shannia
08-05-2006, 05:19 PM
1st time post here, so i am very nervous.I am Shannia and my wife is called Ruth, i have been dressing since about the age of 11, i have been married 12 yrs,( have been together17yrs) i told my wife about my crossdressing about 5 yrs into our marrage, her 1st thought was 1 of relief (she was waiting for me to tell her about i was having an affair, lol), yes, she was shocked and a bit suprised, but mostly she was just relieved that it was only crossdressing i,d been up too. from that point, things were mostly straightforward, i suppose i felt a bit daft, as it had taken me so long to tell my wife (whom i love dearly).yes we had nervous times, and also some very pleasureable times for both of us. I suppose i felt at ease, but i always felt as thought i had to guard against rejection, although my wife has never rejected me, it was always a secret fear of mine,hence, i went through stages of dressing secretly, even though i had an understanding partner, 1 question i could never answer for myself, was "why do i do this". maybe i was born like it, maybe i should have been fem, maybe i was just wierd, although my wife had never asked me "why", i just had a feeling that, 1 day, it would be important for me to understand "why". well to cut a long story short, 3 months ago, it finally clicked, without going into too much gorey detail, can we just say that i had an experience in my childhood that i had never told anyone about (not even my parents) lets just say that i was forced to discover sexual thoughts and desires while i was at an age when i shouldnt have been subjected to, something i felt ashamed about, guilty about and also frightened about, but also i felt a strange sexual feeling, something which i had never felt before. This incident was put into the back of my mind ( i was 10). So, 1 night i told my wife what had happened to me when i was 10, and for both of us everthing clicked into place, now, all of a sudden everything was much clearer, more understandable, you would think that that should be the end of the story, but, as of now, i feel totally lacking in confidence while i am with my wife when im dress, and have started to hide things, dressing and not telling her, i dont like this, but i am really really scared im going to lose her ( something, which if i was honest, i have never felt before). i want to share the fem side of me wife my wife,( this should be alot easier for us both, now we understand more) but i am really really scared, and just that fact that i feel scared while i,m dressed when im with my wife, makes me really really angry with myself. i think i felt better when i didnt understand why i dressed, can any 1 offer a helping hand.