When you feel people stare at you...

[JenniferMint]

Yesterday when I was out dressed, I was stopped at a crosswalk. Then a woman half looked in my direction, and said "Oh my God!"

I was feeling kind of scared at this moment... did she look at me and recognize me as a crossdresser?

Then I realized she was saying "Oh my God!" because there was someone across the street lying on the road, apparently having been struck by a car.

When we go out and aren't confident about passing, we tend to assume the worst. How can I interpret peoples' stares more accurately? Obviously in the above example, the woman wasn't even paying attention to me.

(I'm reminded of the "I feel like a failure" (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=37158) topic, where a forum member said she went to the salon but felt like everyone was staring at her, and got uncomfortable and left.)

[Calliope]

Then I realized she was saying "Oh my God!" because there was someone across the street lying on the road, apparently having been struck by a car.


Well, that certainly lends some perspective to the situation. 'OMG' regarding CDing does seem a little overdone when, as we are reminded above, there is real drama in the world. Although there is real suffering in the description above, the scenerio does remind me of those Harold Lloyd films where the apparent yields to a sententious illusion.



When we go out and aren't confident about passing, we tend to assume the worst. How can I interpret peoples' stares more accurately? Obviously in the above example, the woman wasn't even paying attention to me.


My view assumes that I am not passing. (I really don't aim to 'fool' the world, nor do I want to spend huge amounts of time putting huge amounts of cosmetics on my face.) My inner peace comes from: most people don't care, or are charmed; the few who stare deserve nothing in return. To rise above rudeness is one reason I seek the female muse.

... or something like that.

[tekla west]

Back in the day when we did the interstate crime spree known as Grateful Dead Summer Tour my friend made the observation - somewhere in the middle of Arkansas where we stopped to replenish our food and beer - That "Sometimes you're going to the show, sometimes you're at the show, and sometimes you are the show. What he meant was that when we, 7 of us, walked into that market with out freak flags flying, our tie-dye, our bandanas, scarves and the rest, well people stared. One women even made a nasty comment to her son right in front of me. Poor kid, his eyes said "Wish I could get away from this B**** and join you" and I'm sure later on down the road he did.

Point being, sometimes they are looking at you. So let them look. Its a good reason to be polite, nice and all that. Could be they have never seen one of us before. So you get to make a good first impression. When the girls and me go out to dinner down on the Wharf we often get this. The rest of SF is so transed-out that you almost never get a second look, but the people here from Omaha or Des Moines, or Birmingham are all eyes and elbows, poking each other to say, "did you see that?" More than once people have asked to take our picture. We could be nasty and lecture them or - well, Strike the Pose and Vogue baby vogue. So, there we are in some picture album of "our trip to SF." Always makes me glad I'm wearing something nice.

The other point is the one you make so well, that we often - more often than not I think - believe they are looking at us, when in fact they are not. That's an ego trip. We think we are the center of the universe - no matter how we are dressed - so anything and everything must be directed at us. In fact, its not.

kat

[Anima-87-388]

In general I think the only thing you can do is be cautious before you let yourself assume the worst. This reminds me of something that happend to me one day I was at the dentist.

I was in guy mode except for underwear and I was laying down while the dentist was preparing a filling for one of my teeth and I heard him say to his female assistant "Hey...look at this" while they were hovering over me and then she said "Eww that's gross" while he was laughing in response.

I had my eyes closed and was kind of embarassed (I suddenly assumed my underwear was on display :o ) but I had my hands on my side and could feel that my pants were well above my undies and my shirt was covering me as well.

I never did ask what they were giggling at but later after weighing the possibilities for a while (I know my dentist and his assistant pretty well and they are both really nice, so I just couldn't imagine them making fun of me so blatantly)
and remembering that they deal with young children almost exclusively, I realized I must have had a booger in my nose while they were looking over me as that's their kind of humor :tongueout.

So I know how easy it is to get really self conscious over nothing. Just thought I'd share :D

[Calliope]

More than once people have asked to take our picture.


That happened to me (and my step-brother) just this weekend. We were at the end of some rustic Portland dock and this mild-mannered tourist from New Jersey thought the composition would look better with 'some people' in it. Ok, cool.

[tekla west]

Hey, if someone is going to point something at me and click and shoot, I prefer it be a camera.

