I guess this is a purge

[Natalie x]

Hello Darlings

I haven't posted for a long while, and I owe you an explanation.

Simply put, I've fallen in love - more in love than I have ever thought possible, and the result has been astonishing for me. I have found that I want to be one hundred percent male for her, all my gender issues have left me completely. I was completely happy with my life as a crossdresser, until Sandie came along. She triggered something inside me that switched off the desire to be feminine.

I wish I could say that everything is going well, but of course it's not; this is real life, after all. Both of us are dealing with the legacies of our past lives, and Sandie is unable to let down her barriers and give love back to me. So, a lot of the time I am desperately unhappy, I'm up and down like a toilet seat at a crossdresser's party! Sometimes the future starts to look better, and I dare to hope, then she panics and backs away and I plummet to the depths again.

Anyway, my point here is that this has not affected my decision. For me, dressing is a thing of the past. Despite my unhappiness, and the futility of my love, I do not feel any desire to dress, none. Of course, it's early days, and you girls have already been through multiple purges and know far more about them than me, so we will have to wait and see. But, so far, even though times are tough, the desire to dress has not returned.

I must say, though, it's "Goodbye" to my "stuff" but not to my friends. Since this started to happen a couple of months ago, I have popped in here a few times, but have not felt that it would be right for me to get involved in any discussions. However, now that I have my head around things, I hope that you will not mind if I occasionally share my thoughts - after all, you have been my best friends for the last year and a half, I feel as though you are like family, and I may have some useful things to say.

My time with you has been a ball, I have loved every moment of it. You all take care of yourselves.

Love, Natalie

[Stephenie S]

Dear Tranny Granny,

So sorry you are leaving. I would have loved to get to know anyone who had the imagination to call themselves the TG.

However, please don't toss your stuff.

Put it in a chest and put it up in the attic. Someday you can pull it all out and say, "Yup, once I was into all this. I really had a blast. I even called myself the Tranny Granny". What a hoot that would be. You could show your grandkids. I think we always regret it when we throw away part of our past, even though we feel we may never go there again.

Then again, this new love might not work out and then all your stuff is still up in the attic.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[KELLYANN]

Hi Natalie. Wish You The Best With Your New Found Love! But I Have To Agree With Steph, Don't Toss It Girl!! Store It Away! You May Come Back!! Hugs

[KewTnCurvy GG]

A=Make sure you tell her!

B=Your feelings WILL come back.

C=Congratulations and best wishes for the future!
Kew

[Eric/a]

Well, I'm certainly happy for you, as I'm sure we all are, for having met someone special, and I hope you can stick with those decisions, dressing-wise and otherwise. Only trouble is, I've seen too many friends, here and on other sites, meet someone and think OK, now I'm over my desire to dress fem. I've even been through that myself. If the relationship doesn't work out, that desire comes back, with "reinforcements," as it were, because then it's easy to feel like you've gotta make up for lost time! Plus, you get bummed out because it's like, you made all those sacrifices, and for what?

Don't get me wrong, I hope none of that's the outcome for you and Sandie! I'm looking forward to hearing great news as things work out!

[nishababe]

:love: Dear Natalie,

Hope you are enjoying love and all the emotions that entail .

I think that you will find that for the moment the thrill of the chase is fully taking over the male side of your brain ,been there many times myself ,but believe me Natalie is just having a break for now but she is part of you and as ''General MacArthur'' said on leaving the Philippines ''I shall return'' and so shall ''She''

Natalie is just resting now but one day the longing for the touch ,feel and need to wear female clothes will return stronger than before ,in ever increasing longings and when you succumb to the yearnings
the feelings will be of enormous and extreme pleasure !!

Believe me you will soon be slipping on your favourite silky panties and lovely sensual stockings quicker than you think ,especially if it does not work out with your g/f .

C/d is in our heart and souls and is needed to nourish our inner female selves .

It is also an extreme pleasure that can never be just totally switched off never to return

You cant keep a good Girl down , so lastly to misquote a song by the famous 60s UK merseyside group the ''Searchers''

Dont throw your Girly clothes away ,
Keep them for a rainy day ,
For you might need them some day !!

Love Nishababe

[Lady Jayne]

Natalie, I wish you every happiness and hope that in time your new found love can begin to open up to you in time and you have many happy years together:happy:
however as others have suggested please don't dispose of your things, If you put them away and find that it a year or two the desire has not returned then you can always dispose of them then. Howevers as so many others have found CD'ing isn't an illness or addiction it's a part of who you are and therfore cannot be cured.
Although you have no desire to dress now the urge will no doubt come back and if you try to suppress it the stress of trying to deny this part of you could come out in other ways and end up destroying the very thing you are trying to protect.
Please don't think I am bieng negative in any way, I really do wish you every happiness, and if that is what you want then I hope that you are indeed cured.
Good luck

[RikkiOfLA]

Dear Natalie,

I have to agree with the other girls who've posted. I've been where you are and done what you've done. THREE TIMES. The desire to crossdress always came back.

First time was my senior year in high school. I'd just made my first shopping trip, after childhood years of borrowing mom's stuff. Then I met Melinda. Soon, we were head over heels in love. The desire to dress went out the window. I thought I was "cured." Melinda was pretty, and she had good taste in clothes and the money to buy them. Rare combination for a teenager! But soon, I was giving her suggestions about what to wear. The suggestions were mostly good ones. But they drove her nuts. She couldn't figure out--neither could I--that I was projecting my crossdressing onto her. I was dressing her the way I wanted to dress. She finally broke up with me about it. Of course I went back to crossdressing, but dumb kid that I was, I thought I knew the cure--just find a nice girl!

Second time was during college. Ann was pretty and very nice, but not all that interested in clothes. She liked my suggestions. The crossdressing urge, stronger now, came back during our relationship. Now, get this! Since the "cure" wasn't working, I figured I wasn't really in love with her. How dumb! I broke up with her. I soon realized I'd made a really dumb mistake, but by then she had a new boyrfriend. Lost her!

Third time was in my twenties. Nancy and I really fell in love, and we were old enough and mature enough to marry. The urge went away--the "cure" was working! About a year after our wedding, the urge came back. I wondered, did that mean I didn't love Nancy enough? No, I loved her with all my heart! We worked on communication, and even saw a sexologist for a few months. But the urge was back, stronger than ever. So I talked about it with her. We agreed to try what we soon called "play clothes" during foreplay. We both enjoyed that!! The urge, finally fully accepted, became a real part of our lives. We just celebrated our 28th anniversary last month!

No, I don't think your crossdressing urge is gone. If you're like almost all of us, it will be back, sooner than you think. Even if your relationship with Sandie goes all the right places, which I hope it does.

Hang onto those clothes. Maybe even tell Sandie about them. Might help her to see your "dark side." You never know!

Love and respect,
Rikki

[Janelle Young]

Natalie,

I was in much the same situation as you are in now. I thought I had found the 'one' and had no desire to dress. Tossed everything out and life was good for 2 years. Started getting little urges to dress during the third year and at the end of the third year I had started re buying a few things. By the end of the forth year I knew she was not the 'one' and we went our separate ways. Cost a small fortune to rebuild the wardrobe. If you have no desire to dress, great, don't dress. Store your clothes someplace though, don't throw them away or give them to Goodwill. Just my thoughts. Good luck.

[ashlee chiffon]

purging is sooo expensive...later on when you get the urges again!
ohhh...and what if she reveals to you she finds cd's attractive?
*L*...best wishes!

[Kieron Andrew]

A=Make sure you tell her!

B=Your feelings WILL come back.

C=Congratulations and best wishes for the future!
Kew:yt:

[Kristen Kelly]

Natalie I agree with many that have already given you advice,one other thing be true to your self I have been there myself for two years I stopped dressing to be 100 percent male, I became depressed, subistuted food for my dressing, which made me more depressed when I gained over 30 lbs, and my relationship suffered. I couldn't just switch off the fellings I had, I hope things are different for you. I tell this for the 2 years made me hit rock bottom and I learned alot from it, but would not want to repeat it. I have accepted myself for who I am and my life is better for it. Best of luck to you, remember we are a community of which you are always a part of, tell us your good times and your sorrows so that we can rejoice in your happiness and help you with your sorrows. Through this we learn ourselves and others learn from us.

[DonnaT]

Hi Natalie,

I hope that you do find a cure in your love for Sandie, if you really want to be cured.

However, many of us have made the mistake of thinking we are cured, only to find the urge return sometime later. Maybe yeara later.

The problem is, we think we're cured and therefor fail to tell our SO, of our CDing past. When the urge returns, we dress in secret, hiding it from the one person we should be totally honest with and trust. Then, we get caught and a number of times we find the relationship doomed to failure, not for the CDing, but for the lying.

So, if you really love her, get it out in the open. Let her know how much you trust her with this information.

Who knows, she may find your trust the one thing to get her past her past experiences that are now holding her back.

[Tamara Croft]

A=Make sure you tell her!

B=Your feelings WILL come back.

C=Congratulations and best wishes for the future!
KewShort, but to the point and I agree with this. I asked my Tam about this, she said 'I thought the feelings might go away when I met the right woman or I might grow out of it. But, even though I met the right woman, those feelings didn't go away.'

At the moment, your relationship is new, I don't think purging your things is the best way, however this is your right and you must go with what you think is right. Just remember, those feelings may or may not come back, if you are really in love with this lady, you should tell her.

Good luck :hugs:

[susandrea]

Natalie!

Such a turn-about!

Well, there's love for you. Best wishes babe!:star:

[vbcdgrl]

Agree with the others:
1. You must tell Sandie of your CD past. Has she told you of her past issues?
2. Don't purge! Store. I have purged 3 times and had to re-supply
3. Your desire to CD will return.

Vikki

[Tina Dixon]

If your going to purge, save some items, breast forms and wig, because you will be back.

[Scotty]

I don't buy into anyone coming back if they find the one......no doubt!

But I don't think this is the one, simply put I've been there and anyone with issues that causes them to back off repeatedly - has issues......doesn't make them a bad person but it makes for an unhealthy relationship until they realize those issues and don't project them onto someone else.

If it were ME, I'd be running screaming into the night the first time they backed away....Because I've been there and done that and will never let someone treat me that way - I hate emotional roller coasters.

So I do believe he/she will be back, but not for the same reasons.....

[nishababe]

Dear Natalie,

I am interested as to what you think of the many comments and advice given to you on the various posts to your thread ,or have you Purged this site along with your clothes !!:heehee:

Love and best wishes with your new love interest,

Nishababe :love:

[Charleen]

two things. Never say never especially when it comes to CDing, the vast majority of us have all been there at some point. Scottie broght a point that the other girls did'nt address, the one sidedness. I would tread very carefully as she sounds like she has some VERY serious issues. On another thread, Tekla made a good point- no relationship can survive when it's one sided. Just my $.02. Wish you well, and hope everything works out for the best for you. Love and xxxx, Lily

[Emily1]

along with all the other girls ..... congratulations but get real .... you are a cross dresser or transvestite ... it doesnt just come and go ... so tell her who you are before you get too serious .... you'll only regret it later if you aint honest now ..........:hugs:

[Jasmine Ellis]

all I'm going to say dear is good luck........But you know where we are if you need anyone take care

[Natalie x]

I don't buy into anyone coming back if they find the one......no doubt!

But I don't think this is the one, simply put I've been there and anyone with issues that causes them to back off repeatedly - has issues......doesn't make them a bad person but it makes for an unhealthy relationship until they realize those issues and don't project them onto someone else.

If it were ME, I'd be running screaming into the night the first time they backed away....Because I've been there and done that and will never let someone treat me that way - I hate emotional roller coasters.

So I do believe he/she will be back, but not for the same reasons.....
Thanks for all your kind thoughts and advice, girls.

I just picked this one out because you are so right! A relationship which felt so right, and seemed to be developing nicely has fallen down around my ears. Right this minute, I don't know where she is, or who she's with, but I know she's been with someone else. She is not replying to my messages, so I've stopped trying to contact her. I'm in pieces. I should know better, you are so right, but love knows no reasoning.

But still no urge to dress. I became a CD late in life, following the breakup of my second marriage. I have known I had some gender issues all my life, but had never considered crossdressing. But, once I started, I had a great time. I enjoyed becoming as near to female as I could, I loved the company and encouragement of my sisters here, and I got a kick from pushing the boundaries by going out enfem. Several months ago, though, even before I realised where my affection for Sandie was taking me, I became aware that I was so comfortable with my feminine side that I didn't need to dress to feel as feminine as I wanted to be; Garry and Natalie were integrated into one person. So I had stopped dressing before I "fell in love", although it was only then that I stopped the HRT.

So, darlings, I will keep you posted, but as of this minute, I am still sure of my decision.

[jennifer easton]

Nat!!! your to damn good looking not to enjoy your female self, just my two cents worth xoxoxoxJennifer

[Atlanta Peach GG]

A=Make sure you tell her!

B=Your feelings WILL come back.

C=Congratulations and best wishes for the future!
Kew

+1,000 on this!!! Box your stuff up, store it at a friend's place or your own basement or attic.........you will NOT be sorry......purging is totally expensive...........

I have a couple friends who are "wishy washy" on the dressing......one meets GG's who do not know of his dressing and he has purged umpteen times........then he breaks up with said GG and then has NOTHING when he goes back to dressing. I say to him "you box that stuff up and bring it to MY house, I will keep it for you!!"

As Kew said..........you WILL be back to dressing. Maybe not next week or next year.......but I do think you will want to dress again...........

Hold onto your stuff........you'll be glad you did.

[Star]

good luck....if you can get out of this it is great i suppose.. hang on to your stuff though...

[gennee]

Congratulations on find true love, Natalie. I wish the best for both of. I'm with Steph and Kelly on keeping your stuff. I believe in rainy days.

Gennee

:hugs:

[kiwigirl]

Have purged twice and it is really expensive to restock a couple of years later. A girl must always put something aside for a rainy day (so to speak)

[Siobhan Marie]

Agree with the others:
1. You must tell Sandie of your CD past. Has she told you of her past issues?
2. Don't purge! Store. I have purged 3 times and had to re-supply
3. Your desire to CD will return.

Vikki

Can only agree with the other girls. Please don't purge, store it as its costly and heartbreaking to have to replace everything, I've been there myself and its not a nice place to go. I want to take this opportunity to wish you well with your new relationship, but please please don't purge.

huge :hugs: Anna x

[Melissa A.]

Hi Natalie,

I hope you work things out with the woman in your life, and sincerely hope you find happiness.

I would also like to, even though I'm repeating others here, share my feelings and experiences. Like you, when I met my first wife, I fell head over heels in love, like I never thought I could before. And like you, the urge to crossdress completely melted away. At this point in my life, I was still firmly in the closet and had already been through several purges. I always thought it was the crossdressing, even though it brought me happiness and peace while doing it, that was the problem in my life, because it also seemed to bring me much conflict and pain. Before we married, I told her about my past, and also told her that crosdressing was a part of my past, not my future. This was not a bald-face lie, as it was what I truly believed at the time. She was very understanding, and seemed very open minded about the whole thing. Didn't even say a negative word about cross dressing. Afterwards, she even occasionally let me wear bras and panties when we slept or made love, perhaps thinking that if she allowed a little bit, the urge to fully crossdress would remain a part of my past.

Well, it didn't. As our relationship continued, and we settled into our day-to-day life together, the old feelings started to return. The first time, and every time, she came home unexpectedley and caught me dressing, she went through the roof. There were many such incidents. She never left me over it, our relationship ended for mostly other reasons. But it sure didn't help! And I spent alot of money purging and buying, and also making promises I just never could keep, ultimately. She was not a closed minded , ignorant person. As a matter of fact, she is quite intelligent. But as she told me many times, "I simply don't want a husband that wears make-up, high heels, and skirts". You can't blame anyone for feeling the way they feel. I do, however, take solace in the fact that I tried to be honest with her before we married.

I'm not telling you what to do, or what will happen with you. Everyone is different, and unlike you, I have been a crossdresser since as far back as I can remember, at least since I was 4 years old. Obviously, and as those who know me here know, my life has changed quite a bit, and I now accept and am content with who and what I am.

All I am saying is "never say never", cause ya truly never know. Be prepared for that.

An ironic postscript to my story: Her and I were talking once recently (we get along fine), and she said to me that she had done some research after we split up, and all other things in our married life being ok(they weren't) she probably would have eventually been willing to reach a compromise on my cding. Really shocked me.

Just goes ta show ya, ya never know.

Wishing you luck and strength.

Hugs,

Melissa:happy: