The "Dressing" Universe

[Shiny]

Hey again folks:

Been reading a lot of threads on some of us who are depressed, have been outed, are going through their umpteenth divorce etc., and have to say what my father told me when I was a child: "Don't take life too seriously, it isn't permanent."

There is so much BS flying around about cross-dressing that it's sad. The sneaking around, the worrying, the identity issues and on and on. Growing up, trying on aunties nylons for the first time was cool, weird but cool. That was okay until it happened again and then yet again again! Wow, is there something wrong with me I wondered??? Yes, I think there was but-- Hey let's ask all our buddies! Let's find out who else is messing around and doing the taboo, what "boys" should never do, try on girls clothes! NO! We can't do that! We gotta' keep this quiet and to ourselves! It'll go away and if it doesn't I hope I never get caught and it'll be the "take it to the grave" mentality. Yeah that's it, I will never tell anyone and it will go away! Whew! that's a releif! But am I such a sick f*****? NO! I'm just --different! And then we live with the knowledge of what we have done and what we like to do and it festers within us because we can't tell anyone, ever!

But what happens when I am on my third Jack and Coke when I am 68 and finally have that coronary my doctor warned me about, in my pink chiffon cocktail dress!?!?!?!?!?!? Yeah, Bob was a nice guy but they found him in a pink F****** dress! What the f*** is that about they'll say. They'll Snicker and laugh and you'll watch, hopefully from your place in the clouds as your lifelong friends dissappear while your memory as a person becomes smeared and then goes up in smoke.

I'm screwed, yeah, I'm the only one! Better keep quiet, remember the kid in the 7th grade? They kicked the s*** out of him for having a limp wrist and having a lisp! But there wasn't anything wrong with him! But man, I'm way beyond that, man! Yeah, there's something wrong. Well, then the "dressing thing" became "experimental," something you do like trying drugs, booze or hard rock music or crusing in a fast car or what ever else you do in your formative years to get your bearings, to find out who you are, to get your "center" to get your direction in life. I'm a guy, a good looking guy with a nice car a good job and a future but I like to wear girls clothes! BOING! Like a "mental snuggie" you feel diminished but you deal with it.

And the years pass, and you keep "experimenting" and you come to the conclusion that the word "experimenting" is only a ruse, a clever front to hide your "illness!" Alcoholism is considered an "illness" but in reality it's a habit, just like a gambling addiction. And like being a CD it is part of a wide range of Obsessive Compulsive Disorders. But I still don't consider being a CD a "disorder!"

Are we freaks? Are we weird? Sure we are!! We weren't around when Sigmund Freud (a confirmed child molester and cocaine addict) wrote the book on what WAS normal! Does it matter? NO! (We don't hurt anyone and if you have noticed spend collectively a Billion dollars a year or more on women's fashions for ourselves! And we are almost single handidly holding up the women's hosiery market these days because if you have noticed, women won't wear nylons anymore!) But in the old days we were shunned and ostrasized by socitey and today even with the more lax socitial mores it is better but a snicker or a pointing finger still ventures our way should we dare make the move to "go out" and strut our stuff.

We have been called the "third sex." Something thought to be tentative but something that has been around through all the ages nearly since the "human" model came out and through all cultures to an almost pinpoint percentage on an average of all cultures.

Well, enough of this rant! Am I a CD? Sure. I am not proud of it, but it's something I do, and it'w who I am, and after all these years I have gotten pretty good at it, thank you very much! Are we "weird?" Sure, but who isn't?? You think the psycho hunting buddy you have is normal? How about the guy with the NasCar furniture in his living room? It's just that they are accepted overall and we are not. But want to know the really neat thing? In here, this forum, we all understand each other and know what "it" is all about because we have all been there and done that! A club of sorts. With no members and no solicitors, a clandestine shadow organization that continues on. But we are out there!

And like Dennis Miller always says: "I might be wrong, but that's just my opinion!" Thanks for reading!

Shiny

[Charleen]

Wow, what a post. Gotta take some time to re-read it a couple of times and get back to you. One thing though, I am a recovered alcoholic and addict for today, and the last 23 years and alcoholism has been recognized as a disease for generations now. On the other hand, Lily is who I am in my opinion from birth, just like people like myself are probably also set up from birth to have a very good chance to become alcoholics as it is more than likely to be heredity that causes it. Gotta re- read the rest. I'll get back to you in a couple of hours! Love and xxxx, Lily

[CDsWifey GG]

alcoholism has been recognized as a disease for generations now. people like myself are probably also set up from birth to have a very good chance to become alcoholics as it is more than likely heredity that causes it.

:iagree:

[cutbait]

uhm... ~dumb founded~ what can i say other than well said! a rather point driven rant indeed. it would seem that i have lost my muse when it comes to writting. a real shame that i morn the loos for every day that i am reminded of it...

anny way, you seem to hit some very well thought out points, and could care less if any one thought other of it... this is however a fourm of feelings is it not?

[Calliope]

Like, whoa - that post is all over - over under sideways down - but cool (and conflicted - messy - like life) - cut-up and deep - thanks for the think.

Outtasight!

[Butterfly Bill]

Well, the first question that comes to my mind is: are you out? But the answer seems like no. Have you ever considered coming out? It would solve a lot of your problems. This isn't the same world it was when you were in the seventh grade. Stonewall was 37 years ago and a lot of things have changed since then.

[Sophia Rearen]

BRAVO

[noname]

I enjoyed reading your post. I feel it captures the fact that cd'ing doesn't hurt anyone, and yet there are other oddities out there. Additionally you brought to light that there are people out there with serious problems and arn't visible to society.

[Johanna R]

Shiny - well thought, well said! We have all been there and done that over the years. The "experiments" become "projects" and each time you try for more... every detail is important, hiar, nails, makeup, clothes...

The great thing is that it is not the same world we lived in in seventh grade, and getting out is as easy as getting dressed and going - provided you have an understanding partner or the freedom to do so... in the end, no matter how long you have been at it and howunderstanding your partners may be - you are never really able to confess it all - too many years of repression, keeping the secret, hiding the truth about who you are and what you like...

Oh, to be 20 today! what a different life it would be!

In the end you have to be comfortable with yourself, accept who you are and make the most of that... We have all been there and done that over the years. The "experiments" become "projects" and each time you try for more... every detail is important, hiar, nails, makeup, clothes...

The great thing is that it is not the same world we lived in in seventh grade, and getting out is asw easy as getting dressed and going - provided you have an understanding partner or the freedom to do so... in the end, no matter how long you have been at it and howunderstanding your partners may be - you are never really able to confess it all - too many years of repression, keeping the secret, hiding the truth about who you are and what you like...

Oh, to be 20 today! what a different life it would be!

In the end you have to be comfortable with yourself, accept who you are and make the most of that...

[Tina_N]

Excellent post!

BTW -- Your father's quote was originally penned by the late Walt Kelly, author of the wonderful comic strip "Pogo". It ran from the 1930's to the 1960's. The quote is "Don't take life so seriously,folks.It ain't no-hows
permanent." (a personal motto)

Tina

[Gurly]

Couldn't have said it better myself. I'm sure we've all wondered what was wrong with us at one time or another but to be honest, I don't think I'd give up dressing and the feeling it gives me, if given the option. Since I've been in the forum I've felt a so-called bond with other crossdressers and am amazed at how many of us are out there.

With apologies to Lennon and McCartney...I am she as you are she as you are me and we are all together.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi there Shiny,

Phew, what a ballsy in your face post that was! Now don't take this the wrong way but, did you have a drink before you posted? I know that my most "assertive posts" are always after half a bottle of wine :happy: (I kid you not!) The part I liked most was your comment:
"Don't take life too seriously, it isn't permanent."
Gosh, I really need to remember this. Sometimes I get so hung up on what I'm supposed to be doing (as far as society is concerned) rather than what I know I should be doing because that's what's best for me.

Anyway, you sure made me think for a momment or two.
Regards,

[Melanie]

'Shiny'
I have to say what a read that was ,what an excellent rant,ermmm post,lol.You basically summed up most of what I've felt for years.The original confusion,self deprecating comments,the 'I must be a freak' mental agony that many of us felt at one time or another.

So yes I did that 'macho' nonsense,over compensating ,showing bravado and being a male moron.They say every being has both masculine and feminine traits,but society seems to have accepted pretty well anything today, you see this if you look at society's liberal mores.Yet we still have a long way to go.

Without trying to sound derogatory to you or my fellow sisters (doesn't that sound like an oxymoron), maybe ppl who adopt the attitude
"Oh there goes another silly man in a dress", would realize that we are not a threat to anyone.That's IF they can 'read us'.Many of us can't be read easily but my point is as you stressed earlier, 'we really are harmless' and generally a rather friendly bunch from my experience in going out in public.

If more men could drop the 'Sly Stallone mahco 'crap' and get in touch with their 'gentler side',the world would definately be a kinder place.
Now WHO could disagree with that?

Thanks Shiny for getting me thinking too,
all the best and hugs,

Melanie :hugs:

[Charleen]

O.K. I'm back. Just got through watching the WE network show Secret Lives Of Women about us and living with us. Terrific. Anyway, Shiny, you got it right.All he hiding, guilt ad nausium we endured and alot of times still have about who we are. Like you, I am not "proud" to be a CD, however, I'm not totally ashamed like I used to be. I have shared with selective friends, and will continue to as the right times and friends come together. I believe that with your post you told most of our stories, I know mine is real close. Yesterday is yesterday thankfully, so I can live for today, and with who I am today. It is still a struggle as the unwashed either don't want to understand or won't as their minds are closed tighter than a spinsters legs. I am still going to project a femine persona even in drab as that's who I am. Love and xxxx, Lily

[christine55]

So True, So True
Hugs, Christine

[pinkshelly]

I guess it comes down to , for me, "i'd rather have this girdle in front of me , than have to have a frontal lobotomy".
Besides theres no rewind button and no do overs. I don't want to spend the next 40 years being misserable because I can't wear a dress. So i'll wear one now.
Huggs, Shelly.

[angelfire]

So yes I did that 'macho' nonsense,over compensating ,showing bravado and being a male moron.They say every being has both masculine and feminine traits,but society seems to have accepted pretty well anything today, you see this if you look at society's liberal mores.Yet we still have a long way to go.

...

If more men could drop the 'Sly Stallone mahco 'crap' and get in touch with their 'gentler side',the world would definately be a kinder place.
Now WHO could disagree with that?

Who can disagree with that? Well, I can. Since we seem to be running with stereotypes here, let us continue, shall we?

Females. Generally, tend to love gossip. Also, teenage girls seem to be the ones who are always the first to point and laugh at people who are different. Most people seem to be read by teenage females. Granted, there would be alot less physical violence. However, I think there would be alot more mental and psychological crap being thrown around.

Thats just my 2 cents.

But I do agree with the mentality that we have thought that we are freaks. I sure as hell have. But realistically, their are people with wierder 'hobbies', or 'passtimes', or even 'obsessions'. What about the guy who is 80 who still plays with model trains in his basement? That is kinda wierd. But does it hurt anyone? No. Then does it matter? Not really. Everyone is 'unique', or 'wierd' as the case may be. But as long as it harms no one, who cares?

[tekla west]

What other people think only matters if you care. Butterfly Bill is right on here. Moreover, most people, in most places could care less. Its only those close to you, some will get over it, other will not, but you still have a few billion more to choose from.

[Ellaine]

Thank you Shiny... You got so much down in that post that I empathise with, and recognise the truth of.



What other people think only matters if you care.