[noname]

Reminds me of today. Made me a tad uncomfortable. While I was not passing and just wearing jeans and a t-shirt, these contruction looking guys with barb wire tatoos kept looking over at me. Now I know we can be overly aware if you will, but I'm pretty good at reading people, and the looks they gave me said, we hate your kind. It was almost as though I could see the rage in their eyes just wanting to boil over. Fortunately I was in a fast food type place with employees and a few customers. I just got the creepy feeling, that if they felt they could pull off a beating they would. So while we can sometimes assume the worst, I think sometimes the worst is true.

[Lisa Golightly]

Accept it as another 5 seconds of fame ;)

[ToyGirl]

Ive alllways found it hard to shake the paranoia. I used to get into confrontations and fights alot , since living as a girl i have had no troubles and anyone who stares is probably just admiring (atleast thats what i tell myself)

I live in some backwater town in australia :(

p.s i love your posts tekla , allways inspirational.

[Kate Simmons]

When someone stares at me, I eat it up because if any comment is made at all, it's usually a compliment. Ericka

[Lawren]

I just stare back at them. It makes them real nervous because they know they have been caught staring. Most will look away in a hurry.

[Joy Carter]

It's all in our heads gurls you will never move ahead if you don't shake it. I have observed many people over a long time. I have also heard friends and acquittance's make comments about others. So yeah they can be cruel but hey if you don't hear it what's the diff ?:D

[cindianna_jones]

Some people fear it.
Cause they can't get near it.
It hurts, cuts quick to the bone.
They see it and hear it.
Surely it's a skill they wont hone.
Perhaps they admire it,
they want to hire it,
next time they're alone.
Shirley's cat calls.
Yes, may I feed the kitty?
That'll be a fifty won't that be nifty,
an even hundred per couple if you care.
You know that they'll hide it,
a business expense for conference,
it's done every day don't you know.
Yup those homos are cut ups,
they'll always fake up
and turn up on O'Reilly's show.
Transsexuals faggots and queers,
O My goodnes gracious and my sakes alive,
don't tell me they're poets too?

-- Cindi Jones -- :2c:

[Becky Blue]

I always feel so lucky, because I think I am getting such a thrill just walking along the road here, but on the other hand you are just walking along and you willnever experience the thrill I get just walking along on a skirt and heels.

[oztallulah]

I think that maybe, when walking out en femme, we kind of expect others to stare and glare and whisper. If we didn't think that way, then most of it would not be there. Yes, sometimes we are picked, but quite often it really is just in our minds.

Like when the boss yells across the office for you to get in his office immediately. The thought process is, OMG, what have I done wrong. Then he shakes you by the hand and tells you what a great job you did, almost causes heart failure with relief.

[EricaCD]

About four days ago I was walking down the street in midtown Manhattan in late afternoon. A middle aged guy wearing lipstick and a white sundress was walking across the street in front of me. (BTW if you're a member here, hello!) Not even vaguely passable. Big belly, thinning hair in a regular man's haircut. Men's shoes. But unmistakably a sundress...

Now then, I am a CD so I paid approximately 15 seconds of attention to this - mostly out of curiosity to see reactions. Of the 40 or so people that walked by him in that period (and I am talking RIGHT by him on a crowded sidewalk), perhaps half even noticed, and maybe two or three gave a second glance. No gawking, no stares, no comments, no snickers.

There are unquestionably nasty people out there: most just obnoxious, a tiny few dangerous. But the overwhelming majority of our tormentors are self-created and self-inflicted. Make no mistake about it.

Erica

[Calliope]

[T]the overwhelming majority of our tormentors are self-created and self-inflicted. Make no mistake about it.


Word!

[Jodie_Lynn]

I give Jennifer a lot of credit for trying. Third time will be the charm GF! ;)

I remember I once went into a nail salon, en drab, to purchase a complete mani/pedicure for my wife as a xmas present. When I stepped in, the clients, workers and owner (All female) gave me such looks that I almost backed right out of the store! What was I, a MAN!, doing in their sanctum!?
I approached the owner, told her my wishes, and the ice not only melted, it vanished. She smiled, told me prices and the other ladies went back to what they were doing, as if nothing had happened.

I wonder though, just what would have happened if I dared ask for my own mani/pedicure?

OMG! I just realized I meant to post this on the "I feel like a failure" thread.

I KNEW I used too much peroxide.........
:D

[Jasmine Ellis]

it feels wonderful walking out side a bit nervous a bit excited people walking pass you. your skirt blowing with the wind. The sound of the high heels as you walk, feels great to be alive