...like a tick ready to pop

[Gurly]

Okay, I'm not used to posting new threads here, so here goes. I'll spare you the gory details. In a nutshell, I started dressing at 4 or 5 years old and am now 45 and married. I've rarely dressed fully (but want/NEED to) and have gone through long periods of NOT dressing, mostly due to the fact that my wife does not know. In fact, NOBODY knows. During the past year, my marriage has fallen apart (wife had affair, stole $$ from me, etc.) and it has been EXTREMELY stressful. As a result, my desire to dress and to dress fully has multiplied.........significantly. I've come close to blurting out to somebody (even my wife) that I am a crossdresser and deep down I know this is a dangerous thing to do. We also have a daughter together and her stability is priority here. Therefore, I am asking for suggestions as to how to alleviate this situation. Am I being overly cautious by assuming that my coming out about my dressing would cause my world to explode? On the other hand, I cannot change what I am, even if I wanted to. Help me if you can I'm feeling down..........love them Beatles. Toodle-oo for now, fellow sisters.

[tekla west]

based only on the thumbnail sketch above I would think that now is not the best time to introduce such a bombshell. It creates havoc even in calm seas. In a huricane it might well sink your boat.

[GypsyKaren]

Personally, I see no point in telling your wife if your marriage is in jeopardy, and if she did steal from you I doubt she'd also be supportive. Perhaps you have a close friend you can confide in? It does sound like to need to talk to somebody about yourself, I used to be there myself so i know how you feel.

Karen

[Eugenie]

I don't think that coming out in a crisis period is a good idea. It is already a difficult thing to achieve when all things are smooth in the couple but here the effect would probably be devastating.

In fact, you gave part of your own answers in your post when taking into consideration your daughter's well being.

There is of course as you mention the risk to see your life explose with a brutal coming out. X-dressing, by and large, isn't so well accepted by families and friends in the community...

But even if it doesn't get to that point, you have the risk that your wife might use your X-dressing as an argument in a divorce procedure. This could have consequences on your ability to see your own daughter in case of divorce.

With regard to your desire to X-dress many members of this forum are in a similar situation: nobody knows about it, including, and especialy, their wives. It isn't an easy situation nor an agreable way of living one's x-dressing.

Being in a different situation (wife tolerating but not happy of my x-dressing) I can't help your with this on a pragmatic level. There were however some discussions about how to cope with this difficult situation and how to be able to x-dress while keeping it secret to your family and friends.

I hope this helps.
:hugs:
Eugenie

[Kate Simmons]

I agree with karen. Especially with the state of your marriage and out of concern for your daughter. I bit the bullet so to speak while my children were growing up. Now that they are all adults and can decide for themselves, they more or less know about Ericka. My marriage isn't the best but I don't shove things in anyone's face either. I'm woman enough to be Ericka but also man enough to be Richard when necessary. Take care, Ericka

[older not wiser]

Hi Hon, I agree with the other girls here, this is not the time to "drop the bomb".
The child's well-being should come first!!! I, like some of the girls have been in a similar situation and it is not easy but you can cope with it. Seek out a professional and talk your heart out. Also we are here for you as we are all "sisters"

Love BonnieAnne :GE:


PS: Good Luck!!!!

[sue_donim]

Definately not a good idea to tell your wife if your marriage is rocky.

Are there any groups like the beumont society, northern concord or tri ess near you this could help with your desire to dress.

As for support the girls in this forum will give you good advice, many of them speaking from experiance.

Sue_Donim :-)

[Slip Affinity]

I agree 100% with the comments already made and I really can't think of much to add. You will gain NOTHING by mentioning your desires to your spouse at this point in time. Find the "alone" time you need to help "relieve the pressure". But first and foremost, don't feel guilty about it. At the very least, come to this forum as often as you need to. Here, you will find support and understanding.

[Karren H]

Ohhhhh, coming out will cause your world to explode or implode, in my opinion.....at least for a while. But like you, my priorities are family first so what ever you do keep that in mind!!!

You need to find a way to dress where it won't impact your family...business trips or even makeing a local
CD friend.....

BTW, that tick thingy is gross!!! Ewwwwwww hehehe

Love Karren

[Charleen]

Oh, sure, tell the world. Your world's on fire and you're carrying around a gas can and can't wait to start sloshing it all over! As far as dressing goes, yes it does relieve stress. Can you go to a motel for a nite? Do you have a friend that you trust you can tell? You do need an outlet, but Please be careful. When I'm under alot of emotional stress, I know my thinking suffers and I can do things that I regret. Take it easy, take a deep breath, and think things through. Love and xxxx, Lily:hugs: P.S. We're all here for you.

