Being the first to step forward.

[Ms. Donna]

Hi All,

I have found myself in a unique position that I want to share with you all.

Some of you know this, but for the benefit of those who do not, here is a brief background on me: I am 42, married with two daughters. I am openly transgendered with the tolerance / support of my wife. It is not easy for her or me, but we have been able to make this work for the past eight years. We have a balance – a bit wobbly – but a balance nonetheless. I am openly TG all the time and this includes at work. I basically follow the woman’s dress code (sans skirts and dresses: just not really my thing) and I do this with the blessing of HR. Yes, I went to them as asked if I could do this and they said yes.

I work in IT for a major investment bank. Over the past four years, the firm has established several 'networks' to address traditionally 'minority' groups: Asians, Hispanics, African-Americans, woman and the LGBT communities. The LGBT network is known as LBGLN - if this means something to you, you are likely a colleague of mine: please PM me and at least let me know I am not alone there! :o While ostensibly established for the LGBT employees, the network is heavy on the G, lighter on the L, and the B & T are, not surprisingly, non-existent. A scan of the groups internal website shows nothing T* related.

So, I sent off an email to them asking if they do any T* oriented events, and if not, is it due to a lack of interest or need. I fully expected the reply to be one of 'sorry, no interest in that area.' and that would be that. It seems I was wrong. Lisa, the membership outreach chair, replied that while she could not answer the question, she was sure that it was not due to a lack of need or interest and wanted to forward my query onto the chairs of the network. About a week later, she asked me to come in and meet with her to have a chat.

My meeting with her went well. I told her about myself and about my experiences at the firm. We discussed how others reacted to me, what motivated me to do this, etc. She then told me something quite interesting. When the network chairs heard about my mail, they were quite excited, trying to look me up in the corporate directory, wanting to know just who I was. It seems that in the four years the network has been in existence, I am the first transgender employee to stand up and say, “I’m here.” They know that there are others out there, but no one had ever stepped forward.

At this point, I’m not sure whether I’m brave or just stupid. Lisa assures me that it was brave of me to step forward.

My meeting with Lisa prompts the network chairs: managing directors of the firm (who are both openly gay) – people with whom I would never have any reason to interact – to ask for a meeting with me: that is if it was alright with me. Ok, put up or shut up time: I accept the invitation.

So, Monday was my meeting. I did my best to look ‘corporate’: nice slacks, knit top, Dana Buchman jacket and sensible shoes. A girlfriend at work told me I looked good and wished me luck.

It was a good meeting. I felt a bit awkward at first – that ‘you are the show’ feeling – but it passed quickly. They filled me in on how the network started and some of their goals. I filled them in on me, my time at the firm and some initial thought on reaching the ‘community’ of T* employees: a group, I explained, who have traditionally kept a low-profile. All in all, it was a successful first meeting.

Afterwards, I asked Lisa if I did well and did I make a good impression (I’m not good meeting people, IMO). She said it went very well and that they were impressed with me. She also told me that the network chairs had asked her my impression of them. She said that we all needed to chill and stop worrying. :)

As an initial take-away, I’m to come up with a list of links to Transgender resources (recommendations welcome). I’ll probably be doing a monthly article on what ‘Transgender’ is – to help educate others at the firm.


Oh, and they want to put my picture up on the website. I told Lisa, if they can manage to take one where I actually look good, that it’s fine with me. So much for keeping a low profile.


So, while it wasn’t exactly my intention, I now find myself the de facto representative of the transgender ‘community’ at work: to help in reaching out to others and setting standards for the firm as a whole. I was out before, I’ll be even more so now.


Someone had to stand up and step forward – I just never thought it would be me.


How cool is that... :cool:


Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Sophia Rearen]

Way cool!

[tekla west]

Its the only way change happens. If you are the only T around, small wonder they don't have much, I mean, what's to organize if its a group of one? Other than that, you have been given a chance to make a positive difference, and that is a gift you should use.

[Ashley Helen]

Before you were out in work, now you are far out! (does that date me?). Good for you girl.

Love

Helen xx

[Stephanie Kay]

Excellent opportunity, Donna. Well done. What does your wife think about all of this? Sounds like your T*self will be much more out there!

[Ms. Donna]

What does your wife think about all of this?
As an advocate of communication, my wife and I are not as good at this as we need to be. Some things came to a head on Monday night and the air cleared a bit. I told her about my meeting (not knowing how she would react) and we discussed it more last night. She was quite positive about it, which really meant a lot to me. I think she is genuinely happy for me and the opportunity it presents. Proof that my continued fear of discussing things - lest they upset the delicate balance that is my life - is perhaps not as well founded as I might like to believe.

Love and Stuff,
Donna

[fionasboots]

That's absolutely fantastic.

I have to admit I kept waiting for the "but" as I read down your post ... so glad that it was all really, really positive.

[myMichelle]

You go, girl! I'm sure it's not easy being a trailblazer, but judging by your post, I'm sure you'll find it within yourself to do an outstanding job!

As an aside, it sounds like you work for an extremely progressive employer in the first place. Wouldn't it be wonderful if other employers would take note of this open-minded attitude?

Way to go. Hold your head high and make us all proud.

[DonnaT]

Very cool Donna!

A few sites you may find useful, maybe:
http://www.thetaskforce.org/theissues/library.cfm?issueID=21&pubTypeID=2
http://www.hrc.org/Template.cfm?Section=Transgender_Issues&Template=/TaggedPage/TaggedPageDisplay.cfm&TPLID=26&ContentID=13304
http://jweissdiary.blogspot.com/

[pinkshelly]

You go gurl, How do I get a job where I can dress. That would be soooo coooool.
Huggs, Shelly.

[Kimberly]

This is amazing. You'll be in a fantastic position to show people in who are trans that its not all scary hatey stuff in the real world.

Way-to-go! :)

[CaptLex]

Someone had to stand up and step forward – I just never thought it would be me. How cool is that... :cool:
Wow, Donna, I tip my hat to you! That's great news. I'm thinking this may help others out of the closet when they realize they're not alone. Like you said, somebody had to be the first. I think you're very brave. Thank you for shining a little light on the darkness and ignorance that's out there. This calls for a drink - I'll bring the rum! :D

[QZ2]

Donna, you have taken a BIG step there. And it is a step for all of us that cannot help to benefit all of us. Many thanks, we all can be proud of you.

Love and best wishes, Susie

[Ms. Donna]

Its the only way change happens. If you are the only T around, small wonder they don't have much, I mean, what's to organize if its a group of one? Other than that, you have been given a chance to make a positive difference, and that is a gift you should use.

Hi Kat,

Oh, there are more of us at the firm and HR knows it: people transitioning and applting for other benefits. But as I said, we are not a 'vocal' group. Transpeople tend to keep to themselves, not want to make waves and just get through life with as little crap as possible.

I present as I do to feel comfortable as me. I go to work, do my job and come home. I don't do it to be controversial or outrageous - I do it to survive. I told them as much and that seemed to impress them: that I didn't have an agenda to this. I also told them (the network chairs) that I'd like to be able to reach out to other T* employee who might feel 'alone' there as well. That also seemed to impress them and fit in with the spirit of the network: to foster a more inclusive working environment for all employees of the firm.

I think (hope) that by others seeing that someone has 'come out' and it really is OK, others will as well. All I need is for one other person to stand there with me to make the point that much stronger. I don't expect it to be easy, but than things of value never are.

You are right, I have been given an opportunity. It's an opportunity I shan't let go to waste.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[susandrea]

You are an inspiration! :thumbsup: :love:

[Teresa Amina]

If anyone can handle this you can! I've read most of your stuff here and on your own pages and can't say I've come across anyone who has a better handle on what being TG is about than you do.:love:

[Ms. Donna]

If anyone can handle this you can! I've read most of your stuff here and on your own pages and can't say I've come across anyone who has a better handle on what being TG is about than you do.:love:

Aw, shucks... I'll bet you say that to all the transies. :blushing:

Thanks Teresa - and everyone else - for your words of encouragement. It really does mean a lot to me.

:hugs: to all.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Janelle Young]

Donna,

You are carrying the torch and lighting the way! That took some big breasts to do what you did and girl you have them. I am very impressed. job well done.

[Gisele]

That is so cool!

I wish we could get every company to see it like that!

I wish you the best of luck:hugs:

Beth

[kittypw GG]

Oh Ms Donna,
This is too perfect. :happy: What a great opportunity for you and others who will be strengthend by your bravery. I would make one suggestion though, make sure you include your wife whenever possible. There is a need for her side of the story. Our side of the fence needs support and encouragment as much as transgendered people. When you love a transgendered person you go through similiar emotions from total acceptance to "what the hell is wrong with me." The more acceptance that is gained in the general population the easier it will be for the non transgendered community to accept and continue to love and maybe even seek out love in the transgendered community. Let me thank you and your wife in advance for your part in representing the trangendered community with dignity and respect. You go girl!
:yrtw:

[Patty]

I want to thank you so much for taking that big step - it means so much to me and many others.

Huggss :love:

Patty

[Deidra Cowen]

Wow I am very impressed. You are a very brave and cool girl to be out there blazing trails for the rest of us.

[ErikaLeigh]

First off THANK YOU!!!!!! :hugs: Ms Donna for taking the step that we all wish we could take. Now it sounds like a great reason to go and have a complete make over and a new outfit for the pics on the website. :thumbsup:

[Holly]

Ms. Donna, congratulations to you. Your strength of character and balanced approach to life in general make you uniquely qualified to do this. I'm proud that you are representing the TG community in such a visible and positive manner. You know, of course that you have a forum full of support and resources at your disposal. Thank-you for your willingness to take on this task. You are in a position to make a substantial difference in countless lives. Way to go! :jumping:

[paulaN]

WOW!!! that is so cool. I think you will do well representing the T comunity. I know you didn't ask for that job but please do the best that you can. that's all any one can ask for right. I also think that giving your wife credit is a good idea. where would you be with out her right. It's a great oppertunity try not to fall with that tourch. love paula and best of luck

[Joy Carter]

Donna Donna Donna :hugs:

[ColleenCD]

Donna,

Your courage is to be commended. Clearly your organization has need for a voice for those like us who hide in the shadows fears and retribution for the loss of standing and income.

Kitty is right. Including your wife where appropriate will help her assimilate to this newfound acceptance by your company.

Your H.R. contact is probably in great need of your assistance.

Great work and enjoy your freedoms for the rest of us until we can join you.

Colleen

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Donna,

This is fantastic news...or at least it is for us, I hope you feel the same way about it too. :happy: We would all like to be accepted more but sadly some of us (myself included) are rather shy about getting out there and showing the world that we do exist in all walks of life and that we're not a threat to anyone.

Kudos to you for stepping up to the plate!

[Di]

Wow...very cool.....very brave...awesome news...fine job there girl:thumbsup:

[Sarah Rabbit]

What an excellent opportunity you have Donna. I wish I could be open at my work.Keep us updated on your experiences.

Sarah R. :bunny:

[Helena Constantini]

I congratulate for the most important step

[Ms. Donna]

As an aside, it sounds like you work for an extremely progressive employer in the first place. Wouldn't it be wonderful if other employers would take note of this open-minded attitude?
Actually, many now do. More and more major corporations have includes ‘Gender Identity and Expression’ into their EEO policies and offer domestic partner benefits and such. Corporations doing campus recruiting are having today’s openly gay and trans youth question them as to what the companies policies are with respect to this. If corporate America wants to attract the ‘best and brightest’, they cannot afford to not include this.

Pop over to the Gender PAC site and you can see a listing of corporations who have gotten ‘on board’ with this. It’s getting better – slowly – but better.


I would make one suggestion though, make sure you include your wife whenever possible. There is a need for her side of the story. Our side of the fence needs support and encouragment as much as transgendered people.
As sure as I am that there are other T* people at work, I’m equally sure there are spouses thereof as well. I do hope to be able to see them become visible as well. Might be even harder than getting the T* employees to stand up, though. As ashamed as we tend to feel, our spouses often feel even moreso. That won’t stop us trying to reach them. As far as I’m concerned, they are as much a part of all this as we are.

Don’t worry, I know why I’m made it as far as I have. :)


We would all like to be accepted more but sadly some of us (myself included) are rather shy about getting out there and showing the world that we do exist in all walks of life and that we're not a threat to anyone.
FWIW, I am quite shy and generally introverted. In a room full of people I don’t know, I’m likely to sit off on the side and not speak to anyone. I’m quite content to be off on my own – futzing with my music gear or the like. Of course, what makes this all sound contradictory is the fact that I present in a way which does attract attention – not a huge amount – but more than I prefer at times.

As I said earlier, I do this to survive – because I could no longer continue to hide who I was. I have had times when it was more force of will than anything else that has gotten me through the day. But with each day, it has become easier and I’m now at a point where by and large, I ignore the ‘attention’ or simply meet it head on: nothing counters someone glaring at you like glaring right back at them.

Perhaps it’s simply that you haven’t reached that breaking point. You have a loving, supportive wife and what seems like lots of opportunity to express yourself without having to ‘put yourself out there’ as it were. There is nothing wrong with that. You have what works for you and that is more than many others can say. You shouldn’t feel obligated to ‘do more’ or try to ‘keep up’.

I don’t see myself as anything special. I am not the most ‘out’ person there is, nor am I the most vocal or politically active. I see myself just another of us doing my best to make through to the end with a modicum of satisfaction and happiness in my life. I’m doing what I have to do for me. If that can be of benefit to others, than so much the better.


Love & Stuff,
Donna

[fiona_libby]

It is delightful to see that even a tiny portion of understanding and tolerance is beginning to emerge so let us all hope and work towards expanding on this in our own small way each and every day and you never know what may be achieved.

love

Fiona

[Ms. Donna]

I'm meeting this coming Tuesday with the network chair to discuss doing a series of articles on TG awareness: who we are, what we're about, etc. I have already written the first introductory article for their review - just to show them that I can actually do this. :)

I've also proposed an 'outreach' program - giving other TG employees and those with TG family members the opportunity to speak with someone (right now, just me) who can understand what they are going through.

So, we'll see what happens. I'll post after the meeting.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Dominique Melt]

You have shown us that standing up for one's convictions is probably the most important thing a person can do. Everyone here has already said what I am thinking. You have demonstrated stength and character. I applaud your efforts and take heart that changes, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant, are being made. You can't have a beach without a tiny grain of sand ...

[Christina Nicole]

Sounds good, Donna. I wouldn't mind being able to wear some of my Dana Buchman to work!

I use to run around lower Manhattan for business and knew more than a few people and companies down there. However I have been out of there since 9/11 when the terrorists killed 3,000 people, some of whom were good friends and co-workers along with killing my business. But I digress.

I know your company, but I won't post it out of respect for you. It is one of the big dogs in the financial world. One thing I remember about that world is that it is a small world. It seems that everyone downtown knows -- or knows of -- everyone else. So if being out may be a hindrance for you down the road if you must change places of employment; first consider exactly how far out you want to be. Don't let yourself get railroaded into being more out than you bargained for.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

[Ms. Donna]

Hi Christina,

I have considered this, but I need to do this for my own well being.

I have the advantage of being non client facing (I'm in IT) and that most all the other 'big dogs' have similar EEO language - it is the politically correct thing to do now. Not that this is a guarantee of any sort. But there is some political pressure for the firms to all be on a level playing field - especially with regards to diversity and inclusion.

Right now, I see no reason to jump ship - especially given the latitude I have been allowed. However, it is something to definitely keep in mind.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Ms. Donna]

Hi All,

In for a penny - in for a pound. I knew that this was the next, inevitable step.

I am to be the Gay & Lesbian network's "Employee Profile of the Month" for the month of October. A short bio and picture of me will be posted to the network's site on our Intranet.

I'm hoping it helps encourage others to stand up and be at lease a bit more visible.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

You go girl!

[Ms. Donna]

Monday, Oct 2 - my pic and personal profile have been posted on the my firm's LGBT website: accessable to all 20,000+ employees globally.

Is it too late to change my mind??? :o

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Ms. Donna]

It's been three full months since my profile was posted. To date, the LGBT network's received the most hits ever that month - must have been that there was something different there. ;) They received some very positive feedback about my profile, but it hasn't prompted anyone else to come forward to either them or to me. I was hoping perhaps someone might.

When I started doing the me 'being out' thing at work, I pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I wasn't likely to advance far in the corporation. If there's one thing I'm not, it's the poster child for corporate America and I figured that I should be thankful for having the opportunity I do. Kind of a 'second class' mentality. There are people who get ahead and people who don't: transpeople are not a part of the former.

Last year, my manager nominated me for promotion to VP (at my firm, you need to be nominated by your management and voted on by the VP promotion committee.) Needless to say, I didn't get it. I didn't expect to and neither did my manager, but he wanted to get my name out there more for the next time than anything else. This year, he once again nominated me and I had similar expectations - i.e. none. I did, however, appreciate his support and pretty much forgot about it.

Around the end of October, he tells me that I am one of ten candidates about whom committee is 'on the fence' and hits me up for a bunch of info about my area, projects, clients, etc - all to 'strengthen my case'. Encouraging as this is, I refuse to get my hopes up - but gladly provided the information.

Middle of November, my manager stops by my cube looking somewhat anxious. I ask him, “What’s up?”

He asks me, “Are you part of any professional groups? Clubs? Organizations? Are you involved with any of the diversity networks? Anything like that?”

“Why?” I ask.

He says, “I’m looking for a way to make you ‘stand out’ from the other candidates.”

I look at him and ask, “You mean more than I already do?”

He looks at me quizzically - not getting the joke at all. Up until now, I hadn’t discussed any of this with my management. As they have had no issue with me or what I do, I saw no reason to make an issue of it with them.

“Come on, let’s go to your office.” I tell him. He logs in and I call up my profile page posted on the LGBT network’s site. “Is this what you’re looking for?”

He scans the page, turns to me and with the look of a kid with a new toy says, “Dude - this is perfect! I don’t even have to write anything up, you have your own webpage!”

I’m feeling a bit embarrassed at this point. He reads it again and asks, “Do you ever get this type of response?”

I tell him “Most people are like, “Oh, ok” or “That’s interesting” but no one has ever done the Snoopy dance of happiness over it.”

He looks at me and says, “This is pretty cool.”

I realize the implications of this. My manager now knows (as does the woman with whom he shares as office,) which means that his manager will know - as will the entire voting committee - and ultimately the IT division CIO. In for a penny - in for a pound. :o

I ponder notion that being trans and out can somehow work to my advantage. When I relate this all to my wife, she remarked, “Only you…” And after a short pause, comments, “It’s the shoes!” She (happily) has a very good attitude about this and remarks that me being me will only be interesting for just so long, so if I can use it to my advantage, I might as well. She also commented that perhaps this year has gone so well (I got a rather glowing review) because I was finally in an environment where I was able to ‘be myself’.

Middle of December, my firm announces bonus numbers and promotions are usually decided by then. My manager calls me in to give me my numbers and starts off with, “Dude, we did it! Congratulations, you made VP!” I almost don’t even care about a bonus at this point.

I was hopeful, but not optimistic. As I said, people like me don’t go anywhere in corporate America - if we’re allowed to stay there at all. Seems that I was proven quite wrong.

Not that I’m complaining. :)

When I wound up doing this whole ‘coming out’ thing at work, my wife wasn’t especially keen on the idea. There was always the concern as to how this would effect my career as I am the primary source of income for our family. But she has seen (as have I) that my firm has made a commitment to diversity and the being out hasn’t been a detriment at all - it may have even been a good thing. In any case, it has helped to show her that it doesn’t have to be something of which to be ashamed.

Not bad for a year’s work.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Joy Carter]

Your my new hero Donna.:love:

[Shelly Preston]

Congratualtions on the Promotions Donna:Party2:

You have done a lot to promte the understanding of the transgendered community and I'm sure I speak for everyone when I wish you the best of luck in your new position
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[susants]

it looks like you are not only doing a great job for us ,but also for your company ,cream also end s up on top
susan

[marie354]

Way to go Donna! There really is a light at the end of the tunnel!
It's nice to know that someone is speaking for the minorities.
Good Job!
:hugs: :love:

[Christina Nicole]

Congratulations, Donna! You took a big risk, but it has worked out better than anyone probably would have guessed. Many firms claim to support diversity, but at best, they only support conventional diversity -- that is promoting women and ethnic minorities, which is nice and safe. Nice to see that some places diversity really means that.

I know your firm, did some consulting there many years ago. They hiring? I have a whole closet full of clothes that need to see the light of day. :D

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

[Ms. Donna]

Many firms claim to support diversity, but at best, they only support conventional diversity -- that is promoting women and ethnic minorities, which is nice and safe. Nice to see that some places diversity really means that.
We have managing directors who are openly gay and lesbian and they are the people chairing the LGBT network. My firm has embraced diversity in the broader sense - which is really impressive.


I know your firm, did some consulting there many years ago. They hiring? I have a whole closet full of clothes that need to see the light of day. :D

As a matter of fact... Shoot me a PM with what you do. You never know...

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[JenniferR771]

Donna,
you should get in touch with Una. On this forum. She(he) is in a similar situation with a major midwest corporation. An upright person and a wonderful writer. We are grateful to the both of you for blazing a trail where many of us fear to tread.
Of course I have never wanted to dress at work. Self employed now anyway. Do not plan to dress in front of my customers--only one of whom knows about the other me.

[mylitta]

Congratulations- a really impressive achievement. 'Cometh the hour, cometh the man'- or woman. Your willingness to put yourself on the line has been justly rewarded.

Mylitta

[Marcie Sexton]

BRAVO :clap::clap: :clap:

I can't even dream of my company doing something like that...Yea we have a diversity counsel, but it deals with the more socially accepted issues, RACE, RELIGION, CREED, ect...I plan on putting my foot in the door the first chance I get about the very thing you had the nerve to do just not revealing myself< no nerve >...

I could see the CEO, VP of OPS, Regional GM, SUPTs going in for something like that:rolleyes: , which is a shame...But with all that said perhaps your company will open the door for companies like mine to acknowledge "US"...

P.S. a funny thought just entered my mind...what if some of my < company > EXECS were CD/TG/TS:heehee: , I just wonder if they would open the door and reveal themselves...

If possible could/would you be willing to reveal you comapny's name...be some ammo to use in mid January at our first meeting...

Way to go girl

[TxKimberly]

Hi All,

I have found myself in a unique position that I want to share with you all.

Some of you know this, but for the benefit of those who do not, here is a brief background on me: I am 42, married with two daughters. I am openly transgendered with the tolerance / support of my wife. It is not easy for her or me, but we have been able to make this work for the past eight years. We have a balance – a bit wobbly – but a balance nonetheless. I am openly TG all the time and this includes at work. I basically follow the woman’s dress code (sans skirts and dresses: just not really my thing) and I do this with the blessing of HR. Yes, I went to them as asked if I could do this and they said yes.

I work in IT for a major investment bank. Over the past four years, the firm has established several 'networks' to address traditionally 'minority' groups: Asians, Hispanics, African-Americans, woman and the LGBT communities. The LGBT network is known as LBGLN - if this means something to you, you are likely a colleague of mine: please PM me and at least let me know I am not alone there! :o While ostensibly established for the LGBT employees, the network is heavy on the G, lighter on the L, and the B & T are, not surprisingly, non-existent. A scan of the groups internal website shows nothing T* related.

So, I sent off an email to them asking if they do any T* oriented events, and if not, is it due to a lack of interest or need. I fully expected the reply to be one of 'sorry, no interest in that area.' and that would be that. It seems I was wrong. Lisa, the membership outreach chair, replied that while she could not answer the question, she was sure that it was not due to a lack of need or interest and wanted to forward my query onto the chairs of the network. About a week later, she asked me to come in and meet with her to have a chat.

My meeting with her went well. I told her about myself and about my experiences at the firm. We discussed how others reacted to me, what motivated me to do this, etc. She then told me something quite interesting. When the network chairs heard about my mail, they were quite excited, trying to look me up in the corporate directory, wanting to know just who I was. It seems that in the four years the network has been in existence, I am the first transgender employee to stand up and say, “I’m here.” They know that there are others out there, but no one had ever stepped forward.

At this point, I’m not sure whether I’m brave or just stupid. Lisa assures me that it was brave of me to step forward.

My meeting with Lisa prompts the network chairs: managing directors of the firm (who are both openly gay) – people with whom I would never have any reason to interact – to ask for a meeting with me: that is if it was alright with me. Ok, put up or shut up time: I accept the invitation.

So, Monday was my meeting. I did my best to look ‘corporate’: nice slacks, knit top, Dana Buchman jacket and sensible shoes. A girlfriend at work told me I looked good and wished me luck.

It was a good meeting. I felt a bit awkward at first – that ‘you are the show’ feeling – but it passed quickly. They filled me in on how the network started and some of their goals. I filled them in on me, my time at the firm and some initial thought on reaching the ‘community’ of T* employees: a group, I explained, who have traditionally kept a low-profile. All in all, it was a successful first meeting.

Afterwards, I asked Lisa if I did well and did I make a good impression (I’m not good meeting people, IMO). She said it went very well and that they were impressed with me. She also told me that the network chairs had asked her my impression of them. She said that we all needed to chill and stop worrying. :)

As an initial take-away, I’m to come up with a list of links to Transgender resources (recommendations welcome). I’ll probably be doing a monthly article on what ‘Transgender’ is – to help educate others at the firm.


Oh, and they want to put my picture up on the website. I told Lisa, if they can manage to take one where I actually look good, that it’s fine with me. So much for keeping a low profile.


So, while it wasn’t exactly my intention, I now find myself the de facto representative of the transgender ‘community’ at work: to help in reaching out to others and setting standards for the firm as a whole. I was out before, I’ll be even more so now.


Someone had to stand up and step forward – I just never thought it would be me.


How cool is that... :cool:


Love & Stuff,
Donna
Donna,
Words just aren't gonna cut it here, I wish I could give you hug! I spoke to someone recently who was commenting on how it was unfair that women were able to wear "our" clothes but we weren't supposed to wear theirs. I reminded my friend that not so very long ago, women had to stand up and demand their rights, including the right to wear pants! (LOL what were they thinking??!!)
Anyway, while women stood up for themselves and more or less forced society to come to terms with them, as a general rule WE don't! In fact most of us (me included) go out of our way to hide and keep a low profile.
Well, YOU are standing up for us.
YOU are showing them that we are here.
YOU are helping people learn to deal with the reality.
YOU are like the women who shouted out to America that women deserved to vote, own property, and be treated as equals.
Yours is the very first post I have ever read here that actually sent chills up and down my back. Thanks for standing up for us out there!
Kim

[Teresa Amina]

Congrats! Probably helps that you've a manager that says "Dude" all the time :D Sounds like you work in a good place:hugs:

[TxKimberly]

The same thought struck me!

