Not about sex!

[dann]

When did you realize that cross dressing wasn't all about sex?
...that is ofcourse, if this is the case for you.

Me first,
As others may have read in my previous posts, it was after alot of therapy and obstaining from all things sexual for an extended period of time. I reached a point where the sexual feelings and the feelings of the heart became seperate. The desire to occassionally present myself outwardly feminine is part of my identity.

now you....

[rocval2001]

I don't remeber when it was not about sex. All I know is that when I am dressed up it feels natural - like it should be that way. But for most you are right it is not about sex, it is about expressing who we are.

[Yes I am]

Whatever. Everything is about sex.

[Patty]

When I am dressed if it be in shorts, jeans or a skirt. I feel so good and it not about sex it's about feeling right with myself.

[brittanny]

I would say I came to realize it wasnt all about sex inmylate teens but I started dressing at an age when I didn't know about sex so I guess I had just forgot it wasnt about sex

[Melanie]

Dann, I realized it wasn't all about sex years ago and that I must dress as a woman.I am not the most confident person looks wise as a male but and i hate to boast have been told I'm pretty and passable as a girl.Hearing that of course makes me feel really nice and I try to present myself with some class and integrity as a good woman would.
SO yes like you mentioned it is a part of our very being and a facet of our personality.Plus it's realxing and brings out my gentler side of me,


hugs,
Melanie :hugs:

[cindianna_jones]

During my cross dressing phase, every night always ended in sexual release. Always. When I started living full time and going to work dressed nicely, that particular aspect of dressing up subsided. It dwindled to practically nothing.

But from my puberty onward, it was a very sexual thing for me.

Cindi

[Helen MC]

It has always been a sexual as well as comfort matter to me. Even before I first tried on a pair of my sister's knickers when I as 12 I was turned on by seeing them or by pleated skirts, bras and other female clothing when I saw it about the house or on washing lines or displayed in shops, When I plucked up courage and actually wore a pair of girls' panties for the first time the arousal was mindblowing (although thankfully I could "control myself") and even now when I have been wearing panties ever since I still get a buzz both from wearing them and seeing a nice pair displayed as well as the comfort and that fact that to me it would now be unnatural to wear male underwear as I haven't done so since I was 15 and I am now 53! I don't even own any but possess hundreds of pairs of panties! Similarly when I dress completely en-femme at home I am both happy, comfortable and aroused.

So it IS about sex to me,as well as comfort and contentment.

[Jasmine Ellis]

dressing for me makes me feel good

[sophie1]

at first it was sexual but it lost that feel when i was about 19. now i'm happy dressing and getting touch with softer side
sophie

[Teresa Amina]

I've known for a long time it was a far more profound thing than sex, but being physically male a lot of feelings end up with a sexual component. It helps to be in an environment where I don't have to rush the experience but can hang aroung the house dressed as long as I want. When I was younger and had to be furtive and rush things the autoerotic experience really screwed things up!:D Little Willy and his two pals stay out of the way now.

[Yes I am]

Ok, in all fairness I first wanted to dress up like a girl when I was 4 years old. Everything didn't become about sex until I was 12/13.

[Kahlan51]

Dressing up always makes me excited. Most times that excitement has a sexual charge, where it goes from there is a whole different story. I dress up sometimes just for a sexual experience and other times without any sexual intention at all. I love my femme side and my male side there is a beautiful balance between them as there is between my sexual side and my nonsexual side. Thanks for the question it has made me realize how lucky I am not to be living in the land of confusion and haven't for a long time Kahlan

[Ranee Daze]

From all of the posts I get the idea that 24/7 dressing is not for me. Honestly, the idea of 24/7 is a turnon, but now I find out that it may curb an important aspect of dressing for me. I wish to maintain the total experience ALAP.

[Stephenie S]

Well, I can certainly remember when it was all about sex. But as to when it became fullfilling my self and not about sex, I can't remember. It was a while ago, that much I know. Perhaps when I started to think about the fact I could actually DO this is when it moved from fantacy to reality.

Sorry I can't do better than that. At the present time it has NOTHING to do with sex. (I mean that is doesn't have anything to do with sexual arousal or gratification) (which, I can remember, at one time it did)

Steph

[Desiree]

Used to think so long time ago when the stockings and panties would be such a turn for me, I'd slip into them, masturbate and then put my mothers clothes back in her closet. Since then I've realized that after the sexual release, the horniness and sexual urge was gone, but there were actually two urges. One immediately satisfied through masturbation, the other more subtle urge was the release of femininity, a feeling of happiness and security. Sex can certainly compliment and increase the enjoyment of dressing, but dressing is not a sexual experience.

[spaskinstyle]

If I may chime in here a bit, I'd like to share some of what I talk about in my sessions with my girls here in Chicago.

Crossdressing like most everything else in a young mans life during the ages of say 9 to 19 is not unique in causing sexual arousal. Why does CD'ing and sex get linked so often together in a young mans mind? Well lets think about that. Everything a young man does during that stage of his life that he truly enjoys causes an erection. Sexual arousal for a 15 year old is the norm, sexual arousal for a happy, over the top, satisfied kid is off the charts, so imagine what sexual arousal for a 15 year old who has just found a wonderful new state of being that makes himself feel complete, totally comfortable with himself, sensual and sexy and in love with himself all at the same time. Hmmm... does sexual arousal and need for release sound so out of the question? Not at all.

What naturally happens is that boys/men grow up and they gain control over their drive for release and once past their peak say in their 20's or late 30's the sexual nature of the crossdressing subsides and the original feelings of completeness feeling comfortable with oneself, sensuality, sexuality and self love all are the focus once again. The sexual part doesn't go away - it just wasn't totally about sex - it was partially about a 15 year old and his hormones.

Hope that helps a little. Love to all of you.

Theresa

[dann]

Thank you for the responses gurls.I started dressing at age 6. It definetly wasn't about sex than. It became all about sex during puberty. From that point on It was hidden away along with my compulsive porn issues. In the past year I've been dealing with the bothersome sexual issues. And it's been amazing..the feeling I use to get when I was a child (pre-pube) wanting to feel girly has come back and showed me my own true nature, beyond the sexuality of it. That's not to say I wouldn't love to be intimate with my wife while enfemme. It's just pretty unlikely that it'll ever happen. That's fine. That's what fantasy is for.

I've only gotten to dress somewhat in the passed year. I wouldn't even call it crossing as there was no wig or make-up involved. I still havn't replaced that stuff from my most recent (and mark my words) final purge.I've been taking it really slow through the coming out crisis. Treading very lightly. Becuase I love my wife so dearly and I want to make this work.
It was more a brief try on session with some clothes my wife had let me have.I slid on a skirt and top, sat on the edge of the bed and nearly wept. I was just overcome with the feeling I hadn't experienced in so long.There was no arousal sexually. Just this undiscribable feeling in the pit of my soul. The same one I felt the first time I tried on my sister's dress 28 years ago.I felt like I was home. Like I had rediscovered my center.

Thanks for letting me share. I love being a part of this group.

[Kristen Kelly]

I don't remeber when it was not about sex. All I know is that when I am dressed up it feels natural - like it should be that way. But for most you are right it is not about sex, it is about expressing who we are.

It stopped being sexual when I realized who I am, and what part of dressing was in my life. When I am dressed it feels just as natural as if I was wearing male clothes. Like many here dressing is an extenstion of who I am, not another personality of me but part of a whole. Changing clothes does not change who I am, just how I express myself.

[Kimberly]

About 15/16 - when I started dressing for the sake of feeling more feminine, than just a fetish.

EDIT: Come to think of it - I knew about my TG desires, before sex. At least, in myself.

[Nike]

I grew up with a twin sister. Although there were "rules" about "his" and "her" things, we'd share our time playing whatever games suited our fancy. One minute we would be playing baseball, football or wrestling, the next we could be at the easy bake oven or playing dress up. It never felt weird, just something we did. Obviously it was never sexual either.

Dressing has a comforting component to it, but in my marriage, it can also have a sexual component. Sometimes I will wear panties or whatever I'm in the mood for and will simply go about the day. Like any other day, or in any clothing at all, sex may happen, or it may not.

There are times though, that dressing IS about playing. That it IS about sex.

Either way, dressing in comfortable. It is a centering and affirming place for me. A time when I am once again a human-being rather than a human-doing.

[sandra-leigh]

When did you realize that cross dressing wasn't all about sex?

I didn't start dressing until a small number of years ago. I already spent a fair bit of time in womens' clothing stores browsing/buying for my SO (yes, really) so it was easy for me to buy my first skirt.
What made me dare to wear it outside, I just don't recall at the moment. Yes, it was exciting "that way" (and that part of it hasn't completely gone away). But it didn't take me long to realize that shopping for the clothes and going out in them was something that cleared my mind -- something that I could actively think through and plan and execute. The medication previously mentioned could often clear the mental fog, but it still left me having difficulty initiating things -- but I could initiate crossdressing.

If you've ever been relatively fogged out for a few years, and you then find an activity that just cuts through that fog -- and if at the same time it's an arousing and harmless activity... well, it doesn't take long to decide that though there might be links to sex, that whatever is happening is definitely not just about sex.

[Joy Carter]

Had my first CD at age four it never became a sexual thing till I couldn't have sex with herage 21. I thought at first it was because I wanted to be close to her that I would put on her things. But years later I realize that I am female in mind set and that has made my relationships with others so hard. I'm presently aligning that mind with my otter dress (part time) so I'm much more happy being me now. Sex just complicated that process.:D