CindyFinalyFree
08-21-2006, 03:27 AM
I used to be one of those girls that came to these forums to 'live out' my desires through other's actions. As time passed (amazingly, it hasn't been all that long), I have become more comfortable with who I am, and that I'm neither a freak, nor alone. In the last month, I have come out (again... long story, read my intro post) to my gf. She has never been supportive, and that hadn't changed as I hoped it would have, after 5 years of keeping Cindy in the closet.
Well, I couldn't take it any longer. The need to 'be' me never lessons. Over time, I have managed to suppress it, but never left it behind. I don't think there's been more than a month that passed since I was 14 that I haven't dressed up at least to 'some' degree... whether it be as little as shaving my legs or wearing panty hose for a day, or dressing up in full femme, like I am at this moment. At any rate, how I am now, dressed, glancing in the mirror brings me a sense of calm, but not really a sense of completeness. I mean, I haven't had enough coaching in the make-up/clothing style department to feel confident that, if I 'tried', I could pass.
This lead me to consider who else I could turn to, since my girlfriend of 15 years will apparently not support (and most likely won't tolerate for long.... I'm prepared for her departure, if it comes to that). Without getting into too much detail, I went to my mother's house yesterday, but neglected to buff out the shine on my naturally polished nails. I decided to use this as a lead-in, and asked her what she thought of them. She said 'they're nice... did you have them done?' I said I did them myself, and then asked if they looked too femme. She said 'no', that that's how guys nails are 'supposed' to look when well groomed. --- 'Now was the moment of no turning back...' I thought to myself. I then asked, "What would you say if I said I 'wanted' them to look more feminine?" Her response came with less hesitation than I expected... "I would say it wouldn't bother me. I have several children and grandchildren, and it wouldn't bother me if one of them was gay or whatever". (I quickly interjected..) "I'm not gay, but I do like to crossdress and express my femininity from time to time". --- Now I've done it, and there's no mistaking my admission ---
We didn't really talk much more on the topic. All I could say was "That's the most supportive response I could have asked for. Thank you sooo much". Later that day, I called her and talked a bit more about "what I mentioned in the car". I told her that I wanted to find out just how 'passable' I could make myself with what ever preparation was required, and asked if she would be willing to help. To bring this story to a close, I'll just say that come my next payday, we're going shopping together!!!!!
Well, I couldn't take it any longer. The need to 'be' me never lessons. Over time, I have managed to suppress it, but never left it behind. I don't think there's been more than a month that passed since I was 14 that I haven't dressed up at least to 'some' degree... whether it be as little as shaving my legs or wearing panty hose for a day, or dressing up in full femme, like I am at this moment. At any rate, how I am now, dressed, glancing in the mirror brings me a sense of calm, but not really a sense of completeness. I mean, I haven't had enough coaching in the make-up/clothing style department to feel confident that, if I 'tried', I could pass.
This lead me to consider who else I could turn to, since my girlfriend of 15 years will apparently not support (and most likely won't tolerate for long.... I'm prepared for her departure, if it comes to that). Without getting into too much detail, I went to my mother's house yesterday, but neglected to buff out the shine on my naturally polished nails. I decided to use this as a lead-in, and asked her what she thought of them. She said 'they're nice... did you have them done?' I said I did them myself, and then asked if they looked too femme. She said 'no', that that's how guys nails are 'supposed' to look when well groomed. --- 'Now was the moment of no turning back...' I thought to myself. I then asked, "What would you say if I said I 'wanted' them to look more feminine?" Her response came with less hesitation than I expected... "I would say it wouldn't bother me. I have several children and grandchildren, and it wouldn't bother me if one of them was gay or whatever". (I quickly interjected..) "I'm not gay, but I do like to crossdress and express my femininity from time to time". --- Now I've done it, and there's no mistaking my admission ---
We didn't really talk much more on the topic. All I could say was "That's the most supportive response I could have asked for. Thank you sooo much". Later that day, I called her and talked a bit more about "what I mentioned in the car". I told her that I wanted to find out just how 'passable' I could make myself with what ever preparation was required, and asked if she would be willing to help. To bring this story to a close, I'll just say that come my next payday, we're going shopping together!!!!!