Dilemma! Do I Or Don't I?

[Girly Sara]

Hey girls!

I hope you can help me, please as i have a potential dilemma coming up which i need some advice on.

Was having a pub lunch with some real girls i work with yesterday and we got on to the subject of arranging a social night out. Well, one of the girls said: "It'd be great to have a girly night out...and with Alan!" (my male name) I think a lot of the people in my work place know there's something different about me. Waxed eyebrows, manicured nails and tinted eye lashes are a bit of a giveaway and i'm always showing interest in clothes and accessories the girls have, as well as commenting on their nails lol

Well, here's the dilemma. I'd soooo love to go out dressed as Sara with my workmates (99.9% of which are female) but i'm worried how they may react. The thing is, i soooo wanna be the true ME with them. I could always mention that i'd like to come out as 'one of the girls for a laugh' BUT i wouldn't want it to be seen 'as a laugh' if you know what i mean? Plus, they'd know i wasn't just doin' it for a laugh when they saw the effort i'd made to look as good as possible.

So girls, any ideas and/or wise words for me, please?

Hope to hear from you soon!

Hugs from Sara xxxx

[older not wiser]

Hi Sara, Let me say this, is there a workmate of yours that you are especially close to? Is she close to you? The reason being this, if indeed there is ask her if she would become really upset if she knew that you dressed. If she asks why then have her come to your place(living alone here is very important) and show her how you would look. This in itself might really lead to a smoother road so to speak. If on the other hand she becomes upset with the prospect of seeing you dressed then just ask her why she agreed to it in the first place. Honesty and communication is its own reward, it may not seem so but it really is, GOOD LUCK

Love; BonnieAnne:GE:


PS: You look really lovely from the pic you posted, you really are a beautiful woman!!!!!

[Julie York]

Go on a girls night out. Or several preferably.


Then when they accept you as one of the girls you can go as a girl.

[sparks]

Can't really say cause I've never been in this situation. Hell I'm chicken to come out to my sister who loves me alot. Hopefully time will reveal your course of actions for you. Go to the girl's nite anyway. Who knows a make-over might happen for "laughs" and it could go from there.

[Sophia Rearen]

Well, Sara, one of the toughest things to do is, how are you going to bring up the subject again? I'd say, "I'm sorry, ________ , I am a little confused by what you said at the pub, about going out for a girls night." If she repeats it in a similar fashion as in the pub, you may want to ask, "what did you have in mind?" My advice, go for it. To be one of the girls at work, is like a cders dream. If you don't, You may hate living with this lost opportunity.

[Eugenie]

Humour is often a good way to approach this type of dilema.

Couldn't you ask your coleagues, or at least one of them, on a friendly jocking tone: "About the nights with girls, will It be necessary that I come dressed as a girl?" and see how they react? If there is any doubt, don't do it. On the contrary, if your coleague(s) seem to like the idea, why not give it a try?

When I came out to an excellent GG friend of mine, I used a similar strategy and it turned out she was very accepting. Three days later she visited me and I welcomed her "en femme".

Of course in the situation that you describe, there will be more than one person in the loop... There is always the risk that one of them could take it badly and that could make your work athmosphere quite unconfortable.

But you said that you were already considered somewhat different from the rest of the men, after all, they invited you to a "Girl's night out" didn't they? They may have already some hints about you...

I hope it will go well for you.
:hugs:
Eugenie

[Karren H]

Try sounding them out ahead of time to gage their reaction and if they react poorly then go as a male....

Love Karren

[Stephanie Miller]

Haven't been to the UK Sara, but if your gg's are anything like the gg's here in the states.... they notice a crossed eyelash at 50 paces, let alone dyed waxes an manacured! But let's just assume for the sake of the post that they all let their guards down when just looking your way. O.K.?
You can always wait until they bring it up directly to you, then say something like "If Patrick Swayze was man enough to be a woman (To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything), then I'm game - what did you have in mind?"
Let them take the lead on filling you in on their "ladiesroom talk" in regards to how much they suspect. If it doesn't work out - there's always HALLOWEEN!

[Jessica Brekke]

Go on a girls night out. Or several preferably.