[MarinaTwelve200]

Your stress stems not from a need to tell, but from a need for a stress releiving dressing.

You sound like a "Private" and "Escapist" CD to me. I beleive a lot of your stress can be releived by CDing.

You need to find the time and a place to do a BIG CD session---and dress more than you have before--makeup too---and then "Chill out" for a few hours.

For some of us, CDing is a powerful stress releiving technique--and many of us do it for just that.(forget about that "fem side" stuff) Think of it as a mini vacation from our real male selves--and masculinity.

If you do it right, the "FIX" might last for weeks till the pressure builds again.

If I am correct about you being an escapist CD,(rather than a "fem sider") There is no "Need" to out yourself. you are only experiencing the kind of stress build up that one must CD to releive. And there is also no need to go out in public for most escapist types. My point is that I think you NEED a good CD fix NOW before you crack under the pressure---rent a motel room if you have to and "dissapear" for a day or two. If you are a private CDer, FINE---just stay in your room, dressed untill the stress is gone.

[Jasmine Ellis]

that a big NO NO from me too.

[Marla GG]

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time right now :hugs:

I have to agree with everyone who has posted so far -- I don't see how anyone would benefit from you telling your wife now, when your marriage is falling apart at the seams already. As a general rule I don't advocate hiding your dressing from your partner, but in some cases it is the best choice for everyone involved. In an otherwise good marriage, I feel that being secretive can have long-term negative consequences (or immediate negative consequences if you are "caught"), which is why I don't encourage it; but in your situation, I think the potential damage that could be caused by coming out to a hostile, unsupportive spouse might be worse than the damage caused by keeping it to yourself for now.

It sounds like you are feeling pressure from both the need to dress, and the need to talk to someone about the way you are feeling. If you have a local Tri-Ess chapter or other gender support group, they could provide you with both an opportunity to spend time en femme (members often help each other by offering a place to change before social gatherings, if you need it) and some understanding folks to confide in.

Please don't do anything that you might regret later, without thinking it through first.

Hugs,
Marla xxxxxxx

[Sophia Rearen]

Get out of town. Literally, go, get away somehow. Spend the weekend enfemme and go out to your hearts content. Take a vacation from your male self.

[uknowhoo]

Well, sweetie, it would seem the responses so far have been unanimous. I have to concur that right now is probably the exact wrong time to tell your wife about your dressing. Right now is, however, the exact right time to make an extra effort to take care of yourself (which, in turn, will help you be a better dad too). You've received some good suggestions, including getting some time to yourself.

I was recently in a quite similar situation myself, by far the most difficult period of my life. I think what was most helpful in getting through it was talking. I talked for a number of hours with a dear GG friend to whom I had come out last year, to my brother (who still doesn't know about Tammi), and to a therapist as well. I also received overwhelming support from all my sisters here, which was invaluable as well. I'm happy to say that while life isn't perfect, and she still doesn't know, my wife and I are working on our marriage and doing pretty well.

I wish you both the best, and pray for a positive outcome for all involved (whatever that might look like?).

Take care,

:hugs:

Tammi

[Gurly]

Wow, I knew I came to the right place when I discovered this forum! I'm honestly touched by your replies and support. I guess we really do stick together, don't we? It's hard for me to get used to it because I've felt disconnected during the past few years. Your replies are very much unanimous and confirm that I should NOT come out at this time. So.......I'll just tough it out. My 8-year-old goes back to school shortly, so maybe I can grab some time there. Again, thanks to everybody.

[Charleen]

[QUOTE=Gurly;523183 Again, thanks to everybody.[/QUOTE]

No problem hon, just take care of yourself, 'cause without you, what have you got? :D Love and xxxx, Lily

[Billijo49504]

HI, I'm so sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time. I also agree with everyone's advice. Now is not the time. You would just be giving her ammo to use agaainst you. I always say tell the truth, but not this time. I also agree with Sophia, you need to get away from the stress, if even for just a weekend. You really need a break from reality....:hugs: ...BJ

[vbcdgrl]

I would sit it out for a while. DO NOT do or say anything that would expose you are as a CD. I AM NOT a lawyer, but it seems to me that right now you have the advantage in any legal proceedings, based on what you said about your wife's behavior. If you are outted, you may be on the defensive. I hate to be so blunt about this, but you may find, at some point in the future, your opportunities for CDing will be much improved.

Vikki

[Barb Valentine]

I would just thing cool down a bit
And think about what would happen if you told her
Not a good idea :2c: