Just starting out and looking for....advice

[KateLongman27]

I know this is been probably shot to death and all that but I'm going to post this anyway:

I'm just starting out Cross dressing after denying the urge for years and finding it extrememly difficult to find a shop that I feel comfortable just browsing in! Usually it's the see the first thing I like get the one which is in my size and pay, scenario.

I really don't want to keep doing this and such would just like to browse around like any normal shopper but I just feel like everyone's watching me as if I'm "sharking", it's discomforting. Therefore I'd like to know if anyone has any good advice or favourite shops which they find which have an relaxed atmosphere.

Also I'm in the UK, shopping close to where I live and as such trying hard not to get caught by relatives or friends!

Any advice would be superb, thank you.

[CarmenG]

Well Kate, advise you will get plenty of. Our sisters at this site are very helpful and have a wealth of knowledge in this field. The only advise I could possibly give you....... be yourself, know yourself, and above all when you get ready to face the world, ( not to mention your friends and relatives ) hold your head up high. your first step into that department store is YOU. Don't know what type of stores you guys have there, but in the US, I would recommend, Dillards, Foleys, J.C.Pennys... but you know as well as I do, everywhere you go you will find those type that just don't fit and give all those not like them a hard time. be patient and advance at your own pace. Good luck in your venture, have fun, and welcome to the FAMILY......:hugs:

[Tracy_Victoria]

Also I'm in the UK, shopping close to where I live and as such trying hard not to get caught by relatives or friends!

Any advice would be superb, thank you.

Hi Kate

when I was younger I used to hope on a train, when I didn't have a car, and just make a day of it. go some where your not known and just enjoy yourself, shop assistance have seen it all, and see and serve men every day, and guys' actually do go shopping for there girlfriends, certainly for christmas and birthday. so just relax, and enjoy.

[Nikki Dee]

Hi. Kate....try all the Charity shops love...they don't usually take any notice...I have used them a lot...but it is about your own "discomfort" and assumptions.These days people just don't give a xxxx...they simply want your money.!!..I have shopped in drab for femme stuff and never had a problem....and you can always say it's for my wife/partner/girlfriend etc if you feel you have to.
Nikki. x

[Bev06 GG]

Hey yeah the charity shops are really great and you can pick up some lovely bargains. Ive got two little black numbers from charity shops and theyre fab, cost me £2.99 each and I wear them regularly.
A couple of weeks ago a CD friend of mine came for a makeover. We went into town dressed and did the charity shops. He found a little black dress that he loved but didn't know if it was the right size. He actually went into the changing room and tried it on. Not knowing whether or not it was too short he called me in for a second opinion and he looked great. All of this went on under the watchful eye of the elderly shop assistant who didn't bat an eyelid and even told him that he'd got a bargain. So there you go job done, get yourself to Oxfam.
Good look with your new adventure and hope all goes well. Keep us posted.
BEVxxxxxx

[Kimberly]

From my experience, you get more comfortable the more you're in there... It gets easier. A couple of tricks I do:

1) Yes, I'm a crossdresser... and? 99% of the people there won't know you and you'll never see them again. So, it doesn't matter what they think. You're there to shop like everyone else and you have as much right to be there as they do! Just keep repeating this, and you'll soon settle.

2) Just browse - take your time, scope the place out, check the tills maybe, then have a wander through the shop just looking for anything that catches your eye. Bite the bullet, then go over and look at it.

The best shops for the first few times, I've found, are ones with womens and mens sections. Then, progress onto women's clothing stores, when you feel more comfortable.

Hope you get the courage. :)

[Jasmine Ellis]

Try looking in [ NEW LOOK ] I shop in these stores all of the time and so dose my wife.

[Byllie]

The discomfort you feel is all internal; just be yourself and be kind to youself. That is, don't beat yourself up for being nervous; you're only human, ya know.

I have an hour commute, each way, to work. And there is a wonderful shopping plaza midway that I always stop at. Far enough from work or home so that I feel perfectly at ease, at least I do now. In the beginning even these distant stores were a tad akward for me.

Good luck!

[FROCKYHORROR]

I get this problem too "Sharking", feels horrible, like you're some sort of criminal or something,and sometimes its like your heads gonna explode cos you feel like your every moves being watched,others watching you and tutting,you watching you and thinking the same thoughts you think others are thinking about you like "what a pervert you are",God watching you and making little notes in the black book,i know its not easy but heres the key,and its proberly not an appropriate word, Balls! or Bravado you have to go in feeling good about your self,confident about yourself almost cocky,its noones buisiness what you're doing there but yours and the cashier,tell that little voice in your head to shut up "you're not a pervert" a little different maybe ,granted, instead get your "feminine" head on and you'l do it like you feel you're meant to and somehow this attitude seems to permiate to those around you, also don't even look at other people, just look at the clothes your're interested in.
Tips:best times to shop,early mornings,late evenings, as less people about
:i use Matalan as you can easily use the changing rooms also they
do have the odd bargain, i Picked up a pair of heels for £3.50
:Know your sizes, If your tops in mens are large then you want size 16 in womens tops unless they are stretchy in which case you might be
ok in size 14. for bottoms if your a 34 in mens size 12 should be ok in
womens.

[EricaCD]

When I was first getting started, I found that shopping in a fairly crowded place was actually more calming than shopping in a nearly empty store. That is, as long as you are not planning on trying things on or seeking help from the sales people - in that case go when it's as quiet as possible.

When in London, I found that Marks and Sparks in the middle of a Saturday afternoon would make me feel as invisible as anything :)

And Kimberly is absolutely correct: practice makes this easier. Not much practice by the way. My first in person shopping for fem clothes was in mid-April, and now I will happily shop all day long given the chance.

Good luck!
Erica

[sandra-leigh]

:Know your sizes, If your tops in mens are large then you want size 16 in womens tops unless they are stretchy in which case you might be ok in size 14.

Sizes vary a lot. My experience would tend to suggest that a mens' large would more often be a womens' 18, but it is not certain, even from the same manufacturer and very close styles.

I used to wear mens' large or XL, with medium sometimes working. Now I wear mens' medium most of the time, and for some things even small works for me, particularily if I am deliberately looking for something tight-fitting in order to show off my (form-enhanced) chest.

Womens' 14 tops often work fine for me, sometimes down as far as 10 if I am deliberately going tight-fitting and don't mind a bit of restriction on arm movement. But it also is not unusual to need a 16, and for one of my blouses, I needed an 18. For dress combos, 16 or 18 is more likely to fit me than 14.

A key factor for me seems to be the cut of the neckline: I haven't worn a tie for many years, and I'm not comfortable with something pressing on the front of my throat. But even for things that don't press on my throat, if they are very high-cut, then it is not uncommon for me to find that the shoulders don't fit at all right in a 14 and that I need an 18W -- but lower the neckline even an inch and 14 to 16 is often okay; lower the neckline more and even 12 might be okay for me.

In other words, the needed size can depend upon relatively small factors.

[Eugenie]

I often shop at C&A in France and in Belgium (actually more often in Belgium).

I assume that it shouldn't be hard to find a C&A in the UK :D

I find large department store in large cities very easy to shop at. I go there in DRAB (I don't like to go out "en femme" in public). I've never had any problem buying women underwear and clothes in those stores. With regard to sizes, in most cases it is easy to retun a dress or a skirt, or a top providing you kept the ticket from cashing out. I've done that a few times. In general it doesn't work with underwear though...

Someone else said that you should know your sizes. Indeed that's a good advice. It is easier to apply it if you try to shop in the same department store, at least the same brand as sizes often vary from one brand to the other.

I also shop a lot through mail order catalogues. Same comment about returning clothes and about sizes though... Some mail order catalogues deliver your orders at a nearby outlet, at least that's the case here in France. It makes shopping easy if you have to be discrete at home with mail delivered parcels...

As said by others, perhaps you will feel more and more confident when shopping for women clothes as time passes by.

All the best to you.
:hugs:
Eugenie

[Matty]

I hate too be blunt but you are right this topic has been "shot to death" as you call it. No one is going to hold your hand, you just need to find the nerve yourself and shop. If you can't then try the shop online option like e-bay.

Good luck

[sandra-leigh]

Therefore I'd like to know if anyone has any good advice or favourite shops which they find which have an relaxed atmosphere.

A fair bit of it is a function of your personal confidence, and your willingness to be noticed -as- a cross-dresser, perhaps even to shop in drab.

I went into a local consignment store today that I have shopped at a few times before. I've gone both ways, en femme and in drab. They know me by name there (male name; they don't remember the femme name), and every time I go by and see them in the window, they always smile and wave, and when I go in I am always welcomed. They help me find particular items, and help me pick out what would look good on me. The place is almost more a "community" than a store: lots of the customers know each other and the staff -- and even the customers join in and advise me on what looks good.

I can go into stores like that and deal that openly with them because I don't worry about being "outed". So, they know I cross-dress -- so what?? I treat them politely, they make me feel welcome. If I spent my time shrinking from sight, worried that someome might "read" me, I'd probably stick out more! By being myself, a guy confident enough to openly buy womens' clothes, everything quickly becomes second-nature.

Boutiques often have lower staff turnover rates (and do not have other stores to shuffle staff around with), so boutique staff are more likely to remember you -- and they can often be very interesting people to talk to, if you are not in a hurry to get in and shop and get out before you get noticed and "read". Personally, I find that to be one of the benefits that CD'ing has had for me: I talk to people much more readily, a lot of social interaction that I just never had as a plain male.

The larger the store, the more likely it is that you can be anonymous there... but that depends in part on how often you visit relative to staff changes.