I knew I'd eventually have to deal with this...

[Alayna]

...but never in a million years would I have believed crossdressing would lead to such emotional torture!

I went to St. Louis this weekend with my family for my grandmother's funeral. Once we got there I knew I'd finally have to deal with answering the "what are you doing for a living" question with "making corsets". I'm not going to lie or down-play it as I'm proud of what I do, but holy crap my dad's family is HUGE! After answering that question for about the 30th time (not exaggerating at all) I got so sick and tired of blank stares, stunned confusion, and awkward conversations that by the time we left my eyes and mind were completely glazed over. Everyone was at the very least polite, but never in my life have I felt like such a circus freak.

I'm used to these reactions from most people, and have gotten pretty good at responding tactfully, but wasn't prepared to deal with so many family members - I don't know or remember most of these people and those that know me last saw me when I was in diapers. Mourning my grandma's death was hard enough on my emotions, adding this to the mix was almost too much to handle.

It doesn't help that this is a mostly conservative Jewish family - I'm not saying they're intolerant or anything, but they're all used to hearing banker, or financial planner, or actuary, or some other financial profession (talk about living up to the stereotype:heehee:). For the first time in years I actually wished I wasn't a crossdresser - though that went away pretty quick:D

Was there a better way to handle this so I could save a little of my sanity? This has become a major and important part of my life. I never once directly said I was a crossdresser and nobody asked, but I can't imagine what it would be like if I had. Toward the end I was so tempted to just lie my ass off.

[Joy Carter]

"I work in the garment industry" End of story no lie no guilt and no agonizing over it.:hugs:

[Marla S]

Sorry to hear about your grandma.:sad:

I think you handled I well.
To talk about something one is proud of is better than to lie all the time.
You probably wouldn't have felt better if you'd have lied.
Now it's out to everyone and you can freely go your way without cheating.
Congrats for your courage.

[Julie York]

The Jewish community have a long and proud tradition of being brilliant tailors. All you need to do is find a term that isn't actually "corset" and make out you are making millions of dollars and I'm sure they'll come around.

[ronda]

sorry to hear about your grandma :hugs:

[Charleen]

Joy's right. I'm in the garment industry, I'm a clothing manufacturer specilizing in intimate apparel, ect.. Love and xxxx, Lily

[swiss_susan]

Very sorry about your grandma,

:love: :hugs:

Susan

[Lindsay Marie]

Yes very sorry about your grandmother, that garment industry line will work well. I had a boss who was a manager for Vanity Fair before they closed the local plant and he prided himself on getting to pack Hallie Berry's bras by hand. By the way she is a 36C

[eleventhdr]

Told them either one or two thing's and then moved on.

And those would be that some of the very best and greatest fashions ahve come from males in the clothing world..


O mean was'nt the guy who ran the Front off the U.N.C.L.E. a tailor when the angents used to go in they had to go through his shop to get into U.N.C.L.E.

And then later Illya was making womens clothing in the 1980's when Napolian wnet back and found him for another Affair so what's the big deal really.

Second after perhaps 15 times of answering this question i would have been telling them it's none of your bees wax!

Nuff said!

Jay Suzy!:

[Michelle Ellis]

Sorry to hear about your Grandma, mine passed away a few years ago and I couldn't imagine dealing with all that conversation, let alone an endless barage of too personal questions. I bet that was hard.

Me, I sat by myself after our service, didn't want to talk to anyone, to me it was about remembering my Grandma, not socialising with people I rarely see, so I pulled my hat down over my brow and sat in silence. No one approached me. Everyone was too busy chit-chatting and eating cake... I hate funerals :( I was the first one to leave, and definitely the most upset... did I say I hate funerals yet?

Best Wishes.
M

[Kate Simmons]

Just accept who you are and be happy with that. Once I stopped fighting the feelings, I was a lot happier. Ericka

[tekla west]

Making shmates for the skishe has long been a Jewish tradition. Remember, as a businessman in the rag trade you are the person who HIRES bankers, financial planners and the like. Quite acting like some shlemil and take pride in your work. You are a businessman. Sorry about your bubbah, that loss is always hard, but wouldn't she have told you to hold your head up high?

[Sage GG]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Personally I think people are uncomfortable at funeral and ask stupid questions. I'm sure they didn't really mean anything nor did they really want an answer. It was more like asking an eleven year old, how is school? Try to remember how much she loved you and forget about the actual day.

[Di]

Sorry bout the loss of your Grand.....as Sage has said....they prob were just making conversation...hold your head up high:hugs:

[NighttimeGirl]

...Was there a better way to handle this so I could save a little of my sanity? This has become a major and important part of my life. I never once directly said I was a crossdresser and nobody asked, but I can't imagine what it would be like if I had. Toward the end I was so tempted to just lie my ass off.

Just tell them your job is top secret and if you was to tell them you would have to shoot them!
works for me, but what differance does it make what your job role is?

have fun with it, you can be anyone you want to be, I told someone I was a cheif belly button tester who worked for the local health authority and they beleived me, they asked why would anyone have that job? I replied have you ever seen an inny belly button to which they replied yes I have one, I then frowned and said that isnt good and walked off, hee hee, I hate nosey ppl so I just torment them.

There is no shame in earning a living!!!!!!

stand up and say I make CORSETS!!!!! just think of all them men with back problems who would be so grateful to you if they only had the balls to try one on, :devil:

[Kerry Owens]

sheesh, hold your head high....do they realize how expensive a hand made corset is? It's hard to make, and even harder to make them pretty, I am awed some folks continue to make difficult beautiful hand made garments!

[pinkshelly]

Sorry to hear about grandma.
Don't reunions suck. Not to make light of the family, you are worried about people you say you haven't seen since you where in diapers? I know there family, but...
Huggs, Shelly.

[Stephenie S]

Sheesh, why are you selfconcious about making corsets? Where do you think that they think they come from? I can't see anything to be ashamed of here.

It's a difficult and rewarding ocupation I am sure. Hold your head up.

Steph

[Alayna]

thanks for the warm thoughts:hugs:, it's never easy losing a loved one.

My family's reactions or how I see myself aren't really the problem. They were accepting, and nobody judged me. I don't blame them for their surprised reactions, nor am I ashamed about being a crossdresser. I'm actually very open about who I am and what I do. The problem is the circumstances: what I do is unusual, even if I were a gg, so there's going to be some surprise no matter what. But even though I realize this, it's hard to maintain my poise.

It's the same thing with me being very tall - I'm 6'5" and get a lot of attention because of it I get lots of looks every day, especially from children. I don't blame anyone for it, I do the same thing in fact. People notice the unusual, and I'm certainly not going to hide or apologize for either, but that doesn't mean it doesn't affect me.

After enough of that kind of thing you start to feel like an object or a curiosity first, and a person second. I'm just wondering if there's a way to lessen the blow on other people, so they in turn lessen the blow on me - does that make sense?

Again it's just circumstances, and there may not be a way to make it easier other than to just deal with it and move on, but if there is one I'd sure like to know.