How tolerant is the S/O

[vickinetmoor]

Do any other girls have a set tolerance limit as outlined by the S/O ?
My S/O has no problems with buying me nighties, skirts, dresses, shoes and my underwear. When we go away for a weekend she helps me select my outfit and helps me pack.
However, Wigs and makeup are not condoned. She will even help me to dress and we will sit and talk for hours.
But, wigs and makeup are taboo subjects.
Any advice on how you broached this subject will be well received.
Thanks in advance.

[suzy]

Hi Vicki,

I have not experienced any taboos yet from my wife. She enjoys shopping with me and helping me select my outfits but usually ends up buying for herself too, which is fine with me. Make up is fine and she has bought me lipstick and brought it home to me and usually helps me select wigs and put my make up on correctly. She did however tell me to stop buying shoes!:eek: She said that I have too many!!:eek:

The only thing that my wife requires is that I don't dress up enfemme too often because she wants her "man" around sometimes and also she has refused to dance with me while I am dressed enfemme, which I certainly do understand and agree to myself. That would be too over the top for me too!

Sorry hon, I hope it helps some at least.:love:

[Karren H]

Yeah....she tolerates me as her husband and even though she knows that I still crossdress she wants nothing to do with it....sooooo as long as I keep it out of her face...were both happy girls!!

So limits to where I dress but no limits to how I dress and I kind of like it that way...if she was involved I'm afraid that I'd be wearing bagy tee shirts, jeans and no makeup...hmmmm that's how I dress in male mode. Hehehe

Ohhhh and we won't tell your wife you broke her rules in your Avatar!! Lol

Love Karren

[Wendy me]

wowok she knows but has realy not gone out of her way to become any more involved than she needs to be ... i would like more but i do so need to make shure it's when she is ready and not force the issue,........

[Nikki Dee]

I guess I'm lucky in that my wife EXPECTS me to transform totally...no half measures..she says it sends confusing messages if I don't...and that's fine by me.!!!...I never did want to "half" dress...for me it's all or nothing.!
Nikki. x

[RiversideCT]

Where do you find these super women.
My Wife Will NOT

See me Dressed
Allow any physical change that people may suspect that something is wrong
Allow me to leave the house dressed so the neighbors will see
Allow me to go out when I need to for fear that someone may say something
Allow me to go out anywhere near home or the surrounding towns or cities
Let me go back the gender specialist


But she WILL

Buy me clothes
Let me go out to parties
Let me go a friends house - since it is an hour away
Allow me to grown my hair to a point so I don't need a wig


This still leaves me in limbo living half a life

Well I guess I should say it's hard because I'm transsexual

[dee296y]

my wife- whilst not liking me dressing, nevertheless helps me to a point. Strangely enough she will not agree to a wig, which for me is one of the most important parts. i cannot understand why there is a paryticular hang up with wigs.

[Bev06 GG]

Where do you find these super women.
My Wife Will NOT

See me Dressed
Allow any physical change that people may suspect that something is wrong
Allow me to leave the house dressed so the neighbors will see
Allow me to go out when I need to for fear that someone may say something
Allow me to go out anywhere near home or the surrounding towns or cities
Let me go back the gender specialist


But she WILL

Buy me clothes
Let me go out to parties
Let me go a friends house - since it is an hour away


This still leaves me in limbo living half a life
Well there you go then, what you complaining about, theres the compromise. WE so called superwomen that your on about obviously dont have an issue with crossdressing so dont have any thing much to worry about. Your wife obviously finds some things alittle difficult to cope with, yet she's going out of her way to support you in ways that she feels more able. You are very lucky, and maybe in time she will feel more confident about showing alittle more support. In my opinion these are the true superwomen, not those of us who love it and join in wholeheartedly.
As for the original question on how tolerant is your SO. I wanted to answer it depends on how considerate the CD is. But after reading the thread realised there was alittle more to it. Dont forget girls, this can be a very difficult time for your SOs and maybe takes some coming to terms with. In giving the support that they do demonstrate to you, they are in effect showing you how much they love you and how hard they are trying to accept this part of your life. Who knows with alittle support and encouragement they may well one day show even more acceptance. There are CDs on here who would die for what you already have so work on it, slowly and taking one step at a time. Best of luck girls.
BEVxxxxx

[KateW]

My wife doesn't mind me dressing, but prefers that I limit any makeup until after she has gone to sleep. Also she doesn't always want to talk about it as much as I do (understandible). I'm not very adventurous in regards to going out so there aren't really any boundaries set there. She knows I have frequently gone out with panties and tights on under my clothes though, and I often wear nail polish. She has no problem buying clothes for me either, so I feel pretty lucky!

[Han]

We have no taboos or limits. If it is anybody setting the limits it is myself. She encourages me to do everything, including going out which I am yet to do. She gives me make-up tips, lends and buys me clothes. She just wants me to be me, where that person she fell for, can be truely that.

[MarilynH]

My wife accepts that I dress, but that is about the extent of it.

She has never bought me anything, though she has been with me when I have purchased, and certainly seen several items I have brought home.

Her biggest issues/concerns are the kids finding out, and not getting my ears pierced.

I encouraging her to talk with a close friend, of hers, that would be quite open and accepting, so that she might have someone to talk with, and maybe help her understand...but she is too embarrassed.

Hugs.

[Christina Nicole]

My wife is very accomodating in the compromise we worked out. I don't do anything, say anything, buy anything, or show her anything TG related and she doesn't have a fit and threaten divorce.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

[Holly]

My wife is very accomodating of my CDing. We often go shopping together. When I do dress, she insists that I give it my very best effort. My children know of my CDing as well so that is not a concern. Her only request is that I exercise care while in our neighborhood as she is ot interested in fielding a lot of questions from the neighbors. I am more than happy to accomodate this more than reasonable request.

[Stephenie S]

Very tolerant.

I have no set limits. But I do not shove it in her face. I do know that she would just as soon it would all go away. She has told me this quite clearly. But as I have expalained to her that this has been with me for as long as I can remember, and since we are both approaching retirement, that has been some time. So she understands that it is NOT going away.

I do try and include her. I always ask for her opinion when I leave the house dressed. "Do I look OK, dear?" And I am very careful to make sure she gets plenty of the man she married. And I love her to pieces. I make sure she knows that above all else.

So far this has been working well. I am COMPLETELY relaxed and happy about what I am doing and where I am going. As I have said before, it's like a song in my heart.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[RiversideCT]

I realize that after tonight's conversation the only way to continue with my wife is to make Amy go away.

[rosiegurl]

the only time my SO has any issues with it, is when we are shopping and I want to go to all the stores and browse, and spend lots and lots of money *grins*

the way I did it, I kinda forced the issue before we ever went serious, when we were still in that talking about potential relashinship stage. I was at the point after my EX was so anti, that I wouldn't go into a relashinship with someone again that couldn't accept it. I was actually expecting to get an e-mail later telling me to forget the whole thing and I was just to weird to date *grins* I lucked out

[AmandaM]

I realize that after tonight's conversation the only way to continue with my wife is to make Amy go away.

Good luck Sister! If I could be all man, or all woman, I'd take it in a heartbeat. I think you need to be happy. I think to prevent you from seeing a therapist is her fear you may be TS, become a woman, and then leave her. That's the chance all right. But! You may not. I think the therapist is the best idea. Whether you are TS or not, whether you get the "operation" or not. Clearing the head is always the best idea.

[Raychel]

Yeah....she tolerates me as her husband and even though she knows that I still crossdress she wants nothing to do with it....sooooo as long as I keep it out of her face...were both happy girls!!
Love Karren

As usual Karren hit the nail right on the head. My wife tolerates me as her husband also.

[Mary Jane]

My wife knows of my dressing but wants nothing to do with it. I dress when she is away from home. I think she is becoming more accepting as she does allow me to buy makeup and nail polish when we are together shopping. Maybe in time I can report she is fully accepting but for now we are both happy with the situation.

[isabelle2]

my wife so great. she will help me in ahy way i need help,fixes my make up and checks me out th make sure everything is o.k. but she won't go out with me and i think we could have a great time if she did.

[Janailene]

My wife has known Janice for more than 3 decades, but would perfer her "gone". Recently after a medical episode, she has been more tolerant. Guess that we both realize that life is finite and perhaps letting things be is not as bad as some other alternatives.

[brina_cd]

I realize that after tonight's conversation the only way to continue with my wife is to make Amy go away.

I don't think that's possible, or at least healthy. My experiences with my (TS) father make that pretty clear. I can't imagine the anger at God, the universe, and everything for being born in the "wrong" body. Turned inward, this is a sure path to depression and suicide. Turned outward, well, I know the results of that a bit too well.

The question is: How long have these restrictions been in place, and how much have they changed over time? You may not be remembering progress made.

[Josie]

So far my wife has been supportive and has even bought me some lingerie. I think she'll be ok seeing me fully dressed, but there will be limits as to how often. She will not allow me to leave the house dressed, and thats ok with me. I have to make an effort to get the man things done around the house though.

[sammyd]

im a lucky girl. when i first told my girlfriend we decided to bring the dressing into the bedroom. since then we're planning to take me out in NYC and have a drag theme party when she gets back to school.

[PaulaMea]

My wife has always been very open minded yet, for some stupid reason I went about 13 years keeping my crossdressing years hidden in my past and left only to occasional fantasies. Probably fear of rejection, perhaps shame....I'm not sure. Then one day we are watching HBO's Sexbytes (or some show like that) the segment featured in detail a married couple's cross-dressing/role reversal kinks (the passable guy is fully dressed, ****ty - lingerie, spiked heels, wig and great makeup) and my wife blurts out "god, that's so hot"....there it was, hanging in the air....my opening. So, I spill it - the whole thing.

To answer the question, my wife was very supportive. Soon she helped me buy my first pair of high heels and some sexy things from Victoria's Secret. What probably helped things is that my wife had been somewhat bisexual prior to us being together. After the first rush of the experiences, she has cooled a bit. I probably was a bit to enthusiastic. My wife has asked me not to shave my chest and she thinks that it's not a good idea for me to go out in the world as Paula. I'm not sure I want to anyway and I'm always on the look out for clothes that have a higher neckline.

[Sarah Rabbit]

Must be a common complaint. I go the whole 9 yards, Clothes, makeup,shoes, and pierced ears, and the wife has no problem. But she can not tolerate the wig (with the exceptions of a few photos she took)

Sarah R. :bunny:

[Ginger62]

Hello Girls!

This is my first post. I apologize if it rambles a bit.

I feel the need to respond about my wife being supportive for a couple of reasons: 1) When I came out to her on Memorial Day she was floored. Pretty quickly, she accepted my crossdressing as another part of who I am, the man she married. 2) Currently, in an effort to show support, she is buying me another pair of thigh highs because the pair I just bought were ripped to shreds! LOL She has even given me two skirts she no longer likes.

Normally, I am a manly man. I work on the cars, love to drive my old truck, mow the grass and kill spiders for her. And then there are times that I like to wear a nice skirt, put on my thigh highs and relax. My wife in return supports the person that I am.

Bottom line: I'd rather live life being sensitive to mine and others feelings and sometimes wearing women's clothes than to be an insensitive guy and die never having shared how I feel or explored my curiosities.

Be Sweet!

Ginger

[Eugenie]

In line with the post on "My Wife Will NOT" vs "But she WILL", here is my situation:

My Wife Will NOT
- See me Dressed
- Allow anything that may give me up outside to people we knows. So shaving legs and torso is sort of OK but shaving the arms and hands hair, especially in summer, is a NO NO.
- Allow me to go out anywhere near home or the surrounding towns or cities
- talk about my x-dressing intentionally with me. It is always incidental...

But she WILL tolerate a few things:
- let me buy my "femme" clothes, providing I'm doing it discretely
- Let me go meet other CDs but not near our town
- Let me participate to forums like this one.
- Let me wear summer dresses African style since these are often men's dresses
- Let me sleep in night gowns but that's because we sleep in separate rooms...
- She knows and accepts that I dress "en femme" for long periods when I'm alone at home, which is often the case since she travels a lot for her job.

All in all, I consider myself rather lucky. I can have some time to my feminine self. I have now reached a fair balance between preserving her own feelings about my x-dressing and my own needs to x-dress.

:hugs:
Eugenie

[Emeralddragon]

My gf sometimes does my make up for me. We often go shopping together for tights or some nice underwear for me or if there are some nice clothes in the charity shop we sometimes go to, she looks for the sizes that will fit me.

I'm very lucky that she supports me in every way.

[prissylucy]

My wife is fairly tolerant and teases me a lot. She goes shoping with me but usually ends up feeling odd buying me things if im with her. She buys things for me when she shops alone and orders things from QVC for me. She is ok with me sleeping in nightgowns and likes to have me wear panties and cami under male clothes when we go out. But sometimes she turns cold on it and won't discuss it. I have started to sleep in male mode a few times a week so she dont get turned off by to much girl time. She says she tolerates it because it relieves my stress, but I feel she enjoys it sometimes also.

[RiversideCT]

It seems that wives and SO that realize that their mate will still be a "man" underneath are a little more accepting.
Eugene, your entry is almost like mine. But my wife likes the fact that I want to go shopping with her and she is ok if I buy clothes. She even gives me things that are too big. That thought is the limit.
She wanted a decision out of me stay or go. In my mind I haven't come to that place yet. But my wife interprets as having made the decision to stay and live half a life, continuing things as they are. I am grateful that she has put up with everything so far. But I'm afraid in the long run that it is not enough for me. But for now I can live with it.

Perhaps..but still taking hormones.

[Jennifer Soames]

I am single and live in an appartment. My nieghbour from across the hall and whom I have occasional coffee with saw me go into a lingerie store and put 2 and 2 together. I was in thier a while in a fitting room and she came in and did not see me but noticed there was someone in a fitting room. She was great about letting me know she knew my secret and it was safe. We have had dinner at my place and hers with me enfemme. She has kissed me while I am enfemme and she bought me some lingerie and asked to see me wearing it. this has not happened yet, too shy.

I am soo happy about this but not sure where it will finish up. it is nice to have someone to talk to and toshare intimacy with.

[Ellaine]

How tolerant is the S/O ?

Tollerance is such a slippery customer. Can't get a grip on it. One day up, another day down.

[lahr]

My wife is more than ok with the lingeree and heels but the wigs, make up, and nail polish are not allowed in her presence. (she doesent want to be married to a woman) I understand her accepting my fetish and it ends there.

[Eugenie]

She even gives me things that are too big.

Thanks, I forgot that "OK" thing :happy: When my wife is getting rid of some of her clothes she doesn't mind that I recuperate them... It is as much that I don't have to buy out of our budget :D

But since I've lost a lot of weight in the past two years, her skirts are too big for me :o Her tops still fit me though :happy:

I'm also feeling like you, I wuold also like to be "my feminine self" a lot more, and that is not decreasing with age... On the contrary...

I dread the time when she will also be retired. I won't have the home for myself as I do now when she travels... Will she be more accepting given the new circumstances? I know she's clever and doing her best to allow my x-dressing even though she's not happy about it.

Well, let's take things as they come...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[Calliope]

I can tell, this is one of those eternal threads recycled again and again. If I didn't know any better (sigh), I'd suggest it's another version of women boasting / complaining about their men.

But, no, let's go further and really get the subject going.

'Does the wife (SO) approve or not approve?' First let's see a show of hands so we can make material sense of the question: How many gals here support the family? Breadwinners if we will. How many breadwinners are living with a disapproving wife (SO)? Compared to how many gals here with disapproving wives (SOs) who are economically dependent upon their wives (SOs)?

Maybe I'm just looking at it as a guy - or a Marxist (!) - but what I would like to know is: I can understand why a CD who is economically dependent upon a dissapproving wife (SO) would cower in a closet but why would a breadwinner tolerate any grief from a wife (SO) on the issue of dressing?

[CDLauraNJ]

My wife knows about my crossdressing yet isn't tolerant at all. Just the idea of it bothers her, although I often wear panties and a camisole under my t-shirt and boxers to bed. I've also been wearing a bra under my t-shirt on many evenings. After tension had been brewing lately we had a long talk. I reiterated to her my need to dress. She understands but just doesn't want to see it. Lucky for me, tonight is her first night of class (she's going back to school), so I know I have at least four hours to dress. She knows I'll be dressing when she's at class. Part of me wants her to forget and come home early and see me dressed. We've spoken about this possibility and she says that she would probably "freak out". I really don't want to rub my crossdressing in her face so I'm just going with the status quo. I'm hoping that we can keep the communtication lines open and things will be OK. I am very glad that we can talk about the issue from time to time. I'm sure many of you are in a similar situation.

[CDLauraNJ]

Day Tripper,

The anwser to your question is because the crossdresser cares about his S/O's feelings.

[Calliope]

Day Tripper,

The anwser to your question is because the crossdresser cares about his S/O's feelings.

Fair enough, a major portion of the equation.

Yet this forum bleeds with domestic torment day in and day out ... so we do need to the address the 'feelings' of the CD, too. And that's where shining a little light on the economic base of the (troubled) relationship may prove useful.

Or we could keep it under the rug, whatever.

[Gale R]

I feel i'm one of the luckier girls, the only things my wife won't let me do is, leave the house in glam but is ok if i dress in the car, though she doesn't like me to dress too often which is ok by me because life is 1 big compromise after all.:2c:

[CDLauraNJ]

Day Tripper,

I agree that there is a lot of emotional torment amoung CD's, however, we often have to remember that our S/O's are part of our lives too. I'd prefer not to keep Laura in hiding, but, I don't want to push things too far and too fast. I've also meet divorced CD's that told me they just kept pushing and pushing until their wives couldn't take it any more. I don't want that to be me.

[Calliope]

Well, I obviously tresspassed - and owe an apology. Discussing the economic politics of relationships as they underpin CD issues seems off limits.

[JenGurl]

Please forgive me for being naive here but we're all grown ups and we can do things no matter what somebody else says as long as it don't break any laws. I'm not trying to cause any problems but I really can't beleive what I am reading here. Why is it always about respecting your significant other? What about your significant other respecting you and what you choose to do? I thought when your married its for better or for worse? Doesn't sound like an equal partnership if your wife forbids you to dress. I'm just trying to understand.