partner worries?

[privateperks]

My question is, is it okay to compromise?

See, I've been with the same partner for 6 years now. He's always known there was something "off" about me, and just assumed that despite being with him that I was basically a butch lesbian. I recently came out to him as trans, and he made it quite clear that though he loves me, he is not gay and is not interested in dating a man. I'm worried, I can't have bottom surgery for medical reasons in any case but I did want to have my chest done. I've been dressing full time for over a year now and I know he doesn't terribly like it but - I don't seem to be able to stop. And I don't really want to either. Other than that I still feel like I'm leading two lives in a sense.

How far can you go to keep someone you love?

[GypsyKaren]

Oh geez, if I knew the answer to that I could rule the world. How far can you go? Only you can tell how much you're willing to sacrifice for love, it can be anywhere between nothing and everything. Wish I could give you a better answer, but there really isn't one.

Karen

[Maria D]

It's not you asking us how far we could go, it's you asking yourself how far you can go, Private. Only you know the answer and only you have to live with the consequences. It's never an easy choice, and it'll probably hurt either way, but it's your life and your happiness being debated.
There is no right choice, like Karen says; just your choice.
Good luck and take care :)

PS: Terry Pratchett fan by any chance? :)

[privateperks]

PS: Terry Pratchett fan by any chance? :)

Oh yeah. Gotta have my Pratchett books, I'd probably get them out of my house if it were burning down before I'd snatch my ferret.

You're right, happiness is a rather personal state of being, guess I gotta figure this one out on my own.

[suzy]

You ladies said it perfectly.....I can't contribute anything more....

Now, Maria, where did you get that beautiful blouse. I absolutely adore it!!!:love:

[CaptLex]

My question is, is it okay to compromise? How far can you go to keep someone you love?
Lord knows I'm not an expert on relationships, but I would say it's okay to compromise if what you give in on is not something you'll resent giving up in the long run (don't know if that came out right). Only you know what's most important to you . . . what your priorities are.

Regarding the last question, I'm also looking at it in reverse - that is, how far your partner would go to keep you. I mean, I think it bodes best for the relationship if there's compromise on both sides - not just by one party. Not having the bottom surgery is already kind of a compromise (albeit for health reasons), but how important is the top surgery to him (I think I know how you feel about it), or any other changes (physical and otherwise).

I wish you luck, Perks and I wish I had better answers (and I also hope I can find someone who is willing to compromise). :hugs:

[Maria D]

Oh yeah. Gotta have my Pratchett books, I'd probably get them out of my house if it were burning down before I'd snatch my ferret.

Nice to have another fan. We have them all too, I just fell in love with his style as a kid.


Now, Maria, where did you get that beautiful blouse. I absolutely adore it!!!

M&S in their petite range last year. Thank you for the compliment :)

[~Kitty GG~]

I have to echo what the good captain said.. how far can you go without resenting going that far?

Sometimes the biggest fear we have is losing our SO.. and so we are willing to give up or give in to an extreme that we then resent later. And we can poison the whole relationship with that lingering resentment.

The key .. in my opinion.. is to communicate and to wiggle around in your relationship with both of you willing to try to give a little bit at a time and being very open and honest about what is working for you and what isn't. With a bit of luck and lots of love .. you'll hopefully find a compromise that glues you together comfortably.. or... you may find that your two lives really don't mesh. But you'll be able to part with love and respect.

Love & Hugs
~:star:Kitty:star:~