypsyKaren]

Golden rule in life #1...wife comes first.

Golden rule #2...if she doesn't come first, do her a favor and leave so you can carry on with whatever.

Karen

[older not wiser]

Hi Paula, I read and re-read your thread 4 or 5 times. It maybe me but I am getting alot of mixed signals here. Sounds to me that you may be bi-curious and trying to find out if you are gay(not necessarily bad), that maybe you want to be a woman 24/7(hormones, full operation etc etc) or that you want the best of ALL WORLDS!!!! The one outstanding fact is that you are married and you committed to your spouse for life like she to you. A gender therapist would be the person to see and that should help resolve some of the problems, it won't be easy and it will take some time but SEE ONE!

Love; BonnieAnne :GE:

[RikkiOfLA]

Hi Paula,

I have to agree with most of the other girls here.

There are certainly CDs who enjoy sex with each other. There are other CDs who only have sex with women, or with men. Still others have sex with more than one category of people. There are no rules about "what's expected" sexually--for CDs or for anyone else. People come in a rainbow of flavors. We were born that way.

But when we get married, we promise our spouse to be faithful to each other. And most spouses (male, female, CD, etc.) continue to expect that. Those expectations are the ones that matter, IMHO. The fact that she can accept you dressing a little bit is, IMHO, all the more reason to honor her trust in you.

So you've cheated? A lot of people have. Most do the discrete thing--stop doing it, and don't tell their spouse about it. In most cases it would break the spouse's heart to know the truth. It often leads to a divorce, and a very bitter one at that.

But if you're going to continue having sex with others (men, women, or CDs, it doesn't matter), then I think you should tell your wife. She might agree so that you both can fool around, if that's what you both want. If you do, it doesn't always work, of course. Sometimes it's just a step toward finding new lovers or a friendly divorce.

For my two cents worth, there is sex, and then there is making love. Sex is good, but making love is so much better. And to make love, you have to be in love. And the better you know each other, the more profoundly beautiful lovemaking can be. For me, faithful to the same person (28 years) is where it's at. But you'll have to make your own choice.

Regards,
Rikki

[Shelly Preston]

I think Bisexual is the word that springs to mind

I do however have some concerns .
How you choose to live your life is your choice but are you putting your wife at risk by sleeping with another man.
If however she knows you are doing that and accepts it
Please ensure you take all necessary precautions

[Stephenie S]

Dear Paula,

First, stop sleeping around. This is ****ty behavior and you have no right to do this to your wife. By sleeping with other men you are putting her (and yourself) at risk for STD.

Second, decide if you want to continue with this behavior. If you do, tell your wife and figure out TOGETHER if you want to stay married or get a divorce so that you can continue to sleep around without breaking your marriage vows.

That's my take on this.

Steph

[fionasboots]

I must agree with everyone else's comments here when they say that sleeping with anyone else, regardless of their gender, when you are already married means you are having an affair (or several).

This is just plain wrong. Thinking about it and being confused is one thing but actually acting on your thoughts and fantasies doesn't make you sound like someone who is confused, you sound like you know exactly what you want.

What makes it worse is that your wife seems fairly tolerant to your "kinky" requests to CD with her and even to sleep with her while dressed. She is obviously a very tolerant and accepting woman and I'm sure she would probably cope with you admitting to her that you actually are a cross dresser, I mean she alrerady knows.

Telling her you have slept with other people would likely break her heart.

[paula6]

Thanks everyone for your comments. I should have been more clear in what I said though. After sleeping with those men I decided to stop until sorted it all out in my head. You are correct, I need tobe honest not only to myself but to those I love as well.

Also, I knew about STDs so took all the proper precautions.

I will let you all know how it goes over the next few months

Paula XXX

[Joy Carter]

Being honest is important but at the cost of losing her, You need to stop cheating on her and for gods sake never tell her. It will cause major hurt and accomplish nothing. Get you relationship in order then tackle the issue of CD.:hugs:

[Kate Simmons]

Hi Paula. I gave up being a "lady" a while back. Now, being female or a woman, that's a different story. Ericka

[flatlander_48]

I love being a CD but it can be so confusing. Reading all of these forums makes me wonder if I am alone. I have been "sorta" CD all my life, first with my mum panties and slips, then my girl friends lingerie and finally my wifes panties. But it was not until the last couple of years that I really began to go further - dressing all the way and trying to be a lady.

But I still don't know what it all means and how I should feel. I occassionally make love to my wife with some feminie gear on - either a skirt, or a nightie, or, if I am really lucky, suspenders and stockings. She thinks I am being kinky and allows me my little whims now and then. I enjoy our love making.

In the last year I have slept with a couple of men I have met on the net on the condition they treat me as a lady. I have dressed up for them and made love to them as if I was a woman. I have really enjoyed it, but no more or no less then making love to my wife dressed as a woman.

To further confuse me, until recently I saw my lifestyle as a sex thing - and there is no denying that wearing sexy underwear is such a turn on for me. But lately I have also been wearing the "gear" just because I want to, not to be aroused or anything, but because it feels right.

How do others feel. Am I alone. Do you think I am just a closest gay (I don't) or is there something deeper. And finally, do CDs get together and have fun. Sometimes I think it would be nice to make love to another CD, but I have no idea if that is how I am supposed to behave.

Hope to here lots of advice and stories.

Paula XXX

Yes.

Perhaps all of the above. Perhaps very little of the above. Anyway, my point is that we are all a bit different. How we are "wired" at birth, our experiences, the expectations and consraints applied by those around us, etc. are all at least somewhat different. At best I think we can only generalize unless we have some very specific psychological or medical training. Even then it is a very difficult proposition.

While I have had some experiences that are fairly close to what you describe, I felt very different about them. Why? I don't know. What I figured out, for me, was that it seemed like being sexual was not associated very strongly with gender. The experience seemed to transcend gender or be independent of gender. Is that possible? I don't have a clue, but that is my interpretation of what I felt. Your milage may vary...

[kathy gg]

Is your wife aware that you have had affairs?

if not, do her a favor and get a separation. Regardless if you have worn protection or not, no person deserves to be treated like this. It is not her fault you are confused.

And if you are confused, figure out what you are and who you want to be with on your time...not hers.

I can't imagine many woman willing to forgive something as devestating as you have described.

Also, just because a guy is a crossdresser does not mean it has to be all about sex and act out every thought that goes through your little head {either one}.

Sorry to say....but I think you will find little sympathy here for being a cheater ....

[connie rotten]

We love to give advice here. All I can say is strive to be a happy person and disreguard the other lables.
My guess is you are a submisive bi-sexual man with a woman's underwear fetish.:2c: