How to cope

[susancheerleader]

How does anyone cope with the "embarrassment" feeling of going out in public for the first few times? I can't get past that feeling so keep sticking to dressing only in my home.
I've tried a couple times but chickened out.
Either a person needs a strong will or some other "trick" to get past this. What was yours?

[jessica123cd]

I am also going out for the first-time next weekend. It will be easy for me not to chicken out. I have too much invested in the weekend and my wife will kill me if I don't follow through. I am pretty sure if I say no, I am not going out, she will drag me out anyway.:happy: Take Care.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

susan

i've done it all...from sitting in my hotel room crying, wishing i could go out to hitting the mall dressed and shopping to my hearts content..

unfortunately you just have to "do it"...get dressed...walk outside and do it

i have found that there are still times that i can't get moving because of fear and i just kindof wait it out..the urge to do it is stronger..

i have had some embarrassing moments...but define embarrassing!!! in the end i was glad i went out..i've also had some unforgettable fun moments too...

the feel of the wind on your legs,the sound of your heels on pavement or a marble floor...the glimpse of yourself in the mirror from farther than 5 feet away...all those things outweigh the fear of being embarrassed and like i said...that passes...as long as you stay safe the worst that can happen is to be outed and its happened to me and i just keep going...

hope that helps a little..

[janelle]

Hi Dear, for me i just said to myself you need to do this or you will drive yourself nuts, out i went. Statred with small trips & worked my way up to the mall or even sitting in the park. Have faith in yourself, your doing it for you, no one else. Don't worry what others think or say, just make sure you go where it is safe, & have fun.
Hope this helps you dear. Be confident in yourself & life will roll on.
:hugs: :hugs: Janelle

[Rachel Morley]

Go slowly and take small steps but always make sure it's a step forward. My first ever time out dressed en femme in public I was scared stiff. I took a short drive in my car during twilight hours. I drove to a small strip mall parking lot and walked across the lot to look in a couple of store windows. I didn't interact with anyone and the whole incident only lasted half an hour. However, that 30 minutes will stay in my mind until the the day I die and beyond. To actually be physically outside the house in public and to be dressed as a woman, was an experience I had only ever dreamt of before...hoping that maybe someday it might happen. It was fantastic!

Nowadays, I go everywhere and anywhere with people all around and even though I'm having such a fun time...to be honest...I know I'll never get that "first time feeling" ever again.

[Karren H]

No trick and I don't know about will....just hold your head up like "hey..this is the way I am, like it or not". You gave every right to wear what you want, where you want, when you want!!

Love Karren

[Marla S]

I used/use the salami technique.
Step by step a bit more. This way I can check my guts, watch for reactions being more or less relaxed , learn to interpret the reactions, and build up self-esteem.
Works very good so far.
Sometimes I become a bit anxious, tough.
Lately when I wanted to bring a letter to the letter box in the evening I got a bit of an anxiety attack.
I thought it probably isn't a good idea to walk in heels right trough a group of drunken youngsters that were between me and the latter box. So I went back home and changed the shoes.

[Phoebe Reece]

The most effective "trick" is to go out with another person along - be it a CD, SO, a relative, or just some friend. You won't be as inclined to chicken out if someone is walking alongside you that you trust.

[trannie T]

It isn't easy. Pick a safe place to go such as a gay bar or a transgender organization, and do it. The first time is hard, it gets easier and it's fun. You can do it, girl, get out of the closet and enjoy life. Please let us know how ir goes.

[susancheerleader]

I am not sure I can do this on my own. It would be easier if I were with some others. I hope I can get the curage and "just do it." I hate only dressing in my house and if my neighbors are gone I'll go outside a little but thats it.

[JimLovesHotPink]

Same here everyone. Am chicken s**t ! And the 1 GG friend I have lives 900 miles awy from me. She says she could and will help me. She keeps telling me to come out by her but I cant get the time. So I am stuck dressing within the confines of my home.

[Joy Carter]

The most effective "trick" is to go out with another person along - be it a CD, SO, a relative, or just some friend. You won't be as inclined to chicken out if someone is walking alongside you that you trust.

Phoebe has it right, I went with Teresa Amina to a gender related cookout and the others were most curious of me because I was in drab. Some thought I might be a tranny chaser. :eek: We had a great time and I was most happy for her. We went to a local mall and returned a purchase. I think she is more brave than I would be on the first time out. Come on C L a little school spirit and just go. :GD:

[Kate Simmons]

Can't speak for others, Susan but I honestly wasn't embarrassed my first time in public. It helped to have a purpose though. I was on my way to my first Renaissance meeting and nothing was going to deter me from accomplishing my mission. I had some positive experiences en route and heard one person making a remark about "that woman" which was me. Ericka Kay

[Sejd]

Today was Sunday and my wife went to church. This past week, she had helped me get my "Stuff" together (gone shopping at Macys) and told me to have fun while she was out. I know! she's and angel.
so I spent two hours in heaven, trying on all my new clothes. See picture for dress and stockings and shoes!!!!. Loved it. But why I post to your story is the fact that I did feel trapped inside our house with all my beauty. I wanted to be able to move outside and be seen. Or not be seen! Whatever, I do really understand, and that for the first time, the need to "GO OUT". It's great to have the wife from heaven and freedom to dress up, but eventually - we have to face the music. I know that. Luckilly, my wife's uncle who live on a tropical island is gay and a hair dreser! he will hook me up.
Good luck to you and may you always hold your head high.
love
Sejd

[gwenrob43]

I certainly remember my first times out - I wonder if anyone could see my knees knocking. The first time was in the evening, had to be out of town on business, got dressed (jeans, low heels, blouse, jacket-it was cool). Went to a local target and got some makeup items. Every other time I've been out it been full daylight, and I was extremely nervous then too. If you are near a large city, you will have a chance to meet and go with other CDers. I would love to be in Seattle, Portland or Chicago. But I'm not.

Go slow, take a drive and a walk at night, then go a little earlier. Always scout the places you want to go at the approximate times. If you want to go shopping scout the place in drab; you'll find stores have slack times and peak times thoughout the day. Go at a slack time, usually there's one around dinner time.

Good Luck
Gwen

[Sienna_cd]

The 1st time I went out I stoped at a gas station and bought a Diet pepsi. I agree w/everyone else take baby steps gotta crawl before you walk. Good luck.

Sexy

[Teresa Amina]

First you have to really want to. I wanted to do it; I wanted to do it a lot; I always have wanted to do it. Before yesterday I'd been out around the house in the dark, down to the mailbox in the dead of night (it's quiet here). But I needed to take the plunge. No short drives in the dark- Broad Daylight for me, and an all day trip. Not for everyone but I tend to think things to death and then not move at all even though I've learned from life in general that anticipated horrors are worse than what really happens. Find an event, TG or no, arrange to meet a friend there and go.

[GypsyKaren]

Truth be told, I wasn't the least bit nervous my first time out because I had been ready and waiting for it my entire life, so I was to busy taking it all in to be nervous. We ended up at a bar in a bowling alley, not exactly trans territory, but we sure did have a good time. My advice to you is instead of thinking about your fears, just take it all in and enjoy each moment.

Karen

[tekla west]

Find a place to go, and then go there. A TG event, a club where it is OK, there are places you just have to do the work and find them. Then like all bold types, you just do it. Brave people are not different, they just know how to fake it.

[sami1952]

Try driving around in your car first,that's what i did,now i feel more comfortable doing out in the open

[Calliope]

I've got a lot of regrets in my life - things I didn't do in the name of playing it safe ... I quit my rock & roll band a month after we relocated to the big city to appease my (1st) wife - and always wondered 'what if' ...

That was the primary thought in my head the day I got dressed and went downtown, I told myself, 'If ya don't do it today (an especially optimal time), you'll have to regret it the rest of my life.' Dramatic, sure - but it worked.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

[Charleen]

There is alot of truth to the old saying "The first step (out the door) is the hardest. Just going to the store in my girls jeans had me freaked! A month and a half later, I'm all femme on my days off, and even started to wear femme slacks doing the ghost walks that I do as Charlie around town. As I'ved said before, I am keeping people confused. I have been called both Sir, and Ma'am within a half an hour, and some don't know, so say Ma'am, er, Sir, er sorry Ma'am. I love it! I am getting more femme by the day. I have even started carrying a purse, which I leave in the car when in drab. I enjoy looking at my long polished nails, the feel of my hoop earrings, and my long hair which are evident even when I am in drab. For me it's been a matter of gaining confidence and comfort in who I am, and not being ashamed. That's not to say I'm going to put my job in jeopardy by being in their face. I'm crazy, not stupid. Love and xxxx, Lily

[Stephenie S]

I agree with Tekla.

"Brave people aren't different, they just know how to fake it".

This is the best advice I have seen so far. You just have to pretend you aren't scared. Then, wonder of all wonders, you aren't. Or maybe you still are but it doesn't matter 'cause you are doing it.

I used to tell my kids, "You don't have to go to sleep, you just have to pretend to be asleep." And then suddenly they were.

Steph

[julie w]

it can be hard at times those little voices in you head ,I have been out hundreds of times over the years ,and have shopped on londons oxford street
and torontos etons center and other places en femme , and never had any problems ,and then I have gone through periods of fear and not going out . at the moment I go out but I dont think I could do london again dressed I am working on building up to that level again ,slowly .

[Bev06 GG]

No trick and I don't know about will....just hold your head up like "hey..this is the way I am, like it or not". You gave every right to wear what you want, where you want, when you want!!

Love Karren

Hi there,
I know what Karen is saying here sounds like an impossibility for most shy retiring crossdressers, but I have to say she's right. Youve got to take the bull by the horns and be proud of who you are. It takes some bottle and thats why in some ways I think Crossdressers are some of the bravest men I know.
Learning how to have a laugh about what you do, and waving two fingers at the world is an attitude that if shown by a crossdresser, will be reciprocated by the public. The Cds whom I know who dont take life to seriously are the ones who get away with murder.
My partner is really confident now when we go out. He's the shy retiring sort and would die if confronted. He however, takes his bravado from me. I love going out with him dressed and couldn't give a hoot what others say or think. He knows this and its beginning to pay dividends because now he will go most anywhere, provided its not too local.
Anyway best of luck
BEVxxxxx

[amberwish]

i havent gone out yet dressed up but i think im just about ready. by that i mean ineed a few things yet. like tops and skirts. i have three dates in sept picked out as possible first time.:D i want to do that just have to get over nervousness. i did go to a local store and get a bra sizign. lucked out . found i had the right size bra. went to store wearing bra and body shaper under my mens clothes. took my breastforms with me. it was absolutely wonderful.

[Eugenie]

The most effective "trick" is to go out with another person along - be it a CD, SO, a relative, or just some friend. You won't be as inclined to chicken out if someone is walking alongside you that you trust.

Exactly Phoebe,

Add to that the fact that your companion will help you with getting prepared for the look. Seing oneself in the mirror isn't an impartial judgement of one's appearance...

The only time I went out, I got the preparation and the help of a GG friend whom I have been coming out. But after wlaking out of her flat and having spent a few moments walking ti her car, she left me near the place I was giong to meet other CD friends. I was left to myself alone in the street, and that didn't feel comfortable at all...

I promised myself not to try that again before I would be a lot more experienced with being in the street through going out accompanied...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[barbra1958]

the best thing to do is do it.dont worry about anything.be yourself and take pride in yourself.go and shave your legs put on your best dress and go out.you have nothing to worry about.look at the gay and lesb thing they dont worry so why should you.be happy for whom you are.my wife done me good she told everyone what i do and i lost all my friends and family.now i am by my self.but i dont worry anymore thanks to the girls on this form.they are great people and will help you in any way they can and wont put you in a bad way trust me i know.so go out to a gay bar and have fun i do it every chance i get.take care barbra.

[astrobopeep]

i use my wife as a security blanket when i go out, so i guess the best way is to do it with some one

[Florence Tidji]

I started going out in public without any stress when I understood that we can never pass totally. From that day, I just assumed what I am, i.e. a crossdresser, and I feel SOOOOOOO relax now.

But sometimes, it happens that I don't feel so well with the image of my mirror, and then I go out with some stress in the first 5 minutes... after I forget! Or I have also some stress when I don't crossdress for two weeks: I then loose my experience and need a little more time to feel relax again.

I agree with Bev, we have to be proud of what we are, whatever we look like! Be cool and you will never have any problem going out. For me, it's part of passion and part of game, and I try not to forget it!

Florence

[MsJanessa]

How does anyone cope with the "embarrassment" feeling of going out in public for the first few times? I can't get past that feeling so keep sticking to dressing only in my home.
I've tried a couple times but chickened out.
Either a person needs a strong will or some other "trick" to get past this. What was yours?
First a couple of things----go to someplace that's crossdresser freindly---as I recall you live in Portland---there are at least 3 gay bars in that city that welcome us---also go with someone else--wife, gf, other cd or tg etc--in your town there is a yahoo group---gno(for girls night out)portland---they regularly have nights where they meet in one of the local clubs but you should check the group forum as sometimes they change the night or attendance is spotty. If you would like to go out this coming week I'm going to be in town---would be more than happy to give you a hand---send me a private e-mail at this forum.

[Helen in OK]

My first and only time out was because I wanted to go to a TS support group meeting. That afternoon was the first time I completely applied my makeup, first time I wore a wig when I had makeup on. In other words a whole series of firsts. Up until that wig went on, I thought I looked like a freak, this will never work, but I was amazed at how different I looked in the mirror. And then it hit me right between my eyes. This is how I am supposed to look, what I am supposed to wear. It was natural and comfortable to be this way, and the nerves died.

I walked out of my front door to my truck in the early evening (sun was still up) got in and drove away. I was not excited, but calm. When I got to the meeting location, I parked in the parking lot, 75 feet away and walked over to wear the meeting was. The sound of my heels on the payment was the sweetest sound I have ever heard. A guy in another pickup stopped to let me pass in front of him, if he said anything I sure didn't hear it, but it felt so good. I guess because of the confidence I had in how good I looked, I was able to do this.

The picture of me is from that night, so all of you can see I do not look like my ideals, Sophia Loren, Audrey Hepburn, Christy Brinkley, but now I don't care, I am me, and I like how I look. That is not to say I wouldn't like to change somethings, lol, but if I never get to, that is ok.

So set a goal, get dressed and just do it, yes you might be nervous, but so what, you might always be that way and you are missing out on some of the best times of your life if you don't do it.

Helen in OK