Then when they accept you as one of the girls you can go as a girl.

That sounds like the most sensible approach, to me. Go, have fun, let them have fun around you, then if everyone seems accepting, take the next step, and ask them (or maybe just one to start) how they'd feel about it.

As excited as you might be right now, I promise you, none of them are expecting you to show up in a skirt and heels. Surprising them by showing up that way, and forcing them to deal with it before they can get accustomed to the idea, could really upset your friends, and make them uncomfortable with you.

If they're really your friends, you should consider their feelings before doing anything. If they're not their friends, why would you want to dress around them, to begin with?

[gwenrob43]

Right on Julie, the idea of sounding them out is really important. Some of the group may feel okay with your dressing, others might be either offended or at least uncomfortable, especially if you have to visit the ladies room during the evening.

[connie rotten]

Some girls have all the luck. You have all the looks and the luck to boot. You should go.

[tekla west]

I like the idea of going as a guy being just one of the girls first, it would be a great way to get a better grip on what they think. Because ... given a group, there is always one. In this case one who will accept you, and one who will not. So go and get the scorecard, then you know who the players are.

[Di]

I like the idea of going as a guy being just one of the girls first, it would be a great way to get a better grip on what they think. Because ... given a group, there is always one. In this case one who will accept you, and one who will not. So go and get the scorecard, then you know who the players are.This kinda sums up what my answer was after ready your post,,,,,go enjoy yourself:happy:

[Wombat]

And don't imagine you can go dressed and get away with telling them it was a once off. As soon as they notice that the makeup is well done, that the clothes work, etc, they'll realise this was more than a once off.

Go as Alan. Have a great time. Get accepted into the social group and wait for the opportunity to tell them about Sara. It might even come within the first five minutes ("We expected you to wear a dress". "Oh, would that have been a problem?")

[lynn27]

Was having a pub lunch with some real girls i work with yesterday and we got on to the subject of arranging a social night out. Well, one of the girls said: "It'd be great to have a girly night out...and with Alan!" (my male name) I think a lot of the people in my work place know there's something different about me. Waxed eyebrows, manicured nails and tinted eye lashes are a bit of a giveaway and i'm always showing interest in clothes and accessories the girls have, as well as commenting on their nails lol

Well, here's the dilemma. I'd soooo love to go out dressed as Sara with my workmates (99.9% of which are female) but i'm worried how they may react. The thing is, i soooo wanna be the true ME with them. I could always mention that i'd like to come out as 'one of the girls for a laugh' BUT i wouldn't want it to be seen 'as a laugh' if you know what i mean? Plus, they'd know i wasn't just doin' it for a laugh when they saw the effort i'd made to look as good as possible.

Hugs from Sara xxxx

Sara;

All you need to do is ask the girl that mentioned it when the girls' night out is and maybe ask what you should wear.... How did the other girls react?

You say they know, "there's something different about me. Waxed eyebrows, manicured nails and tinted eye lashes..." Seems they know and accept Sara already. You just need to go out with them as Alan and add one or two things beyond what they have seen. Maybe a lightly padded bra and pretty earings. See how they react to that and you should be on your way.

I read somewhere recently that most women are OK with a transgender co-worker. it is the 0.1% male co-worker that you need to worry about.

Sounds like you're in for a fun night

Lynn

[Roberta Lynn]

I like the idea of going as a guy being just one of the girls first, it would be a great way to get a better grip on what they think. Because ... given a group, there is always one. In this case one who will accept you, and one who will not. So go and get the scorecard, then you know who the players are.


I agree. I think that's the best idea. Hope it works out for you.
:hugs:

[KateW]

I agree that it's probably best to come clean first (when you feel comfortable of course). I'm sure that any girl would agree at first if you suggested dressing as a woman, but they would probably just think you are joking, and not actually going to go through with it. Trust me - I joke a lot about it! :-)

Whatever you decide to do, good luck and keep us updated!

