Happlily Married TS

[RiversideCT]

Is there anyone at all that has undergone transition and remained happily married to their original spouse? I want to know if it is at all possible or will I need to choose between myself and my family, misery alone vs. misery with my family.

Amy

[BeckyCath]

Is there anyone at all that has undergone transition and remained happily married to their original spouse? I want to know if it is at all possible or will I need to choose between myself and my family, misery alone vs. misery with my family.

Amy

It is possible Amy, of course it is, and i know of a handful of girls here in England who have managed it. There is a big thing now about having to anul long marriages in order for the TS partner to get a GRC, so it is possible.

I've managed to remain with my partner, but it does cause lots of friction, and we're only remaining together out of fiscal necessity more than love tbh.

To stay together you've both got ot be sure it's what you want, and you've got to be a giver rather than a taker, and be prepared to make lots and lots of compromises as you go along. One of the compromises i made was not to continue with my laser hair removal because we couldn't afford the expense...

I have to say, if you think transition is going to lead to misery, then why even think about it? My transition has been anything but misery. Yes i've recently lost my job because i transitioned, and that's not caused me any misery, I have a better relationship with my young sons than i ever did when i was masquerading as a man. I have found every new day to be a challenge, but not misery, and i am more alive now as a woman than i every felt as a bloke!

Transition doesn't have to mean misery, i guess it's how you veiw it isn't it?

Rebecca

[RiversideCT]

The only misery when I transistion is how my family will survive without me for my wife will not want to live with me. I don't want to cause them any hurt.
But it is true that my wife is more concerned with what others will think, than sharing our lives together no matter what.

[Nyx]

Nothing's impossible.

But the truth, while it may be painful, is rather obvious: you have alot of chance of ending up separated, without your family, and pretty much "letting them down" by doing this... I have met alot of older t-women who are rather bitter because of such situations...

Politically incorrect views follow:

While it's important to think of yourself and your own happiness in life, if you have children... Especially children who are not yet adults, and are worried about the impact this could have on your marriage and family life... Then I suggest you take them into consideration as well.

If you're a father, then these people depend on you, they are your children, and you have engaged yourself in marriage. Because these people matter, you may want to think of their happiness before yours. I know it's painful to live "as a man" for a transsexual woman, but in a way, you sort of owe your family the sacrifice: You've taken on the role of the father, and your family expects you to pursue this.

Of course it's your life, and you may feel like you're caught in a very uncomfortable situation, but sometimes you have to think of others too. That being said, nothing keeps you from trying to communicate with your family about these issues. *Just* make sure you consider the outcomes of your choices realistically. You are at a point where becoming a woman involves a tremendous sacrifice. You could end up more depressed than you already are, and you could end up making other people who count on you depressed as well...

What I'm encouraging you to do is simply to consider these things responsibly. You say you have a happy marriage... Well, through transition, no happiness is guaranteed... And the happiness of others is also at stake here. That being said I'm not against the whole concept of married t-people transitioning... Some simply can't stay married because they're on the verge of collapse... You just have to think things through. Weight the good and the bad of the before and the after as realistically as possible.

[RiversideCT]

I have thought about the consequences a million times over. That's why I’m miserable and in a depression that the medications I'm taking can't help control.
The decision (if there ever was one) may be taken out hands for my wife can't live with my depression much longer and I can't shake it.
There are financial reasons to stay together. My son is grown and in college.
My wife suggested that I move out and live in a house that my sister owns. My expenses would be low and I could contribute money to the household.
My sister is very supportive but when I asked her about the possibility of staying in the house she hesitantly said yes. "Do you mean that you are going to do that?"

[~Dee~]

this is rather a personal question .. can it be done? yes, i think it can.

but whether it will work in your situation or not is another matter. only you can know that.

Kitty and I will stay together through my transition .. not because of kids, money or convenience but because we love we other a whole lot and we want to be with one another.
for us, its that simple.
thats why we got married in the first place afterall and it wouldnt change whether i was TS, crippled or any more ugly than i already am.
once all is said and done, i will not be seeking gender recognition.. only so that i may keep my wonderful marriage.

things arent shakey with us because of my transitioning, in fact things have improved a million times over .. and id dread the thought of ever going back to where we were ..

so i do believe that it Can work out ..
maybe you and your wife need to talk things over and see a councellor that specialises in this sort of matter .. so that she might better understand what you are asking from her etc, etc.

good luck.

[JenniferMint]

Back before I realized I was TS, I considered myself to be a heterosexual male.

Somehow, I got into an intimate relationship with another heterosexual male. (Now that I realized I'm TS, he's encouraging me lol)

That's sort of what you're talking about in reverse, I suppose.

[~Kitty GG~]

Relationships of all sorts can and do work. And there are a lots of rotten ones out there that hang on and make everyone miserable.

In my opinion.. the first thing anyone should consider in a relationship is if its what makes them happy. Are the two people involved happy to just be together? If not.. why not?

As far as kids go.. how many of us would want to live in a family where our parents were unhappy.. but sticking it out for our sake? I know I wouldn't. I'd want my parents to both be happy, even if it meant they were in separate homes. I'd hate to live in a home with an atmosphere of unhappiness.

And as far as money goes.. how many of us would want to be part of family only because we provide financially? I'd feel very used if that was my situation. I want my SO to want me.. not our comfortable lifestyle or nice car, or home. Anyone could step in and fill my financial shoes.. NOBODY can replace me.

In every relationship the two people involved have to share similar values and goals. A relationship should enrich your life, add to who you are .. not make you feel less. And it all starts with communication.

In my case. I can't imagine not waking up next to Dee. Not seeing her smile or making her laugh. There's no way I'd give up those things because she needs to transition.

Love & Hugs
~:star:Kitty:star:~

[Kimberley]

Amy,
I have to agree with Kitty on this one. (How's that hon? :lol: )
It is better for your wife and children to come from a broken home than live in one. It may not feel the best but in the long run your own happiness has to come first. You live your life for you first.
You HAVE to transition? Then pursue it. If you have any doubt, then stay in the counselling until ALL doubt is removed. Then you can move forward for you, not with the weight of others on your shoulders.

Best of luck.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[Stlalice]

Amy,
To answer your question - yes it is possible for a couple to stay together after transition. I know one couple that has done it. That is not to say that it is an easy journey or one without pain. Statistically speaking about 10 to 15% of couples stay together after transition. A larger number will split up but remain on good terms as friends and there are others who end up going thier own ways. If you have not read it I recomend the book "She's not There" by Jennifer Boylan as an example of a couple that did stay together. Hope this is of some use to you - good luck and hang in there. :hugs: