My cd goal for the day.

[sparks]

So here I sit kinda nervous. The house is empty and I want so desperately to dress. It can be so hard to stick my goals of not dressing. But if I make it through the day it will be a personal triumph.
I'm working hard at fighting my nature and personality. For the past month or so I've tried to do what is the opposite of me. Being an intoverted person and one doesn't "Joiin in" I've tried to be outwardly and even joined in a volleyball game with my friends. Hey one tiny stumble forward for mankind but a huge step for Sparks.
On the dressing area of life I decided not to and is proving far more difficult than I imagined. I caved once and was disappointed in myself. Really hard to even put in words why it's important for me not to dress. first in foremost is for the wife. the Second I guess is for personal growth.
I miss things from my marriage that were regrettably lost when I came out to her. A closeness that I can't describe. I know by not dressing it won't fix it but I feel it be right anyway.
Personal Growth. I believe I've used Cding in the past to put myself down and to hide away. Silly I know. I don't know when it started but it's been there for a long time. It may have been my crutch I don't know.
But my goal for the day is not to dress and I'm trembling already. I can make it but it is hard.

[DonnaT]

Best of luck.

Just don't torment yourself.

[Karren H]

If you can pull that off your a better woman....man than I am!! Good luck!

Love Karren

[Ginagirl]

Sounds to like your trying to put yourself down again and hold it there......... aahhh...... I'm losing it...... can't hold it anymore......... Captain she resisting........ If I were you I would pick up some new stockings to make that old outfit feel new again. Did you say?? I know.....Silly. I thought you did.
Sorry for the lack of support, just trying to be funnny. I've tried it myself and gave up or is that gave in..... I don't know whatever......

[sparks]

Well I made it! I have to go to work and I'm not dressing there. Thanks for the support girls. This is tough even for someone who rarely dresses. Soon as you say can't or won't you want to.
I'm mad cause my air-compressor blew and now i can't even airbrush my thoughts away. . Well off to work I go.

Thanks again for bearing with me.

One ugly chick signing off.

[Victoriasecret]

just saying u all look fantastic keep dressing and impressing
:thumbsup:

[Jasmine Ellis]

I'll wish you luck

[Teresa Amina]

I think most of us have been through the self torture our natures can inspire. We want to please those we love. We want to make it up somehow to those we've hurt. But don't mangle yourself, Sparks! Gawd knows the World out there will mangle us all by itself without our help. If we let it. I thought it significant the other day when I saw you have your own picture up as an Avatar instead of a comic. You are dealing with all this, you are making progress. But a mistake we might absorb from that Christian background of our civilization is to destroy that which makes us us. The Desert Fathers (and mothers as well) went out into the emptyness to lose themselves. Do you want the Sparks-ness of yourself gone? If you do defeat it, if you lose it in those same desert wastes of empty x-tian ascetics, what will fill the void? We have mixed natures at best, neither good nor evil, light nor dark, male nor female. But it is what makes you you.

[Kate Simmons]

Just be yourself, Sparks, you can be no more or less than that. Ericka

[Lisa Maren]

The story of Moby Dick is a powerful illustration of a man fighting his own nature and losing his sanity because of it. His real fight isn't against the whale; it's against himself because he won't let go.

I guess what matters is how far you've come in exploring "your feminine side" and how strong it is. If you haven't gotten that far into it or it isn't that strong, you may be successful not dressing because you're not yet aware what other possibilities are there.

Note that I'm not including "entirely comfortable" in the definition of successful in this case.

I've said before that I don't believe the inner femininity ever goes away (thank God I don't want mine to) but one might be able to stop expressing it through crossdressing.

It depends on the individual.

So, best of luck. I hope you are able to achieve a balance which is right for you and your family.