Oh how many times these phrases have grated my mind.
Sounds like the caring ones are doomed.
Some of us are caring, sensitive, namby pamby, wimps, pathetic, worriers whatever. We didn't ask to be that way either, lol
Buffalo Bill gets my total respect as a free spirit, and I guess he has his ups and downs too. But no amount of verbals is going to make me blase about going down my street in skirts/leggings and a wig. My wife would be the talk of the town, my kids would say I don't care for her. They act as if my Grandchildren are going to catch it. I'm in a small community, faced with moving on to some seedy crime riden hell hole, just so I can be near other misfits. She tries, bless her, but she seems to be suffering depression now.
The new wig, that is so right for me and has boosted my girly ego, has shown my wife that this is ever evolving and heading who knows where. It seems to have re-awakened her dormant fears. I went to the Doctor today and let it all go, in floods of tears. So now, it's Transgender Councelling for me sometime.
It's a nightmare. Reading how, you just gotta shrug it off and go. Well I know there are lots of us who can't.

I'm sorry, but I'm having a bad day and a pair of shoes, writing from wierdo City is not the reassurance I need.
Nothing personal Tekla, as I said it's a bad day. Perhaps it is a rant day.



Hugs Ellainexx

[Melanie]

[quote=angelfire;531325]Who can disagree with that? Well, I can. Since we seem to be running with stereotypes here, let us continue, shall we?

Females. Generally, tend to love gossip. Also, teenage girls seem to be the ones who are always the first to point and laugh at people who are different. Most people seem to be read by teenage females.

With all due respect here 'Angelfire",you think I'm stereotyping??,I am sorry to hear that.I am just recounting my personal experience that's all,I don't mean to stereotype anyone.
As for young females being the one's to read us or point fingers I find that to be untrue in my life so far.I have never met so many great,warm and understanding young women as I have recently as I have spent the last few weeks purchasing new clothes and accessories to equip myself to go 'en femme' once again.I never had one single problem with any of them,most of them letting me try on anything I checked out.

How do you qualify 'most ppl' being read by teenage girls?, do you go out a lot?,from what I read of you so far,you seem to be new to this correct me if I'm mistaken?,no offence or anything.

Hey and welcome to the site,
enjoy,

Melanie :D

[angelfire]

I am talking about from what I have heard in the past. The majority of people who are outted, from what I have heard, have been by teenaged girls. Guess It was my mistake.

[Karren H]

I love Dennis Miller, well at least when he lived in Pittsburgh.....

Love Karren

[Melanie]

I am talking about from what I have heard in the past. The majority of people who are outted, from what I have heard, have been by teenaged girls. Guess It was my mistake.


No Angelfire sweetie it's not a mistake,it's just what you've heard or been told,and you are entitled to your opinion,no worries.See each of us has a slightly unique experience or story to tell right?

No probs at all,you say whatever you like and enjoy this cool site ok?

Hugs,
Melanie :hugs:

[angelfire]

thanks :hugs:

[Penny]

Well, that's life (with or without the bra)!

[Lilith Moon]

What about the guy who is 80 who still plays with model trains in his basement? That is kinda wierd. But does it hurt anyone? No. Then does it matter? Not really.

If I make 80 I hope I've got enough joie de vie to want to play with model trains, in a skirt and heels :-)

[Toyah]

Honey I agree with you whole heartedly I dont take this hobby of mine too seriously. You can see those that do get thereselves into some serious therapy trouble.
On the other hand there a number of us that feel way beyond what I feel about crosdressing and while I listen and sympathise I really have no idea of the turmoil they feel.
Whatever state you be in I hope you all come to terms with what to me is a most enjoyable passtime.:hugs:

[Melanie R]

[QUOTE=Lilygirl;531241]O.K. I'm back. Just got through watching the WE network show Secret Lives Of Women about us and living with us. Terrific.

Glad you enjoyed our stories on WE. I have to say that I am proud to be who I am. I am man and I am woman. I am feminine and I am masculine. I am a person who enjoys most of the time being Melanie and seen as a woman. Some in my family said I embarrased the family by participating in the filming. My children, brother and grandchildren and most friends accept me as I am and were proud of the show and our participation. My response to those cousins and other family members was accept me as I am or not at all. Yes, after the show and being seen on other national programs and local news that did promos on the show, we no longer have a secret life and are satisfied with the results. My brother and granddaughter were disappointed that their interviews were not included in the final film but very pleased with the final show. Our granddaughter's fiance asked if he could meet Melanie in person. Absolutely! Life is great!!

Hugs,

Melanie