Shown how to feel good...... [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

Vera Lynn

08-12-2006, 01:26 AM

But told to feel bad.

Anyone here ever been betrayed by someone you trusted?
Someone who told others about your secret desire to dress as a woman?
My soon to be ex wife did just that, for no other reason than to hurt me
She does not want the divorce, so she knew that the one thing she could do to me to hurt more than anything was to tell everyon my little secret.
She told all my friends, 4 of my 5 kids, my employees, siblings, in-laws, and anyone else in our community who would listen to her.
It was devastating. I honestly contemplated suicide for a while.
I just knew I could not face anyone ever again, not knowing if they knew my secret.
At first she said she only told 5 people, and we tried to get back together. I overheard a conversation last week with her and her sister here she was laughing at me, saying how stupid I as to think she had only betryad me with 5 people, when in fact she had told everyone she could.
I could not believe it. it still seems surreal

I am coming to terms with it though. It seems that practically all who I have talkd to since then are very supportive and accepting of it (at least to my face)
I have started counciling and have moved forward with my divorce after a marriage of over 20 years

My life has changed so much in the last couple of months

I am so happy to have found this place

GypsyKaren

08-12-2006, 01:35 AM

I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of letting it bother you, because that's what she wants. There's nothing wrong with you, so face everyone with your head held high and a smile on your face.

Karen

Calliope

08-12-2006, 01:36 AM

Remembering my (first) (and nasty) divorce (22 years ago), I would say some women just have to follow a scorched earth path when they are hurt. If it makes you feel any better (and it's understandable you don't want to understand anything, or feel better, right now), the high outrageousness of the betrayal indicates the depth of the hurt - therefore love - you ex is feeling. Not that her love is redeeming anymore; when love becomes contaminated, it becomes its opposite.

Sunrises for you ahead.

Pride in your diverse self is the way through your outing. Remember, the CD you is still you - it's all of the 'old' you ... plus some additional flavors that are groovy.

Vera Lynn

08-12-2006, 01:39 AM

christine55

08-12-2006, 02:36 AM

It will turn out better, people knowing and all, than it would have if you had to hide your whole life. Best Wishes
Hugs, Christine

Nikki Dee

08-12-2006, 04:38 AM

Hi. Vera...so sad.!!!..simply wish you the very best for the future...hang on in there...these things have a habit of getting much better.!!
Love Nikki. x

janelle

08-12-2006, 04:48 AM

Hi, don't know if it counts but my mom, 1 sister, have turned there backs on me. they were behind me 100% & now this so if this counts i guess so.

Sorry your feeling hurt but it will get better dear.
Take care sweetee.
:hugs: Janelle

older not wiser

08-12-2006, 05:11 AM

Hi Vera, reading your thread for the second time I picked up on the fact that your "soon to be ex" does not want the divorce, I am assuming you instituted the proceeding, is this correct? If I am wrong I sincerely apologize for my mistake. Like all the other girls have said, "hold your head high" and go forward.
Now that everyones knows I'm sure that there will be snickners behind your back and there will be others who admire the fact that you have stayed the course so to speak. Just be who you are, pls remember this-----
SUICIDE IS A PERMENENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM.

Love; BonnieAnne :GE:

EricaCD

08-12-2006, 07:58 AM

At the end of this process, however unpleasant it may be, you will still have your self-identity, those friends who are true friends, and the knowledge that you did not betray yourself or your wife.

It's squarely within your control as to whether you will still have your dignity. As Gandhi said (paraphrasing here): nobody can take that away unless you let them.

On the other hand, your wife will be left with nothing but her anger, her hate, and her betrayal. Whatever she gets in the divorce, you will get the most important part of the marital estate: the right to spend the rest of your life free from the person who could do such an awful thing.

Erica

DonnaT

08-12-2006, 09:05 AM

Hi Vera,

My wife for the longest was always worried someone she worked with would find out. Then she turned around and told her supervisor one day when she was having a hard time with it. She told me later on, and I told he I didn't care who she told. She was quite surprised that i didn't get angry, nor care who she told.

Next time your wife mentions it, tell her, "I've been thinking quite a bit, and I want to thank you for telling everyone. Now I don't have to hide anymore, and feel much less stressed out."

Stephenie S

08-12-2006, 09:18 AM

Dear Vera,

Aren't you the BOSS? You said you run a construction company. Can you get more manly than that?

I don't think you have anything to worry about. As the boss you have these guys' livelyhood in your hands. I don't think anyone is going to give you much s**t over this. If you do get some teasing and it feels like it may be getting out of hand, a few words about appropriate workplace behavior from the BOSS should settle things down. I assume these guys have been working with you for a while so they have an idea of what kind of a man you are already.

As for the rest of the community, you will be left with your real friends. Your wife will be left with a legacy of betrayal.

Fewer people than you know care about this, as you will find out as time goes by. Relax, and let this whole thing blow over. She will come out the looser in this mess, believe me.

Lovies,
Stephenie

Jasmine Ellis

08-12-2006, 09:26 AM

tell her to take a run and jump in the nearest river and you don't give a sh-t anymore what she dose or say to anyone

gennee

08-12-2006, 09:37 AM

I'm sorry what what happened, Vera. I know how heartbreaking it must be. You seem to be moving on with your life and positive about the future, too. Keep us posted about how things are going with you, Vera. we're all ears.

Gennee

Karren H

08-12-2006, 10:38 AM

Wow. That's terrible!! I know for a fact that my wife is the one that is the embaraced by my dressing! But to have her tell everyone would be like a major problem for anyones life.

Well since your outed maybe its a good time for a life style change? Now you don't have to hide anymore? Just a thought...

But were glade you found us and if we can help out at all!!

Love Karren

Bobbi Lynn

08-12-2006, 10:48 AM

Hi,
My heart goes out to you. I went through a lot of …… over 20 years ago. My ex really messed me over. Now, I think she really, really regrets what she did, but…it all hurts like hell now, you will be OK.

Tamara Croft

08-12-2006, 10:53 AM

Tiffy

08-12-2006, 11:00 AM

Well the up side dear is you may not have to hide it as much anymore. You seem to be dealing with it very soundly. Keep your head up dear.

April Marie

CheriTV2006

08-12-2006, 11:05 AM

Hi Vera Lynne, My advice: Move on (sounds like your doing this), don't overeact or give too much attention to this (how you react is very important). You will get through this. During my divorce years ago, my ex-to be found my cd pictures in my glove compartment, told her family, and her lawyer. It got back to my lawyer, he asked about it. I told him it was for from Halloween. End of story, was never an issue and I didn't dwell on it. Never wear it on my sleeve and din't cd during the marriage. People in the end see the negative intentions on the part of the aggressors and their character. I think Gandhi said it right. You take care. Hugs Cheri.

Holly

08-12-2006, 11:14 AM

Hurts llike the dickins now... the good news is that you are going to be fine. As many of the others have said already, you will be left with warm, caring, accepting friends and family. Your wife will be seen as a pety vindictive, hateful person. The truth of the matter is, you win! And as a bonus, you found US. :hugs:

sparks

08-12-2006, 11:33 AM

So sorry to hear that you were outted in such a hurtful fashion. At least as you stated you are receiving some support. Even at face value that is something. We have had some conversations at the mill about cding. It really is a confusing topic for some. One of the "Macho" guys seemed to know quite abit about. The girls it seems are the more confused because they are generally happy about their identity. "Always knew they were meant to be girls" Obviously with the F2M it is not always the case but around our lunch table that was the case.

Janelle Young

08-12-2006, 03:00 PM

Any divorce is a bad thing, mine was about the most friendly one in the history of divorce and it still sucked big time. Now you at least know that you do not want to be with this woman, there is no getting back together with her ever again. I think Donna T's advice is great. Tell the soon to be ex thank you for what she did.

Joy Carter

08-12-2006, 03:11 PM

A fine line between love and hate when it comes to a marriage. Not my words but I know it can be so true. Vera just be the bigger one and rise above the situation and go on with your life, she can't do any worse to you.

:hugs:

KewTnCurvy GG

08-12-2006, 03:15 PM

Well, I'm always struck by the degree of shame and guilt that CD's have or it wouldn't have such an effect on you for her to tell people. Also, don't feel like you have to cop to it to everyone that knows. Especially at work! Just say, "hell hath no fury like that of a women's scorn" and chuckle. They won't be any the wiser. And, lastly, I'm quite sure he doing that could be defamation of character. I mean she maliciously took some very private and made it very public. I would definitely be talking to my lawyer about that.
Hugs,
Kew

NighttimeGirl

08-12-2006, 03:20 PM

I used to go out with a girl who threatened to tell my cousin (best friend) i told him first, that really did her head in, it pulled away the last bit of control she had, I dont know whether she would have told him or whether she was holding on etc but I told him anyways.
Like what Kew said though regarding the hell hat no fury thing, that would work too

all the best

:hugs:

:love:

JenniferMint

08-12-2006, 03:20 PM

This may sound a bit cynical, but...

Look on the bright side, once this blows over, you will know who your *true* friends are! Sure, some people might get freaked out by the CDing and leave you, but so what... it's a part of you, and they're not, so if they have a problem with your CDing, that's their problem!

I was in an online community where I pretended to be a GG. Someone outed me, though. But my true friends stayed with me and I feel closer to them now.

tekla west

08-12-2006, 05:30 PM

Secrets will almost always out. Nobody can hold against you what is public knowladge.

Jodi

08-12-2006, 06:29 PM

Sorry about your troubles, but it looks to me, that you are better off without her. A betrayal like that can never be retrieved. When I went through my divorce, I was up front and told my lawyer. I wanted no secrets or for him to be blind sided. He told me that it would never be an issue. In PA, the divorce and the property settlement are two different things. Any info like being a cd would have no effect on the property settlement. My ex was very embarressed about my being a cd. She constantly lived in fear that someone would find out. So, to my knowledge, she did not tell anyone.

Jodi

Bernice

08-12-2006, 11:05 PM

You've already received a mountain of good advice, most important of which is about the fruitlessness of suicide, but also that your ex-to-be has squandered her last bit of control over you in a hateful and pointless way.

To answer your specific question: Yes, I suffered a similar situation with a sociopathic woman once long ago, until the annullment was finalized. It hurt a great deal at the time. Getting away from her was the best thing I had ever done - until meeting my SO of 30+ years. Could I have committed suicide? Probably. But then the sociopath would have "won". I took the high road, and I have been amply rewarded for doing so. So stick around, and find out what wonderful things are about to happen in your life. :hugs:

kamala

08-12-2006, 11:21 PM

Vera Lynn,

I can only imagine how you feel. You are experiencing what for many of us is probably our worst fear. Remember "Fear knocked on the door, I answered, no one was there" You've answered the door big time! Hang tough (yes, CD's are not sissy's).

Remember what Jannelle Young wrote. What a classy post.

xo,
Kam

Vera Lynn

08-14-2006, 12:00 AM

Again, I want to thak you all for your support and kind words

I do need to come clean on something though

I became involved with another woman, as good friends at first, but involved in what my wife calls an "emotional affair" . It evolved into a sexual affair AFTER I left home. So in a way, I probally had it coming to me....the betaryal of my "secret"
I am still friends with th other woman, but I am sure that it will not progress further.

On a side note, my wife called me at 4 this morning, crying and telling me that she was going from a bar wih her girlfriend and had a designated driver even, but the guy was drunk. The car they were in ended up in the pacific ocean, seems he took a wrong turn and drove strait off a boat launch.

She actually rescued the other two and got them to shore as the car sunk to the bottom with headlights and tail lights still lit

They are all lucky to be alive

I spent the day helping them get the car out ant to her friends house, and getting them all safe and sound in their homes

Point is, I still do care about her, and even though she has hurt me beyond repair, I am glad she still feels she can count on me for help.

Jodie_Lynn

08-14-2006, 05:13 AM

I know, but it is hard. I run a construction company and have always been this real, well you know, manly type

I try no to show her how much it hurt me, but she knows, she knew for 21 years that it would kill me to have people know.

I do know I will be ok
It is just going to take a while

It will NOT kill you. It may feel that way for a while, but it won't really kill you.

You have two choices:

Let it make you bitter and fearful;

OR

Let it make you stronger and more courageous.

You said she didn't want the divorce. This is her way of trying to force you to stay, but in the end, by exposing the one thing she knew you feared most, she has revealed that she doesn't really care about you, your feelings or your reputation, but only herself.

Bid her "Fare thee well" and proceed on your path.
Hold your head high and look people straight in the eye.

And know that we are here to help you, hold you, and give you a shoulder to cry on if needed.

take care
Jodie-Lynn

melanieee

08-14-2006, 08:05 AM

my 2 cents worth,....your ex hasnt realised that throwing dirt is not a good thing to do for 2 reasons: 1; she gets her hands dirty, and 2; she loses ground and you gain ground if you dont throw it back!
I moved 5000km after my divorce,started a new life and far away from the ex
Have met a lovely lady who is ok with my cding and life goes on getting better

Byllie

08-14-2006, 09:34 AM

Life is a dynamic system, and all dynamic systems hate chaos. They all try to find a quiet stable place.

My point is to hang on tight, ride out the chaos and you will see calm waters in no time.

Gurly

08-14-2006, 09:57 AM

Wow!!! what a bitch..... sorry, but she is...... she did this so you wouldn't divorce her?? what was she thinking.... the ultimate betrayal by her, I hope you tell her to go take a friggin run and jump and thank her for being such a two faced spiteful cow..... :Angry3:

Move on now, suicide isn't the right way, you have children, crossdressing isn't the end of the world for them, but killing yourself???? that would be devestating for your children :( Your soon to be ex has a lot to answer to.... grrrrr..........

Gotta agree with Tamara on this one. Your soon-to-be ex IS a bitch. Plain and simple........she betrayed you. She's also right on about the idea of suicide and what it would do to your children...and to everyone else in your life. The one plus to your being outed is the fact that you don't have to hide it anymore. Also, in the long run, you will find out who your true friends are in the ones that support you and your crossdressing. Although you don't see it this way at the moment, your wife may have done you a few favors: (1) She will be out of your life and (2) You will be able to dress more frequently. Personally, I sort of envy your position. I am currently floundering in a failed marriage and I KNOW I can't trust my wife with my secret and I'm too gutless to come out about it myself. She'd probably go on the local news with it! Personally, if it were my wife that outed me I would have steam pouring out of my ears. Sorry that this had to happen and it WILL get better.

Tamara Croft

08-14-2006, 10:00 AM

On a side note, my wife called me at 4 this morning, crying and telling me that she was going from a bar wih her girlfriend and had a designated driver even, but the guy was drunk. The car they were in ended up in the pacific ocean, seems he took a wrong turn and drove strait off a boat launch.Oh crap.... that's not good, maybe I shouldn't have told you to go tell her take a running jump :eek:

Vera Lynn

08-14-2006, 10:48 PM

Again...I must say how warm this place makes me feel inside.
It is like finally finding my own kind

The support and advice you all have provided me mean more than you can know, I am certain of that

I look forward to the day when all this drama is behind me and I can just be the person I am

This board is truely a shot in the arm for me now.

Thanks to each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart

Vera

michelle19845

08-14-2006, 11:07 PM

i hope things get better for you.sooner or later it'll come back to her for what she did.watch/give it time.it always happens,good ol karma.

RhondaT

08-16-2006, 12:36 AM

Sometimes things happen for a reason that we do not understand. I had two ex wives that outed me for my feminine needs and desires. When the perfect woman came along she saw to it that I was placed on hormones and helped me with everything I needed to become the woman of my dreams. Out with the bad in a in with the good!

flatlander_48

08-16-2006, 10:48 AM

suzy

08-16-2006, 11:03 AM

What's done is done..... now you don't have to hide it anymore. Be proud of yourself, enjoy your new family and friends and lets have a brighter future!:love:

Vera Lynn

08-20-2006, 02:57 AM

I am the stbx, not a bitch, very suportive of the whole cd lifestyle.
Purchased many articles of clothing, loved through many years
of cd'ing. Some of your advise is spot-on but some of you do not
realize the depth of my betrayal, Yes, I got even but not untl 2
months of an affair that I wanted over, wanted my husband back
took him back 4 tmes . Stil love him but he will not give up the gf so **** him anyway. He should be ****ing me 4 times a week and NO ONE ELSE.
I am going to to try to prove it to him forever/. Whatever it takes!

Annesah

08-20-2006, 04:00 AM

Forgive me, but what is a stbx? Cheers! Annie

Angie G

08-20-2006, 07:23 AM

You are a good person that did not do wrong be proud of that :hugs:
Angie G.

julie w

08-20-2006, 10:44 AM

think on the bright side you can now be who you want to be, I am much happier since my divorce and can dress when I want

GG Vanya

08-20-2006, 11:32 AM

Vera Lynn

08-20-2006, 12:16 PM

Mmmmhmmm, and if you are the soon to be ex, how did you get onto Vera's account to post here?

It gets curiouser and curiouser...

That definatly was my STBX posting under my log-in ID

She was at my house last night and, well, we were drinkig and I showed her this place. She tried to set up her own id, but for some reason she is havig difficulty doing so

I apologize for any confusion

I am certain she will be back, and I know she will be civil here

Sad news is, I am certain that next time things get ugly, she will use what post here against me as well

Whiskey and divorce dont mix