Kim


Probably helps that you've a manager that says "Dude" all the time

[Tracy Lynn]

Someone had to stand up and step forward – I just never thought it would be me.


How cool is that... :cool:


Love & Stuff,
Donna

Very Cool. It sounds like a great opportunity. I wish you well.

[Kristen Kelly]

Stand up and be proud of yourself. Given the chance to educate others on the lifestyle of the transgender community is great. Over the last year I've had an opportunity to speak to four women about myself and why I dress and I feel they came away with a better understanding

[marie354]

I had to re-read everything all over again just to be sure that what I thought I read was in fact what I understood it to be.
I'm awed! Excited for you! One small step for man (woman), one GIANT leap for LGBT!
Get ready world... Here we come!
:hugs:

[Ms. Donna]

Thank you all for your good words here.

So people are clear, I do not go to work in a dress or a skirt. Personally, it's simply not who I am. I do present myself as more 'feminine' than masculine, and basically follow the women's business casual dress code. When in our corporate office in NYC, my attire is more 'corporate': slacks, knit top, jacket.

My goal is not to be controversial or to make a statement or get recognition. It is not about blazing a trail or educating the masses. My goal is to be myself - which in my case is genderqueer (http://cydathria.com/ms_donna/genderqueer.html) - and to be comfortable as I can in the process. If in the process I can effect even some small change and educate a few people, than so much the better.

As I see it, the best way for us to affect a change is to be out and be ourselves as much as possible. People need to see us and interact with us. They need to learn that there is more to us than what you see on the Jerry Springer. They need to see that we are real people - just like everyone else.

I do what I do because I have to, because I have no other choice. This is who I am - and I cannot be anyone else. I tried, and it simply didn't work.

I understand that everyone's circumstances are different and I do not advocate doing more than one is comfortable doing - but don't be afraid to be who you are. Don't be afraid to become who you are. After all, we only have one shot at this. :)

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Angie G]

Ms Donna you go girl good work:hugs:
Angie

[Debra Lynn]

Unbelieveably Cool!! You have the opportunity to make an important difference in your company on an issue you have a personal stake in. That's the kind of corporate responsiblility that is needed, instead of the Enron debacles! Great Job!

[carla smith]

Thanks Donna!

What a wonderful achievement for you and an inspiration to all.

Have fun out there!

[Thora]

A friend steered me to this site Donna.

I've had a similar experience at work. I was the first one to step up to the LGBT affinity group at the MAJOR auto company I work for. The LGBT group is extatic about it. I've recruited others to step forward. We not have a fair representation on the affinity group. We have done well to educate the people who represent us on the HR departments. I was asked to help with the Transgender Guidelines. We had just added Gender Identity and Gender Expression to our non-discrimination statements.

What I've found is that Transgender is the hot new topic in the corporate world. They found out that we (surprise) spend a lot as consumers. We also look at companies to see if they are friendly or not. That has some impact on our rampant consumerism. That rampant consumerism is what the companies want to tap into. Hence, friendly.

Remember, it was blue jeans that brought the fall of communism. I believe it will be our purchasing power that brings acceptance in the commercial world. It will be our acceptance in the commercial world that brings acceptance socially. It's not a wierd or wild string of logic.

This is why I constantly repeat; Someday we will all walk in the light. I promise.

I didn't get a promotion over it. You did very well.

[Angela E.]

:iagree: :iagree: :yt: :troll: :yrtw: Just wanted to add my:2c: and say how much I admire you for your courage.You go girl.Luv ya-Angela.:GE: