DonnaT
12-10-2004, 08:05 PM
Back in the late 60's early 70's, my Dad used to bring home some management training booklets from the telephone company. In them were various scenarios and options for solving the issue at hand. Once you made your choice, you’d look up the one you chose to see if you chose right. If you chose wrong, it explained why. Right, it explained why it was the right one, or at least the best option available.
In that vain, here’s a scenario with four options.
Mary and John (a CD) meet, go out, date, get more comfortable with each other, fall in love, and get married.
John soon realizes he has a problem. He thought his CDing it was all behind him, but being around Mary’s feminine clothes has caused his urges to resurface.
"Mary has no idea, yet she love’s me," thought John. John has a serious talk with Mary, explaining all about crossdressing, how one is born transgendered, there is no cure, etc.. She’s hurt, but decides she still loves him and believes she can handle it.
Soon, they have a daughter, Erin. Like many good mothers, she wants Erin to have a safe happy home life. To raise her in a happy home with loving parents.
Thus, Mary revisits John’s crossdressing. She decides that for Erin’s sake, she has to make a decision. Her options:
A: She still loves him, his CDing hasn’t changed that. After mutual discussion and in respect for his need, they decide he’ll have to be more careful around Erin.
B: She still loves him, but he needs to curtail his CDing to when home alone, or in the guest bedroom. After mutual discussion he tried for A above, but that was not an option. So, out of respect for her, he agrees to curtail his CDing.
C: She doesn’t want Erin to be subjected to John’s CDing. She still loves him, but it is time to put John’s CDing to rest. She makes sure he purges all his fem belongings, or else. No further discussion will be tolerated.
D: None of the above.
Which would you choose, as the wife?
If you chose D: Please explain another option, and why this would appear to be a better solution.
If you chose C: John made a commitment, "for better or worse. . ." So John tries, but his urge is too strong. You don’t care, and want to hear no more about it. He has a hard time understanding why he must now stop, since you were ok with it for a while. He may become resentful, angry then depressed. He may find comfort in a drink every now and then. The drinking may become a release valve. You realize that he’s no longer the same loving caring father and husband he once was. Soon (1, 5, 10, 15 yrs), that happy home with loving parents you wanted for Erin is but a past dream. Divorce appears to be the only solution you can accept. Erin does not understand why. Do you tell her why? If so, then why keep it a secret in the first place. She may now hate you both for keeping it secret. She may hate you for not being understanding of your husbands needs. If you decide not to tell her why, she may think it is all her fault. After all, before she came along you two were happy and in love. That loving daughter may change now. Become a smoker a party girl. Losses all respect for you and/or her father. Knowing all these things MIGHT occur, do you still choose option C? If so, please explain, other than, "well that might not happen."
If you chose B: That happy home with loving parents you wanted for Erin becomes a reality, for now. Erin is unaware of her dad’s desire to crossdress. John has proven to be an excellent father. As Erin enters her early teen years, however, you become increasing worried that she will find out about her father. You begin to wonder what she will think of her father if she does find out. You soon see little things as a threat to Erin’s peace of mind. A pair of his panties in the wash. His failure to remove all traces of makeup. You ask he be more careful. His fem belongings are where Erin can find them. You ask that he lock them up. You come home unexpectedly and find him dressed. You argue that that could very well have been Erin coming home. Soon there is more and more discontent. Counseling is warranted, but does not help. He has been CDing now much too long to quit, and you both know it. You can’t change the way you feel either. Previous option C is no longer available. You decide, for Erin’s sake, on separation and maybe later divorce. That happy home with loving parents you wanted for Erin is but a past dream. The results of option C MIGHT then occur here also. Do you still choose option B? If so, please explain, other than, "well that might not happen."
If you chose A: This appears to be the best option, in light of all that MIGHT occur had you chose B or C. However, this option had the stipulation that John be "be more careful around Erin." What if he starts to slip, becomes a little careless. Do you now revisit option B? Option C?
Seems to be a no win situation, but it’s not. The "problem" can be easily solved. You see, the problem is not in John’s CDing, it is in acceptance and tolerance. Mary loved John. But how could this be, after all he’s a CD. She did not know it when she fell in love. She loved him for who he was, hopefully. And who he was included that CD side she knew nothing about. It should not have changed how she felt once she did find out, and initially it did not change.
What happened here, was the introduction of Erin into the equation. Instead of fearing what Erin would have thought of her father if she found out, they should have taught her early on tolerance for others and acceptance for what cannot be changed. This is true with respect to, for example, a person’s race or physical appearance (fat, skinny, handicap (mentally also)), sexual orientation or gender identity.
If Erin had been taught that CDing is not an aberration, then the happy home with loving parents Mary wanted for Erin would have been a lifelong reality, not a dream.
Another benefit of teach our kids tolerance and acceptance, hardly ever addressed, is that if Erin met Tom, went out, dated, got more comfortable with him, fell in love, got married, and then discovered he was a CD, they wouldn’t have to go through what Mary and John went through. Chances are pretty good that our daughters could very well meet and fall in love with a crossdresser.