[Barb Valentine]

Hi Sara
Theres has to be one or two of the girls from work that you can
trust ,just ask them that they thought of you coming as Sara
:hugs:
Barb

[Joy Carter]

Sara girls are gossips( no gender slam here) and I fear for your social/work life . This could be the best thing for Sarah or the worst thing for Allan.:hugs:

[noname]

I recommend against it. Simply because of work people involved. Most likely, one or more the girls will not be comfortable. Additionally, it could very negatively affect your career. While your not at work, you really are in a sense.

If it were me, I'd be glad I was invited. I'd go as guy and have fun for the day. Really, nothing wrong with a day of fun.

[Rachel Morley]

This sorta happened to me once a few years ago. It wasn't a night out on the town but I did get invited to a friends party at her house. I asked her who else was going to be there and she then reeled of a list of names and they were all women (most of whom I knew). When I said "what, I'm gonna be the only guy?" she said "well, you can be an honoury girl that night, you practically are anyway" then she jokingly said I should wear a skirt. Well, needless to say, I didn't wear a skirt but I did go to the party and I had an awesome time. I did wear a rather girly t-shirt and jeans I remember. :happy:

I think that unless you know for sure that everyone will be totally ok with it, I'd play it safe and just be "Girly Alan" not "Girly Sara" (for this time anyway) :D

[Calliope]

Well, here's my endorsement of the middle of the road.

Go as Sara - and dress down.

All ladies wear slacks (jeans, cords, chinos) and just grab a shirt and go from time to time. Minimal makeup, just enough to look like Sara to yourself. Tennies instead of heels, and so on. Then go and be Sara - your co-workers will most likely be delighted to see the best Alan they ever saw.

Then hope they invite you again. You can always dress with more color ... the next time.

[Scotty]

I have an old saying about dating in the workplace, and it may be VERY applicable here too: Never poop where you have to eat!

Reason I say it is that lets say you do come out to them and tell them - potentially it could be a career destroyer...........that's the decision you have to make - if it's not and you KNOW It's not - well go for it!!!

For me it's caution first and foremost, but then I dont' tend to socialize with people I work with, not often anyway but we all get along good...

[ToyGirl]

i'd say they allready know :)

[Jasmine Ellis]

I think they already know. So just go and ask them and see what they say.

[maybeJan]

I'd suggest you go as Alan, and try to get a sense of what they're thinking about you. Since the socialising relates to your work environment, you should proceed very carefully. If you ever go out with them as Sara, all your colleagues will sooner or later know about your crossdressing. How will that affect your job?

Just my:2c:

Jan

[Girly Sara]

Hi girls!

Thanks so much for taking the time to respond to my question. You've all raised some interesting and useful points. This scenario is a tricky one and i don't know what to do for the best.

Not sure when the night out will be but will have to cross the bridge when i come to it. The thing is, i'm so relaxed and confident chatting about girly stuff at work, although i don't give a lot away. With this, i don't say "oh i've got a top like that" or "i must get my nails done like that" I just comment on their clothes and other stuff and it's clear i have an active interest.

I'll update you as and when/if the night out occurs in due course and thanks again for your help, girls!

Take care.

Sara xxxx

[Barb Valentine]

Good luck Sara on what ever you decide
But let know how you made out
:hugs:
Barb

[RachelDenise]

If you don't know them very well, I'd go as Alan, but wear some non-descript girly clothes. That way a hint or two is out there. Gauge them, get to know them and they you. If it seems like a good group and you have broken into some confidential conversation, then I assume you have been accepted. It's then up to you how you want to broach the subject. Be ready for the consequences....one of them may be jealous if you're prettier!!!!

[sissy stacy]

(curtsey)

What the other girls said about casing the coworkers out is good advice.

i know another CD who was in a similar situation with the party invite and he showed up dressed. The GGs freaked out, a couple of the gossip hounds put the word out at the workplace and he ended up having to leave a job he really liked. I hurt him in finding another job because he got a neutral reference.

Scope it out well before you do anything.

(curtsey)

-sissy s.

[QZ2]

Sara, it sounds like you have already well thought out the consequences of their finding out about your CDing and how it applies to you workplace.

It was their idea to ask you to join them for the girl's night out. With a little ingenuity you could make it their idea that you go with them as a girl. Like, "How could I go with you girls on your fun night out without being a girl myself?" or, "If I was a girl I would be delighted to join you, it would be a lot of fun. Maybe I could borrow one of your dresses, ha?"

