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View Full Version : A Tremendous Breakthrough For Me



Kristen Kelly
08-05-2006, 02:38 PM
Excuse the length of this post but it is a good read.

I sit here with a box of tissues teary and red eyed, after an emotional afternoon of soul searching. I wanted to get my feelings into words while they were fresh in my mind. What started out as trying to make my GF understand my dressing developed into a possible tremendous discovery I made about myself. My answer to why I dress has always been, “I Don’t Know.” Growing up there were no traumas in my live at a young age, no sexual problems, no forced dressing by a parent, I just stated trying on my mothers clothes at the age of about 8, these subjects were touched upon my 5 months of seeing a shrink, still I never knew why. My GF with a need to understand me more had requested a book “My Husband Wears My Clothes by Peggy R Rudd,” in the book she brings up the same questions but 1 more, a strong female example, I had never heard that reason (or didn’t want to hear it) before. Upon reading that I imminently became emotional, growing up my father worked hard and many hours, even 2 jobs at Christmas time, to get the things for myself and my 2 other brothers. My mother was always there for us she would take us on day trips, to the beach, fishing at a local lake, rollerskating, and even shooting hoops in the back yard. At the age of 4 I watched her in the kitchen breading veal cutlets, the phone rang and I re breaded them again dipping them in the flour, egg, and breadcrumbs, as I had watched her do it moments before. I have always had a love for cooking, and I am a masterful cook today, I was encouraged to help when younger making pancakes on Sunday mornings, to helping make dinner. I had been ahead of my times, never seen cooking as a feminine thing, for my father was a cook in the service and later in a restaurant before I was born. Growing up my father would cook dinner on Sundays, on of the only days he was home all day. After I had moved out of the house, my parents built the house that they retired in, they were the general contractors doing much if the work themselves after the builder they hired went bankrupt. My father would have to travel often for schooling for work so my mom oversaw most of the building. One time when clearing the 1 acre of trees for the house I began cutting a large tree that turned out to be hollow, It was close to the power lines and a house so I attached a rope to it and showed my mom how to use the chain saw, she cut as I pulled the tree away from the power lines.

I have a very close bond with my mother she is so much like me, she can do anything she puts her mind to, wouldn’t think of doing anything half way, taught me to be self-sufficient, I have turned out a lot like her, and maybe the start of my dressing was one way I was trying to be more like her.

Sophia Rearen
08-05-2006, 03:42 PM
Congratulations. It's tough going deep.

janelle
08-05-2006, 03:56 PM
Hi Kristen, Your story about growing up is so close to mine that i could see my early years in it. I to ended up helpping with the cooking, washing & folding of clothes, even some gardening & house cleaning. I also watched & asked ?'s when my aunt or my grandmother repaired shirts,pants or whatever & tried to do so myself(that was a good joke-made more work for them i guess). Maybe thats why we both are like we are.
Thanks for your post as i now know someone here is almost like me.
Take care dear,have a great weekend.
:love: Janelle

older not wiser
08-05-2006, 04:13 PM
Hi Kristen, Reading your thoughts started me thinking about my own relationship with my mother. I too helped her in and around the kitchen, cleaning our house,shopping I guess the whole 9 yards!!! My dad also worked long hours when he was home and then he traveled alot also. My mom was a very intelligent lady, a gracious hostess, and a elegant dresser. She also helped me with my dressing and took that secret to her grave. I was the daughter she never had and made a joke of it once, she responed that even though I wasn't her daughter I was still her child and that she loved me no matter what. I didn't quite understand that then but I certainly do now. Keep examining your most deepest thoughts and most hidden memories, the answers will come, maybe very slowly but they will come.

Your "sister" BonnieAnne

Rachel Morley
08-05-2006, 04:20 PM
Hi Kristen,

What a fabulous account :happy: ...and of course the "husband" that you are refering to in the book My Husband Wears My Clothes is a member here...our very own Melanie R. :D

Here's a link to her profile. http://crossdressers.com/forums/member.php?u=20465

Michelle Ellis
08-05-2006, 04:21 PM
I think a lot of us might relate closely to this, I know I do... (I love cooking too btw) Sounds like you've made good use of that box of tissues :)

M

sparks
08-05-2006, 04:35 PM
I'll share that box of tissues. I'm doing far more soul searching these days than I should allow myself. Going from soaring highs to the Dramatic Lows.
But good for you to realize the reson for being who you are is fantastic. It's wonderful that your GF is right there with you.

Congrats. Now fix your make-up and smile.

gennee
08-05-2006, 04:54 PM
Thank you for sharing your story, Kristen. I was close to my mom, too. I learned how to cook, clean, do laundry, and sew a little bit. She was creative as she made most of her own clothing. She taught me about fashions and color schemes. I never looked at those things as just feminine. I know a lot of men who would be self conscious about wearing pink but not me. It is my femme color.


Gennee

:D

Kristen Kelly
08-06-2006, 09:54 AM
Hi Kristen,

What a fabulous account :happy: ...and of course the "husband" that you are refering to in the book My Husband Wears My Clothes is a member here...our very own Melanie R. :D

Here's a link to her profile. http://crossdressers.com/forums/member.php?u=20465

Thanks for that info, makes it just a little more special. Thanks to all for the replies, It was good hearing many your stories were the same as mine. It was a very emotional day for me, first time I had any reason that made any sense. It was good to have my GF there for me and my GFs here as well.

Each piece of the puzzle brings a little more peace of mind, not that it will change me, but to make me understand myself better.

Calliope
08-06-2006, 11:00 AM
I had many, many struggles with my mother when I was between the age of 9 and 15. She always pushed me to be more 'outgoing' and 'athletic' - karate classes, school sports and all ... to no avail. Writing poetry and picking flowers was my calling from birth. The flip side of this is I have her small frame, long hair, facial features - it's always been obvious I physically inherited her (fem) characteristics. And now, I do resemble her at the age 46.

Jodi Lynn
08-06-2006, 02:28 PM
I never really though about this. But I was the same too. My father was on the road 3 or 4 days a week and worked 6 days a week. But mom was allways there. I loved to cook my whole life, even took cooking in high school a class that was allways girls only. I had to help clean the house, wash cloths, do the dishes, everything. I would baby sit for the kids across the street, even the little babys never minded changing diapers. and these were colth diapers so I had to rinse them out when I changed the babies. I was allways around my mother and her freinds, allways wanted to be like them. My mom found me dressed a few times, didn't really say anything other then to go get changed. She also helped me get dressed a few times, holloween and one time for high school when I had a hazing to join a club at school (had to dress like a girl for one day, I really loved it but didn't tell anyone).
So I would have to agree that my mother and her freinds had a big affect on how I saw myself growing up. I was allways a large boy and mmy mom and her freind would allways tease me that if my boobs got any bigger they would have to take me to the store and buy me a bra. Never happened but I would of done it if they said too.

Joy Carter
08-06-2006, 02:45 PM
I was not close to my mother because she had her own problems. But from the age of four when I have my first experience dressing or so that I can recall I have never been happy being in the male gender. I was very close to my sister and she hated me for it, she still has not forgotten having to care for me so many times. I was totally alone and the only positive role models growing up were my mothers parents, her sister and her husband even though we were out of town at the time. I can still recall my statement to my self at maybe ten that I would could be a better mother than she was. So I'm glad Kristen for you and buck up Hun you are a wonderful person.
:hugs:

Casey Morgan
08-07-2006, 10:46 AM
Good work Kristen (as we used to say in group therapy). I know that can't have been easy for you.

Kristen Kelly
08-07-2006, 05:41 PM
Good work Kristen (as we used to say in group therapy). I know that can't have been easy for you.

Shari Ann, It was so easy thats why all the tears, when it came to me all fell into place. I had a wonderful afternoon remembering stories from my childhood, of time spent with my mom, her birthday is coming up in October and I am going to do something I have never done, going to sit down and put my words to paper, all the things I remember from my childhood growing up and just how much of an influence she was on me and just how much I am like her (minus 1 detail my dressing, she caught me once when I was 8 )