Was long so I put it in a quote box.
In that vain, here’s a scenario with four options.
Mary and John (a CD) meet, go out, date, get more comfortable with each other, fall in love, and get married.
John soon realizes he has a problem. He thought his CDing it was all behind him, but being around Mary’s feminine clothes has caused his urges to resurface.
"Mary has no idea, yet she love’s me," thought John. John has a serious talk with Mary, explaining all about crossdressing, how one is born transgendered, there is no cure, etc.. She’s hurt, but decides she still loves him and believes she can handle it.
Soon, they have a daughter, Erin. Like many good mothers, she wants Erin to have a safe happy home life. To raise her in a happy home with loving parents.
Thus, Mary revisits John’s crossdressing. She decides that for Erin’s sake, she has to make a decision. Her options:
A: She still loves him, his CDing hasn’t changed that. After mutual discussion and in respect for his need, they decide he’ll have to be more careful around Erin.
B: She still loves him, but he needs to curtail his CDing to when home alone, or in the guest bedroom. After mutual discussion he tried for A above, but that was not an option. So, out of respect for her, he agrees to curtail his CDing.
C: She doesn’t want Erin to be subjected to John’s CDing. She still loves him, but it is time to put John’s CDing to rest. She makes sure he purges all his fem belongings, or else. No further discussion will be tolerated.
D: None of the above.
Which would you choose, as the wife?
If you chose D: Please explain another option, and why this would appear to be a better solution.
If you chose C: John made a commitment, "for better or worse. . ." So John tries, but his urge is too strong. You don’t care, and want to hear no more about it. He has a hard time understanding why he must now stop, since you were ok with it for a while. He may become resentful, angry then depressed. He may find comfort in a drink every now and then. The drinking may become a release valve. You realize that he’s no longer the same loving caring father and husband he once was. Soon (1, 5, 10, 15 yrs), that happy home with loving parents you wanted for Erin is but a past dream. Divorce appears to be the only solution you can accept. Erin does not understand why. Do you tell her why? If so, then why keep it a secret in the first place. She may now hate you both for keeping it secret. She may hate you for not being understanding of your husbands needs. If you decide not to tell her why, she may think it is all her fault. After all, before she came along you two were happy and in love. That loving daughter may change now. Become a smoker a party girl. Losses all respect for you and/or her father. Knowing all these things MIGHT occur, do you still choose option C? If so, please explain, other than, "well that might not happen."
If you chose B: That happy home with loving parents you wanted for Erin becomes a reality, for now. Erin is unaware of her dad’s desire to crossdress. John has proven to be an excellent father. As Erin enters her early teen years, however, you become increasing worried that she will find out about her father. You begin to wonder what she will think of her father if she does find out. You soon see little things as a threat to Erin’s peace of mind. A pair of his panties in the wash. His failure to remove all traces of makeup. You ask he be more careful. His fem belongings are where Erin can find them. You ask that he lock them up. You come home unexpectedly and find him dressed. You argue that that could very well have been Erin coming home. Soon there is more and more discontent. Counseling is warranted, but does not help. He has been CDing now much too long to quit, and you both know it. You can’t change the way you feel either. Previous option C is no longer available. You decide, for Erin’s sake, on separation and maybe later divorce. That happy home with loving parents you wanted for Erin is but a past dream. The results of option C MIGHT then occur here also. Do you still choose option B? If so, please explain, other than, "well that might not happen."
If you chose A: This appears to be the best option, in light of all that MIGHT occur had you chose B or C. However, this option had the stipulation that John be "be more careful around Erin." What if he starts to slip, becomes a little careless. Do you now revisit option B? Option C?
Seems to be a no win situation, but it’s not. The "problem" can be easily solved. You see, the problem is not in John’s CDing, it is in acceptance and tolerance. Mary loved John. But how could this be, after all he’s a CD. She did not know it when she fell in love. She loved him for who he was, hopefully. And who he was included that CD side she knew nothing about. It should not have changed how she felt once she did find out, and initially it did not change.
What happened here, was the introduction of Erin into the equation. Instead of fearing what Erin would have thought of her father if she found out, they should have taught her early on tolerance for others and acceptance for what cannot be changed. This is true with respect to, for example, a person’s race or physical appearance (fat, skinny, handicap (mentally also)), sexual orientation or gender identity.
If Erin had been taught that CDing is not an aberration, then the happy home with loving parents Mary wanted for Erin would have been a lifelong reality, not a dream.
Another benefit of teach our kids tolerance and acceptance, hardly ever addressed, is that if Erin met Tom, went out, dated, got more comfortable with him, fell in love, got married, and then discovered he was a CD, they wouldn’t have to go through what Mary and John went through. Chances are pretty good that our daughters could very well meet and fall in love with a crossdresser.
Was long so I put it in a quote box.