Maybe they would think up a great idea themselves: Gee, we could dress him up, put make up on him and he would make a good looking girl. Let's try it!

Good luck and have a great time. I wish I could join you.

Luv, Susie

[susiej]

Sara,

What a golden opportunity this *might* be! We've seen several of posts like this on this forum, and mostly, the advice is "be very careful, this could be a disaster". But, the way they approached the subject with you makes me agree that, yes, they probably know or suspect, and they're at least sort of OK with it. What's more, it seems clear that they like you -- and, even better, they like you the way you are.

Yes, this could be a fiendish diabolical female plot to embarass the %$#@ out of poor old Alan, but your story certainly doesn't read that way (one question that comes up as a result of this thought is, are you painting the picture excessively rosily for us?).

When you go out with them the first time, and everybody has fun, and nobody's weirded out, it won't be the last. Rather, it could be the beginning of a splendid series of nights, that could be a turning point in your life in more ways than one.

So, my advice is: 1) absolutely go do it, but 2) first time, no (big) surprises. Wear something consistent with what you wear to work, but maybe a little "more so". Give them the same spot on the boy-girl scale that they had at lunch, first time. The wonderful, delicious thing about this situation is, if they know, and they're OK with Sara, they will probably let you know. They might even encourage Sara to be more herself next time.

And, first things first, you've been invited to a girls' night on the town, with a bunch of people you seem to like, and who seem to like you. Why optimize?

Go, girl! You're in a dance with them, and they're leading. All you have to do is follow.

Hugs,
Susie

[fionasboots]

Well, first off I'd have to say you really could fit in as one of the girls as you look so convincing in your avatar and absolutely stunning - I'm really jealous!

And maybe that could be a problem, like people have said before there could be one that just doesn't like the idea and if you really do go all the way with the dressing up that may only make matters worse.

On the other hand, I ignored advice here when I asked about telling one of my coworkers about my CDing because I believed she would deal with it really well, and she did, in fact much much better than I had hoped.

So it really could be the start of something really good and positive, but only if you can be sure they will all take it reasonably well and that either they'll keep it as a girlie secret amongst themselves OR that you don't care if the gossip about you gets out.

I really, really hope you can go out as Sara and be one of the girls, it really does sound like it would be a wonderful thing to happen :D

[Jodi Lynn]

Well, Sara, one of the toughest things to do is, how are you going to bring up the subject again? I'd say, "I'm sorry, ________ , I am a little confused by what you said at the pub, about going out for a girls night." If she repeats it in a similar fashion as in the pub, you may want to ask, "what did you have in mind?" My advice, go for it. To be one of the girls at work, is like a cders dream. If you don't, You may hate living with this lost opportunity.

I agree with Sophia. I would ask if what they ment when they said a "Girls night out". I know i wouls love to go out with a bunch of gg's as one of them if I had the chance. Also , if you were to go with them yoyu know you would be out to everyone you work with not just the girls.

[Kate Simmons]

Go as Alan. I think you'd enjoy it more. Ericka

[Krystenw]

Quite a few years ago I was the only guy working with 26 women.
One year we were going to have an office party and to my surprise a couple of the nurses thought I should come as a lady since I was the only guy and they didn't want me to feel left out. Back then my hair was shoulder length even after it was permed. I usually combed it back so it wasn't too feminine looking.
Jokingly I told them I didn't know where I could get a dress or shoes big enough to fit me. They told me that if I were man enough to go out with them in a dress they would find something for me to wear. That I should be at their house at 4:00 Saturday afternoon and to be sure to shave my legs.
To everyone's suprise I showed up as directed. They had a very nice outfit for me and they all had a great time fixing my hair and makeup. They were all suprise to find that my ears were even pierced. They hadn't even notices before. When we were finished we all went to dinner and had a great time.
Most of the ladies didn't even know who I was until I said something and then they recognized my voice.
Anyway to get to the point. There were several there that didn't think it was right for a guy to go out in a dress and made things so miserable at work that within three months I found another job.
So just be carefull.