Boot on the other foot

[cath]

We are always reading about SO's and how supportive/unsupportive they are.
I would like to ask how you would feel if you came home to discover your wife in full male attire along with a tash and beard,wanting to grow leg hairs?

[oztallulah]

She did????? Oops, pardon me for being flippant. :eek: If my SO wanted to do that, every now and then, be the male, do the male thing, then I would not bat an eyelid. As my 'femme' mode it is not a permanent thing, I don't have any problems with what you suggest. In fact she asks me to get changed before I can make my own mind up.

Hate to state the obvious but I will. I work in an office. In that office are 7 GG's. The last member of this group joined us 2 years ago, the first member about 6 years ago. I have never seen one of them in a skirt, ever. And, most of the clothes they wear are very 'male' cut items. What can I say????

At the end of the day, it is all just wrapping paper. What is inside the body is the important thing. The heart, the emotions, and the feelings.

[Marla S]

Well, I'd be astonished ( up to shocked) first, but than I'd think it would be ok with me.

The most important is to feel comfortable in the own skin - if she does this way, that's the best thing that can happen.
Only this can reveal your whole potential ( and ability to give love).
My view would be secondary, though I'd probably wouldn't like the scratching of her beard while kissing.

[Kate Simmons]

My wife? You gotta be kiddin' Cath. She is so ultra feminine, she used to have a coronary when she had two hairs growing out of her chin. She would get some light hair above her lip and would have to use Sally Hanson bleach. Who do you think was my best teacher for being a woman (even though she didn't realize it). Ericka

[RikkiOfLA]

It wouldn't bother me. I love her regardless of how she looks. We've been married 28 years. We married for life, so we knew that the beauty of youth would fade, and that we would get wrinkled and fat and tired. Hair would fall out, and hair would grow in. Hair would turn gray. When you love someone, you look beyond appearances, to the beauty within.

I know whereof I speak. My wife is a cancer survivor. She has stage 4 lung cancer, even though she never smoked a day in her life. Stage 4 means that the cancer has spread through her blood stream to other parts of her body. She has been through radiation and chemotherapy. She could easily die of this hideous disease yet. We just don't know. Every day she wakes up, I say a little prayer of thanks for one more day. That's how it goes.

She currently looks like Mahatma Gandhi. She is thin, pale, and bald. Her ears even stick out like Gandhi's. When we make love (and we do!) I close my eyes a lot, because I don't want to be constantly reminded of the cancer. I remember happier times.

Some people reading this will be quick to say that crossdressing is not in the same category as cancer. And in many ways it's not. No one dies of crossdressing. Crossdressing can be fun; cancer is a painful, debilitating, fatal disease. But there are some similarities. A positive mental attitude helps a lot with both. Both are involuntary. She didn't choose to have cancer; I didn't choose to be a crossdresser. I try to make my crossdressing fun for her, too. She tries to make her cancer as easy on me as she can. We have read of spouses who have dumped their partners for crossdressing; and yes, we have read of spouses who have dumped their partners for cancer too. No one would ever say the cancer is her fault, but so many people assume that the crossdressing is our fault. That is simply ignorance, isn't it! She has put up with my crossdressing for 28 years, and has participated in it with me. By comparison, what's a little cancer! I go to the hospital with her joyously knowing how wonderful she's been to me all these years.

Sorry to be so blunt, but that's my 2 cents' worth.

Rikki

[kwebb]

Sorry but it would be a dream come true, a match made in heaven. Completely flip flop the marriage, let me be the wife. I already do most of the house work anyway. And to think of the possiblities in the bedroom gives me the shivers.

I am feeling this newfound boldness all of a sudden and hope its not just the full moon.

[Charleen]

Rikki, I want you to know my thoughts are with you and your wife. I lost my wife of 30 years to cancer in October. I know what the both of you are going through. If you want, PM me. Back to topic, my sweety was never very femme and even thugh she had a great figure, she rarely dressed to show it off. Looking back, I am now starting to wonder if we both had hiding in common, as she prefered to dress in plain clothes, nothing very feminite and felt uncomfortable when we had to go some where fancy and she had to wear a dress and make up. She never liked it. She did keep up appearances by shaving, ect, but wouldn't it be a hoot if she was a closet FtM, while I was a closet MtF? I'll never know now, but after reading this post, it got me to thinking, and alot of things made sense. Love and xxxx, Lily

[EricaCD]

This question came up a few months ago (before you joined), so I hope you don't mind if I recycle my reply:

I'd like to think that, if we are truly talking about the love of my life, I would have the good sense to at least not reject her desire out of hand. After all, assuming (as we must here; else the question isn't interesting) that I were not a CD, I'm still socially liberal enough that I would not likely have any fundamental moral objection.

I'd definitely need/want to do some reading up (and I'd pray to find the FTM forum here). I would probably insist on some boundaries--none of which I would consider inappropriate if now applied to me--such as not around the kids, not going out in our immediate community, not in family contexts, etc. And I am guessing that I ultimately would not want to be romantically involved with her en homme - though who really knows?

Semi-related point that I made in the FTM forum a while back: we MTF crossdressers often complain about society's lack of understanding, and note the unfairness that ladies can wear men's fashions without incurring social wrath. HOWEVER, I think the stigma on a FTM who really wants to go the whole 9 yards is actually much more severe - perhaps because society has less experience here than with MTF crossdressing. I suspect that however hard it is for our GG spouses to come to terms with our dressing, it might be even harder for a GM spouse the other way around. In addition to the social dimension, I'd have to come to terms with my masculinity and my sexual identity - and I will freely admit that GGs have a better emotional palette to work on these issues.

Or, maybe I am totally mistaken and this thread really does show exactly how profound an issue we are inflicting on our relationships....

Interesting question!

Erica

[Calliope]

I would like to ask how you would feel if you came home to discover your wife in full male attire along with a tash and beard,wanting to grow leg hairs?

It wouldn't surprise me!

When I first met the woman to become my wife and mother of our children, she was weight-lifting. Wow, did she ever have a terrific figure - a raw beauty, never any makeup or perfume or frilly clothes. As time went on and her body settled into middle age, she dressed further down - wrinkled super-large T-shirts and jeans. According to her, since she works in the tech sector with a predominantly male workforce, she doesn't want to attract any sexual attentions. However: her deemphasized femininity also accompanied the cooling of our connubial relations - and that was a painful adjustment for me. I can't really answer your question since the two are linked so closely.

If she grew a beard (her legs are already hairy) - ZZ Top? - yet had the hots for me like once upon a time ... well ... I'd be pretty psyched.

[Ginagirl]

Good point...... Initial reaction wouldn't be good, as my wife says go slow.

Thankfully I don't have to worry about that.

[kathy gg]

The chances of a tg ftm "accidently" hooking up with a tg mtf are like what....one in a million.....?

My guess is most non-crossdressing males would be none to pleased. I have talked to cd's on this very board who admitted that if their wife did decide to let her "pit" hair grow and bind her breasts that they are not sure how long their marriage would survive. So if you have cd's saying stuff like that, my guess is it would take an EXTREMELY open minded {non-cd male} man to give that a go. Just as lot of women "freak" over the possible lesbian implications.....many het men would balk at going out with their "best guy" friend who also happens to be their wife.

I mean let's face it many het men are really nervous about any implication that they are gay or bi-sexual. Gee we have that in here {sometimes} and you would think our little segment of the population would be less ashamed {of the gay label} and they are not. So for a guy who has no prior knowledge of tg issues to suddenly find out his wife wants to dress like a guy on occasion....I think most men would run for the hills. NOT ALL men, but certainly most.

I saw a doc. on ftm's a while back and some of the boys interviewed said that even though they were ftm they still wanted to be with guys. So now they were having to look in the gay male community for dates and alot of the gay men could not wrap their heads around dating a guy who may still have female parts, even though she presents as a male.

anyway, I think it is easy to imagine how open minded one would be when one is tg themselves...but non-tg....well I am bettin' that most ftm's would find themselves single....sad but true....

[Jasmine Ellis]

she my boss she tell me what to do :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

[Sophia Rearen]

I love my wife's masculine qualities. I am ok with her sense of style. But, I love the female form too much for her to make alterations to it. Fair enough?

[ToyGirl]

The chances of a tg ftm "accidently" hooking up with a tg mtf are like what....one in a million.....?

I live in a backwater town in australia , anyway this awkward looking girl was obsessed with me for years through high school, i seen her the other day all grown up she was back in town for her sisters wedding , flat top hair cut muscley like a mini dolph lungren (sp?) ,guys clothes , she was out as being a lesbian , definitly TG and FTM to some extent. I never got to talk to her sadly , but yeah it happens, but yeah almost had the one in million?

[bgirl]

Given wear I am at, I think I would adjust. Some where along the way I was less attracted to a form than a person. Someone I love becomes the most beautiful person in my life.
Hairy legs on a woman? It never bothered me. I survived the sixties( don,t remember a thing) and many women did not shave them. An ex amomg them. I would not care how much hair or where. A handle bar mutosh might freak me out a bit. And a male prostesis, she better keep that thing away from me!
It would be a shock, we would work it out.

[DonnaT]

I'd say, hold on a minute..........................................wh ile I go change too.

[KateW]

For a joke I'd say "take off my t-shirt, you might stretch it", and then go watch tv.

[swiss_susan]

I would have a hard time accepting that. Particularly if she wanted to be intimate as such.

In my case there would be a difference, my SO, to the best of my knowledge enjoys Susan, I would not feel the same way if she had a stash and had hairy legs.

No doubt I would still love her, but therein lies the difference.

I would have a hard time expressing my love for her while she was there with a stash and sideburns, I would be turned off. sorry if some interpret that as hypocracy but thats life, there are no 2 way streets.

Susan.

PS. Swiss miss, heads up no stash or hairy legs hun :tongueout

[Dixie Darling]

Maybe I'm different than most but I think I would ask myself if this was fulfilling a NEED that she has that couldn't be satisfied in any other way. She's doing nothing that would be harmful to her (drugs, alcohol, etc) and I would much rather know that her needs could be addressed in a way that isn't a threat to her health or happiness. Sure, it would take some getting used to, but if you truly are in love with a person, you're in love with the WHOLE person and not just a part of them that you find attractive or desireable.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[Jenna1561]

I am certain that, thanks to my own crossdressing, I would support her and that I would give being "his" buddy a shot. However, intimacy would probably be very difficult. I don't think I would be comfortable, particularly not knowing what intimacy fantasies would come forth.

I wouldn't imagine that my wife would want to be intimate while I am wearing breast forms and I can say with certainty that I DO NOT want to be intimate if "he" is wearing a strap on.

As for "him", I don't see a problem going out together to a NASCAR race, a tractor pull, a Star Trek convention, shopping at Loews or just sitting around the house. Just expect to be treated as a heterosexual male and don't expect to be hugged and kissed in public.

I have thought about this quite abit - you know - the what if it happened to me, how would I deal with it questions. It really helped prepare me for coming out to my wife, though I didn't need it because she is still just kind of pretending nothing was said.


Jenna

[CaptLex]

I saw a doc. on ftm's a while back and some of the boys interviewed said that even though they were ftm they still wanted to be with guys. So now they were having to look in the gay male community for dates and alot of the gay men could not wrap their heads around dating a guy who may still have female parts, even though she presents as a male.

anyway, I think it is easy to imagine how open minded one would be when one is tg themselves...but non-tg....well I am bettin' that most ftm's would find themselves single....sad but true....
Thanks, Kathy, you said it better than I could. That's my situation exactly. Notice there are plenty of SO's posting on this site for MtFs, but where are the SO's for the FtMs? :sad:

[flatlander_48]

Been there, actually...

My wife does have hairy legs anyway. She hasn't shaved in decades (at least in the 12 years or so that I've known her). She frequently raids my closet for jeans, T-shirts and socks. My lingerie stash is about 3 times the size of hers. The role reversal thing happens sometimes and seems to be very fluid. I find it to be a great learning experience regranding human dynamics, sexual politics and whatever happens between men and women. Never would have had the opportunity otherwise.

[kathy gg]

Hey Lex

All I can say is : :hugs:

I swear if I come back a gay boy {in my next life...like I am hoping to!} I will NOT disriminate against trans-bois!!




Thanks, Kathy, you said it better than I could. That's my situation exactly. Notice there are plenty of SO's posting on this site for MtFs, but where are the SO's for the FtMs? :sad:

[Amanduhrob]

Facial hair? No thanks, I can live with the body hair, and while Holly isn't FTM, she does wear the pants, and sometimes what goes under the pants:devil: in the relationship.

As I'm required to keep myself cleanly shaven, in our relationship, I don't think it's too much to ask for Holly & Karen to do the same.

[suanne]

Ok Cath I think we all know where you are going with this. Like I have been a closet cder for over 50 years and I should be up front with my wife now. Yeah right! I tried kidding myself years and years ago that I was going to stop cding and so I wouldn't tell her. No need to upset her over this. I love her and don't want a divorce. Plus the biggie. 50 odd years ago there was no net. You didn't talk about it cause there wasn't an hetro cders to talk to. Like where you gonna meet them. In their closet????? So you did the best you could. I am sure there are alot of us still scared to death of being caught. So tell your wife all about it and hope she doesn't mind looking at Suanne. :eek: Yeah right! Some are fortunate to have a different kind of relaionship with their SO. But some of us still have to keep our "little secret" in a box someplace. Heck no I don't want to see my wife in a beard. :eek: I hate it when she wears cotton underware. Black nylon with lace turns me on. If she doesn't wear em I will. Well shoot....I wear em anyway. There you have it. Straight and to the point. :2c:

Suanne

[Melissa Ryan]

But isnt it nice to be you Suanne?! MMMMM Nice! :happy: :love:

[suanne]

Yes Melissa it's nice to finally know who I am and what I am about. I have a system worked out so Suanne can come out quite alot and we both love it. (Thats me and Suanne). This forum has helped a lot with coming to terms with me, myself, and Suanne. I really don't struggle much any more like I use to over being a cd. I know that I am not alone and there are so many others to come along side of and that is a big help.

Melissa you are a great encouragement. Thanks.:hugs:

Suanne