Interesting Quote from a wife

[Becky Blue]

Earlier tonight I was chatting online to the wife of a girlfriend. When my friend told her wife years ago she was ok with it at first, but the gurl went too fast and scared her wife off. The wife made a really interesting comment " it was like my husband was having an affair with this other woman"
I thought that was a very interesting comment, what do you girls think?

[sophie1]

that how my wife puts it when ever i want to get dressed so calls it "seeing the other woman"
Sophie
XXX

[Joanie]

My wife has a "Don't tell me about, don't want to know the details" as she knows I dress when she is out of town. Back in the Spring, when she came back into town, I slipped and started telling her about an outfit I got at Kohl's. She said something like "this is all my fault!" as she evidentally blames herself and her necessary abscences for my going femme when she is away. A similar comment that one might make when finding out about an affair, don't you think?

[Bev06 GG]

Well Becky,
I think alot of us can relate to that. Dont get me wrong I have no probs with the dressing side of things, but the narciscism nearly drove me nuts. Of course things soon got sorted out as Im not one for gently fading into the background or suffering in silence. Now I dress up, have my pics taken as regularly as he does, buy myself new gear and do my hair, and DEMAND attention. Tee hee. But I can see from some of my other CD friends that their partners are sometimes in their shadow and the whole world revolves around the CD. I just wonder if sometimes thats what puts women off. Who knows.
Take care
BEVxxxxx

[Dixie Darling]

This is what happens when a crossdressing husband pushes himself too far and ignores his wife. Seems that a lot of wives have indicated the same thing. The CD with an accepting wife would be wise to keep his dressing in moderation and in balance with the male side of his personality in order to maintain that coveted acceptance

However, there is a positive side to this - at least this "woman" they're having the affair with is only one of fantacy (so to speak). It's sad that a lot of wives don't recognize that this same "woman" would like nothing more than to simply be their girfriend and enjoy spending some time with them.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[Melissa Ryan]

I gotta say Becky, that I see it the same. I love my Melissa. I love spending time with her. I watch others too, they seem to feel the same. I have evolved with Lyn as a friend with Melissa from the start. But even still there are times when I am sure that she would rather Melissa got back in a box. I have wondered before how a wife or partner would wonder about the times a closeted cd was bein secretive, or cagey. Even distracted or absent, she may think it was never like that in the beginning. Where is he and who is he with? :2c:

P.S. you were up late! :eek: :happy:

[laurie_f_ca]

I think a lot of wives think that way.. Although they may think, at first, that they are all right with crossdressing, many of them on second thought do have a problem with us. It is not neccessarily moving to fast that does it. g

[Sandra]

I never felt like Nigella was "having an affair" but I can see what your friends wife means. At first I did feel left out, she was getting all the new clothes, shoes and makeup and I did think "hey what about me", but after talking about it we got things sorted.



I think a lot of wives think that way.. Although they may think, at first, that they are all right with crossdressing, many of them on second thought do have a problem with us. It is not neccessarily moving to fast that does it.

No for some it is the lies and deceit that causes the problem.

[Karren H]

Yeah. I've thought for years that I was the other woman.hehehe And you can liken it to an affair. I think that my wife suspected I was having an affair when whe found the skirts in my closet. In hindsight It probably would have been more accepting vs crossdressing. Not really more accepting but less traumatic I guess.

Love Karren

[Nigella]

I nearly lost Sandra because of my dressing, she said often enough she was happy about it, then one day I went to far :sad: she spoke the truth and said she F*ing hated it. That made me :Angry3: and :sad: it almost split us because I felt that Sandra had been lying to me.

We talked, a hell of a lot, and I gave control of my dressing to her. It took time but we are here today to talk about it and be happy together. :hugs: :love:

[Sandra]

... because I felt that Sandra had been lying to me.

We talked, a hell of a lot, and I gave control of my dressing to her. It took time but we are here today to talk about it and be happy together. :hugs: :love:

Yes and I realises that I was wrong to lie to say I liked it when deep deep down things were just going to far. But I think we've proved that if you do talk and are honest with each other and there is give and take then it can work out ok. :hugs:

[Jasmine Ellis]

interesting, I think its talking time again with the wife on this. This thread is getting me thinking

[Eugenie]

The wife made a really interesting comment " it was like my husband was having an affair with this other woman"


I think someone posted a message on crossdressers forum which made reference to Gynecophilia or something similar, or at least geve the reference to a website that spoke about it. I can't remember and can't find the post :o

Update : I just found out the real term: "autogynephilia". It seems to be contested as amedical diagnosis... So take my comment with a grain of salt...

From what I remember, there seem to be males to female x-dressers who really fall in love with the woman they impersonate when they X-dress. Well I say "they", but I sometimes feel like that too :straightface:

Without going to the extreme, don't we tend to like the image of the "woman" that we see in the mirror when we X-dress?

It is understandable then that our SOs could start to be jealous, no?
:hugs:
Eugenie

[Becky Blue]

Thanks for the interesting comments girls, I will pass on your comments to my friend. and BTW its not actually me, I have not been in a position to tell my wife. Yes Mel I am up late, but then again you wrer up later or earlier lol.

[Kimberly]

I swear I've heard this somewhere before, in a film or something...

"Darling, I am the other woman!"

[Kate Simmons]

This is exactly my wife's thinking. Ericka

[Robin Leigh]

However, there is a positive side to this - at least this "woman" they're having the affair with is only one of fantacy (so to speak).

It may be a fantasy, but I still understand why it can be threatening to some women, especially if she has little to do with the CDing. However, there is one big difference between CDing & having an affair with a flesh-and-blood woman. A man having an affair is generally looking for a woman who is superior to his wife in some way. In contrast, most CDers are more than happy to see the wife as the superior woman, with the fantasy girl very much her junior in the pecking order.


It's sad that a lot of wives don't recognize that this same "woman" would like nothing more than to simply be their girfriend and enjoy spending some time with them.

Exactly: why make the fantasy woman an adversary when she could be an ally. +?

Robin

[Becky Blue]

Thanks for the great posts girls, I passed them onto my friend.
Bec
XXXX

[kittypw GG]

You know that this brings up an interesting topic. The deception of the wife or partner. I guess I have been there myself and have read many stories from other women about this very thing.

I started out accepting it (crossdressing) and liking it. Things got out of control and uncomfortable and I never said anything or I hinted at my feelings but was too vague for fear of hurting my hubby's feelings. Then came the day I just couldn't take it anymore and just plain stopped. I don't know why I let things get to that point or maybe that point needed to be reached. But I never really thought about it as deception but it really is. I mean letting him have the total control of our relationship like that. In a way I never gave him the opportunity to moderate his actions until it was way too late and I was feeling angry and saturated with the whole thing.

A very wise person on this forum (Ms Donna) gave me the enlightening metaphor of a pendulum swinging. Starting out at it's farthest most point swinging with all of it's momentum to the farthest opposite point then finally resting somewhere in the middle which is mutual respect and acceptance.

As far as compairing this to an affair, well, I can see that too. I have read many posts from CD'S themselves who are fasinated by themselves and brag aobut how they are their own girlfriends.

The bottom line here is to give what you recieve, respect eachothers opinions, listen and communicate your feelings.


Yes and I realises that I was wrong to lie to say I liked it when deep deep down things were just going to far. But I think we've proved that if you do talk and are honest with each other and there is give and take then it can work out ok. :hugs:

[Tamara Barclay]

My ex wife said something similar...it was like I was having an affair with another woman, and there was no way she could compete

[DAVIDA]

My wife is the reason I'm comfortable with myself. She is the center of my attention, not me.

[Francine]

Unfortunately, my wife has refered to 'Francine' as the 'other woman'. She has no desire to see 'her' ..and I can only imagine how she might feel.

How can a gg 'compete' ...not that she would need to, mind you.. against the 'other woman' if the 'other woman'.. was your husband?

sighhhhhh

(hitting too close to home....)

Francine

[Lisa B Au]

The wife Becky was refering to is my wife

Very interesting to read the responses thus far.

Lisa was sent packing back to the closet because Lisa took over and Lisa neglected her wife.

Lisa is slowly emerging again after a long talk and tears and slowly slowly Lisa will emerge again but with one big thing, I will not make the same mistake this time as I did last time

Hugs

Lisa

[kittypw GG]

Lisa,
Hang in there, if you are committed to making things work then they will. Try to get your wife to join us gg's. We are a fun and interesting group. I think she will enjoy getting things off her chest with other like minded people. I don't know where I would be if I didn't have the other gg's to lean on. They give great advice and are very naughty and funny as well. :D


The wife Becky was refering to is my wife

Very interesting to read the responses thus far.

Lisa was sent packing back to the closet because Lisa took over and Lisa neglected her wife.

Lisa is slowly emerging again after a long talk and tears and slowly slowly Lisa will emerge again but with one big thing, I will not make the same mistake this time as I did last time

Hugs

Lisa